Col1 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) Is it a turnoff if the man on a first date politely declines a panhandler asking for spare change? Are men supposed to shelter their dates from panhandlers (under the influence, etc)? i.e. is it being too much of a brute to tell the panhandler to kindly move on before soliciting his date for money..... or let the lady handled it herself? Edited May 4, 2014 by Col1
gaius Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I think you're supposed be compassionate and give them some change. Women usually fall hard for that bullsht. Should have seen the reaction this guy got from women when he announced he was going to Haiti after the earthquake..... Even though he was getting paid for it. 4
Cakess Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 That happened to my boyfriend and I on our second date, but I told him to not bother with it if he didn't have spare change. I think panhandlers know that guys will be under pressure to give money when they're with girls, so they especially walk up to couples! 4
Candy_Pants Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I'd never dealt with this until I went to Europe. Though they weren't "panhandlers". The "best" way a date ever handled the situation was buying everyone at the table a trinket. 1
Radu Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I'd never dealt with this until I went to Europe. Though they weren't "panhandlers". The "best" way a date ever handled the situation was buying everyone at the table a trinket. Let me guess ... gypsies ? 2
amaysngrace Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 The ones who ask for money around here are drug addicts. I don't feel right giving money to feed their addiction because then they can't hit rock bottom. I'd have asked you to please don't give them any money, being the sympathetic female that I am. lol 4
EasyHeart Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 It would be a huge turnoff if the man gave the panhandler any money. It would prove that he is an idiot. 9
FitChick Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I don't give money to panhandlers, even if they profess to wanting it for food (yeah, right) because I've been burned by them in the past when I offered to buy food and got cursed for my generosity. I just ignore and walk by. I'd enlighten any man who gave them money!
RonaldS Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Politely decline? I don't even look at them. If you live in a big city, you get hit up several, if not dozens of, times a day. If I gave 50 cents to every mope begging for it, I would end up being one of them before long. That being said, every once in a while, there will be somebody who asks that, for whatever reason, seems like a person who truly needs the help, and I'll give him $10. On a date, I might be 1/100th sweeter than normal if asked.
MissBee Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Is it a turnoff if the man on a first date politely declines a panhandler asking for spare change? Are men supposed to shelter their dates from panhandlers (under the influence, etc)? i.e. is it being too much of a brute to tell the panhandler to kindly move on before soliciting his date for money..... or let the lady handled it herself? I wouldn't fault a man for not giving spare change to panhandlers, since it isn't something I do very often. However, if he did give, that would reflect nicely on him. I would hope if I'm out with a date that he'd not leave me to fend for myself with a drunken panhandler. But it depends on the circumstances. I'm very much capable of politely declining solicitations , but wouldn't think it brutish if my date politely, emphasis on politely, told the panhandler "no, sorry" in such a way that it was evident it was from BOTH of us.
Taramere Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 (edited) It's not something I'd normally make any particular judgement about. I'd make a judgement if the guy was horrible to the homeless person as opposed to just saying "sorry no" - or if he made a great ostentatious show about giving the person some money I would likely cringe. Other than that, he's entitled to act on whatever principles he has on the issue within the normal bounds of decent human behaviour. I occasionally give money to the homeless if I'm feeling flush and generous. I'd hope they'd spend it on food, but ultimately once you've given somebody money as a gift it's up to them what they do with it. A guy approached me one time, when I was travelling on a budget in Canada, with the "novel" sales pitch that he was going to spend the cash on booze and would I reward him for his honesty. I said "Of course. Congratulations on your honesty" and walked on to the sound of curses following me. My view is that every now and again I'll give one of them money if I feel like it, but I won't be pressured to give money if I don't feel like it - and I certainly won't respond to any requests for cash that are pushy or smack of the cynical conman/smooth talker. When I do give money, I tend to feel awkward and uncomfortable about it - like I'm somehow demeaning both of us. So I'll only tend to do it if I stop and chat to them for a few minutes or so. That way, I can pop money into their little tray a bit more discreetly without feeling so "ugh" about it. The homeless people here don't tend to harass people. They might mutter "spare some change?" as you pass. If you say "not today, sorry" they'll tend to say "okay, have a good day" in a fairly amiable sort of way. I have occasionally bought food for a homeless person, and they've responded in a polite, appreciative way. I've never encountered the ungrateful "I wanted money not food" response that I've read about. However I do recall one time when an an ex of mine gave a homeless guy £1 and was infuriated when the guy responded with "can you nae mak it a fiver?" Edited May 5, 2014 by Taramere
Shepp Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 The homeless people here don't tend to harass people. They might mutter "spare some change?" as you pass. If you say "not today, sorry" they'll tend to say "okay, have a good day" in a fairly amiable sort of way. It's like that where I live - sometimes I give to them, sometimes I won't, depending on how much time I have, what change is in my pocket, what they're doing etc etc I do try to help them out where I can, like they say you never know what that little bit of money might mean to soemone. But generally speaking the bigger the group im in the less likely I am to give money. I don't think being on a date would alter it one way or the other really. That said when my boy had his seizure they transferred him to a hospital in London, up there the homeless were way more aggressive. There ws this fella in the hospital when I was trying to buy some food who started telling me he'd had to run over from romania, now he had no money for food, all while drinking a bottle of coke, he asked me for £5 for a sandwich - I kind of snapped at him, which I felt bad about after, I was worried about Ronnie. But the next day again there was another homeless bloke foing table to table, who came up to me as I was sitting in the hospital cafe with my brother and showed me some change in his hand and was then like "mate I just need 10p more for a sandwich" - I gave it him. Guess its a much better tactic to present yourself with more and ask for less!
SoonMyFriend Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Wouldn't bother me if my date politely said no. I would be a bit turned off if they ignored the panhandler completely. I rarely give money but I always acknowledge the person. So therefore guess I'd expect at least the same from a date.
Haydn Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Careful Radu, When i am Budapest the `deaf guys` , have an amazing range they spread across a cafe table as i about to take my first sip of Ciuc (Export obviously) I cannot resist a Magyar emblazoned lighter. I check for deafness as i shout up the street at them. (They always turn around) But it was a lovely lighter. Let me guess ... gypsies ?
sillyanswer Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Is it a turnoff if the man on a first date politely declines a panhandler asking for spare change? If it is and if she lets me know that she's turned off by my apparent lack of generosity I'll explain that there are better (ie more effective) ways of giving money to help homeless/poor people such as donating to recognised charities.
Bruce Leigh Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Are we talking people who are actively seeking you out and begging or people who are sat in a shop doorway with something that holds whatever money they have got? Been out having a drink, not on a 1st date but a date nonetheless and happily gave the homeless man in the shop doorway whatever change i had. Just out having a drink i will give all my change to a homeless person i might walk past. Usually a little tipsy when i do that tho but i don't mind. Would only spend it on more booze anyway
hotpotato Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 In my younger days, I would think it was cute. Now thinking back, I did have a panhandler approach me and my date years ago. Nowadays I know better than to give cash to panhandlers. If he/she asks for a meal, and my date bought him something to eat, that would be kind. If my date went to give him cash, i'd promptly intervene.
Emilia Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I don't care whether a guy gives them any money or not as long as he is respectful. As Taramere and Shepp said, usually it's a very tame and quiet exchange. I occasionally give a coin or two to the older and ill-looking ones or to old former soldiers. They never give me any trouble. If a man gave them cash just because he thought I'd have an issue with him otherwise, I'd be horrified.
ThaWholigan Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I usually give money anyway, so this wouldn't bother me. 1
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