Life_27 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 So iv been dating this guy for a while now and he seems to be very emotionless. I have told him from the beginning how I feel and that he means a lot to me and made my feels clear. Yet the only response I get is ok. My friend found him actively on a dating site and when I asked him about it he lied and said why would he. I also found out that he is still talking to his ex. When I confronted him about this he said were really good friends and thats it. Also that he isnt going to stop talking to her. What should I do? I have feelings invested and feel like im being deceived. He doesnt express how he feels and everytime I try to have a mature conversation he brushes me off. Please help..
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Based on what you have written here... terminate!!! The sooner the better. I seriously doubt he will change his behavior, so if you are not cool with it, then leave... 1
rizzban29 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 The dating profile may be something old before he met you, and seeing as its something that is still considered a little "uncool", maybe he just didnt want to bring that up for his own pride. It happens at times when people are friends with their exes still, most times it becomes just a friendship. However, that said, emotionless is not a good sign, with the fact of talk to ex, sounds like this guy is still way too attached. It might be risky to get in this relationship, and if you do youll be forcing him to be emotional. If you guys have fun, try and continue on tha tbasis hoping something deeper comes out. If not, why are you there?
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 My husband doesn't express a lot of emotions. However, he does tell me the truth & he takes my feelings into consideration. I'd probe the lying abit more. Ask if you can meet the EX-GF & if the 3 of you can do something together. It would be better if she brought a date & you doubled but if she's not currently dating just meet her. If he won't introduce that would be a much bigger problem for me
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I would abort. Won't express himself emotionally, adamant about being friends with the ex, avoids mature conversations with you and brushes you off -- chances are you will be beating your head over his passive behavior. Either this is who he is -- emotionally stunted/immature or he's not into you. 3
Author Life_27 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Thanks for the responses, its really helped me seek some clarity of the situation. I have spoken to him about everything last night and he is adamant that he isn't being immature, deceitful or lying. And with regards to being emotionless, he said that is how he is. I do not think I will work this out because he is to involved in trying to make me the problem than actually understand that I just want clarity, honest and to feel like I am in something special
lostnlovely Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Just leave .. sounds like he has no interest in your feelings at all , so why bother. Get out before you get way too attached to someone who will never feel attached to you. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Life_27 I think you are very insightful. If he's more invested in making you the problem then finding a solution, you don't have a choice but to walk away. 2
mangetout Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 OP you both don't match. Go for someone more suited to you. You will always be struggling with this issue. You either accept it and stay quiet or you walk. Those are the options he is giving you
Zahara Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Thanks for the responses, its really helped me seek some clarity of the situation. I have spoken to him about everything last night and he is adamant that he isn't being immature, deceitful or lying. And with regards to being emotionless, he said that is how he is. I do not think I will work this out because he is to involved in trying to make me the problem than actually understand that I just want clarity, honest and to feel like I am in something special In essence he's telling you that things won't change and this is just how it's going to be. If he's not making any concessions for you in hopes of balancing out the relationship between both his and your needs/wants, then you're going to be in a one way.
Elle1975 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 So iv been dating this guy for a while now and he seems to be very emotionless. I have told him from the beginning how I feel and that he means a lot to me and made my feels clear. Yet the only response I get is ok. My friend found him actively on a dating site and when I asked him about it he lied and said why would he. I also found out that he is still talking to his ex. When I confronted him about this he said were really good friends and thats it. Also that he isnt going to stop talking to her. What should I do? I have feelings invested and feel like im being deceived. He doesnt express how he feels and everytime I try to have a mature conversation he brushes me off. Please help.. Sorry but, how long is "a while"? I am asking because you talk about communicating your feelings "from the beginning" which makes me wonder if you got came on too strong and too fast.
oracle Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 If you are not getting your needs met now.. it won't improve with time, most likely get worse. As hard as it is, I would cut and run now before you loose anymore years to it.
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