am I a priority?

[lori1203]

Okay ive been dating somebody little over a month but my feelings are pretty strong and he has expressed to me his are too. We normally text everyday and see eachother at least 2 or 3 times a week. I am divorced with a child and im the first woman he has dated with a child so it does make it harder to see eachother. I just got back from a work trip and we saw each other the night before. Well I constantly thought about him the whole time. I got back late last night and was hoping to see him tonight I just figured he was going to watch wrestling with his buddies on Monday night so that's what I told him and also my son took a late nap so I let him know that I didn't know when he'd be going to bed but I'd text him when he did. He has to get up at 4am for work so I texted him he could come if he wanted I just put my son to bed. He responded that he'd come for a bit if the coast was clear. I told him to wait 10 min and that I hated this sneaking around then he responded he was just going to stay home because he couldn't function at work on 4 hours of sleep. I responded it was ok but im disappointed. Not only because if it was me and I didn't have my son the first thing I would have done was drive to see him. Its been a week. I also am feeling like im not a priority. He mentioned the blackhawks game is on at 9pm tomorrow and its his favorite team and ge watches every game. But I think its BS he is using the no sleep as an excuse when he stays up to watch the game and WWE monday nights. I felt like I was pretty important because he

expressed that to me before and as also when the time is right if things get serious he'd like to meet my son. What's going on here? If he picks that Darn blackhawks game tomorrow night over seeing me im not going to lie im probably going to be pissed and tell him its BS

[David87]

You're not his priority and you should not make him your priority... But if the situation repeats then you can tel him that it botters you.

[Assasda]

OP needs to calm down. You guys havent been seeing each other for a while, so give the guy some space. Find something to do for yourself instead of stressing him.

If you stress him about your insecurities it will only get worse.

Stop thinking about him so much and give the guy some space

[Gaeta]

I got back late last night and was hoping to see him tonight I just figured he was going to watch wrestling with his buddies on Monday night so that's what I told him and also my son took a late nap so I let him know that I didn't know when he'd be going to bed but I'd text him when he did. He has to get up at 4am for work so I texted him he could come if he wanted I just put my son to bed. He responded that he'd come for a bit if the coast was clear. I told him to wait 10 min and that I hated this sneaking around then he responded he was just going to stay home because he couldn't function at work on 4 hours of sleep. I responded it was ok but im disappointed.

Is it possible he changed his mind because of that comment you made 'you hated this sneaking around'. You have not seen each other in a week, who cares if he has to sneak around to see you. To me this comment was negative and unnecessary. He probably thought 'there she goes again with this' and decided to stay home. After all you hate him sneaking around right?

 

He mentioned the blackhawks game is on at 9pm tomorrow and its his favorite team and ge watches every game.

 

What's going on here? If he picks that Darn blackhawks game tomorrow night over seeing me im not going to lie im probably going to be pissed and tell him its BS

 

Let me give you a piece of advice. NEVER ask a man to pick between you and his game. You will lose. Let the man watch his game tonight. You've been dating for 1 month only and already you want to control him, enough.

 

You are disappointed at last night I get it, sucks, but that's it just a disappointment. As I see it you caused it. You make negative comments about not liking him to sneak in at night and then you want to make him chose between his team and you. I would not date you. RELAX. Loving someone means you LET THEM enjoy their favorite game !

[Emilia]

Don't know whether I would date someone that had to get up at 4am all the time, partly because that would disrupt my sleep pattern as well (as I'd wake up when he got up) but also because it would be impossible to do anything last minute during the week.

 

I wouldn't begrudge him his favourite game on Mondays but the 4am starts would bother me.

[lori1203]

Is it possible he changed his mind because of that comment you made 'you hated this sneaking around'. You have not seen each other in a week, who cares if he has to sneak around to see you. To me this comment was negative and unnecessary. He probably thought 'there she goes again with this' and decided to stay home. After all you hate him sneaking around right?

 

Well I only brought up that comment because he brought it up to me before one night when ge was at my house that he hated the sneaking around and that I always have to get a babysitter when it would be easier for him to meet my son. So that's why im confused. What's the deal?

Let me give you a piece of advice. NEVER ask a man to pick between you and his game. You will lose. Let the man watch his game tonight. You've been dating for 1 month only and already you want to control him, enough.

