How do I stop feeling upset?

May 6, 2014

How do I stop feeling upset because I'm a lifelong single? How do I make myself stop thinking about the loneliness of being a lifelong single? I'm feeling really hopeless that I can't even find a chance to date someone. More on my depressing story here.

I know I'm 18 (almost 19), but I feel like there is absolutely no progress. I don't even see a first step to dating. I feel like there's a lot that's killing my chances of finding a date.

Here are the reasons why I'm so upset about this.

1) I feel there's no progress or hope as stated before. I have never come as close as exchanging phone numbers with an online dating girl. In real life, I have never came close to asking a girl out on a date.

2) I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of adult activities (not sex) but having a girl beside you as a boy. I feel like I need to get a life but it's not working.

3) I am a type of guy that loses confidence easily and that is mainly because of not having a girlfriend. I just feel that if I had a girlfriend, my confidence would remain more consistent. That's a big weakness.

4) I don't have a lot of real life friends. I would really get a girlfriend so I would stop worrying about not having a lot of friends to hang out with.

I may be smart from what girls have said about me, when my confidence is there but I just feel that I'm not able to take care of myself emotionally. I feel like I'm being like Issac Newton, where he may be smart non-socially but terrible socially.

Now that I have completed my first year in college, I scored a ~3.28 GPA, 2 of those courses got max GPA because of how my confidence lit up the radar gun when I wasn't too self cautious.

How do I cope this out? How do I think about the bright side? Or even take the next step? I just can't see the next step in front of me. It seems like a gigantic barrier separating me from it.

I dont' want to lose my confidence when I go back to school next winter. This year is a big baseball season and I can't afford to struggle at it because I want to be able to compete with the adult level next year. That's why I need the confidence real bad. I just can't seem to let myself think about hope of if I'm talented, a girl would like me.

Edited May 6, 2014 by Armegoggon

May 6, 2014

You need to relax. I don't know the American grade system, but I assume yours is good otherwise you wouldn't have put it up there. This should mean you get a good job if you continue to put in the effort.

Eventually you will mix with people at work and if you are good at your job, you will get some girl who will want you even if she's just a lover of people in power.

But really you need to have interests that a girl will have an interest in too, but try to be interested in it yourself

Confidence comes from being good at things and not worrying what others think. You say you don't have any friends, so sto being so cautious, you're not going to lose any and might make some.

Finally, try talking to girls without the intention of dating them. Just try to get to know them as friends. The pressure won't be there and in my experience, they'll be chasing you.

May 7, 2014

You need to relax. I don't know the American grade system, but I assume yours is good otherwise you wouldn't have put it up there. This should mean you get a good job if you continue to put in the effort.

Eventually you will mix with people at work and if you are good at your job, you will get some girl who will want you even if she's just a lover of people in power.

But really you need to have interests that a girl will have an interest in too, but try to be interested in it yourself

Confidence comes from being good at things and not worrying what others think. You say you don't have any friends, so sto being so cautious, you're not going to lose any and might make some.

Finally, try talking to girls without the intention of dating them. Just try to get to know them as friends. The pressure won't be there and in my experience, they'll be chasing you.

Ok this is harder than I thought of overcoming. Earlier today, I told myself, I'm ready to get off of dating sites. Then few hours later, I this boomeranged me. I feel really sad that I was never able to meet anyone online whether it's dating sites or games. I really do. I just feel really sad about this

I cannot feel happier until I meet at least 1. I've dreamed about meeting someone online since I was ~13. Seriously, I feel that there's just so much pain inside my head that I will never be able to meet someone from the internet to real life as a friend. I just feel really upset now

May 7, 2014

What club have you joined to meet people you don't know?

Dating sites are a last resort, there's no effort on your part!

At 19, I'm surprised there are many people on dating sites! You're still in night clubs.

Would you be interested in you if you were a girl?

You have to change YOU to attract them. Watch the life of Walter Mitty to see Hollywood ideas.

May 7, 2014

What club have you joined to meet people you don't know?

Dating sites are a last resort, there's no effort on your part!

At 19, I'm surprised there are many people on dating sites! You're still in night clubs.

Would you be interested in you if you were a girl?

You have to change YOU to attract them. Watch the life of Walter Mitty to see Hollywood ideas.

I haven't joined any clubs but there is at least a very SLIGHT amount of hope for me to find new female friends. I was thinking of joining an Anime cosplay for once. I used to be interested in Anime in my pre-high school days at one point but now I wanna go back to it since my 26 year old friend she found lots of new friends in the convention.

