manod96 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Hi, I have been in a relationship of almost 14 months with my first ever girlfriend. We had the best time of our live. I lied to her about having another girlfriend before her. I told her the truth after 5 or 6 months of dating together. I also told her that i was ashamed of not having a relationship before because back then i was 17 (yes i was really ashamed). She broke up with me for the first time in January 2014. We got back together 3 days after that breakup, so we didn't have had any time to work on ourselfs. 3 to 4 months past and she broke up with me again. The reason was because i was down all the time (i have past problems including being raped:( ). She also has past problems and i think these problems were bumping into each other and caused us to break up again. one week has past after the second brake up and this first week we were texting, including me begging. She mentioned she still likes me, but she misses the old and fun me, because i changed, so we can't be in a relationship. I heard from someone that she likes her other ex a LITTLE bit too. although her best friend (girl) which is also a friend of mine told me she thinks that my ex has no more feelings for her other ex. And also, when i was texting my ex yesterday she mentioned this: "it is possible that you or i get another girlfriend/boyfriend in this time MAYBE. she said maybe. After a little talk she said she wanted to lower the contact. so i agreed. but i made a decision (in my head) that i want to add the no contact rule. So it is now the first day of no contact and i can't stand not texting her. So my question is: should i just give up because that is what my parents are telling me (they say: "it is the second time she broke up, it could be possible the third time can happen etc.)? or should i try the no contact for a few weeks to a month and then see what happens (that is what my friends are telling me)? 1 more question: if she doesn't call or text me after a month, should i wait longer or do i have to text like: "do you want to go somewhere for a drink just as friends (after having a little fun conversation ofcourse)".? please, i just can't forget her and i want to ben with her for 1 more time, and this time permenantly. -thanks
BC1980 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I think I would let this go because she's broken up with you twice now. The odds are not in your favor. Have you been to therapy for being raped? Maybe you need to focus on healing from that if it's still causing a lot of problems.
Author manod96 Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 yes i have an appointment a week and a half from now, but i have a question: can't i try it just one more time? if i change to the normal me but then even improved because my problems are healed then she wanted to try it again right?
Author manod96 Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 another quick question: feelings for your ex don't fade away that easily right? i mean, it can't be thet she suddenly has no more feelings for me right? and my feelings just say she doesn't want another guy.
BC1980 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 but i have a question: can't i try it just one more time? if i change to the normal me but then even improved because my problems are healed then she wanted to try it again right? You are basically trying your hardest to morph into someone she deems suitable for a relationship. It doesn't need to be that way. She takes you as you are or not at all. I can see a second chance, but a third? Come one now, you need to draw the line somewhere. I'm also confused about this supposed "normal" you that you are going to change back into. Whoever you are of have been is the normal you, and it's up to her to decided if she wants a relationship with you. No, she doesn't have to want to try again under any circumstance, and you shouldn't be there waiting for her to want to try again. You are who you are, and she is who she is.
BC1980 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 another quick question: feelings for your ex don't fade away that easily right? i mean, it can't be thet she suddenly has no more feelings for me right? and my feelings just say she doesn't want another guy. Her feelings probably didn't just shut off, but you can realize that you don't want to be with someone you love or have deep feelings for. My ex said he still loved me when we broke up. He said it had nothing to do with love, but he just felt we had some differences he couldn't accept. If anything, that is more frustrating, but you have to accept people's decisions. It's not up to you to go around setting people straight or validating what the decide. You need to be yourself, and, if she doesn't want a part of that, you let her go. You walk away.
Author manod96 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 thx for the help, i will work on myself now first. and if she really want to try it again, then she will be the one to contact or to try it. And if she won't then so be it. 1
Jiivy Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 It's so easy to want to wrap around and become someone else for someone else. Let me ask you, what becomes of your identity? If God forbid, your partner were to die, what would become of your life? How would you even define yourself anymore? I used to tell my partner that if in the future this happened to her...I don't know how I'd live for myself. I believe that being emotionally healthy and TRULY loving someone is special, it's rare and it's devastating when you lose that person. I also think that there's an element of self-worth that you can accidently tread on in situations like yours (or mine). Be yourself, give yourself a name and an identity. Get a big piece of paper and some coloured pens - write down all the things you are, or who you want to be. Never forget it. Know that that is you and you need to protect that. How are you going to deal with another person, when you can't even deal with yourself?
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