BriInWonderland Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend and I broke up about about 5 weeks ago and left me completely broken (I'm sure as many other people are here). We moved to Japan together (live in different cities) so I have no friends or family with me for support. We had a 9 day vacation from work and we were supposed to spend time together but since we broke up those plans were obviously cancelled. So I made the decision to go to the places we were supposed to go to together, but do it solo. I'm almost done with my little vacation. I cried and missed him the whole time it was so hard to be alone. I have amazing photos and I guess I can say overall it was good. Was I crazy for doing this? What do you think? I don't really feel much better and I still miss him so so so so much. He wanted to stay friends (which I know is a bad idea but we've had such a long history). We got into a fight Monday about how he's to empathetic towards me and my feelings about the breakup. The last thing he said to me was "look up TedTalks on happiness and success" and he hasn't spoken to me since. All I want to do is share my photos and my experience with him. Edited May 3, 2014 by BriInWonderland Typo
Smilecharmer Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 What happened exactly? Might help if we have more info to support you.
Author BriInWonderland Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 I was complaining a lot about a lack of affection and suddenly he decided to give up he said he couldn't give me what I wanted and he was tired of the same old argument. He would never say I love you and didnt want to see me even though we lived so far apart. He tells me he doesn't miss me "more than usual" and he is happier not being in a relationship with me. He says that this is better for the both of us. As he says that he adds old flings back on Facebook and all new girls.
FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 We had a 9 day vacation from work and we were supposed We had a vacation booked, all paid for, been looking forward to it for a year and them boom, dumped. Cancelled the lot and lost quite a bit of money, couldn't of gone on my own, would of been too painful. 1
Author BriInWonderland Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 I did it. It wasn't booked or anything they we're just verbal plans and something we were both interested in. It's hard enough going anywhere alone but I did it to prove to myself that I was a bit stronger. I cried and I thought about him all the time and I wanted to send pics but I stayed strong and kept NC. I'm actually surprised at myself....if I were in your shoes after planning for a year there is no way I could do it so I definitely understand. 1
Elle1975 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I was complaining a lot about a lack of affection and suddenly he decided to give up he said he couldn't give me what I wanted and he was tired of the same old argument. He would never say I love you and didnt want to see me even though we lived so far apart. He tells me he doesn't miss me "more than usual" and he is happier not being in a relationship with me. He says that this is better for the both of us. As he says that he adds old flings back on Facebook and all new girls. Well.. unless you're a half breed care-bear always in need of hugs.. affection should be present in a relationship. It's just an excuse. He probably decided of the break up long before he finally worked up the balls to tell you. I don't find it weird that you went on the vacation alone. Either way you'd have been crying over him. It's better than being at work walking around like a mop. Now is the time to take care of yourself. Seems like you're on you way to do just that. 1
Author BriInWonderland Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Maybe a month before he dumped me I tried to end it. I was really depressed (probably pmsing) and I told him I was tired. And he was like "No don't you give up now we'll be okay" but it never really got better he never said he loved me even when I would say it to him. He said "I love you is for special occasions." Whenever we would talk about seeing each other he told me he only wanted to spend 3 or 4 days out of our 9 day vacation together. Is that weird? We live 3 hours away and work was really busy so we couldn't see each other on the weekends, if he loved me shouldn't he want to spend most of his time with me or was I asking for too much? I am trying to forget him but he was my best friend and he was there for me through the toughest time of my life. I love him not only as a lover but as a best friend because that's what he was first. It's killing me that after moving here and getting here together he doesn't even give me a second thought.
SpiritualAlchemy Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 "I love you is for special occasions," - say what? The guy is a cold fish, you're not being unreasonable at all. Thank your lucky stars you didn't get stuck with this one. He's not affectionate nor warm enough for you. Absolutely, he should be spending time with you and making you feel loved. Accept you have different ways of being, and move on to someone who will give you what you need. 1
Elle1975 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Maybe a month before he dumped me I tried to end it. I was really depressed (probably pmsing) and I told him I was tired. And he was like "No don't you give up now we'll be okay" but it never really got better he never said he loved me even when I would say it to him. He said "I love you is for special occasions." Whenever we would talk about seeing each other he told me he only wanted to spend 3 or 4 days out of our 9 day vacation together. Is that weird? We live 3 hours away and work was really busy so we couldn't see each other on the weekends, if he loved me shouldn't he want to spend most of his time with me or was I asking for too much? I am trying to forget him but he was my best friend and he was there for me through the toughest time of my life. I love him not only as a lover but as a best friend because that's what he was first. It's killing me that after moving here and getting here together he doesn't even give me a second thought. I love you is for when you leave for work, when your dog has passed away, for Valentine's day, for nothing, just because you want to say it. It's not something you keep tucked away like a good set of china. I actually believe that the good plates should be uses everyday. You know it's not a weird thing to say, it's a f*cked up thing to say. It's manipulative, it's a lie. What a withered crappy soul he's got. I am not sure why you think of him as your best friend. My best friend never makes me feel that way. She says she loves me, and I know she means it. Through her words and her actions. I feel like a superstar knowing I have her in my life. He clearly doesn't make you feel that way. Rebuild yourself, dont give the best of you to this guy. And I know it's hard to do. I still wake up sad and missing him, but you have to want to be better more than anything. It has to become a goal. And I am serious. I go through my day with this goal in mind. Hope you will chin up soon. 2
Author BriInWonderland Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Rebuild yourself, dont give the best of you to this guy. And I know it's hard to do. I still wake up sad and missing him, but you have to want to be better more than anything. It has to become a goal. And I am serious. I go through my day with this goal in mind. Hope you will chin up soon. Thank you for your post! I realize that I have to make the best of it, it's been a whole week of NC he hasn't tried to reach out to me at all, so I guess I know how he feels. Even after he told me he wanted to be friends and that he wouldn't leave me as a friend he hasn't spoken to me I'm actually angry. After we broke up he told me "I still like you and want to see you" but when I tried to make plans he didn't want to see me because I cry or I am sad. I was able to go two days without thinking about him every hour, so I think I'm getting stronger. I'm doing what you say and I try to go every day saying it'll be a good day =D. I miss him so much and even though he's an A$$ I think I'll always love him. Thank you for your advice 1
Luua Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I always think that things like that always backfire. Take care of yourself, improve your self-esteem, don't torture yourself too much and understand what made have caused the break up on both sides. Meditate, lead a healthy life and grieve as much as you have to, for as long as you have to... I went through a similar end of story. And they may not give a damn now, but they will once they see you got over the whole story, alive and well. And you won't even care, that's the most amazing thing. Be strong my dear! You didn't deserve that. No one does. It's good you took that trip (I did the same and went to Morocco on Easter). I cried a lot and felt sad the whole time, but I'm glad I did it anyway. 1
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