irc333 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I think I recall a few posts here and there about how online dating just stinks for a lot of people. Mainly because it's a site filled with people mostly on the rebound, married, attention seekers, or the just plain socially inept. The last part, the "socially inept" category. I'm starting to think those who are of a "loner" personality or simply people who don't care to meet others out in public the old-fashioned whey probably solace online, esp. when it comes to online dating. Seen her dating profile, and she sounds like she's just plain disappointed in the men she has been meeting online. lol There's this one woman I know, in REAL life (this time, lol) that's an ex-wife of a man I used to hang out with...probably back in the 90s. They divorced, and ever since then she's been on dating sites on and off since then. I really didn't know her as well as I knew him, but she's an attractive woman, small, petite, over 40. Pretty hot for a woman by the standards here in these smaller towns. Usually "hot women" in my area are usually spoken for, but for years. She's also a single parent. The only way I connected with her was through my "geek" social circle, not through the previous one. Apparently she knew the same people I knew through these social circles...so I contacted her and we added each other on FB. We get to chatting and her social life. She posts on Facebook that it's great to have male friends to take care of her while she is sick. Emphasis on "Male" friends. It seems she gets along with men moreso than women, but apparently she's looking for love online, so I was kind of wondering why she wasn't dating at least one of these guys. lol But hey, she's "one of the boys" I suppose. Anyway, she said she doesn't get out of the house much on the weekends, because she's not much of a club/bar person and most of her female friends are out doing things with their boyfriends or husband/kids, etc. But she has been taking trips to other parts of the US and staying in hotels on OTHER male friends "Tab". Apparently, they give her their frequent flier miles. Most of these guys are men who are old high school buddies from up north, reaching out to her through Facebook. Surprisingly, some are even MARRIED. They feel that she needs to "be more adventurous" to get her away from this backwater town by paying her bill and hotel accommodations. She tells me all this and follows up with, "I hope you don't think any different from me." Of course, I gave my opinion, and it wasn't too well received. She was like "It's not like that!!" She's a member of Meetup, but doesn't go to the events. But for her its either 1. She stays home on her weekends off. 2. She's trying to become an internet model (again, another online, non-inperson social venue) 3. Travels abroad on other male friends flier miles. That's just an example, but I wonder how many women out there that are like this that prefer just staying behind closed doors all weekend? I recall some women (women who already have boyfriends of course) trying to get their ONLY SINGLE friend out of the house to go dancing or just "get out" to a restaurant or show or something. No can do, they'd rather stay in and do their own thing. They dig in their heels and aren't open to socially interacting with men in person. Why do you think this is? Why do perfectly single women resist opportunities to meet people and hopefully their future sig. other?
MidwestUSA Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 They're happy with themselves and their single status? As you coined it, 'perfectly single'. 1
Author irc333 Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 But it also makes me wonder, if they aren't socially inept, they are overly picky. There's yet another woman, I've seen on dating sites, but the SAME woman is on Meetup, but she's yet to have attended a SINGLE event. I mean, if you're willing to Meet people using Meetup, but don't attend the events, isn't that a contradiction? For those that do, on rare occasion, attend the events, they are barely social-able, some even leave early. I know of another woman that is a member of Meetup, kind of older, but she would bring other female single friends with her (around my age bracket) with her as a +1. They weren't members of the Meetups though. I asked her later, "Hey, what happened with your cute friends? They don't come with you anymore? I noticed they haven't joined Meetup" She said that they weren't really into the "Meetup" thing, because...well, they feel it's a meat market or probably the kind of men they see there aren't the kind of men they would date.
