Should it matter because I'm a lifelong single?

[Armegoggon]

I'm currently an 18 year old boy and will be turning 19 soon. I have never had a girlfriend in my life. I've also never been on a date before. Sure I've been to prom last year but that's more or less friend-based. I'm currently in college (not university) studying programming.

 

I have always had social problems. I did make a lot of friends in high school, adding around ~150 friends from my high school to Facebook. I believe I sent requests to around 30 of them with no acceptance. I still miss high school honestly. Although I didn't find someone close to being a date with me, I was still able to feel less lonely.

 

Right now I'm in college but I seemed to struggle finding new friends. It seems like I've tried but I barely made any decent friends.

 

I've been using dating sites since last September but I never had much success with it. The first site I used was Zoosk, which I got very few messages from girls, whom never messaged me back after I replied them once. Along the way, I've found a few dating sites but I didn't get any first hand messages so I didn't know what to do. Most of the sites I've tried costed money.

 

Then I stopped using sites up until mid-February when I finally went back to dating sites and I tried OkCupid. Finally I felt like there was some life. The first girl I messaged and really liked didn't reply to me but I didn't stop there.

 

My first conversation came with a 20 year old girl and we did share some likes in common. However, I made a stupid mistake asking her to meet as friends. So that was when the conversation ended. Of course, I had no idea how to message girls because I was never really taught how to. None of my friends used dating sites. I just went there by google.

 

Then another girl, who was 21, and she's actually a lifelong single. We did chat for a bit and we had so much fun chatting. I took this more patiently this time. We would exchange long messages but I made a small mistake by asking for her Facebook info. Although she didn't reply, I found a way to get her back to talking to me. However, this would only last another 2 weeks until she deleted her account. I made lots of sad messages unfortunately because I was struggling at that time with school.

 

Finally, I saw a 26 year old woman, who was pretty hot and she likes 90% match. Yes that was great though and we were able to exchange messages. I had no idea what I was supposed to do before meeting her. Then 1 week later, we exchanged our numbers and we called for an hour. I asked her a few stupid questions like "What is your dating experience". I admitted to her about my age. So the following Monday, she messaged me saying that we could not meet and the age is a big problem. I never found it a problem and even today, I have more interest in older women.

 

So between last month and today, I was never able to meet her and she recently found a boyfriend, when I found her on Facebook without sending a friend request. So shortly after, I texted her asking if we could meet. Then she said she is busy on the weekend. I asked her if we could try next week (which is this week), but she said maybe. I didn't know what was in her mind. After she rejected the meeting as a date, I messaged her only for meeting as a friend. Now I texted her 4 hours ago, yet there has not been a reply. As of edit 2, she replied saying that she is pretty busy. I know she's an assistant manager but she could've at least messaged me back at some point because of her lunch break most probably. If she doesn't reply when she gets back from work, should I really go to her store at some point this week and pretend I'm looking for a job and coincidentally bumping into her? I just think that being her friend at least relieves me some pain.

 

Meanwhile, between the 26 year old woman and today, I did find some life when an 18 year old girl from New York (I'm in Toronto), messaged me and we did have a long conversation. However, it wouldn't even last 1 week. She stopped going online since last last Sunday. Yeah it seems tough living far apart.

 

Last week, I went to Badoo (almost forgot I even signed up), and did try chatting with a few girls. One girl that did catch me was a high school 17 year old girl. We had a long conversation and we added each other on Facebook because she wanted to add me instead of by phone. So she told me which school she went to. On Saturday night, I asked if she could meet and she said yes to Sunday. However, at 11 AM Sunday, she messaged back because she had to go to a mom's friend. Yet again, I made another mistake when I asked her about going to meet her. I asked if we could meet on Tuesday at a school but she says it's creepy. Luckily she didn't delete me, but she probably will. I feel like I don't want to talk to her any further until she replies back with some forgiveness.

 

I have another story of a 35 year old woman but unfortunately she lives in NJ. Yesterday, I made another conversation dropping mistake when I asked over the summer if we could meet somewhere in a big part of NY.

 

So now that I've said a lot here, I feel that I'm very lonely because I just can't seem to find a girl whether online or real life. I seem to be having a lot of problems and it's magnifying. Back in high school, I was like "oh whatever" but now it's bruising.

 

What should I do? I don't want to lose my confidence this year because I want to be able to keep myself mentally happy so I can focus on my baseball season. This is a big year for me and it can determine my potential to play with the non-pro adults the year after. I will not be allowed in the league due to age afterwards.

