steelgator Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 So my long distance girlfriend broke up with me today. We had a break before because she had law finals approaching and she felt guilty because she didn't have time for me and felt like she was dragging me along. She called me and said that I'm the perfect guy and that I'm nice, loyal, caring, fun to be around and that I say all the right things. But she said she didn't feel like I was the "right" guy and couldn't see herself getting married and that we were more like really good friends. We never really fought or anything. We ended on good terms and she said that I was making it hard for her because I was saying all the right things while she was breaking up with me. It just sucks when you do EVERYTHING right and still get your heart broken. What does she think she'll find a guy who gives her butterflies way past the honeymoon stage? I still love this girl with everything in my heart. I don't know what to do guys. You think she'll realize her mistake?
todreaminblue Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I am sorry this happened i dont know if it is a mistake that she left you when she did, because you wouldnt want to be with someone who didnt really love you for years and years would you....well i hope not because it sucks being strung a long more than it does to be let go...so woudl marrying soemoen who really didnt love you...no longevity there...translation dragging you along....equals preventing you from being with who you deserve to be with someone who will be happy with you and want to make you happy you are ready for a serious relationship.......with someone who loves you so you need to find someone who appreciates who you are which is a nice guy......i have ended a relationship myself when i believed he was only with me while things were sweet he didnt like the work preferring just to go from flower to flower pollinating.but he was also sick and couldnt handle anything much that was of serious. intent.............not right for me...... this woman wasnt right for you and she knew so.... so she let you go regrettably...so she was a decent person nto to drag you along for her ride.....you need to take some time and heal and get back out there meet someone who has the same ideals and values you do.....no i dont think she will change her mind....but who knows but her if that would happen ...stranger things happen in the world stranger than a woman who would change her mind...i wish you well.......deb
Author steelgator Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 I've been 4 days NC since my LDR girlfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. The thing is I agreed with the break up and also said I wasn't that heartbroken. The thing is I lied and never asked her if she was just letting me down easy or telling the truth and never really got closure. I've thought about sending one long text to get it off my chest so she knows what I'm really thinking and leaving it at that then continuing NC. The thing is I don't want to leave a bad impression because she was a little surprised I wasn't heartbroken but thanked me.
preyouandi Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Take it from me, you are totally doing the right thing putting on your poker face. Well played - seriously! Just keep it up. No contact for MINIMUM 60 DAYS. After that, feel free to tell her that you lied and that her breaking up with you left you heartbroken. By that point you'll have given yourself enough distance for that not to matter anywhere near as much as it does now anyway. You have a golden opportunity in front of you because your breakup is really fresh. That means on the one hand that right now it really ****ing hurts and your emotions are all over the place (I know, I was there seven months ago). But it also means - and this is the best bit - that you have a golden opportunity to leave a perfectly clean slate and walk away with complete dignity. She doesn't need to know that you're heartbroken. Think about it this way - in the long run, what will you gain from sending that text? Will it speed up your recovery, or will it only slow it down? In my experience of the breakup I'm still getting over, trying to get anything off my chest has always resulted in slowing things down - you sit around and get anxious about whether they will reply or not, she feels kind of bad and a bit disappointed - and CERTAINLY less attracted to you!! If there was one thing that I could have changed about my breakup, it's that I would have stopped all contact (see the NC sticky) STRAIGHT AWAY when she broke up with me. I wouldn't have said or tried ANYTHING for 60 days. So keep on doing what you're doing, dude. DON'T send that text. Trust me, when you have your dignity 60 days later you'll be so happy you didn't press the "send" button. (Incidentally, have you deleted her number yet? Because now would be a great time to do so. Give it to someone for safekeeping if you have to - just make it someone with a will of steel who won't let you backslide until they know that you're over her.)
jbelle6 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I think you should leave it as is, I know that's hard though. I tried to do the brave face too even though I'm crushed.
Author steelgator Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Well the thing is she said she still cares about me and that my voice soothes her. If that's the case I want to be there for her because I still care. It is long distance BTW. But she gave a bunch of GIGS reasons for the breakup(needing to figure herself out, loves me but not IN love with me, not ready for serious relationship yet). And no I haven't deleted her number yet
KaliLove Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Well the thing is she said she still cares about me and that my voice soothes her. If that's the case I want to be there for her because I still care. It is long distance BTW. But she gave a bunch of GIGS reasons for the breakup(needing to figure herself out, loves me but not IN love with me, not ready for serious relationship yet). And no I haven't deleted her number yet Yeah, her reasons are pretty much BS. My guess is that she already has someone else in mind for her next relationship and she was letting you down easy. Good job taking it so well. You kept it classy. Now leave it that way! 3
Author steelgator Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 you see I don't think it is anyone else. You see she is in law school at the moment and has to focus on her studies so she doesn't have time for anyone. Even her close friends don't get any time to talk to her. I think she just got bored because of the distance
Author steelgator Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 So during day 3 of NC I heard a song we saw live together at Concert and it was a love song I started bawling and almost begged for her back but I went for a swim to stop myself. 6 hours later and I feel almost nothing when I start thinking about her. Then I go to sleep, wake up and start feeling a little sad. Is this a good sign if I'm already having time periods of acceptance in between periods of sadness this early in the breakup? 1
William Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Moderation is making a public request, pursuant to the announcement at the top of this forum, to confine updates about any one particular topic to the running thread on that topic. Repetitive merges of similar topical material will result in moderation of posting privileges. Thanks!
preyouandi Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 It will take time. The answer to 'how long' would be 'how long is a piece of string?', because it all depends on individual circumstances (and often it can be made more difficult if there's other problems in your life at the time) but it is a very, very good sign that you're already managing to control your behaviour three days in. This won't go away overnight. For a while, there will be days when you feel sad when you wake up. It's normal. You'll have dreams about her, possibly for a long time afterwards. You will have your feelings for her triggered when you least expect it by some tiny, insignificant reminder of her or her lifestyle in your environment. This is how the brain copes with a loss. It is in no way, however, a sign that you're not healing. What is important is how you react to those thoughts, feelings and emotional triggers. If you are able to keep those thoughts and feelings in check - by replacing the urge to do something that will ultimately make you feel worse with an activity that makes you feel better, and by getting out and focusing on having a lifestyle that makes you feel good about yourself - the healing process will be quicker. The urge to contact her or to find out how she's doing will gradually get weaker and one day it will be so insignificant that it doesn't affect your everyday life at all anymore. Plus you'll have built a lifestyle for yourself that will help you to attract someone outstanding! So take your time, and keep it up on an day-to-day level - take care of the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves
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