 

You are disappointed at last night I get it, sucks, but that's it just a disappointment. As I see it you caused it. You make negative comments about not liking him to sneak in at night and then you want to make him chose between his team and you. I would not date you. RELAX. Loving someone means you LET THEM enjoy their favorite game !

 

I def dont feel like I caused anything with that comment like I said above. Just want to feel like a priority because if it was me I would have driven to see him when he got back. Id never make him I choose between his game and me because im not controlling I just want him to want to see me. I make sacrifices with my child to see him and I work 12 to 14 hr shifts so ge cant sacrifice 5 min?

[lori1203]

Plus I wanted to mention that this weekend is his birthday and I told him to let me know if he wanted to go to dinner or something so he replied couple days later and asks if I want to go to dinner. Um... yeah pretty sure I asked him that. Im making sacrifices this weekend to get a sitter to take him out for his birthday. I just thought he would want to see me as soon as I got back if his feelings were as strong for me as he says.

[lori1203]

OP needs to calm down. You guys havent been seeing each other for a while, so give the guy some space. Find something to do for yourself instead of stressing him.

If you stress him about your insecurities it will only get worse.

Stop thinking about him so much and give the guy some space

 

Came out of a relationship and marriage total of 9 years where I was constantly being lied and cheated on and def not a priority. Trying to work on insecurities but he is aware of them

[Gaeta]

1. You are making a lot of drama over nothing.

 

2. You have only been dating 1 MONTH. You should NOT be making sacrifices with your child to spend time with a man you met 1 month ago. Your priorities are off.

 

3. You should not be a priority in each other's life after 1 MONTH.

 

4. You would have done differently BUT he is not YOU. He is a separate person with a separate set of priorities. If you don't accept that then date yourself.

 

5. You did not see each other for 1 WEEK, it's not the end of the world. Life happens, sh.it happens, you will see him Wednesday.

 

6. You feel you invest much more in this relationship than he is? Start investing less. Get things back into perspective which is 1 month ago you did not know this man.

 

7. Yes you are controlling. You said he better not chose his game over seeing you. What's that if it's not controlling? Do you want a man to spend time with you because he wants to or because you make him to?

 

8. This is a new man, not your ex. It's a new man, a new place, different time. Let go of the past.

[lori1203]

Wow... so are you going to criticize anyone that moves fast in one month? How about those love at first sight? Everybody moves at a different pace in their relationships not everyone is the same. We know each other from high school we didn't just meet. Get facts straight before you criticize my post. Im looking for advice not criticizing. I simply said im disappointed he didn't make more of an effort not that omg you better choose me or the game or its done. Smh.

[Gaeta]

How am I suppose to know you've met him in high school?

 

Love at first sight or not, 1 month is just that 1 month.

[Gaeta]

If he picks that Darn blackhawks game tomorrow night over seeing me im not going to lie im probably going to be pissed and tell him its BS

 

Yes you are asking him to pick between you or his game. Your own words.

[hasaquestion]

You're dating someone who watches WWE?

 

I hope you're aware that sex with someone under 17 is statutory rape.

[Gaeta]

And by the way, if it was love at first sight you would not be on here calling his attitude BS, telling him his priorities aren't straight, and you make more sacrifices than he does....after one month.

 

Sounds like the honeymoon is already over.

[stillafool]

he responded he was just going to stay home because he couldn't function at work on 4 hours of sleep.

 

I can barely do anything with only 4 hours of sleep so I can't blame him for staying home.

[lori1203]

Yes you are asking him to pick between you or his game. Your own words.

 

Lol that's not making him choose that's me stating im disappointed

[HappyLove]

You're being ridiculous OP! I would NEVER expect someone who gets up at 4am to come see me late at night. That's pretty selfish. You should NOT be making any sacrifices with your kid for some dude you've been dating only 1 month. Your kid is the priority! Side bar: Men do get turned off if they see a mother choosing them over their kid. He could have gotten turned off by the sneaking around thing with regards to your child.

 

Anyway, after only one month of dating you need to take a step back and not get so hurt over something so minor or you will drive him away. Instead of being so defensive how about you consider what some of the posters are saying. If you came for people to just BS you and tell you only what you want to hear then you came to the wrong place.

[lori1203]

You're dating someone who watches WWE?

 

I hope you're aware that sex with someone under 17 is statutory rape.

