born Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Why can't having sex with an ex make them want you back ? ... i had sex with my ex she started saying that im her man and that she loves me but we cant be together due to long distance ... i'm really confused . I can only see her for 1 or 2 times a year . If i cut her completly wont she forget about me or will this make her want me more?
Strength in Healing Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 The seeing each other 1-2 times a year makes this more complicated. But she is just using you for sex. Plus, what on God's earth makes you think a relationship could work if you only see each other 1 or 2 times every 365 days lol my relationship feels strained seeing each other only 2 times a week. I would try to find someone local. 4
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I never understood how people can have sex with an ex, and they still be an ex. Though in your situation it makes perfect since. You broke up because you only see each other 1 or 2 times a year. What is confusing about that? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Ex sex is just sex. It's a way to get some from a familiar source. It definitely does not mean they want a relationship. I did a bit of ex-sexing in college -- never once did I view it as any sort of reconciliation technique; just the bumping of uglies.
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Ex sex is just sex. It's a way to get some from a familiar source. It definitely does not mean they want a relationship. I did a bit of ex-sexing in college -- never once did I view it as any sort of reconciliation technique; just the bumping of uglies. How the heck is ex sex, just sex?! When I couldn't even get her to see me again the mere idea of having sex with her again, without being in a relationship seems absolutely insane. 2
KaliLove Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 How the heck is ex sex, just sex?! When I couldn't even get her to see me again the mere idea of having sex with her again, without being in a relationship seems absolutely insane. Are you one of those people who assumes a full blown relationship as soon as you have sex with someone?
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Are you one of those people who assumes a full blown relationship as soon as you have sex with someone? How is that even relevant? I'm talking about somebody you've already been in a relationship with. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 How the heck is ex sex, just sex?! When I couldn't even get her to see me again the mere idea of having sex with her again, without being in a relationship seems absolutely insane. Because it's just having a good time. I don't really get the question. Sometimes you don't want to be with someone but you want to have sex with them because you enjoy the physical aspect of it. It's not that complex. 2
Candy_Pants Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 You're misusing "ex sex". Ex sex can be a beautiful thing!! Don't have relationship expectations, you're broken up with for a reason, and unless that reason was the sex, just enjoy it!! You already know one another, desires, pleasure buttons, sense of humor, etc.!
KaliLove Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 How is that even relevant? I'm talking about somebody you've already been in a relationship with. Makes no difference. If you're not in a declared relationship with someone when you have sex with them, you're not in a declared relationship with them whether you used to be or not. Once an ex is an ex, they're just a regular person.
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Because it's just having a good time. I don't really get the question. Sometimes you don't want to be with someone but you want to have sex with them because you enjoy the physical aspect of it. It's not that complex. Let me put it this way, can you imagine my ex calling me up, and telling me that she wants to have sex again, but not get back into a relationship? Even if she did, I have no idea if I'd even be able to do that. Who initiates ex sex?
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Let me put it this way, can you imagine my ex calling me up, and telling me that she wants to have sex again, but not get back into a relationship? Even if she did, I have no idea if I'd even be able to do that. Who initiates ex sex? I don't know, perhaps she has with other guys. And ex sex can come from either party. It's pretty common in college when one wants to "play the field" but still get some. I mean, you are making it sound like a space shuttle launch. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I think somedude81 is looking at it from an emotional perspective and the others are looking at it from a perspective of people who have no feelings for each other any more. somedude81 obviously has emotional feelings for his ex so "ex-sex" wouldn't work because it wouldn't just be sex to him, it would be emotional sex or "making love" There is a difference between college kids and someone who might of been in a more serious relationship. I think you'd definitely have to have no romantic feelings any more to have "ex-sex" 4
Summerrose2013 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 But one party is always going to have feelings, surely? Why would you want to fall back into ex sex when there are a million other people out there to explore the possibility of having a loving and fulfilling relationship with? I'm with SomeDude all the way on this one. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 But one party is always going to have feelings, surely? Why would you want to fall back into ex sex when there are a million other people out there to explore the possibility of having a loving and fulfilling relationship with? I'm with SomeDude all the way on this one. Because it's easier to get some from a familiar person than it is to go out and search for it. Not saying it's right or wrong, but that's the logic. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 But one party is always going to have feelings, surely? Why would you want to fall back into ex sex when there are a million other people out there to explore the possibility of having a loving and fulfilling relationship with? I'm with SomeDude all the way on this one. I guess its all personal preference, some will, some won't. I couldn't but then again, I learnt the hard way, I'm not everyone and everyone is not me
Strength in Healing Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I back somedude and summerrose. No ex is ever just a regular person. They are people I cared about deeply, and if I had sex with them, it would end in pain, most likely. The end. 4
MissBee Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Why can't having sex with an ex make them want you back ? ... i had sex with my ex she started saying that im her man and that she loves me but we cant be together due to long distance ... i'm really confused . I can only see her for 1 or 2 times a year . If i cut her completly wont she forget about me or will this make her want me more? Because sex isn't magic and won't fix whatever other problems exist. Sex with your ex is a bad idea, as usually someone has an ulterior motive and someone will get hurt by thinking the sex means something it doesn't. Don't do it, especially if you're the dumpee, I strongly suggest you not initiate it neither take your ex up on their offer. 9/10 times it will leave you more upset than ever, after the temporary closeness and endorphin wear off and you realize NOTHING changed.
