espinoza0 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 (edited) Greetings, , Quick background: I married at 23, divorced at 35, had a relationship for a year with a separated guy, broke off, and lately met a single guy aged 28. I am 37. How did it happen? 1. We met online when I was in his country, and I was at the airport. He said he would come see me at the airport. It was crazy lol. I said no of course, I was still in a relationship. 2. We talked a bit after that, he disappeared for 2 months, during which I broke up with my bf. 3. I inquired about him on his instagram account, and poof suddenly he is back online. He said he had been having big problems in his life and went off line for a couple of months. 4. We talked since then daily for two weeks, it was intense, we almost talked non-stop. I had already admired him before, and then...let's cut it short, I fell hard for him. Real hard. 5. I wanted him to come meet me in my home country, and he was all willing to do it, until I cancelled the plan, and decided we should meet in a new country, so to speak. The reason is quite funny: we were SO attracted to each other, and getting a hotel room for singles in my country is illegal (retarded). I was not planning on being with him per say, but I was afraid I would end up in jail in my own home town. lol. not a pretty sight, thanks (yes, it is that severe here). Public display of affection, even hugging a guy real hard, are punishable by police. 6. We met in a neutral country. We saw each other at the airport (I actually recognized him and ran after him lol, he walks really fast). I had insisted we should stay in separate rooms, and we each reserved a separate room. He had rented a car from the airport, so we went to the hotel together, though it took us half an hour, so it was a nice time to chat face to face. I had already told him so much online, I got most things out by then. I just wanted to see him in real life, and he was sublime. 7. At the hotel we checked into our rooms, but he insisted he wanted to come to my room. In this "neutral" country, public display of affection, even hugging is suspicious so if you want to hug someone real hard, you have to have a hotel room! lol. So I agreed. 8. Naturally we hugged and kissed a lot in the room, but I told him I would not go any further than that, so we went out to dinner. He tried a bit more, but I said it is too soon. We slept till morning. 9. We had 3 total days on this trip, so in the morning I thought about it a bit more, and decided to go for it. At least, I told him, that we were wide awake and know what we are doing, and this after he told me about what his troubles were (someone committed fraud against him and stole his money (). 10. So finally we did go all the way, and to be honest, it was sublime as well. 11. We used condoms of course, and for me I really had one previous partner other than my (then virgin) husband, and this last partner had been married for 15 years, so, for me, I felt my record of partners was relatively nill. He told me he had 4 other partners in his lifetime, and that he always used condoms. 12. The only thing I did not use condom for was fellatio, and now I am worried. But I did not swallow the cum. So this is my FIRST Question: Should I be worried? I talked to him about it later after he get back to his home country, and he told me not to worry. In fact, he was the one who suggested to use condoms for anal, and I wasn't really focusing on that, but it turned out to be a very good idea. So it sounds like he is pretty cautious. 13. My second question: a few days after I talked to him when we got back, he disappeared for 2 weeks (he works in the military) but I tracked him down in my own ways, and he finally picked up the phone. He told me the guy who stole his money had been found and jailed. He apologized, and said he was just really upset. We talked for 4 hours that day, and now he disappeared for a week again, and his phone is turned off (not ringing any more). He was asking me to apply for a job in a country to which he would like to move, and he still asked me about it when I found him after two weeks, because I had already applied to that job. I think this shows he is serious, right? I am too tired to chase after anyone, but I love him, and I am a bit obsessive when it comes to worrying about STD's (I do imagine unrealistic things in my mind all the time). Next time I will use condom for fellatio as well. Do you people also use protection for oral sex? Am I making a big deal out of my one mistake in my life time . Him and I did talk about marriage (we move a bit fast in this side of the world) and he was already calling me his wife. Kindly, no harsh comments. I am feeling pretty pretty pretty horrible. Thanks. Edited May 2, 2014 by espinoza0
Author espinoza0 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 I thought much about this on-line thing; I decided to consider it the same as real life, someitmes it works out (I met my first husband online) and sometimes it does not. My second love I also met online, and though we broke up, we are great friends. Just my personal opinion now. I live in a desert country. You cannot really meet people. Plus online, you can somehow interrogate them more. But face to face, sometimes it is more difficult, I think.
