Virgin26 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Someone wrote something the other day that really hit home with me though, something like, when they dump you they've made the decision that their life will be better without you in it.. I guess that's what I have to keep reminding myself. True!! I also remind myself that it wasn't just a hasty decision. Months have passed and each day my ex makes the conscious decision of not contacting me and not being with me. He decided that being alone is so much better than having me in his life. Those breakup lines are used to soften the blow. It just proves that our exes didn't respect us enough to tell us the truth, and all they thought about is relieving their guilt and looking like the "good guy". Whatever! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 I dunno. My ex said some stupid sh*t at the end.... Like I snored (which I did, but c'mon... 3 years weren't enough to figure that one out??), I clicked my teeth together?? I had bad breath. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Funny thing is, none of this was a concern or bothered her before?? Its like they just find issues to justify there decision... I dunno... I mean I could have laid into her as well. Body odor. Sn*tch odor. Hairy stomach. Hairy nipples. Big, hairy vajay jay. etc... But, NO. I never said sh*t, but I could have... I shouldn't laugh but I have tears in my eyes from laughing at that last bit. Who in the hell as a female has hairy nipples!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Yeah, it really doesn't help matters. Just makes me question if it was true or just something to soften the blow. Telling someone you love them, always have, always will and will miss you always is such a bad way to do things. It just leaves me thinking, I love you and I miss you too, why aren't we together then? I certainly wouldn't rid someone out of my life that I loved and knew I'd miss forever. Someone wrote something the other day that really hit home with me though, something like, when they dump you they've made the decision that their life will be better without you in it.. I guess that's what I have to keep reminding myself. Don't fall for it. You know it's a lie anyway. To hear "I don't love you" isn't better really. It means " I don't love you, but you were good enouh to fill the gap in between now and the relationship I want, with someon else. And the sex was nice. So I kept you around; but I like you, just so you know." Thats what it means, and I want to take a shower, and cry. I want to hold a giant F*CK YOU sign and beat the crap out of him with it. Instead of getting arrested for assault, I took a gym membership. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 I dunno. My ex said some stupid sh*t at the end.... Like I snored (which I did, but c'mon... 3 years weren't enough to figure that one out??), I clicked my teeth together?? I had bad breath. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Funny thing is, none of this was a concern or bothered her before?? Its like they just find issues to justify there decision... I dunno... I mean I could have laid into her as well. Body odor. Sn*tch odor. Hairy stomach. Hairy nipples. Big, hairy vajay jay. etc... But, NO. I never said sh*t, but I could have... Eww, really? Did you get yourself tested for STDs after you broke up? Lady bits that smell bad are usually sick. Or maybe she just didn't shower enough. Either way..EWW!!! And I'm sorry but this post cracked me up. Link to post Share on other sites
jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Still trying to figure it out I guess. She never really gave me a good reason. My guesses are that I became too insecure in our relationship. Always feeling she had one foot out the door. Once our relationship started having trouble, I think she didn't really want to try and make it work. She didn't think she had to if she was with the right guy. I held on too tight and probably pushed her further away, though you wouldn't know it from what she would tell me. The lack of communication I am sure contributed as well. Part of me also thinks I didn't man up soon enough and ask her to marry me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 Part of me also thinks I didn't man up soon enough and ask her to marry me. Don't beat yourself up about it, if you can't resolve issues outside of marriage, how well would they be resolved inside. After all, she should want to marry YOU not just get married for being married's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Rig88 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 It's very difficult to say what actually causes the ultimate demise of ones relationship. Each and every single person is different. Communication issues stand for a lot of problems in relationships. It's all about getting that balance. Some people crave a lot of effect ion whereas others don't. Some find it hard to be affectionate whereas it's not a problem to others. It also depends on other factors in the relationship, if everything else is perfect communication problems can be worked on. Don't be too hard on yourself though. The right person will be along one day. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I was going through a dark thought cycle, and he wasnt understanding. Then he found someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Another one of my random questions.. just nice to see what other people think/feel. So.. Q : What do you think was the downfall of your relationship? A : My partners inability to communicate her problems and/or my inability to listen I seriously think my lack of affection because of LTR complacency started a snowball effect. Not that I knew I wasn't doing it. Getting caught up with everyday life, I guess it happens. Its not exactly like she was going out of her way to be affectionate to me, but I guess woman need that kind of thing more. As I've never been at such a long stage in a relationship then I guess I just didn't know Anyway, it doesn't really matter now, I just regret if we/she had been more open about her feelings we probably could of worked through this I guess I have to live and learn for the next one sadly.... If I'm so lucky to find someone like her again I will never repeat this mistake. i think the downfall of my relationship was that my (ex) gf decided she wanted to bang other dudes, and not bang me anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
