Eddie Edirol Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Some of the smart men on the boards, who date and approach IRL, have already figured out that women almost instinctively say no. Yeah but thats just about the approach itself. Its about making a woman feel good before asking for anything. IMO, if a woman runs or says no, then the approach wasnt done right. I usually go for the situational joke, and Im able to keep it running from there. I dont go talking to the woman like Im going to get attached to her right away. Just stay casual and fun. Women know if guys are too aggressive, and if thats not what they are looking for, then they say no right away. It also gives me enough time to find out if I even want to see her again or not. Half those times women will already have bfs. But to me, to made them laugh, is the habit I like to work with first. it shows me right away if were even compatible humor wise.
soccerrprp Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Online dating did this to me? NO. When you're online, it's easy to be someone you're really not. The real you is the one that freaked out. People who exude their authentic personality whether online or initial in the real world are the ones who have the most success in dating PERIOD. I don't have to be someone I'm not online. So, for me, dating OLD or asking someone in person (as I have done a couple of times in between OLD), I am who I am. Just saying... Online dating didn't do anything to you in terms of altering your CORE/AUTHENTIC sense of confidence.
Weezy1973 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Just sounds like a normal (but misplace) flight / fight response - and from the sounds of it, most of you ladies tend to flee... Essentially there's more chance of being rejected from a random encounter (because the guy knows nothing about you) so the adrenaline will pump out of fear especially if you are really attracted to him. Online is "safe". If you end up meeting someone from OLD in person, you know the guy is at least somewhat interested in you as a person. With a random encounter, all you know is he likes the way you look. If you actually talk to him, he might dislike everything about you. 1
Armegoggon Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Me too. I'm having trouble with online dating too. I can't even meet a single girl in person and it's been over 8 months of using OkCupid.
me85 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Not saying online dating is right or wrong but I think maybe you should take a break from online involvement with men and get out there in everyday life so you're more confident and comfortable actually AROUND men. Just my opinion. Hope you feel better after all our our "advice." Haha 1
GemmaUK Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 What do you normally say when men approach you? It varies significantly as the type of approach does. Which is why I asked what is the 'set' response? eg. I didn't contact the late forties (looking) professional (looking) male who was driving an Audi past me one morning who called out 'nice arse' and threw his business card out of his window at me.
Author Gaeta Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Do you hear that fellows? The "I lose all control of myself" is a VERY VERY GOOD THING and WAY MORE romantic than "ordering someone off a menu" online. You can never make a girl "lose all control" in .2 seconds via online dating like you can in real life. So make sure if you are online dating you approach in real life too. Yea but.....2 seconds and I am gone! that's a very short romance! lol
Author Gaeta Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 eg. I didn't contact the late forties (looking) professional (looking) male who was driving an Audi past me one morning who called out 'nice arse' and threw his business card out of his window at me. LOL are you serious!!!
FitChick Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 If you end up meeting someone from OLD in person, you know the guy is at least somewhat interested in you as a person. With a random encounter, all you know is he likes the way you look. If you actually talk to him, he might dislike everything about you. And you might dislike him for the same reason.
Author Gaeta Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 LOL! You have a great sense of humor and THAT was funny. A lot of women get flustered with the "cold approach". He should followed you out of there and got your attention (while giving you a chance to compose yourself). Rookie! lol I headed toward the elevator and looked back thinking maybe after getting his coffee he would see me waiting there! and he'd give it another shot after all I did reply a shy `hi` I am surprised though how many ladies here also experienced this moment of panic !
Valen Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Yup, if Online dating is your only source for dates. Then yes it will affect your behavior in real life scenarios. Real life is spontaneous and wild. Online is premeditated so you come prepare as much as possible. I enjoy real life encounters more as it is more fun and you can decide right away from the first initial meeting if you want to pursue someone more or not. In Online, people can take their time to think about their responses so they come off as more clever or confident then they really are. Gaeta, I remember reading you were a pretty confident person that has it all together in life and to see you running scared like a frighten mouse when a real confident man approach you in real life cracked me up.
irc333 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Yeah, meeting a woman in real life, they think you only approached them based on how they look alone and thus they don't see ANYTHING genuine about you attempting to talk to them and it can be turn off. The irony of it all is this is how it's suppose to work. LOL Before the internet, that's how men approached women, based on the woman's appearance. Just sounds like a normal (but misplace) flight / fight response - and from the sounds of it, most of you ladies tend to flee... Essentially there's more chance of being rejected from a random encounter (because the guy knows nothing about you) so the adrenaline will pump out of fear especially if you are really attracted to him. Online is "safe". If you end up meeting someone from OLD in person, you know the guy is at least somewhat interested in you as a person. With a random encounter, all you know is he likes the way you look. If you actually talk to him, he might dislike everything about you.