 

Should I really worry about being single? Also, what is seperating me from meeting people online to real life? I've always dreamed that someday, I would meet my friends on the internet (that includes guys though I'm straight), yet not even ONE friend online I've met first! Even back in my Runescape days, I've dreamed of that (2009 or so) but it never came.

 

Geography was the main reason but what about friends who actually live in Toronto? What is the right procedure to meeting a girl from an online dating site?

 

So should I put this loneliness behind my back or find a date somewhere in real life?

 

Now before you think I have mental problems, the documents have said I was clean. I just have a lack of understanding socially most probably.

 

It's hard to understand this issue lol. I'm just a shy person in real life but very approachable online. I just find that it's easier to pick up love and be given the chance to be messaged no matter how many years of single you are. Whereas for guys, it seems like failing isn't allowed in the society?

 

Oh yeah as stated on another thread, I don't get messages because of my looks. How am I supposed to know if I look better or not? I'm very very terrible at fashion or even keeping myself up to standards. I hardly know a thing about it to be honest.

 

EDIT: Forgot to mention that I never used the word sex or about the looks in any of my messages sent in all dating sites.

 

EDIT 2: The 26 year old woman just texted me back.

Edited May 5, 2014 by Armegoggon

[hasaquestion]

Dude. You're EIGHTEEN. Chill out. You have a lot of life ahead of you.

 

All this online dating stuff is a waste of time.

 

Now I'm going to ask you a question. What do you bring to the table? Why should I (as a male) choose to hang out with you? Why should I (if I were hypothetically a female) want to try and go on a date with you?

[Armegoggon]

Dude. You're EIGHTEEN. Chill out. You have a lot of life ahead of you.

 

All this online dating stuff is a waste of time.

 

Now I'm going to ask you a question. What do you bring to the table? Why should I (as a male) choose to hang out with you? Why should I (if I were hypothetically a female) want to try and go on a date with you?

 

The reason I worried over the past 2 months was because I was feeling like I have no progress of moving forward. I've probably stated, "If you're not given the feedback, how are you going to improve?"

 

Well if I were to answer what I got on the table, well this would be based off of the girls who gave me feedback.

 

- Caring. Although I can't care for myself, I try to be able to understand a girl's emotions.

- Open-minded. Both my guy and female friends said lots about this.

- Willing to succeed. Well, at one point, my confidence was red hot so girls said that I am going to be successful and they said I was smart. This has been proven before, because I ended up getting 3.28 GPA, which included 2 courses with max GPA rest being inconsistent.

- Determined for change. I have been determined to changed myself when knowing what was wrong. I was pretty skinny at one point (asked Yahoo answers if I was), now medium size.

 

I'm more of a personality guy than a looks guy.

 

The list can go on but when I'll list more sooner or later.

[Gaeta]

It's normal to be a lifelong single at 18 !! OMG you're talking like you should have years of dating experience in you! I had my first date at 18! and my first kiss at 18!

 

Get off of online dating. That's for old too busy people like me

 

Get involved in sports, activities, clubs, groups, what ever rocks your boat! Try rock climbing, volunteer at animal shelters, join a political party, or a Church.

[d0nnivain]

At 18 you are too young for OLD. It's geared more for people out of college in the working world who don't have the time or opportunity for social situations outside of bars.

 

 

Since you are in school, look around your classes & the student union to see if you like the looks of anybody. Then talk to them. All it takes is a simply hello to start the ball rolling.

 

 

Join a campus based activity you care about: yearbook, an IM sport, a fraternity, an honor society, some political thing . . . just get out there & interact with people.

[Armegoggon]

At 18 you are too young for OLD. It's geared more for people out of college in the working world who don't have the time or opportunity for social situations outside of bars.

 

 

Since you are in school, look around your classes & the student union to see if you like the looks of anybody. Then talk to them. All it takes is a simply hello to start the ball rolling.

 

 

Join a campus based activity you care about: yearbook, an IM sport, a fraternity, an honor society, some political thing . . . just get out there & interact with people.

I may be young for those sites but I like women who are older than me by up to 10 years at most. So my age range preferred is 15-28.

It's normal to be a lifelong single at 18 !! OMG you're talking like you should have years of dating experience in you! I had my first date at 18! and my first kiss at 18!

 

Get off of online dating. That's for old too busy people like me

 

Get involved in sports, activities, clubs, groups, what ever rocks your boat! Try rock climbing, volunteer at animal shelters, join a political party, or a Church.

