Gaeta Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 OMG! What the Heck is wrong with me! Ok so those of you who've read my threads you know I am very at ease with online dating. I go on there, I do my thing, I get dates like this, I am confident I never worry if the guy will like me, I don't stress, I am not shy, I do this my eyes closed ! BUT.... When I am approached in day-to-day life OMG I suck so bad !! I blush, no sound comes out of my mouth and I run away like a little girl !! aarrgg!! I don't comprehend it !!! It's the second time this is happening to me in a short time. First time I went to a pub with my friend and at the end of the evening this guy waves and winks at me from across the room and instead of smiling back I turned my head and told my friend 'OMG talk to me if this guy comes this way I will faint'. This afternoon I go get a quick coffee at downstairs coffee shop, when I turn around with my coffee in my hands I come face to face with this HOT dude who gives me a smile and says 'hello there, how you're doin'....I blush, I say: 'hi' ....and leave like there is an emergency or something !! *%$ Online dating did this to me? 1
Author Gaeta Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 I don't want a debate over if online dating is right or wrong. 2
carhill Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Actually, that's kinda cute To me, you just respond to different venues differently. The cool thing is that, apparently, you're getting approached in both venues, online and IRL, so you have opportunities to work your responses to both. It'll work out. 1
Zahara Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Hahaha! I do the same thing! The moment a guy approaches me or strikes up a conversation, I do two things, I act aloof but inside I'm panicking/liking it/nervous or I engage with a quick one word or two word response, failing miserably at eye contact and I'm out of there like my butt is on fire! 2
gaius Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 It's very relaxing when you can get a feel for someone online before getting whacked with in person intimacy. 5
HappyLove Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Ok, the real question here should be "how do I change this"? When you have hot dudes approaching you in real life you gotta take it! It's just a part of being shy. Online is your security blanket. If your interested just answer their question and ask one back....'I'm great, how are you?' I think you've gotten too comfortable sitting behind the computer. It's been so hard for me to find a good guy that when I meet one IRL I try my best not to screw it up. And if I do screw it up, I seriously think of how I could have handled it better for next time. 2
J21 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Hahaha Maybe because in an online date you are mentally prepared (you know the time/place/have exp/etc). But when you get hit on in person, it just happens on the spur of the moment. So mentally, maybe you're just caught off guard? 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I laughed out loud reading this because this sounds pretty bang on for me too! I've always been popular and never had issues with attracting men. Even when I was married, I still had men approach me and flirt with me. I'm not sure why that is because somewhere along the line I become a fumbling idiot the second I suspected the guy was into me and/or I'm into the guy. I don't even want to THINK about how many potential dates (and who knows what else!) I could have had if I had an ounce of suave more often than not. Put a computer in front of me and I exude charm and grace and confidence to the point where I hardly recognize myself. At the same time, THIS is who I feel I really am but for some reason, face-to-face meet and greets turn me into a shell-shocked virginal 15 year old! Of course at my age now, I'm much less awkward. That's one of the beautiful things about getting older - you just don't give as much of a sh*t I'll be watching this post to hear what others have to say about it. 2
GemmaUK Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Sweet! You're in control of timing and behaviour online. (his and yours). Real life isn't like that. Something can just 'happen' right there and right then. I don't rely on OLD and that is one of the reasons. It's more fun not to. 2
Zahara Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Of course at my age now, I'm much less awkward. That's one of the beautiful things about getting older - you just don't give as much of a sh*t . I'm in my 40's and was at the local coffee house by my work last week and this young buck starts talking to me about how he's seen me in the building and always wanted to say hi. I did my aloof thing and scurried out like a frightened mouse. At my desk, I was then kicking myself! I don't give a sh*t about most things but this needs fixing! 3
hopefullove Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 lol - i am the same way i get approached on the street, starbucks, in the mall, etc. Usually it's ppl i would NEVER been attracted to or consider dating. But one time it was a super hot guy who saw me while walking down the street and i smiled at him, he continued walking down the block, turned and smiled and i smiled back and he scurried back to introduce himself and invite me to a pub and i was just stammering and unsure and shy and he was SO HOT. and i was like what???? how is this happening??? Anyway - with online you get to vet ppl first. you have a general idea, well they give you a full summary of what they want you to know. IRL, it's a mixed bag. Surprise! IS he a smoker? Did he graduate university? What's his job? right? I think that's why. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Online dating did this to me? I think so, maybe if you never learned how to talk to strangers that smile at you. But it just takes some practice you know, its not a big deal. Do you get the same feeling when meeting someone from OLD for the first time, but of course you have to say something because you commited to the date? 1
Frank2thepoint Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 When I am approached in day-to-day life OMG I suck so bad !! I blush, no sound comes out of my mouth and I run away like a little girl !! aarrgg!! I don't comprehend it !!! It's the second time this is happening to me in a short time. First time I went to a pub with my friend and at the end of the evening this guy waves and winks at me from across the room and instead of smiling back I turned my head and told my friend 'OMG talk to me if this guy comes this way I will faint'. This afternoon I go get a quick coffee at downstairs coffee shop, when I turn around with my coffee in my hands I come face to face with this HOT dude who gives me a smile and says 'hello there, how you're doin'....I blush, I say: 'hi' ....and leave like there is an emergency or something !! *%$ Hahaha! I do the same thing! The moment a guy approaches me or strikes up a conversation, I do two things, I act aloof but inside I'm panicking/liking it/nervous or I engage with a quick one word or two word response, failing miserably at eye contact and I'm out of there like my butt is on fire! This is funny on your part, but depressing for the guys doing the approaching. One can wonder what the guys were thinking of themselves from these shy/scared sh*tless reactions?