Night Clubs eh, I don't like because there's drinking right?

Would I be interested in myself if I was a girl? Eh, hard to answer because I don't know how to judge myself. If I knew how to judge myself, I would finally have been changing myself. I always just be myself no matter what.

But seriously, if there was a twined sister of me, who had almost everything the same as me, everything that is the same as me is the notable features (ie, looks, personality, emotions, intelligence) then she'd find a date better. See the thing is, girls tend to find a date easier no matter how long they've been single for. I've actually been through this trust me. I've seen girls on dating sites telling me, how lonely and how close they are to suicide, yet 2 weeks later, everything changed and they moved up above me by a wide margin. I've even seen a 21 year old girl who is lifelong single but she deleted her account recently.

May 8, 2014

Starting asking out girls till one says yes.

Problem Solved!

Well if I don't ask then how will I get the chances? Besides, girls rarely ever ask right?

May 8, 2014

First of all, hello, young person. You have lived what's likely only 1/4 of your life. You are in the developmental stage clear into your mid 20s. Cut yourself a break with the urgency in romance. Second, you need to ensure that you are content with yourself before anyone else will see that special thing about you. Be attractive to yourself and the one you want to attract will follow.

Third, do you have the "things" that make you set and secure? It is very hard to get into a serious relationship with someone who has little to offer. Are you just a pretty face? Are you a little common? Are you doing interesting things? Do you have gainful employment? Are you pleasant when greeting someone? Once you have a grip on what you're vibing out into the universe, then you can perhaps become concerned about this imaginary timeline you have.

Have you tried and been rejected? Are you shy? Have you ever been on a date or had a first kiss? Do you have a model of a healthy relationship to pattern after?

At risk of saying "it's you," it is you in the sense of self esteem, self respect, self love. There is no one in this world who will MAKE you happy. Someone may help you to feel loved, but that is the extent. Don't believe in the fairytales with happily ever afters. When you are mature and ready, love will come. If you run your life for yourself and fulfillment, you'll get noticed. Then you can be selective about who you let into your beautiful world. Until then, work on your interpersonal skills, talents, abilities, physical attractiveness, and inner beauty. Practice talking to and meeting strangers. Practice flirting...or just smiling at someone you find intriguing.

May 9, 2014

First of all, hello, young person. You have lived what's likely only 1/4 of your life. You are in the developmental stage clear into your mid 20s. Cut yourself a break with the urgency in romance. Second, you need to ensure that you are content with yourself before anyone else will see that special thing about you. Be attractive to yourself and the one you want to attract will follow.

Third, do you have the "things" that make you set and secure? It is very hard to get into a serious relationship with someone who has little to offer. Are you just a pretty face? Are you a little common? Are you doing interesting things? Do you have gainful employment? Are you pleasant when greeting someone? Once you have a grip on what you're vibing out into the universe, then you can perhaps become concerned about this imaginary timeline you have.

Have you tried and been rejected? Are you shy? Have you ever been on a date or had a first kiss? Do you have a model of a healthy relationship to pattern after?

At risk of saying "it's you," it is you in the sense of self esteem, self respect, self love. There is no one in this world who will MAKE you happy. Someone may help you to feel loved, but that is the extent. Don't believe in the fairytales with happily ever afters. When you are mature and ready, love will come. If you run your life for yourself and fulfillment, you'll get noticed. Then you can be selective about who you let into your beautiful world. Until then, work on your interpersonal skills, talents, abilities, physical attractiveness, and inner beauty. Practice talking to and meeting strangers. Practice flirting...or just smiling at someone you find intriguing.

I just don't know how to make myself attractive. That's a huge problem is not understanding yourself.

The problem is, I probably don't have a lot to offer. Like I said, I don't understand myself but whatever women say to me, well, those women who actually like me geographically live too far. I think some women have thought of me as a nice person to be around with. They also think I'm smart but I can't really judge myself TBH.

I have not even had even 1 date before. I believe well I had a kiss with a prom friend but nothing more than that since prom isn't there anymore!

It's just well, I'm not too sure what's the best place that is designed to socialize with strangers.

May 9, 2014

These responses are waaaay too long :/

You're not a lifelong single for **** sake. You're 19!!!!!

Live your life and stop worrying about being single and let it happen.

May 9, 2014

Well, I totally agree with Yoda and the Tech.

I'm looking waaaay back at 19 - and have lived at least a cat's nine lives, since.