 

Really? Well my friends went to university and they made a lot of friends. In fact, I had a crush on most of those people but since those high school friends weren't really my friends and we rarely hung out, I didn't bother asking them I had a crush on them.

 

I'm currently in baseball club (like MLB style but weak group), but they don't have girls, although it is co-ed. However, I think that maybe I could use a little talent to pick up girls, only if they're watching me play. However, I have to play really really good in order to maybe find a date. I'm more of a skills type person as an athlete than a jocky or looks type.

[hasaquestion]

The reason I worried over the past 2 months was because I was feeling like I have no progress of moving forward. I've probably stated, "If you're not given the feedback, how are you going to improve?"

 

Well if I were to answer what I got on the table, well this would be based off of the girls who gave me feedback.

 

- Caring. Although I can't care for myself, I try to be able to understand a girl's emotions.

- Open-minded. Both my guy and female friends said lots about this.

- Willing to succeed. Well, at one point, my confidence was red hot so girls said that I am going to be successful and they said I was smart. This has been proven before, because I ended up getting 3.28 GPA, which included 2 courses with max GPA rest being inconsistent.

- Determined for change. I have been determined to changed myself when knowing what was wrong. I was pretty skinny at one point (asked Yahoo answers if I was), now medium size.

 

I'm more of a personality guy than a looks guy.

 

The list can go on but when I'll list more sooner or later.

 

Okay. Well I'm going to give you some tough love over here. You didn't sell me at all on being your friend.

 

Lets try again. What about you is uniquely appealing? concrete things. I am caring and I am determined for change are vague, abstract, not tangible.

 

If this is a hard question, then you know what you need to work on.

[d0nnivain]

Does your baseball club get together socially, outside of the games? Do you go?

 

 

No you should not worry about a "lifelong single" at 18. I'd be more worried if you were on here saying you were married AND divorced at 18.

 

 

Other than the websites, what else are you doing to meet new people? Sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

[Armegoggon]

Okay. Well I'm going to give you some tough love over here. You didn't sell me at all on being your friend.

 

Lets try again. What about you is uniquely appealing? concrete things. I am caring and I am determined for change are vague, abstract, not tangible.

 

If this is a hard question, then you know what you need to work on.

Yeah it's hard in that case. I don't see much things that are unique about me. What's an example of unique appealing things? Maybe about you? I won't go to personal but I just want to get an idea what you mean.

Does your baseball club get together socially, outside of the games? Do you go?

 

 

No you should not worry about a "lifelong single" at 18. I'd be more worried if you were on here saying you were married AND divorced at 18.

 

 

Other than the websites, what else are you doing to meet new people? Sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

 

No not really they don't. They're more of a club that is come here to win not socially go out. Besides, it's meant for 15-18 so I barely fit the age range.

 

I don't know where else to meet people. I don't like bars because I don't drink. I don't smoke either. I just don't know where else to meet people.

[d0nnivain]

I don't know where else to meet people. I don't like bars because I don't drink. I don't smoke either. I just don't know where else to meet people.

 

 

This semester is probably close to being over but next semester look around school. Are there clubs that interest you? Join them.

 

 

Check out MeetUp.com There are groups that go hiking & play tennis. Try those.

 

 

Do you have any buddies? What do they do for fun?

[Armegoggon]

This semester is probably close to being over but next semester look around school. Are there clubs that interest you? Join them.

 

 

Check out MeetUp.com There are groups that go hiking & play tennis. Try those.

 

 

Do you have any buddies? What do they do for fun?

 

Actually the semester is already over. I will not be back at school until next January because of the courses being offered. So that leaves me with 2 long semester breaks. Clubs aren't too interesting as well. I maybe open-minded but the reason I didn't join those clubs was because I didn't know about them. I also find it hard to meet new people as I am a "shy in person but approachable online". That's where I found my baseball club.

 

Is MeetUp paid site or free? Also, would it be better than OkCupid?

 

As for buddies, I probably do have a few I made in college but they weren't closer than seeing them in classes and sometimes in the libraries. I don't exactly know what they do honestly lol.

[d0nnivain]

MeetUp is free but it's not a dating site per se. It's a host site for all sorts of groups to post about when they are getting together. I joined on that gets together to play board games. There are others that do group outings to local movies. You can find one based on almost any interest. It is easier & there are more choices the closer you are to a big city but there are things if you look.

