TigerLilly78 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I'm not on LS for dating advice. I initially came here to commiserate with my fellow dumpees as I was working through the feelings and emotions after a LTR ended. I get it thought... Attack the messenger. I'm to blame for you the lack of success you have in dating and specifically online dating. I throw out perfectly legitimate places / ways to meet quality people and they are dismissed and ridiculed. Some people are afraid of success and do not want to be happy, I get that too. So its legitimate and not "desperate" to come here and talk to "on line people" about your emotional state yet the same people you would be spilling your guts to in your time of need are not good enough to "date" interesting...im not ridiculing any were to meet people you are im open to anywhere one can meet some one. 2
Valen Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Not telling you that your claims of meeting people at these events are wrong. I'm telling you that making a blanket statement that all guys on OLD are terrible is fundamentally untrue. He never made that statement actually. He gave a rough estimated about 5% of OLD users are quality. He basically saying you most likely meet "nice guys", womanizers or players on OLD. That's the problem.
Keenly Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 He never made that statement actually. He gave a rough estimated about 5% of OLD users are quality. He basically saying you most likely meet "nice guys", womanizers or players on OLD. That's the problem. See post 19. 1
William Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) Let's steer this back to the specifics of the apparent 'fool' the thread starter met while online dating. This thread is not a discussion of online dating in general (we have a thread for that which I'll go find now!) or about LoveShack or its members (always forbidden) so we cleaned things up a bit. Now, back to the thread starter's issues. Thanks! Edit - found thread Edited May 1, 2014 by William
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 It truthfully irks me whenever I see people being passive-aggressive. I often find that the people who struggle with directness and assertiveness have some serious anger problems. You can somewhat conceal these qualities online but not anything more intimate than that... It's more than okay to tell people to loss your number. Dealing with life by being disrespectful to get what you wanted must be incredibly draining for everybody. What does it say about yourself to assume the other guy is an idiot for choosing to engage you in conversation despite your harsh words? You'll need to figure out another way of interacting with people you're serious about putting online dating to the curb. You can recognize the expression on people's faces when they think to themselves, "I don't want to talk to you so I'm going to treat you poorly and hope you'll walk away." So he goes poof on me for months after dating and I'M the passive aggressive one? Uh, hell no! I'm the one who was trying to keep calm about the situation after he just pops up outta nowhere months later! Just because I didn't tell him to go jump off a cliff does NOT make ME passive aggressive!
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 How long had you dated him for before the Holidays? Had you reached exclusivity?
FitChick Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 A former boss met his wife online years ago. He traveled a lot on business, mostly international, so he was able to meet women all over the world and have the company pay for it. He racked up lots of frequent flyer miles so could pay her airfare once in a while, too. He was attractive, educated and successful. Never had time to date locally and when he did, those women didn't last because he was seldom around that much so they found someone else.
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 How long had you dated him for before the Holidays? Had you reached exclusivity? We dated off & on I'd say about 3months. He disappeared in that time frame too, I chalked it up to us not being a match. Then he came back saying how great I am hasn't met anyone like me, kept up communication big time. He went away and I was glad he kept in touch he sent pictures. We said how we couldn't wait for him to come back. Even spoke while he was literally driving back. He gets into town and poof! We were not exclusive.
MidwestUSA Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 We dated off & on I'd say about 3months. He disappeared in that time frame too, I chalked it up to us not being a match. Then he came back saying how great I am hasn't met anyone like me, kept up communication big time. He went away and I was glad he kept in touch he sent pictures. We said how we couldn't wait for him to come back. Even spoke while he was literally driving back. He gets into town and poof! We were not exclusive. You were the back burner girl, his back up plan. I had one of these guys. I set his name in my phone to something choice: Ahole. When he texts, I get a giggle, but have no trouble ignoring. Good luck! 1
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 You were the back burner girl, his back up plan. I had one of these guys. I set his name in my phone to something choice: Ahole. When he texts, I get a giggle, but have no trouble ignoring. Good luck! Haha, Great idea! 1
GemmaUK Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I am scratching my head here OP! If he went 'poof' on you why did you give him any time of day when he next texts you? I would just have ignored any further texts. I just posted in another thread about a guy who had asked to meet me. He went silent on the day so I arranged to do something else instead. He has since contacted me on several occasions but I don't respond, never have. 2
Keenly Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 LOL! What does that even mean or good for? People are exclusive up till the point they don't want to be. I think it's crazy how much value / importance and the lengths to which people will go to hear those words / get that label when it has no meaning or teeth. People should honor their commitments, because what else does some one have, If not their word.
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 I am scratching my head here OP! If he went 'poof' on you why did you give him any time of day when he next texts you? I would just have ignored any further texts. I just posted in another thread about a guy who had asked to meet me. He went silent on the day so I arranged to do something else instead. He has since contacted me on several occasions but I don't respond, never have. Your right! IDK, guess I was trying to be nice a bigger person, because I hate being ignored so didn't want to do that to someone.
