sooshi Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I'm having a hard day, thinking about my ex. I woke up from a dream this morning about finding out that he was with someone named Nichole, and saw a Youtube video of them where he said he finally met someone who was in his heart or something. Didn't enjoy waking up from that. Since I'm feeling pretty blah and missing him for no logical reason, I figured I should list some things that happened and how they reflect reasons as to why I shouldn't even look back. - he didn't treat me all that well during the last couple of months or so. One time, I deactivated my FB, because I was just feeling overwhelmed emotionally and didn't need to feel even more overwhelmed by seeing other people's thoughts and pictures. He got upset about my deactivating FB and didn't ask why I did it. He said that the next time someone asked him about why I deactivated it, he would tell them that it was my way of throwing a tantrum, but that at least I wasn't throwing things across the room like most people would. He said that it was an insult to our relationship. Wow. I can't believe I put up with that. I simply didn't want to be on there for a while! - he broke up with me on the day before Christmas (before breaking up for real with me on New Year's Eve). That night, we were going to his mom's place for a family gathering. I thought it'd be awkward to go since I wouldn't end up being family after all. But he said it'd make his mom really happy, so I went. Before we went, he told me that if I didn't feel comfortable, that he'd drive me back home, or that I could stay in his sister's room there. Shortly after arriving, it was clear I couldn't be there without being in tears, so I told him I wanted to go back (meaning he'd drive me, and then he could come back). He told me how that doesn't make any f-ing sense and asked me how that the F that makes sense. I shouldn't have put up with that either. - he admitted that he had been playing games with me and manipulating me into trying to break up with him. He said that it seemed like I would stay no matter what, so he finally did it. - he still had lingering feelings on and off for his ex almost the entire time we were together. Before we got together, he made it clear that he felt no attraction. Then after he told me about his lingering feelings, he said he had meant that he no longer saw her as a viable life partner. I guess I was supposed to understand that from what he said. I put up with this, being understanding and everything. Eventually he got his closure and they were able to be friends. - he'd be in it more for himself than for us. the teamwork. He'd be in it more for sparks and electricity and with the expectation that someone else fulfill all of his needs. I could go on, but yeah... I think this post has done what I set out to do. I see a pattern of disrespect here. It makes sense, since he pursued my best friend shortly after he ended our engagement, and he didn't tell me about it. I found out from her. What would you NOT go back, if you had the chance and wanted to on some level? 2
elseaacych Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Sooshi, sorry to hear that you're having a blah day. Ex dreams are the worst!!! Your ex sounds like a real piece of work, but you acknowledge it, and you're lucky you got away from him! (Seriously, the Christmas Eve story sounds like a nightmare.) Mine: -Would not contribute to his half of the relationship. -Never made an attempt to understand me or what I really needed. -Would frequently be late to time spent with me, and would be mad when I needed to end said date on time. -Would frequently argue with people. Already has two "archnemises". People who openly loathe him, and he loathes back. -Needs to be right all the time. -Was full of himself -Didn't have a plan for the future. -Oh, and he left me, so why?
Mondmellonw Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 My ex tried to get back and for I know now he even left another relationship. But we didn't. The he tried to be friends, telling me he didn't loved me anymore... But again. we didn't. Reasons not to be with him again: - He loves to drink. I always doubted if he had problems with it or not, since I never saw him drunk, but he can't live without his drink. - He treated me like badly many times. (Kicked me out from his car, blamed me for all kinds of silly things when he was unblocking his cheating ex from FB, etc, I mean, he would blame me on small stuff while doing big stuff. He would also blame me for things he did himself, like being stubborn. But he was way more stubborn than me. He would even stop talking to me for weeks... Silly me). I guess I can't enlist more things because I started to feel less hurt about this. But it is indeed good to remind myself of that he never treated me as he now says he did.
Author sooshi Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 elsea, I hope that reading those reasons help expedite the healing process for you even further (although you've made tons and tons of progress over the past month!) Yeah, Christmas Eve was tough. He had given me the choice of driving me back home or staying in his sister's room if I didn't feel comfortable with the gathering. But when it came to tell him I wanted to go back, he was upset. It was because he had been feeling bad about breaking up with me earlier in the day (I guess) and told me that if he were to drive me back to his place, he might end up going to buy some beer and not return to his mom's place (he drinks as a means to cope). Not wanting to risk that, I ended up staying in his sister's room the entire time that night. He came in once or twice to bring me some food and tried to cheer me up (it eventually worked). But still, it was very embarrassing because people were asking about me and were sorry that I wasn't up there with the rest of them for whatever reason. It was so embarrassing to "hide" like that.