[Armegoggon]

MeetUp is free but it's not a dating site per se. It's a host site for all sorts of groups to post about when they are getting together. I joined on that gets together to play board games. There are others that do group outings to local movies. You can find one based on almost any interest. It is easier & there are more choices the closer you are to a big city but there are things if you look.

I see thanks for the info.

 

OH NOOOOOOOOOO this is depressing now!!!!!!!

 

So the girl I added on Facebook from Badoo now blocked me Then the 26 year old woman stopped reading my texts about finding an available time to meet her in person!!!!!

 

I never did anything wrong to anybody but I just feel that girls are now trying to get rid of me!!!!!!! what am i doing wrong help help help!!!!!!!!

[hasaquestion]

Yeah it's hard in that case. I don't see much things that are unique about me. What's an example of unique appealing things? Maybe about you? I won't go to personal but I just want to get an idea what you mean.

 

I'm just saying that you get judged on what's outside first. That's life. What do you have outwardly going for you? Being "caring" and "determined to improve" are abstract, invisible, and frankly are minimum requirements in life... not distinctions to hang your hat on.

 

What do you have outwardly going for you? What makes you cooler and more interesting than other guys your age?

[bryceisbryce]

You're only 18. I hadn't even met any girls that I really wanted to date when I was your age and I do fine with women now(I'm 26). Right now you'd be better off focusing on your self confidence, developing your interests and personality, and finding out what kind of man you want to be. Don't look for the perfect girl. Get to know nice girls you get along with and just have some fun growing up. If you're a personality guy then find people that bring the best out of your personality.

 

If someone asked me what I had to offer a girl when I was your age I probably would've said the same thing. Now I would say: adventure, humor, trustworthiness, security, amazing food, attentiveness, and passion

 

Best tip you'll ever get: Don't allow your self worth to get tied up in your relationship status. Guys that do that end up being whiny losers that are constantly complaining about how "unfair" dating is.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry these girls disappeared on you. FB is a pretty intimate connection for somebody you just met off the internet. It wasn't really around when I was on OLD but I can't imagine that I'd add somebody until after I was dating them for a while.

 

 

 

 

Try not to take it personally (which I realize is easier said then done).

 

 

Focus more on in person communications IRL then on-line connections.

[sumathi]

You are too immature. Why do you feel so shy of meeting people in person? It shows that you are not confident. Do not waste your time on such petty and meaningless interaction with girls. You have lots of time before you meet a girl whom you can marry. The time now for you is to concentrate on your studies and then get a good job. Whenever you meet a girl be straight forward and talk with them as friends. You will feel lot more confident when you are casual with girls than when you are keyed up with worthless expectations whenever you meet a new girl.

[Armegoggon]

I'm just saying that you get judged on what's outside first. That's life. What do you have outwardly going for you? Being "caring" and "determined to improve" are abstract, invisible, and frankly are minimum requirements in life... not distinctions to hang your hat on.

 

What do you have outwardly going for you? What makes you cooler and more interesting than other guys your age?

Unfortunately not a lot of things make me cooler than others. Maybe programming and some talent in baseball? Other than that I don't got much to expect that's social-related talent.

You're only 18. I hadn't even met any girls that I really wanted to date when I was your age and I do fine with women now(I'm 26). Right now you'd be better off focusing on your self confidence, developing your interests and personality, and finding out what kind of man you want to be. Don't look for the perfect girl. Get to know nice girls you get along with and just have some fun growing up. If you're a personality guy then find people that bring the best out of your personality.

 

If someone asked me what I had to offer a girl when I was your age I probably would've said the same thing. Now I would say: adventure, humor, trustworthiness, security, amazing food, attentiveness, and passion

 

Best tip you'll ever get: Don't allow your self worth to get tied up in your relationship status. Guys that do that end up being whiny losers that are constantly complaining about how "unfair" dating is.

I just seem to have problems keeping my confidence. So you think I should just play my baseball and forget about this?

I'm sorry these girls disappeared on you. FB is a pretty intimate connection for somebody you just met off the internet. It wasn't really around when I was on OLD but I can't imagine that I'd add somebody until after I was dating them for a while.

 

 

 

 

Try not to take it personally (which I realize is easier said then done).

 

 

Focus more on in person communications IRL then on-line connections.

So I guess I should delete all my online dating profiles?