Frank2thepoint Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 5. I wanted him to come meet me in my home country, and he was all willing to do it, until I cancelled the plan, and decided we should meet in a new country, so to speak. The reason is quite funny: we were SO attracted to each other, and getting a hotel room for singles in my country is illegal (retarded). I was not planning on being with him per say, but I was afraid I would end up in jail in my own home town. lol. not a pretty sight, thanks (yes, it is that severe here). Public display of affection, even hugging a guy real hard, are punishable by police. 6. We met in a neutral country. We saw each other at the airport (I actually recognized him and ran after him lol, he walks really fast). I had insisted we should stay in separate rooms, and we each reserved a separate room. He had rented a car from the airport, so we went to the hotel together, though it took us half an hour, so it was a nice time to chat face to face. I had already told him so much online, I got most things out by then. I just wanted to see him in real life, and he was sublime. This part sounds like I'm reading a novel or a script for a movie. He was asking me to apply for a job in a country to which he would like to move, and he still asked me about it when I found him after two weeks, because I had already applied to that job. I think this shows he is serious, right? I am too tired to chase after anyone, but I love him, and I am a bit obsessive when it comes to worrying about STD's (I do imagine unrealistic things in my mind all the time). Next time I will use condom for fellatio as well. Do you people also use protection for oral sex? Am I making a big deal out of my one mistake in my life time . Him and I did talk about marriage (we move a bit fast in this side of the world) and he was already calling me his wife. Kindly, no harsh comments. I am feeling pretty pretty pretty horrible. Thanks. First, you should get checked up for any STDs. Go through the whole battery of tests. Second, this guy doesn't sound too serious, if he disappears for two weeks or turns off his phone for a week. Just because he is asking if you have applied to a job somewhere else, doesn't mean anything substantial. What would be serious if he maintains contact with you daily or every other day, working on the long distance relationship. Does he tell you why he disappears for two weeks? Third, he is in the military. To what capacity? Is he a contractor or is he a serviceman, doing a tour or serving until his contract is up? When would he be free of his military obligations? 1
Author espinoza0 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 I am feeling quite dizzy from all this guy stuff. And you are right, it was like a script from a movie; my whole life seems that way. I don't know what to think of him anymore, but he fell into substantial debt after a guy committed fraud against him, and I think he lost his life's savings :( That was his reason for disappearing for two weeks. My only explanation is that he was feeling extremely upset to the point of not wanting to talk to anyone. poor guy. His military contract ends in 3 years, but he wants to get out of the military. We live in the Persian Gulf. We are both from there. Women need to hire private investigators before and during dating. lol. That's the only way.
nerdlingZA Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I'm not sure what exactly ur problem is here. 1.Is it because he keeps disappearing (stop worrying yourself , he will contact if he sees a future with u) 2. Is it STD's ??? (Well if u contracted it , it was a mistake that u have to deal with) (Personally I don't feel sorry for people who have STD's , I too almost caught em , I'm never again having sex with no condom) 3. Is it because of his work ? Country problem ? Distance ? (This is a huge problem that will determine your progress in your relationship) Long distance relationships normally don't work. 1
Author espinoza0 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 (edited) Nerdling: Mostly that I did not use condom for oral sex. I didn't think that was a must, or is it? I like to be 100 percent protected, but I used condoms so far for penetrative sex only, including for anal sex. So, I don't know if I am worrying too much about unprotected fellatio. The other two aspects (disappearing, and long distance) you are totally right about. Edited May 2, 2014 by espinoza0
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Get yourself tested for STIs to be on the safe side. While the risk is lower if you did not ingest any bodily fluids, transmission is still possible. The disappearing act sounds fishy to me. How long would he have stayed MIA if you hadn't contacted him? He was so upset he couldn't at least have sent a quick message to let you know what was up, and that he'd be unavailable for a while? I don't entirely believe his story. There could well be some serious problems he's dealing with, but it seems a bit convenient that every time he vanishes it's because of this fraud issue. Let's suppose that it is all true. Would you really want to invest in someone who deals with problems by shutting you out, especially after having such an intimate time together? Who only resurfaces when you reach out to him? I'm sorry OP; I just don't think this is headed anywhere in particular at this point. 1
Author espinoza0 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 Expat Italy: Thanks a lot for your reply. What eats at me is that how would I have foreseen that he would do the disappearing act? This is too painful. My last partner sort of started disappearing a bit after he got into trouble, but we still persevered some how, and we are great friends now, after break up--and I thought THAT was a bad relationship. Admit it people, relationships are painfully difficult. You are either lucky or you are...not
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Expat Italy: Thanks a lot for your reply. What eats at me is that how would I have foreseen that he would do the disappearing act? This is too painful. My last partner sort of started disappearing a bit after he got into trouble, but we still persevered some how, and we are great friends now, after break up--and I thought THAT was a bad relationship. Admit it people, relationships are painfully difficult. You are either lucky or you are...not They can be, although the right relationship certainly shouldn't have too many of these moments. As far as foreseeing his disappearance - he's done it before. Of course you couldn't have predicted he'd have done that the first time..but unfortunately, the second incident shouldn't be terribly surprising. Don't beat yourself up over that, though. You sound like a kind and genuine woman who was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's showing you now that this is a pattern, though. He's indirectly indicating you should keep any expectations of him low. 1
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