Author irc333 Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 They're happy with themselves and their single status? As you coined it, 'perfectly single'. To be honest, I think people that "claim" to be happy with being single, it probably still bugs them a bit. I mean, why join Meetup but not go to the events. It's like "Sure, I'll go to the events, but only when there is something in it for me". Kind of selfish. There's this one woman that I know through Meetup, she hasn't been to the events much lately, but she knows me well enough to chat with me online. I mentioned "Hey you going to the big beach day at the local lake?" and she said, "Maybe, I like to keep my options open though" Well...Laa dee dah, honey. lol
Imajerk17 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 irc333, I really think that the next step in your growth is to become less concerned about how other people live their lives when it does not affect you. 6
joystickd Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 She posts on Facebook that it's great to have male friends to take care of her while she is sick. Emphasis on "Male" friends. It seems she gets along with men moreso than women, but apparently she's looking for love online, so I was kind of wondering why she wasn't dating at least one of these guys. lol But hey, she's "one of the boys" I suppose. As a man you see a woman like this steer clear of her. More than likely she is a user and a manipulator. She ain't going out because she has friends that take care of her needs. 1
bryceisbryce Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Maybe she's happy with her life and not actively looking for a relationship. Maybe she has no interest in meeting a dude at this point in her life because she has so much other stuff going on. Maybe she likes having the ability to screen guys online beforehand so she doesn't have to waste her time with a guy she randomly meets and ends up having nothing in common with. Maybe she likes the fact that online dating is much easier for women and allows her to put in a little less effort than getting dolled up and going out. Your questions boil down to "Why don't women do things that would make it easier for me to date them?" It's because women don't care about what random men want. They care about what they want or are simply not interested in dating. If that keeps them single forever then that's not anyone else's problem. I really don't know why any guy would spend time trying to understand women that are clearly not interested in a relationship. 3
SpiralOut Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Why do you think this is? Why do perfectly single women resist opportunities to meet people and hopefully their future sig. other? Maybe they don't feel ready to date again. I think you should focus on the women who are emotionally available and stop worrying about the women who aren't. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) Do you know anything about her marriage? How long they were married? How long has she been divorced? Was it a difficult divorce / happy marriage? Depending on the answers to those questions might shed some light on why she's not going out and/or dating right now...or maybe ever. Also, being a parent is the hardest job in the world at the best of times never mind trying to parent as a single one. It can be an all consuming job especially if you're a parent that is working hard to protect their children from the sadness and confusion forced on them by their parent's decisions and help them adjust to their new life. Believe it or not, some people put their CHILDREN first. Again, I don't know her whole situation but I suspect her reasons go much deeper and she's just doing what makes sense for her and her family for right now. If you really need to understand what she's doing than why not just ask her? I mean, if you're friends and enjoy talking, why not bring it up and see what she has to say. Maybe her intentions are honorable and all of this just brings her some comfort or maybe she's a manipulative bitch - who knows? Regardless, it's clear she isn't in the head space to date even if she's the last good looking single prospect you have in your town. I'm sure there is always the next town over Edited May 11, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle
jbelle6 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I genuinely know people who I suspect are addicted to the online dating thing, they could meet the nicest man or woman but they keep going back to their profiles to see if there's anything better that popped up. It's rather strange, maybe the constant ego boost and attention suits them better than a relationship? Not sure, but I noticed it too. 1
Author irc333 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 I genuinely know people who I suspect are addicted to the online dating thing, they could meet the nicest man or woman but they keep going back to their profiles to see if there's anything better that popped up. It's rather strange, maybe the constant ego boost and attention suits them better than a relationship? Not sure, but I noticed it too. Yes, I'm starting to think this, esp. with the onset of Smarphones and the most recent dating APPS that are for speedy ego boosts on the fly. Women get what they need just from that. I remember women looking at their inboxes AT a Meetup event on POF. LOL I'm like "What are we, chopped liver?!"
MixedUpChick Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I'm like "What are we, chopped liver?!" Maybe you are? I'm sorry, but you seem to have such a negative, judgmental attitude, if all of your threads here complaining about why women aren't doing what you think they should do are at all representative of how you are in person... I'm not even going to finish that thought. Seriously, stop wasting time worrying about the women who aren't interested in you, it seems like it would be exhausting. 1
MixedUpChick Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 irc333, I really think that the next step in your growth is to become less concerned about how other people live their lives when it does not affect you. If I could "like" this post multiple times, I definitely would. Very wise words 1
Beanacre0 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I quite often want to go out to night clubs and have a drink and a dance, chat to people etc but it's my friends that don't! If I go out with my guy friends then they all go off to chat up girls, and I end up on my own which is awkward when you want to go and dance and you don't know anyone, and I don't really fancy going alone. Again the whole awkward who do you dance with thing. I'll admit though I do spend a lot of time at home. Sometimes I don't even want to pop out to the shops, just because I don't like going on my own. I like having someone to chat to and the last two years I went everywhere with someone because I lived in a house with 6 people one year and the year before I lived in halls. I've tried the online dating thing and it hasn't worked out for me. One guy I met up with, the moment I met him I realised he wasn't my type. That and I had sort of been forced to rush into things by my friends. The next guy I spoke to sort of stopped talking to me really quickly because we were totally different (he liked university challenge and I liked going out and drinking). The third guy I did speak to for a while, but he kept wanting 'sext' and kept talking about how he was going to come and visit me. I think that I'd rather meeting someone face to face :/
