FredJones80 Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Hi LS, I've noticed myself doing this and wondered if anyone else has. At random intervals, morning, night, whenever, I make a conscious decision and say to myself. "Today I let go, I hope she is happy and I wish her well, tomorrow I'll start fresh" .. and I'll feel good... for .... about ... 10 minutes, or the night, whichever is less. Or a conscious decision "Perhaps this is for the best and she has done us both a favour" ... or something else equally as enlightening. The next day I'm back to square one going through all the same boring old emotions. Anyone else being a slave to the "conscious decision" ? 1
sooshi Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Yeah, I've had thoughts like that, but I try to be more present-oriented with them. I would suggest replacing "today" and "tomorrow" with "right now/in this moment." "Right now, I let go. Right now, I hope he/she is happy and I wish him/her well. In this moment, I am starting fresh." 1
PhillyConnection23 Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I think in my case it is more of a roller coaster of emotions. Some times I am at peace with the decision. Some times I'm angry. Other times I'm determined to get her back. Its not helping that I've spent waaaaaaay too much time reading other's stories, advice, anecdotes. What I thought was first a grass is greener situation is making me think: "oh god, what if we aren't compatible? What if I was making her miserable." 3
BC1980 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Yes, I had to say those things to myself or several months before it sunk in. I started telling myself it was over everyday when I would get up. I got the advice from a blog I read because I was really struggling with letting go and moving on. Here's the other thing. Over time, NC forces you to accept it's over if you are true to NC and do it for the long haul. The person becomes less relevant to your life, and your decisions aren't based on your ex. You are forced to make decisions to move forward with your future. 2
Elle1975 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Hi LS, I've noticed myself doing this and wondered if anyone else has. At random intervals, morning, night, whenever, I make a conscious decision and say to myself. "Today I let go, I hope she is happy and I wish her well, tomorrow I'll start fresh" .. and I'll feel good... for .... about ... 10 minutes, or the night, whichever is less. Or a conscious decision "Perhaps this is for the best and she has done us both a favour" ... or something else equally as enlightening. The next day I'm back to square one going through all the same boring old emotions. Anyone else being a slave to the "conscious decision" ? In my opinion, your mistake is to include her in your conscious thought. Instead, try "today I am doing whatever it takes to feel better. I will be positive, go to the gym, the movies (whatever rocks your boat) If you include her in your conscious decision, it is to remind yourself that she made the choice not to have you in her life. It is over, and that's that. You are the priority, number uno. Put your energy in people who are kind to you. Myself it's my best friend who is like a mom to me, the girls at my gym, people i like at work, etc.. 2
sooshi Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Good point, Elle, about removing her/an ex from the equation while building these thoughts. I guess some of us have them in there sometimes because it's part of the healing process for us, and by saying we wish them well, etc., it's a way to feel better and to move on. But since our feelings are so dynamic, we get all over the place. So, I do think that making ourselves the priority is the way to go. But focusing on ME feeling better, and ME healing, and not including an ex in those thoughts. Just focusing on ourselves.
Elle1975 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) Good point, Elle, about removing her/an ex from the equation while building these thoughts. I guess some of us have them in there sometimes because it's part of the healing process for us, and by saying we wish them well, etc., it's a way to feel better and to move on. But since our feelings are so dynamic, we get all over the place. So, I do think that making ourselves the priority is the way to go. But focusing on ME feeling better, and ME healing, and not including an ex in those thoughts. Just focusing on ourselves. Right. I try to be honest with myself. Although I miss him, I don't wish him well. I am on my way not to give a rats @ss, and believe me when I say it's work. Do I wish I was the better person?.. mmh no. There's a fine line sometimes between being the better person, and being a doormat. He doesn't want me, fine, but I will be damned if I wish him well. Not a grudge, but not ignoring my true feelings either. I dont want to be in conflict with myself :-) So... when you feel low, remind yourself she/he doesnt want you in her/his life. Then you move on to be better, get better. It works for me. Even though I realise I am not ready to fall in love yet (barely over 3 weeks post break up), I am putting a lot of work into it. The gym is doing miracles to my mind, and body. So far, lost 7 pounds. :-) Edited May 7, 2014 by Elle1975
jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I sometimes have those mini epiphanies where I think "I will be fine". I take time to look myself in the mirror and repeat "Let her go", "You are what matters now". Though these things work for a short period, the pain and misery comes back with a vengence. Each day I try to take time to remind myself that I don't need her. I make the daily effort to get involved in some kind of activity to try and clear my mind (doesn't always work). I usually end up back at the same place...wanting her back. It stinks. I can't help dreaming about her every night. I know she doesn't want me in her life. I will continue on until this feeling hopefully fades for good. 1
martaldn Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I do and because I keep doing the same mistake over and over I have started to think I will never feel better or be strong enough to move on.
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