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 We dated off & on I'd say about 3months. He disappeared in that time frame too, I chalked it up to us not being a match. Then he came back saying how great I am hasn't met anyone like me, kept up communication big time. He went away and I was glad he kept in touch he sent pictures. We said how we couldn't wait for him to come back. Even spoke while he was literally driving back. He gets into town and poof! We were not exclusive. We have to be careful of the messages we're sending with our actions. He went poof before, you had an 'on and off' thing going so by participating in this you indicated you were ok with this. 2
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 We have to be careful of the messages we're sending with our actions. He went poof before, you had an 'on and off' thing going so by participating in this you indicated you were ok with this. True, especially when it starts out like that, no good ever comes from that. I was giving the benefit of the doubt, giving him a chance. He's proof to just cut your losses.
Iguanna Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 True, especially when it starts out like that, no good ever comes from that. I was giving the benefit of the doubt, giving him a chance. He's proof to just cut your losses. As I have many times said in here, in the period of first dating (like the first 2-3 months) people (should) show their best self cause they want to impress the other person or prove they are a keeper. If women see serious flaws throughout this period, then they should be sure 100% that these flaws will deteriorate by time and they will become the routine. When you don't like something, say it, express your disappointment, don't expect that things will change or that he'll miraculously wake up one day and be the perfect person. Serious flaws in the start of the relationship or dating should not be ignored. Talk or leave.
Emilia Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 We have to be careful of the messages we're sending with our actions. He went poof before, you had an 'on and off' thing going so by participating in this you indicated you were ok with this. Exactly. I would have said 'don't contact me again' and would have ignored his texts/communication from then on.
SpringBaby Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 On line dating is no different then hooking up with some one at a bar or club. You would be surprised at how many "prom queens" OLD these days..gorgeous well adjusted people why? cause its a modern option simple as that its more main stream now then it was years ago.. Yeah I agree, it's just how we do things now. Maybe when OLD first became popular that was the case but we do everything and OLD is no different. I personally didn't like OLD because I felt like it was a meat market, I definitely met quality guys online but they didn't seem like they were ever looking for anything serious to me. That was my problem with it. Be that as it may...I'm trying it again. It has worked for some, I think we just hear about the ones that don't work more than those that do.
SpringBaby Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 It is very different from hooking up at a bar or club because you have an endless assortment of faces and people to look at, and wink at, and approach. So God help the fool who thinks they are meeting a serious person even after you get the date they are still winking and flirting and trying for the better option. I used to have the mentality that OLDing is great because at least your both looking and serious about dating. Pfft, you're lucky if you find someone who really wants an exclusive commitment. It's a playground. I do agree it is more mainstream now and everybody does it. But that's probably what's ruined it as well. Good point HL, that's how I felt the first time too. I'm back OLD and my view is, what have I got to loose? It's not like I hadn't met idiots before I started dating online lol so whatever. If it works it works if not, what have I lost? Nothing as long as I'm exploring other options as well. Like meetup (if that's available for you), it's like the best of both worlds. I would advise sticking to the networking events because the social ones have more than a few...can I say "undesirables" in attendance. Add that with all the other chances there are to meet people we should finally be alright...one...day...soon. lol As far as OLD, I'm thinking hopefully, I will run into a good guy who is just as sick of it as I am. I hear they do exist. Pray for me .
SpringBaby Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Last survey 72% of single people are looking online. If you are single and not online you are the oddity not the other way around. If you're 20 yo with 800 FB friends sure you don't need online but otherwise with age the choices of places to meet drop drastically. Online dating is a phenomena that is there to stay and will become more and more important. I hate when I hear 'online people'. The people online are the same darn people you come across at the office and at the grocery store. OP: The guy kept texting because you kept replying. I had this guy who let 3 weeks go by before texting an invite for a second date. I said: Sorry, I did not hear from you in 3 weeks so now I'm seeing someone else. He never texted back. So true and really FB is the same as OLD in my opinion, I had FB friends that I never talked to after we added one another lol. Besides any connections you make online can be considered an "online date" and there's not a thing wrong with it as long as it works for you.
Author HappyLove Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Good point HL, that's how I felt the first time too. I'm back OLD and my view is, what have I got to loose? It's not like I hadn't met idiots before I started dating online lol so whatever. If it works it works if not, what have I lost? Nothing as long as I'm exploring other options as well. Like meetup (if that's available for you), it's like the best of both worlds. I would advise sticking to the networking events because the social ones have more than a few...can I say "undesirables" in attendance. Add that with all the other chances there are to meet people we should finally be alright...one...day...soon. lol As far as OLD, I'm thinking hopefully, I will run into a good guy who is just as sick of it as I am. I hear they do exist. Pray for me . Good luck! I've gone back to it before with the same thoughts thinking well maybe this time... Anyways hope you meet a great guy soon! I'm sure you will. Anyway, I finally told this guy I'm not interested and not to contact me again and I haven't heard from him since! We'll see.
SpringBaby Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Good luck! I've gone back to it before with the same thoughts thinking well maybe this time... Anyways hope you meet a great guy soon! I'm sure you will. Anyway, I finally told this guy I'm not interested and not to contact me again and I haven't heard from him since! We'll see. Thanks hun, I hope the same for you!
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