Author sooshi Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Mondmellonw, I'm sorry that it hurt you to list those things. But more than pain, I hope that the realization that he didn't treat you well came through WHILE knowing that it was NOT your fault. I think that the vast majority of the time when someone gets angry, it really *is* them and not about the person they're being angry wtih. I think this happened with your ex, and elsea's, and mine as well. I'm sure we all experience that sometimes. Again, I'm sorry that writing this out hurt you. I do hope it helps with your healing though, even though it is painful to see those words right now. <3 1
Mondmellonw Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Mondmellonw, I'm sorry that it hurt you to list those things. But more than pain, I hope that the realization that he didn't treat you well came through WHILE knowing that it was NOT your fault. I think that the vast majority of the time when someone gets angry, it really *is* them and not about the person they're being angry wtih. I think this happened with your ex, and elsea's, and mine as well. I'm sure we all experience that sometimes. Again, I'm sorry that writing this out hurt you. I do hope it helps with your healing though, even though it is painful to see those words right now. <3 He was also very manipulative at times. Friends of mine would tell me that at times, he reacted almost like he was being the girl and I was the guy. So, yeah, he was scared by me being more mature, but he was also manipulating me with it so he could get what he wanted from me. Now it's been 6 months, but I have seen him a few times since then and even had a conversation (face to face) with him when he wanted to get back together. It indeed messed up my mind a lot. But now I'm better and I have a really strong conviction to get over this, like I didn't had it the first months when I was starting to post threads on here, so, it's a good sign and we are all going to be there someday Keep the good work, sooshi! Hugs. 1
Virgin26 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 (edited) - He didn't treat me well during the last two months. - He would act aloof and show a lot of attitude without any reason (he even said he doesn't know why he's behaving that way) - He made me go through an emotional roller coaster and made me wait for weeks because he didn't know whether he wanted a relationship or not! - He broke up with me on Christmas Eve (I asked him to give us another chance), and then he broke up with me on New years eve (what a great timing). - He took me for granted and acted as if I were a burden that he needed to get off his chest. -He was bullied when he was a young boy, and he couldn't let go of that even during his 30s. He would become defensive easily and assume everyone is after him!! - We were both facing many problems in our jobs (were both about to lose our jobs). I was supportive, I was helping him with applications, networking, and encouraging him to work on his portfolio and send out applications. On the other hand, he never supported me, he would snap at me for no reason, and he asked me to stop talking about my problems because they stress him out. I ended up losing my job, and he's still in his last position! - He broke up with me for no reason. He just told me that "he doesn't want to be in a relationship while going through a lot of stress because of all the job problems", he told me that "he just wants to be alone and doesn't want to hangout with anyone". - After telling me he needs to be alone, I would see him on social media hanging out with new female "friends", going to the movies, going on photography trips, etc. Made me realize he needed space from "ME" and not from people. - He was pushing me away and avoiding me after the breakup. and each time I met him, he was acting as if he was doing me some big favor (didn't know about No Contact). I was the one initiating contact all the time, and when I started NC, I never heard from him again!!! -Most importantly, he left me when I needed him the most. I was at the lowest point of my life. Lost my job, lost a close family member, and lost a few friends who betrayed me. In the middle of this, he was the only "good" thing left in my life. This was just too much responsibility for him, and he just left me hanging! All I got during the breakup was "sorry for not being mature enough to support you"!! That being said, these behaviors only happened in the lat two months and we were both under a lot of stress. It makes me wonder if the stress brought up another facet of him, or if he was just overreacting. The relationship was good in general, there was a lot of love, respect, and fun times. Should I get back with him after he treated me like garbage during the past few weeks? Absolutely not! Would I get back with him if he asks? My brain screams "NO", but my heart still loves him and misses him so very much. Even after months of No contact, I still dream about him and think of him every second of the day no matter what I do the more the breakup becomes distant, the more the negative things look minor and the good memories becomes heightened. PS: I also made many many mistakes during this breakup. I was mostly reacting to his behaviors. I once snapped at him and told him how selfish and what an a$$ he was to me in the last few weeks. It was harsh! I wish I could take that back PSS: sorry for the long text. That was therapeutic! Edited May 2, 2014 by Virgin26
KaliLove Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I'm so sorry Soosh, but I'm so proud of you for posting instead of contacting him!! Dreaming about him is actually a good sign..that is your subconscious purging itself. Moving forward my friend! I wouldn't go back because my ex is a total nut ball. He contacted me last night and he was nice..but I felt nothing!!! Not sad, not happy..nothing at all! You'll be there pretty soon too. I had a dream about getting my nails done. It was a real disappointment to wake up and see them bare. A real disappointment. Sigh. We both had rough nights I guess. Hugs!
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