You are too immature. Why do you feel so shy of meeting people in person? It shows that you are not confident. Do not waste your time on such petty and meaningless interaction with girls. You have lots of time before you meet a girl whom you can marry. The time now for you is to concentrate on your studies and then get a good job. Whenever you meet a girl be straight forward and talk with them as friends. You will feel lot more confident when you are casual with girls than when you are keyed up with worthless expectations whenever you meet a new girl.

Problem is, the activities I do outside the computer does not have a lot of girls, if any. My classes barely have any girls but they showed no interest in even being friends or talking to me so that's a big challenge in real life.

[hasaquestion]

Unfortunately not a lot of things make me cooler than others. Maybe programming and some talent in baseball? Other than that I don't got much to expect that's social-related talent.

 

I just seem to have problems keeping my confidence. So you think I should just play my baseball and forget about this?

 

So I guess I should delete all my online dating profiles?

 

Problem is, the activities I do outside the computer does not have a lot of girls, if any. My classes barely have any girls but they showed no interest in even being friends or talking to me so that's a big challenge in real life.

 

Well then you know what to work on.

 

*You need to be confident.

*You need to improve your social skills.

*You need to look into new activities for fun.

 

You aren't ready to use online dating. Online dating is for people who can get dates in real life. If you can't sell yourself in person, you won't be able to sell yourself with a photograph and 50 characters.

 

Don't be one of those people who's trying to find some kind of recipe to get a girlfriend. Some combo of phrases or formula or whatever. Don't treat it like an end in itself, that's what losers do.

 

Girls are interested when you are interesting. Be interesting, for your own sake. The dating stuff will follow.

 

By the way, I think being interested in playing baseball is cool and I think a lot of people would agree. What's your position?

[d0nnivain]

You don't have to delete all of your OL profiles. Just add some IRL activities to the mix of things you are doing to meet new people. Putting all of your eggs in any one basket is never a good idea.

[Armegoggon]

Well then you know what to work on.

 

*You need to be confident.

*You need to improve your social skills.

*You need to look into new activities for fun.

 

You aren't ready to use online dating. Online dating is for people who can get dates in real life. If you can't sell yourself in person, you won't be able to sell yourself with a photograph and 50 characters.

 

Don't be one of those people who's trying to find some kind of recipe to get a girlfriend. Some combo of phrases or formula or whatever. Don't treat it like an end in itself, that's what losers do.

 

Girls are interested when you are interesting. Be interesting, for your own sake. The dating stuff will follow.

 

By the way, I think being interested in playing baseball is cool and I think a lot of people would agree. What's your position?

I know I'm not good in real life but it seems like I've been stuck to the internet for years. Even back in my pre-high days, I dreamed that for once for once, I'd get to meet someone online to real life! It just seems to be a harsh craving for me. I just wanna get my first online meeting over with. I've tried to talk to the 26 year old woman into meeting me but she kept saying she's busy.

 

And I play shortstop, which requires a lot of mental focus there so it's hard lol. I also have to show a great example of a 19 year old in front of 15-18 year olds so that's gonna be a challenge if I lose confidence. Tomorrow would mark my 2nd practice of the year.

You don't have to delete all of your OL profiles. Just add some IRL activities to the mix of things you are doing to meet new people. Putting all of your eggs in any one basket is never a good idea.

 

It's just there doesn't seem to be too many baskets to store eggs. It just seems so limited for me because of the way how I've grown up socializing. Maybe I should change my looks. I just wanna know what's good to loook.

[crederer]

no you're young. If you were pushing 40 and never had a relationship that would probably be a red flag, though.

 

When I was in high school I never had much more than casual relationships. They were exclusive but casual (i/e only saw each other on weekends, etc)

[StanMusial]

Borrow someone's dog and walk it around the park. It would help if it's not a mangy mutt too, girls are picky on the looks of your dog.

[Armegoggon]

no you're young. If you were pushing 40 and never had a relationship that would probably be a red flag, though.

 

When I was in high school I never had much more than casual relationships. They were exclusive but casual (i/e only saw each other on weekends, etc)

Oh come on, that's at least some experience you got. You get to start off small and get bigger but me, I'm in an age where women are looking for long term dates. It's hard to maintain a long term date considering I got no experience.

Borrow someone's dog and walk it around the park. It would help if it's not a mangy mutt too, girls are picky on the looks of your dog.

 

Seriously? I should really try borrowing a stranger's dog?

[Bruce Leigh]

Borrow someone's dog and walk it around the park. It would help if it's not a mangy mutt too, girls are picky on the looks of your dog.

 

And these women you should avoid anyway.