SpringBaby Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I think I recall a few posts here and there about how online dating just stinks for a lot of people. Mainly because it's a site filled with people mostly on the rebound, married, attention seekers, or the just plain socially inept. The last part, the "socially inept" category. I'm starting to think those who are of a "loner" personality or simply people who don't care to meet others out in public the old-fashioned whey probably solace online, esp. when it comes to online dating. Seen her dating profile, and she sounds like she's just plain disappointed in the men she has been meeting online. lol There's this one woman I know, in REAL life (this time, lol) that's an ex-wife of a man I used to hang out with...probably back in the 90s. They divorced, and ever since then she's been on dating sites on and off since then. I really didn't know her as well as I knew him, but she's an attractive woman, small, petite, over 40. Pretty hot for a woman by the standards here in these smaller towns. Usually "hot women" in my area are usually spoken for, but for years. She's also a single parent. The only way I connected with her was through my "geek" social circle, not through the previous one. Apparently she knew the same people I knew through these social circles...so I contacted her and we added each other on FB. We get to chatting and her social life. She posts on Facebook that it's great to have male friends to take care of her while she is sick. Emphasis on "Male" friends. It seems she gets along with men moreso than women, but apparently she's looking for love online, so I was kind of wondering why she wasn't dating at least one of these guys. lol But hey, she's "one of the boys" I suppose. Anyway, she said she doesn't get out of the house much on the weekends, because she's not much of a club/bar person and most of her female friends are out doing things with their boyfriends or husband/kids, etc. But she has been taking trips to other parts of the US and staying in hotels on OTHER male friends "Tab". Apparently, they give her their frequent flier miles. Most of these guys are men who are old high school buddies from up north, reaching out to her through Facebook. Surprisingly, some are even MARRIED. They feel that she needs to "be more adventurous" to get her away from this backwater town by paying her bill and hotel accommodations. She tells me all this and follows up with, "I hope you don't think any different from me." Of course, I gave my opinion, and it wasn't too well received. She was like "It's not like that!!" She's a member of Meetup, but doesn't go to the events. But for her its either 1. She stays home on her weekends off. 2. She's trying to become an internet model (again, another online, non-inperson social venue) 3. Travels abroad on other male friends flier miles. That's just an example, but I wonder how many women out there that are like this that prefer just staying behind closed doors all weekend? I recall some women (women who already have boyfriends of course) trying to get their ONLY SINGLE friend out of the house to go dancing or just "get out" to a restaurant or show or something. No can do, they'd rather stay in and do their own thing. They dig in their heels and aren't open to socially interacting with men in person. Why do you think this is? Why do perfectly single women resist opportunities to meet people and hopefully their future sig. other? Are you talking about me? haha Seriously though, I share a lot of similarities with your friend with the exception of when I have the chance to go I usually do. My friend circle is small a couple of gfs but they are either married or have kids. It's not like you don't try to meet guys other ways, online is just another or an additional way for some people. I'm over the club thing, the last time I was in a club they packed us in like sardines, I got groped, couldn't move, and got hated on by too many chicks including the ones I went with. I don't drink, so bars annoy me personally. When you go to events it seems people are in and out, everyone is looking at their phones it's harder to engage for us all. So there are many reasons and I don't think anything is ever as cut and dried as it seems.
Author irc333 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 I don't blame you for not wanting to go to bars or clubs, but there are other non-bar related things to do that people still would rather stay home on a Sat night as the better alternative. As per the female attention seeker I had mentioned (not saying that you are ) But, I'm noticing a trend in people preferring to get to know others from a distance, without the face-to-face interaction. It's like they have to know if the people there are interesting (or attractive enough) to attend an event. The woman I mentioned here is perpetually single, found out through he other friends she has been through many short-lived dating situations, but can never seem to find the perfect one. I also recall another woman local to me..she is of the "on and off" constantly variety. An almost 40-waitress amongst 20-something co-workers at a local, backwater town. I do admit, she's in pretty good shape physically, great eyes. But it's funny, every time she returns to the site she says, "Yeah, I'm back on here again....seems the guys I meet around here are young enough to be my daughter or just plain immature". So apparently for her, locally, the pickings are slim, but since she hasn't been having success online either. My suggestion to her is just to pick up her roots and relocate. Are you talking about me? haha Seriously though, I share a lot of similarities with your friend with the exception of when I have the chance to go I usually do. My friend circle is small a couple of gfs but they are either married or have kids. It's not like you don't try to meet guys other ways, online is just another or an additional way for some people. I'm over the club thing, the last time I was in a club they packed us in like sardines, I got groped, couldn't move, and got hated on by too many chicks including the ones I went with. I don't drink, so bars annoy me personally. When you go to events it seems people are in and out, everyone is looking at their phones it's harder to engage for us all. So there are many reasons and I don't think anything is ever as cut and dried as it seems.
Recommended Posts