AnneT1985 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 (edited) Hi y'all Can I get your honest thoughts and opinions please? I have had a friend for a while. She is generous, comes to my important events and often asks to get together. These are definitely good qualities she has. That being said she also comes across to me as kind of a know-it-all in my opinion and extremely dismissive and condescending. I very rarely approach her with a problem but when I have I have felt terrible afterwards. For example, one time I was having an issue with a family member I was expressing. I could not even finish my story and she was only half listening when she says "you really need to bury the hatchet". There was no hatchet to be buried-it was the first time I had even discussed this issue and I felt totally ignored and dismissed. I understand sometimes you need to say that to a friend and give a loving firm hand, don't get me wrong- but my story wasn't even heard. I will always make the time to thoroughly listen to a problem she is having- just listen and if she asks for advice I will give it but if not I just listen and offer support. Like I said I very rarely tell her about a problem I may be having. I was also suffering from a major health issue for several months and had never mentioned it to her. When I did and said I've been sick, the answer was "poor you". Didn't ask what was up or what was wrong. She also criticized her friend to me who was in her wedding for not doing enough for her, when I noticed this person did a lot. Is this a poor friend whom I should gracefully distance from or are some people just like this and maybe avoid becoming emotionally involved with them? Am I being over sensitive? Thanks so much y'all! Edited May 10, 2014 by AnneT1985
Author AnneT1985 Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 I forgot to add...or should I keep this friend at a surface level?
GGZ Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Whether you'd like to keep this friend at the surface level or place her amongst your close friends is up to you to decide; there are no right or wrong in this one. That being said, I do believe some people are more "suited" to stay in your life; others will stay for a brief encounter in your life, and vanish away. I'd had the same issues with a friend of mine (we are still friends since high school). He'd be more assertive than I am, and he'd criticize me for not venting out my thoughts. I had the impression he wanted to feel superior, but at that time I had quite a low esteem, but I have managed to cope, to tell him, and assert myself throughout these years. My point is that if there is something that bothers you in a friendship or in a closer relationship, you have the power and potential to fix and resolve the issue; there are no straight solutions; it remains a trial and error game. You should ask yourself after taking some distance apart with that friend of yours, and reflect on what your heart truly wants. Of course, everyone wants to create a win-win situation, but there are give's and take's. You may want to tackle an issue once you clearly know what it is you are after. Easier said than done, myself I have not always followed this principle. I wish you good luck; I hope things turn out to be the best for you and your friend. Give yourself some time, do not rush things, so that you can weight the pros and cons of whether you want to take some distance with your friend. Remember to think about what you want, and not let yourself intimidated or seduced by what your friend wants, expects, thinks you should be. I don't know what I have said makes sense, but I hope it can give you some positive feedback regarding your situation. All the best to you, I hope you feel better;) GG
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