So you have a lot of time to work with.

Use it wisely, don't squander it.

Why not work on some 'people' skills in the meantime? It's easy enough practice. You're putting the cart way before the horse. Some girls really dig a shy blush, you know.

If you're in class - start with classmates. Get conversational. Don't drown in oceans of silence. People are yakkers. Start talkin'.

And don't narrow down the field to just a single agenda. Open it up and let it rip. Don't bother being a hero or a movie star. Just be yourself. The more you do that - why, the more the genuine you will emerge.

And I wouldn't be surprised if whoever that is - is a pretty fascinating guy - to someone.

You play baseball? Looks good on ya! (my favorite sport.)

Think of it this way. When you go up to bat, are you going to psyche yourself out facing a 90 mph fastball? Not a chance. You're going to meet it with confidence and swat the living hell out of it over the fence. Makes sense.

Now, think of meeting a girl in real life and real time, like that baseball pitcher. And she throws you a curve. Swing into it with a little style, a little substance, a little confidence.

Just the same way you learned how to hit (it takes practice) after awhile your average goes up.

(Damn! I love baseball metaphors!)

Use whatcha got. It ain't nothin'.

May 9, 2014

Make a written list of the things that have upset you. You may realize as you write them down that they're not so bad after all. Go for a walk or exercise. Try to think about what you're doing, not what's upsetting you. Do something to distract yourself. Things like by watching television, playing video games, reading a book (if you feel you've calmed down, of course), going for a movie, listening to music on your iPod, and talking with your friends on the phone are a good way to forget something. Go somewhere quiet and peaceful so you can soothe yourself and reflect on your problems calmly. Surround yourself with soothing, pleasant things. Listen to your favorite music - it's all right if it's bouncy, but remember the aim here is to calm down, not get more excited. Try meditating. You don't need to be a dedicated yogi to just sit down and focus on your breathing - try not to think about anything else and just clear your mind. Release your emotions. Go somewhere empty and quiet, and just scream your feelings out. Think of some funny moments of your life where you enjoyed or laughed a lot.If you think of these,then you will forget about whatever happened to you and then you will be fine and cheer up.

May 9, 2014

I recommend you read this http://www.pdfarchive.info/pdf/D/De/DeAngelo_David_-_Double_Your_Dating.pdf

May 10, 2014

I recommend you read this http://www.pdfarchive.info/pdf/D/De/DeAngelo_David_-_Double_Your_Dating.pdf

Broken link.

Make a written list of the things that have upset you. You may realize as you write them down that they're not so bad after all. Go for a walk or exercise. Try to think about what you're doing, not what's upsetting you. Do something to distract yourself. Things like by watching television, playing video games, reading a book (if you feel you've calmed down, of course), going for a movie, listening to music on your iPod, and talking with your friends on the phone are a good way to forget something. Go somewhere quiet and peaceful so you can soothe yourself and reflect on your problems calmly. Surround yourself with soothing, pleasant things. Listen to your favorite music - it's all right if it's bouncy, but remember the aim here is to calm down, not get more excited. Try meditating. You don't need to be a dedicated yogi to just sit down and focus on your breathing - try not to think about anything else and just clear your mind. Release your emotions. Go somewhere empty and quiet, and just scream your feelings out. Think of some funny moments of your life where you enjoyed or laughed a lot.If you think of these,then you will forget about whatever happened to you and then you will be fine and cheer up.

What upsets me a lot is the loneliness of dating. Seriously, that's pretty much it but it's a big hit on me. Sometimes, I just don't have much hobbies anymore. I lose interest in them because I felt too depressed at times. Also, I'm 90% in my room. I just feel really lonely in there. That's a different point of view. Sometimes, I look at the past but it just upsets me whether it was funny or harsh.

Well, I totally agree with Yoda and the Tech.
I'm looking waaaay back at 19 - and have lived at least a cat's nine lives, since.
So you have a lot of time to work with.
Use it wisely, don't squander it.

Why not work on some 'people' skills in the meantime? It's easy enough practice. You're putting the cart way before the horse. Some girls really dig a shy blush, you know.
If you're in class - start with classmates. Get conversational. Don't drown in oceans of silence. People are yakkers. Start talkin'.

And don't narrow down the field to just a single agenda. Open it up and let it rip. Don't bother being a hero or a movie star. Just be yourself. The more you do that - why, the more the genuine you will emerge.
And I wouldn't be surprised if whoever that is - is a pretty fascinating guy - to someone.