 

Wtf?! Lots of grown men in there 30's or 40's watch it....wow

[Zahara]

OP, you have been dating this guy for a month. I would caution you to keep your expectations in check. It's one thing if you want to do ABC for someone but don't project those expectations on the other person and demand the same. You'll only build resentment and sabotage the relationship when they can't live up to your standards. You either accept what he has to offer or maturely discuss your feelings or remove yourself and find someone that can reciprocate your expectations.

 

I can't function on 4 hours sleep, so I really don't blame him for deciding to step out when you mentioned he could come over but then you told him he had to wait another 10 more minutes to make sure your coast is clear. I would have declined as well. It's challenging for a single guy to adapt to dating a woman with a child.

[lori1203]

I can barely do anything with only 4 hours of sleep so I can't blame him for staying home.

 

You missed the important part.... he stays up to watch his games and shows when he has to get up at 4am so what is the diff?

[Emilia]

Wow... so are you going to criticize anyone that moves fast in one month? How about those love at first sight? Everybody moves at a different pace in their relationships not everyone is the same. We know each other from high school we didn't just meet. Get facts straight before you criticize my post. Im looking for advice not criticizing. I simply said im disappointed he didn't make more of an effort not that omg you better choose me or the game or its done. Smh.

You hardly know the person after a month and there is no such thing as love at first sight.

 

You can't force a relationship, you can't make it grow faster into something serious just because you will it to. Dating in the first 3-6 months is about compatibility, not wishful thinking and twisting his arm into building a castle made of sand.

[lori1203]

You're being ridiculous OP! I would NEVER expect someone who gets up at 4am to come see me late at night. That's pretty selfish. You should NOT be making any sacrifices with your kid for some dude you've been dating only 1 month. Your kid is the priority! Side bar: Men do get turned off if they see a mother choosing them over their kid. He could have gotten turned off by the sneakfrequently. hing with regards to your child.

 

Anyway, after only one month of dating you need to take a step back and not get so hurt over something so minor or you will drive him away. Instead of being so defensive how about you consider what some of the posters are saying. If you came for people to just BS you and tell you only what you want to hear then you came to the wrong place.

 

Okay and what's the difference when his game or shows are on at 9 at night till midnight?? All im saying is to me he was important and I have made it a priority to see him. He knew the situation he was getting himself into dating a woman with a child. That's on him and he should make sacrifices too. A relationship is not about one person giving all and the other 30%. we talk ALOT and see each other pretty frequently. He also has expressed his strong feelings for me, talking about bringing me to meet his mom, meet my son, and among other things so why wouldn't I feel a little disappointed? I think its natural. Yes maybe I do need to take a step back and though I realize that.

[stillafool]

You missed the important part.... he stays up to watch his games and shows when he has to get up at 4am so what is the diff?

 

The difference is he can watch the game in his own home/bed, relax, turn off the tv and go to sleep. If he comes over to your place he'll have to travel, talk to you, have sex and sleep in someone else's bed. Yawn! too tiring.

[KRuss]

I am 3.5 months into a relationship. We see each other once a week or so, hoping to do more. He has a daughter at home still, mine are raised and gone. We also have an hour in between us.

 

The point here is that you have known him one month. It is up to him how he spends his time. If you try to make decisions for him already he is going to run away. We all like our independence and when you are choosing to spend time with someone and they are fun and reciprocate, that is what dating is in the beginning. It doesn't have to be rushing in and seeing each other all the time. You may feel like you want to but life is happening. He should have time to watch his game, that is HIS time, HIS passion. People need time for their passions.

 

If you walk into a mans life and want to change it a month in, chances are it isn't right for either of you. I was a single mom of a 3 year old and dating. I would have never given anybody priority over my child....just me.

[HappyLove]

You missed the important part.... he stays up to watch his games and shows when he has to get up at 4am so what is the diff?

 

Staying up late relaxing in bed or the couch is different from...getting dressed, starting up the car, driving over, hanging out, wondering what time you'll get back home, constantly watching the clock, then driving back, taking clothes off, getting settled for bed, watching some TV to wind down, crap now I can't sleep cause I'm too excited from seeing my love, crap now it's 2am and I gotta get up in 2 hours.

 

I just don't think he was completely unreasonable. If he's not putting in the same effort as you consistently with other things then you may have a point but not seeing someone late at night with a 4am wake up time. You could be more understanding. Disappointing yes but that's it.