VikingPrincess Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Last night my boyfriend went to the Blazers game...Go Blazers! I texted him when we won saying something like awesome, yay! He didn't text me back which was no biggie, I figured I wouldn't even see him until very late from celebrating. I was in bed when he got in at 1:40am. I asked him why I didn't hear back from him. It was a cool moment! He said he got like 15-20 texts he just didn't even bother with any of them. I didn't say anything and went back to bed but that kind of sucked. I told him that hurt my feelings this morning and he was very hostile. I told him I didn't appreciate me being lumped in with all the other peoples texts and he could have at least made some small response back to the person he supposedly loves. It turned into an epic fight with him saying he will not apologize for anything. Am I wrong here?
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Yes. Yes you're absolutely wrong for having picked a fight about a random text you sent during what seemed to have been a very exciting sporting event where you KNEW he would be out late and busy with his friends partying it up particularly since his team won! What part of that don't you get? This is the kind of stuff that men HATE about women not to mention gives us a bad reputation of being labeled "crazy". A bit childish if you ask me. Please don't be that woman. Learn which battles are worth picking for heaven's sake. THIS was a definitely NOT a good choice. Do the mature thing and apologize to him. 9
loveandwar Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I have to agree with Michelle ma Belle, this is coming from a guys perspective but on your side of things, that was the kind of stuff that was my downfall I'm my relationship. It is hurtful when that kind of stuff happens, and there is no harm i think in saying something but don't fight about it. It will only lead to subsequent fights over tiny things like that. Later when you look back you realise that crap just wasn't worth the time you fought over it. I found it hard to understand why my ex wouldn't reply when she was out and it would just be a simple one line text, among many other little things like that, but people need their own space, and their own friends. He is coming back to you at night, he loves you, and it probably is immature to think that people should have to reply and acknowledge things as much as we would like. Comprimise on the little things, find a balance.
Author VikingPrincess Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 I didn't mind that he didn't text me back. I minded that he saw mine and a bunch of others and blew mine off. When I asked him why he was a jerk about it. You should be able to tell someone that your feelings are hurt and not have a mean reaction to it. I wasn't even trying to fight about it. He has been out late every night this week since Wednesday since his buddy is in town. I haven't made a peep and respected it so I'm not crazy.
loveandwar Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Ye i totally understand what you mean. honestly its the same kind of argument that i had with my ex a good few times. Why put me behind friends and other people when i am supposed to be more than that. I guess to her she wasn't really doing it intentionally and it pissed her off that i thought she was. its very hard to always be the one to apologise when you really feel you are not in the wrong. you have to look at it from another perspective though, you are very much looking at it short term. From a daily/weekly view. like this week he had the game and a buddy is over, he blew off your text, you got upset, he didn't apologise. Thats all fair enough. But if you are considering spending many years more with this person, if you are looking at this as a serious relationship, you need to be able to have you own space, he needs to be able to have his. you should be able to head off and not worry about him at the other end of the phone and visa versa. Its needs to be more relaxed, things like this can't spark feelings of you despising him, for not replying to a text, at a game, when he's coming back later anyway. it works both ways too, i don't know if he calls you out on small things too, or if he is fair and apologises when he knows he is wrong, but from your side of things, this is not worth a full blown argument, there are bigger things than that to fight about
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) I didn't mind that he didn't text me back. I minded that he saw mine and a bunch of others and blew mine off. When I asked him why he was a jerk about it. You should be able to tell someone that your feelings are hurt and not have a mean reaction to it. I wasn't even trying to fight about it. He has been out late every night this week since Wednesday since his buddy is in town. I haven't made a peep and respected it so I'm not crazy. Listen, your text said "Awesome, YAY!" That's it. A two worded statement referring to the game he and his friends were watching and enjoying. I'm pretty certain he didn't see your text as something needing a response and I'm even more certain he wasn't thinking that the lack of response would upset you. As for him being a jerk in responding to your inquisition, I don't condone his supposed behavior BUT I can see how he might have been put off by it as well, particularly when you pestered him the following morning again. Has your boyfriend ever given you reason to doubt him? What exactly is the issue here because this whole scenario just doesn't make much sense to me. Stop being so insecure! So he's been out late every night this week. You said yourself his friend is in town so he's just wanting to spend as much "guy time" as he can with him before he goes home. Is he not allowed to have some fun WITHOUT you? What are you so afraid of? You HAVE to allow room for each of you to go off and have a life outside of your relationship if you have any chance of it succeeding. And that includes TESTING him whenever he's not with you. Don't make problems where there aren't any. And of course you're allowed to share your feelings with your partner but there is a right way and a wrong way. I'm sure you weren't as innocent as you're making yourself out to be. If I've learned anything in life is that there are always three sides to every story; your side, his side and the right side. Edited May 4, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 4
Ruby Slippers Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Your text required no response. You're overreacting. 3
Assasda Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 OP just wants some sympathy. At the risk of sounding sexist, I'm gonna tell you to talk to your Girlfriends and have a good cry. While having that good cry, you might wanna deal with some of your insecurities
lollipopspot Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 If you tell him that you want him to check in with you when you text (when he can), would he be willing to do that? Maybe you could agree to make clear in your texts which ones you would like some acknowledgement of and which ones you don't expect any response to. You might have overreacted, but he might not be that sensitive to your feelings. You may have some relationship/communication issue where you don't feel special and he isn't able to respond sympathetically to your feelings when you don't feel special. Ought best to work on this together.
dispatch3d Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I would have expected a text back. I also would not have had a big argument about it. I think if someone attempted to have a big argument about it with me I would just leave the room.
Els Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I don't think he has anything to apologize for either. It was a non-important text that didn't seem to require any response, and was sent at a time where it makes sense he wouldn't be spending much time with his phone. Like Michelle says, pick your battles. I suppose he could have been nicer about how he told you that he has nothing to apologize for, but if you went at him the way you're talking here, well. An excessive action begets a similar response...
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 No offense, but you sound like a drama queen. 1
MidwestUSA Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I would have guessed OP to be 19-22 years old, but looking back at prior threads, nope. Obviously, there's a deeper issue here, as someone else has said. Despise is an awfully strong word.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 No offense, but you sound like a drama queen. I was just about to type the same thing. A big over-reaction, OP. In my opinion, there's something else bothering you but it manifested itself as a reaction to a lack of text back. What's really the problem?
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