GemmaUK Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 What do you normally say when men approach you? On that occasion the guy who followed up with a ranthad saidsomething like 'I bet your husband...(can't remember what he actually said) to which I smiled and replied I wasn't married. That was when his tirade began about why I wasn't married and why I should be. I didn't say anything else but me and the guy in front just looked at each other attempting to and failing to suppress laughter. Then again I also didn't see it as any kind of approach.It was just chatter in a queue or started that way anyway. I don't get men coming up directly asking for my number or asking me out right there and then. ..except for the time I went to a salsa class..but that felt like a meat market with me on sale. Plus all of the men who approached me then were 20 plus years older or thereabouts. I was polite and pleasant but didn't go back to the class. If someone is polite and pleasant to me then I am in return. If they are commenting on by body parts eg 'nice ass' or trying to grab me I will ignore them as that kind of thing is just street harassment which happens all the time. Something I do find amusing and this thread has reminded me of it is that I will go to a place (most recently a hotel with a female receptionist and then a bar with a male tender) and will be refused my request. Both simply said 'No' (when I asked for the case I they were looking after back and when I asked for a drink) then just started laughing at my expression when they said no. Both told me I looked like the kind of person who could take a joke. Cheeky sods both of them! Gave me a giggle though!
saltyfishhead666 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 OMG! What the Heck is wrong with me! Ok so those of you who've read my threads you know I am very at ease with online dating. I go on there, I do my thing, I get dates like this, I am confident I never worry if the guy will like me, I don't stress, I am not shy, I do this my eyes closed ! BUT.... When I am approached in day-to-day life OMG I suck so bad !! I blush, no sound comes out of my mouth and I run away like a little girl !! aarrgg!! I don't comprehend it !!! It's the second time this is happening to me in a short time. First time I went to a pub with my friend and at the end of the evening this guy waves and winks at me from across the room and instead of smiling back I turned my head and told my friend 'OMG talk to me if this guy comes this way I will faint'. This afternoon I go get a quick coffee at downstairs coffee shop, when I turn around with my coffee in my hands I come face to face with this HOT dude who gives me a smile and says 'hello there, how you're doin'....I blush, I say: 'hi' ....and leave like there is an emergency or something !! *%$ Online dating did this to me? Oh gaeta I am crying with laughter right now!!! I wonder what hot guy thought about that!! Probably just took you by surprise hehe
Chocolat Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Wow. I am trying to relate but I cannot. I think it is such fun to be flirted with in public. I will generally talk to just about anyone who approaches. But I could never, ever, do OLD. I would be so tense and uncomfortable. 1
Author Gaeta Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 I was thinking a few years ago I was shopping in an electronic store. This man started talking to me about the CD player I was looking at. He introduced himself he was an HP representative and in that store for business. He was very smooth, he managed to give me a couple of compliments and asked me if I was single. Gave me his business card and offered me to meet again over coffee after his business there. I accepted. I did not lose my composure then, maybe because he was very business like and I am used to that context so less threatening. I met him over coffee and he turned out to me total jerk! (he's probably online now lol) But... Makes me compare that time with the most recent events. The last 2 events the entire attention was on me as for the store event the attention was on the item on sale. If yesterday's man from coffee shop had put the attention on my coffee, the weather, anything, and a little less on my hip-waist ratio, I may have not fled.
GemmaUK Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I was thinking a few years ago I was shopping in an electronic store. This man started talking to me about the CD player I was looking at. He introduced himself he was an HP representative and in that store for business. He was very smooth, he managed to give me a couple of compliments and asked me if I was single. Gave me his business card and offered me to meet again over coffee after his business there. I accepted. I did not lose my composure then, maybe because he was very business like and I am used to that context so less threatening. I met him over coffee and he turned out to me total jerk! (he's probably online now lol) But... Makes me compare that time with the most recent events. The last 2 events the entire attention was on me as for the store event the attention was on the item on sale. If yesterday's man from coffee shop had put the attention on my coffee, the weather, anything, and a little less on my hip-waist ratio, I may have not fled. So did Mr Coffee do that thing where he looks you all over while asking how you're doing the kind of look where you are meant to witness him doing it? A bit like the look he would give to a really cool car?
Author Gaeta Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 So did Mr Coffee do that thing where he looks you all over while asking how you're doing the kind of look where you are meant to witness him doing it? A bit like the look he would give to a really cool car? Yep! That's the look! And he was standing behind me so lets say my eyes aren't what grabbed his attention first.
thecrucible Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I feel like online dating is too contrived for me and takes away the magic of first meeting someone in person. I find myself questioning my interest in someone a lot more if I've met them online because I'm not sure whether it's someone I would have naturally gravitated to in real life, especially when they look different to their picture. I can be a bit socially awkward in real life but not ridiculously so. But I get more nervous about dates from the internet because I don't have a clue what to expect. 1
hopefullove Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 maybe try Tinder lol. Superficiality of online. and starting point of no info except their face like in real life. downside - they could be really short.
wrenmatrix Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I have used many dating sites but never faced such thing.
GemmaUK Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Yep! That's the look! And he was standing behind me so lets say my eyes aren't what grabbed his attention first. I find that creepy, bit like when they talk to your chest. There are ways to look at someone and check them out without looking like you're mentally undressing someone. If he were actually my man I don't mind being looked at in that way now and then but a stranger.....not so much.
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