Zlatograd Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I started dating a guy, let's call him N. N is 28 years old and from another country (he's Asian), so his culture is different than mine, but he has been living here for 16 years now. Also he is about 20 cm shorter than me, but this isn't really problem for me nor for him. We met on a course but now he lives 170 km away from me so we only see about every other weekend. We have been officially together a month now so we don't really know each other so well yet and we don't trust each other yet. But it's getting there. Now, on Wednesday, he came with me to my grandmother's place (also the place where I used to live 2,5 years ago) to another country and we stayed there for three days. On Thursday evening we hit our first rock. We were out with one of my best friend and we went to bar. When we started to go back N wanted to grab a taxi but my friend didn't want to do it since she thought it was pointless waist of money. So we walked. My friend walked faster about 30 meters away from us. N was in a bad mood, I tried to cheer him up but I didn't succeed. Then he said: "I hate this country." When I asked why he said: "Well, firstly because of your toilet. I have been holding my **** for two days now." I'll explain: In my grandmother's house we don't have water closet, it is a dry toilet. It doesn't stink but it isn't beautiful, of course. I am used to it, I don't like it but I am used to it. And I don't make enough money to fix it. I am very embarrassed because of it, but nobody had never said anything about it. He was the first one. So he really hit my weak spot. I couldn't believe he had said that. I didn't even answer. I started walking and started crying. I hadn't cried for months before that. I wasn't angry, I couldn't be angry because he had said what he thought.. but I was unbelievably sad. He of course followed me, stopped me and started apologizing, said he had said a very wrong thing, but it didn't change what he felt about me. He said he had feelings for me and those feelings had only grown in those two days while he was with me there. I was in a shock, couldn't stop crying, he tried to calm me down. My friend was waiting for us and when she saw I was crying she hugged me and we walked to her house. N went inside, we stayed out. I talked to her and she calmed me down. I was really scared because this wasn't anything he had done wrong.. he had just said what he thought and I thought how I could ever get over it. After half an hour we went inside and I went to bathroom to brush teeth, take off the make-up so it took a while. While I was there they were talking. When I went to bed, he came and asked me if I wanted him to leave. I said I didn't want him to cause a traffic accident (because he was a little bit drunk). He said he would've been sleeping in the car. I said he could sleep next to me. We talked. And we fixed this. I explained why it was so delicate topic for me. Next day my friend told me N had been in a panic, had said to her that he made a woman he very much likes cry and he could never forgive it to himself. My friend had tried to calm him but he had been really panicking. Anyway, after that everything was okay. When I had gone to cut the dry branches of our apple trees and accidentally fell down he was mad, he said that this is a mans job and I could never climb a tree alone. In that time I learned that he wasn't so innocent as he seemed. Turns out he has had quite a life. He has had lots of women (not so many girlfriends but more ****buddies and one night stands). He said to me that he had been alone for five years and that was because he just didn't have any feelings for anybody. So I was the first. It didn't bother me when he told me about his experiences with women. I myself asked questions about his past. And I wasn't jealous. I am not jealous now, either. But.. I am insecure. I don't understand why he should like me. I don't think I am so special. And also I had BED (Binge eating disorder) which I am dealing with right now (very successfully) but I still am a little bit overweight. When I was drunk I asked him doesn't it bother him I was bigger he said that it doesn't matter for him because for him matters what's inside. I am not really fat but I am overweight and I am quite tall too. He is the opposite: short and very fit, he likes to train hard so he has quite impressive muscles. N also said to me that before me he has always dated girls who were the same height as him and skinny. But they all had cheated of him. Right now.. I am thinking that the day he leaves me will come soon and I am preparing myself for it. I don't want to because there's no signs of him not liking me but I just don't see why he should stick around. I like him very much and I really don't want to screw this up with me being a skeptical *******. So please, how can I change my way of thinking?
Leigh 87 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Falling madly in love doesn't come down to whether or not she is skinny for most men. It is having the confidence to believe a guy, this guy, can adore you and be totally into you above some skinny model who walks past. I don't find myself very attractive but I have features about myself that are nice and I love even though I am not over all that good looking. I absolutely believe my boyfriend is crazy about me and finds me the most beautiful girl in his eyes because love is deep and the site of a woman a man is truly in love with is more attractive than any other. It's okay, you don't have to be a stunner to get guys to fall for you, to be really into you and to fall in love with you. Think that and it'll happen for you!
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