Zahara Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I agree with Simon, ex sex is just sex -- to the one that has emotionally checked out and is looking to get some from a familiar source. It's easy and it's available and it's comfortable. Ex sex isn't just sex to the one that is still emotionally tied and still equates sex with love. I had two exs want sex without ties and I couldn't do it, eventhough I had the silly idea in my head that sex would maybe get them back. Doesn't work because by that point they just see you as a regular person while you're still glorifying them. 3
KaliLove Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 But one party is always going to have feelings, surely? Why would you want to fall back into ex sex when there are a million other people out there to explore the possibility of having a loving and fulfilling relationship with? I'm with SomeDude all the way on this one. But having feelings for someone doesn't make it a relationship either. The point is that if you have sex with someone, you're not automatically in a relationship with them. I'm not talking about feelings. 1
Strength in Healing Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I think I know why people are disagreeing so much on this. To those who say it's fine and just sex and the ex is a regular person... imagine the recent long-term ex that caused you to be on this site in the first place. If they wanted to have sex, are they just a regular person? I doubt it. I think some people are equating ex to a long-term partner that they loved and sacrificed for, whereas others in this topic are viewing ex as someone they dated for like 1-2 months. Big difference IMO. 4
KaliLove Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I don't think sleeping with an ex is a good idea at all..I'm not saying that anyone should just go ahead and do it. I'm just saying that if you do, you're not automatically back together with them.
Babolat Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) You're misusing "ex sex". Ex sex can be a beautiful thing!! Don't have relationship expectations, you're broken up with for a reason, and unless that reason was the sex, just enjoy it!! You already know one another, desires, pleasure buttons, sense of humor, etc.! Agreed. This happened to me last year for the first time ever. After dating for 12 months I broke up with my gf at the time. After about 2 weeks she started reaching out to me, for what I later figured out was sex. It started with "I need your advice on something, can I come over?" To "Whatcha doing?", which became her code for "I want you right now". I was not dating, our sex life was amazing, so I went with it. I let her reach out to me when she was, well horny, and well, it was a great summer. We never had "get back together" talks, I did not want to get back with her either. All the while I was enjoying my life, meeting new woman, exploring other options and the like. There were still emotions and feelings between us, no doubt. And I am sure it ultimately delayed the healing and moving on process. I eventually asked for full NC, and after about 60 days was able to have "relations" with another woman I had met during the summer. Edited May 8, 2014 by Babolat 1
No Limit Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Why can't having sex with an ex make them want you back ? Because a relationship doesn't build upon/only consists of sex. Sex with an ex is always a terrible idea. You were stupid enough - no offense - to fall for her, learn from it and move on.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I think I know why people are disagreeing so much on this. To those who say it's fine and just sex and the ex is a regular person... imagine the recent long-term ex that caused you to be on this site in the first place. If they wanted to have sex, are they just a regular person? I doubt it. I think some people are equating ex to a long-term partner that they loved and sacrificed for, whereas others in this topic are viewing ex as someone they dated for like 1-2 months. Big difference IMO. I don't think people are advocating it, just explaining the logic behind it and why it happens and why it doesn't necessarily mean anything as far as reconciliation. I'd f--k the s--t out of the ex that brought me here if the opportunity arose, but it wouldn't make me want to get back with her. I'm recovered, which helps that, but I also put less of a link on sex and love than most I think. Even when I was despondent, the thought of her f--king other men didn't bother me nearly as much as the thought of her going on weekend trips and hanging out intimately with them. Then again, I was trying the "hook up to forget" method at the time, so it would have been hypocritical of me to be pissed at her for doing the same if she did.
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