Author Gaeta Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 Of course at my age now, I'm much less awkward. That's one of the beautiful things about getting older - you just don't give as much of a sh*t I'm 48 ! lol, I need to speed up the process!! 1
Author Gaeta Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 I think so, maybe if you never learned how to talk to strangers that smile at you. But it just takes some practice you know, its not a big deal. Do you get the same feeling when meeting someone from OLD for the first time, but of course you have to say something because you commited to the date? I am used to strangers, I am used to having meetings with them, speaking in front of them, etc etc, not a problem. When I meet someone from OLD for the first time it's a piece of cake. I am prepared. It's also a routine I am used to. I expect the man to check me out and flirt and got no problem reciprocating. Apparently it's when it's done unexpectedly, in a none dating environment, that I lose all control of myself !
Zahara Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I am used to strangers, I am used to having meetings with them, speaking in front of them, etc etc, not a problem. When I meet someone from OLD for the first time it's a piece of cake. I am prepared. It's also a routine I am used to. I expect the man to check me out and flirt and got no problem reciprocating. Apparently it's when it's done unexpectedly, in a none dating environment, that I lose all control of myself ! I'm fine otherwise as well. I think J21 nailed it for me. I think the caught off guard factor makes it hard for me to mentally prepare. It's as if I feel ambushed and I need to run. OLD I can take my time to ease into it. And with meeting people outside of that "getting hit on" situation, I'm perfectly fine. I have to learn to be calm and engage. I let everything overtake me and then I'm running out. Two minutes later I'm kicking myself because I should have said this, I should have said that! Ugh! 1
GemmaUK Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 One thing I will say is that I am glad it's not just me with bruises on the backs of from legs..... 3
Salvatore85 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I think it's a natural reaction Gaeta. I think online gives us confidence that we wouldn't normally have in a face to face situation. Just my opinion though, good luck! 2
Eddie Edirol Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I am used to strangers, I am used to having meetings with them, speaking in front of them, etc etc, not a problem. When I meet someone from OLD for the first time it's a piece of cake. I am prepared. It's also a routine I am used to. I expect the man to check me out and flirt and got no problem reciprocating. Apparently it's when it's done unexpectedly, in a none dating environment, that I lose all control of myself ! Then why cant you have a prepared routine for guys that show up unexpectedly? Takes practice to get rid of the jitters. 1
GemmaUK Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Then why cant you have a prepared routine for guys that show up unexpectedly? Takes practice to get rid of the jitters. How? Prepared routine? When they say/do something random and your tummy turns over and you are sussing out which canned tuna to buy? Some guy got talking to me in a queue about whether I was married...the guy in front was cute (looked back at me and winked)..the guy talking to me went off into an almost incoherent rant that I should be married....it all failed...guy behind was a nutjob and guy in front (understandably) legged it! 2
Eddie Edirol Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 How? Prepared routine? When they say/do something random and your tummy turns over and you are sussing out which canned tuna to buy? Some guy got talking to me in a queue about whether I was married...the guy in front was cute (looked back at me and winked)..the guy talking to me went off into an almost incoherent rant that I should be married....it all failed...guy behind was a nutjob and guy in front (understandably) legged it! What do you normally say when men approach you?
HappyLove Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Some of the smart men on the boards, who date and approach IRL, have already figured out that women almost instinctively say no. So I hope the men can learn not to walk away feeling like a loser because in reality many of us are scared to bits! Half the time if you approached the same woman when you saw her again you'd probably get the date because we've already beat ourselves up for acting so stupid. 2
irc333 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Not saying YOU are like this Gaeta, but....it could be a possibility that online dating is a crutch for some and sometimes women aren't open to being approached in public. I mean, why be approached in public, when you have the cyberworld? Why? Because they like to be able to control who approaches them. Some get outright annoyed when approached, but it's usually by someone that they aren't attracted to. They'll usually get short or non-responsive when the object of their non-desire tries to talk to them. I've heard women admit (probably in these message boards) that they PREFER online dating over real life. The say, "When I'm out running errands, going grocery shopping, the gym, bookstore, etc...the last thing is some annoying guy trying to talk to me in the grocery store line! I just try to run in and run out and that's it." Then they run home, lock their doors on a Sat night and browse through the Inbox on Match.com so they can seletively choose who to interact with. OMG! What the Heck is wrong with me! Ok so those of you who've read my threads you know I am very at ease with online dating. I go on there, I do my thing, I get dates like this, I am confident I never worry if the guy will like me, I don't stress, I am not shy, I do this my eyes closed ! BUT.... When I am approached in day-to-day life OMG I suck so bad !! I blush, no sound comes out of my mouth and I run away like a little girl !! aarrgg!! I don't comprehend it !!! It's the second time this is happening to me in a short time. First time I went to a pub with my friend and at the end of the evening this guy waves and winks at me from across the room and instead of smiling back I turned my head and told my friend 'OMG talk to me if this guy comes this way I will faint'. This afternoon I go get a quick coffee at downstairs coffee shop, when I turn around with my coffee in my hands I come face to face with this HOT dude who gives me a smile and says 'hello there, how you're doin'....I blush, I say: 'hi' ....and leave like there is an emergency or something !! *%$ Online dating did this to me? 4
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