You play baseball? Looks good on ya! (my favorite sport.)
Think of it this way. When you go up to bat, are you going to psyche yourself out facing a 90 mph fastball? Not a chance. You're going to meet it with confidence and swat the living hell out of it over the fence. Makes sense.

Now, think of meeting a girl in real life and real time, like that baseball pitcher. And she throws you a curve. Swing into it with a little style, a little substance, a little confidence.
Just the same way you learned how to hit (it takes practice) after awhile your average goes up.
(Damn! I love baseball metaphors!)

Use whatcha got. It ain't nothin'.

Yeah it's just I've tried to overcome my shyness and it did work sometimes. I feel like I'm feeling better as this week went by.

These responses are waaaay too long :/

You're not a lifelong single for **** sake. You're 19!!!!!

Live your life and stop worrying about being single and let it happen.

Sometimes I'm just too harsh on myself because it's so hard for me to take 1 step in engaging a real conversation with women.

May 10, 2014

How do I stop feeling upset because I'm a lifelong single? How do I make myself stop thinking about the loneliness of being a lifelong single? I'm feeling really hopeless that I can't even find a chance to date someone. More on my depressing story here.

I know I'm 18 (almost 19), but I feel like there is absolutely no progress. I don't even see a first step to dating. I feel like there's a lot that's killing my chances of finding a date.

Here are the reasons why I'm so upset about this.

1) I feel there's no progress or hope as stated before. I have never come as close as exchanging phone numbers with an online dating girl. In real life, I have never came close to asking a girl out on a date.

2) I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of adult activities (not sex) but having a girl beside you as a boy. I feel like I need to get a life but it's not working.

3) I am a type of guy that loses confidence easily and that is mainly because of not having a girlfriend. I just feel that if I had a girlfriend, my confidence would remain more consistent. That's a big weakness.

4) I don't have a lot of real life friends. I would really get a girlfriend so I would stop worrying about not having a lot of friends to hang out with.

I may be smart from what girls have said about me, when my confidence is there but I just feel that I'm not able to take care of myself emotionally. I feel like I'm being like Issac Newton, where he may be smart non-socially but terrible socially.

Now that I have completed my first year in college, I scored a ~3.28 GPA, 2 of those courses got max GPA because of how my confidence lit up the radar gun when I wasn't too self cautious.

How do I cope this out? How do I think about the bright side? Or even take the next step? I just can't see the next step in front of me. It seems like a gigantic barrier separating me from it.

I dont' want to lose my confidence when I go back to school next winter. This year is a big baseball season and I can't afford to struggle at it because I want to be able to compete with the adult level next year. That's why I need the confidence real bad. I just can't seem to let myself think about hope of if I'm talented, a girl would like me.

There is no magic way to attract a woman. Unless you had movie star good looks or a ton of money, no matter what you do, especially at your age, having a girlfriend is more of a phase and experience, rather than a lifelong thing.

Realizing that people come and go out of your life, especially women, is the first thing you got to realize. For one, dating is part of the human experience. I'm single and got out of a bad relationship. Sure sometimes I'd like a girlfriend, but with my age, I'm 23, and I'm having to start over in life. But at least im 23 and starting over instead of 32 and starting over.

With that being said, dude, your only best bet is to be yourself. And by yourself, I mean be comfortable. There's more to life than having a girlfriend, but falling in love is so romanticized in life that we men sometimes feel that it's absolutely necessary to feel validated and to have a purpose. You know what's more beautiful than having a girlfriend? LIVING life. Which is what you can do that I'm having to hold back cause of job issues.

Trust me when I say this, the more you try to impress women the less they will be impressed. And if you read all over these forums, it'll be a matter of time before you get dumped and end up posting here, so are you sure you wanna rush?

What I'm saying is, there's no true formula. PUA logic ONLY works if you're well off and extremely handsome. And for a zillion of those who are well off and middle class, there's a zillion others who are poor and hard workers.

You want to have a girlfriend so badly, be yourself. Whether it's athletic, naturally funny, nerdy, dorky, intelligent, sardonic, brash, or whatever.

But what girls don't want is a miserable man. So if you're doing something that is making you miserable. You should stop.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Even Tom Cruise has a few people that don't want him. His divorce with Katie Holmes proves that.

Dating and love are like puzzle pieces. You're gonna spend a lot of times with pieces that don't fit before you find the ones that do.

So the sooner you sort them out, the better off you'll be.--Natsume21.

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How do I stop feeling upset?

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