7yearsbroken Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I apologize for this long post. My story is a typical one. The dumper is happy with a new toy now while I, the dumped no longer desires any attachments or intimacy with people. I've enjoyed reading your stories on why things didn't work out, it makes me feel less alone, and I hope you find your happiness through it all. We both had issues. But she did not communicate the BU until she found someone else while being away from New York City in the big party school of syracuse. She didn't cheat, but she did everything for me to break up with her. We grew apart and she jumped ship. Will explain if you care to read further. We both had problems, but it was a uphill battle to begin with. She was married at 16, and I didn't know that until I dated her for a year. What a Liar, she got divorced but big warning signs there! I was 19 when I found out. 7years later we broke up in 2014. Now I'm 28 and she's 27. We are each other's first love, high school sweethearts. Oh did I mention we were in a interracial relationship? So yea. Our priorities have changed but once upon a time Id pridefully say I'm IN LOVE and I will always love her.. Until she slept around and had the time of her life away from me. Before she left to school, we fell apart and became cold towards each other we decided on taking a break from each other. I didn't want it, but I decided to give her space since I knew if she didn't feel the same way that's not true love, as I felt for her. We promised we would tell each other if we were seeing other people, but I didn't want to see other people. I needed to know if she would miss me, try to work out our problems or leave my side if given the chance. She changed, in every way, gave me the I'm not in love you but I love you speech when she came back for thanksgiving.. I didn't know she had someone already. But she did and hid that from me. So I could break down further my faults and hers but we ended there. She didn't cheat, but she had already emotionally checked out years ago it would seem. Now she's happy(I really don't gaf) I was too kind, generous and loving. I was desperate for her love while she could turn her back and walk away with another man. I now know how LDR can't work out, along with the pain of realizing why/how a LTR can't work out. I wasn't perfect, but I felt I deserved a better ending. Nope. Don't fool yourself kids, it ain't like Disney. Sorry for the rant, but there you go. sometimes people grow apart, sometimes people change to their surroundings, sometimes people have the GIGs, sometimes people's life's goals and careers don't match anymore. for some unfortunate people it's all of those things at once(lucky me). What is true love if it is unrequited, it is not true love then. Expectations and desires over this idea of everlasting love caused me the most suffering. You must chose who you love and trust carefully, and even when you are certain, you can never be. Ironic, no? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
John manning Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Who knows , I've been told so much by so many different people , mainly my family ; "you were never good enough for her , she wants someone older who has a better job , not someone whos broke going uni ". "She has issues because her dad left her at a young age, she will always try to get the approval of other men to try and fill that void" Although she said she still loved me and cared for me I still think it was down to another boy coming into the picture. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 On his part using alcohol for coping with his ADHD instead of developing real skills. On my part my inability to ignore some of the buttons pushed by his neurochemical condition. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishEyez Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Her inability to discuss/confront/address any issue that made her the slightest bit uncomfortable. The queen of procrastination. Then me being the polar opposite wanting to address every issue as they arose 2 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I guess I just couldn't stay in a relationship with a lying, cheating whore. Lol! I know this wasn't meant to be funny but it gave me a much needed chuckle this morning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Lack of communication on her part, so I would wager, I am not very good at mindreading! Still don't understand how it is so difficult for some people to open their mouths and communicate with others when they are so unhappy or have "issues" with you. I believe it comes down to maturity. I have a platonic female friend that tells me not until her 30's(she's 37 now) did she realize she could communicate what she enjoyed in bed and ENJOY sex that much more and ENJOY talking about sex with her partner that much more. And I would extend this awareness to the emotional, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I was too kind, generous and loving. I was desperate for her love while she could turn her back and walk away with another man. I now know how LDR can't work out, along with the pain of realizing why/how a LTR can't work out. I wasn't perfect, but I felt I deserved a better ending. Nope. Don't fool yourself kids, it ain't like Disney. Well, I lived with my gf, side by side. Saw her every day. And the exact same thing happened. She was asked out by an associate. Turned him down. Then spent a month mulling over her life and began to emotionally check out of our relationship. There was nothing I could do. Everything I did was wrong. She used every opportunity of weakness against me. She began seeing the guy while I was at work. By the end, embracing her was like embracing a piece of wood. So long... Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Og god, I got the same line when he broke up with me. I would have preferred the truth because I would have worked on whatever was the issue and improved myself for my next relationship. I'd rather have the truth than "you're the best girlfriend I have ever had, but I just need to be alone right now. I love you and always will". Seriously, wtf!! I got "I actually really loved you, but the way you're behaving I know that no shift in weather or change in my depression will make me feel that way again." What I didn't know at the time was that she was polishing another guy's knob in secret!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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