HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 So I've posted about this guy before. We met online he went away during the Thanksgiving holidays but kept in touch which I thought was great. Then he comes back and goes poof. Well about once a month since Feb he's been texting trying to see what I'm up to. I don't really give him the time of day. So he contacts me AGAIN two days ago with a text 'hi,how are you,how's work'. I take a day to respond because I'm busy & he's last on the list. It's more of a headache anyway. So I say I'm fine. He then asks to go to the movies and I say, no thanks! He gives a sad face and says ok. I've always just cut my losses and walked away when a guy disappears it hurts for a long time and you always wonder why but you do move on. So last night I got to thinking maybe some type of closure would do you some good. Why not ask why this time instead of ignoring him. So I said, 'why did you disappear when you came back from holiday'? Do you know what this fool said....'I met someone on match and we started dating'. Ouch, I did ask right? I said 'wow, that's nice'. He says it all moved really fast it was a friend of a friend but it's over now. I told him how he's the one who texted me acting like I was the best thing ever and then he just vanished and how that was rude of him and I thought he had integrity but, oh well. I said what are you bored now? I told him there are a lot if great women on match and he should go back on to find one and good luck. So I'm thinking humph, I told him! I bet he wasn't expecting that! So 20min later he text back saying, Any dates for you? Is this guy for real? I had a hunch he was stupid but really? I feel like it all went over his head. Is he just playing dumb?
almond Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Well, you kept responding to him after he pulled that crap the first time, so he thinks he's in with a chance. You've also posted two threads about him now. Tell him to stop contacting you and stop replying. It's only still going because you've been entertaining it. It's time to move on from this. 3
Keenly Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Do you think that you are some how a better person than him by being passive aggressive? Doesn't really sound like this dude did anything wrong per se, as you two weren't in a relationship. But whatever floats your boat. 4
Emilia Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 He just doesn't care. anything you say to him is water off a duck's back. It's good that you asked OP. I know it hurt but at the same time, it will help you to move on. Sometimes brutal honesty helps. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 . Is he just playing dumb? Nup judging from his actions before and now ide say he's not playing. You got yourself the genuine deal right there..lol 2
almond Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Well, there's your problem. ...ya, cos only people you meet online are capable of these sorts of things How insightful.
saltyfishhead666 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 All it takes is a message saying I do not want to talk to you, go on dates with you or harbinger texting competitions. Please lose my number - simples I had a man around like this, I've not heard from him since thankfully
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Well, you kept responding to him after he pulled that crap the first time, so he thinks he's in with a chance. You've also posted two threads about him now. Tell him to stop contacting you and stop replying. It's only still going because you've been entertaining it. It's time to move on from this. Yes when he's contacted it's only lasted maybe a day or two then he disappears but yea guess I'm gonna have to tell him to lose my number. The only reason I didn't do that was because I was trying not to be bitter and rude about it. But I see some people won't get it otherwise. The last time he contacted me about a month ago I didn't reply.
saltyfishhead666 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I have officially no idea what harbinger means - haha 3
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Do you think that you are some how a better person than him by being passive aggressive? Doesn't really sound like this dude did anything wrong per se, as you two weren't in a relationship. But whatever floats your boat. I think when you keep in constant contact with someone and go on dates and go on holiday but stay in touch, then all of a sudden disappear on them you are doing something wrong! It's mean. At the very least he could have said he met someone else and wished me well. Are you seriously gonna tell me if you were dating a woman and talking to her everyday. Then she all of a sudden just vanished on you it would be ok?
TigerLilly78 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I don't know I think the meaning of the word "dating" use to mean something different? now a days it seams to mean have some one "on the side" while you still have your pick of the litter..Im not saying in the very early stages im talking like 5 10 20 "dates or more in at that point ide think there's def enough interest why keep the harem on call maybe? That's just me if I find some one interesting enough to actually get to the "dating" stage im fairly sure there worth my while and im only interested in that person. Then again im not into casual sex ether so maybe im just to darn old fashioned..lol 1
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 I personally am through with OLDing. No good has ever come of it for me personally and when you take a look around the boards you see it only works for VERY FEW people. It's a headache. You think you met someone and they have GIGS. Hmmm, this guy probably had that too. But bottom line I really think it's a waste of time. Too many games associated with it.
TigerLilly78 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 The OP thought so. The stigma of O.L.D. and the people it attracts isn't going away. Online Dater Everyone knows that the Prom King or Queen does not need to online date and wouldn't be caught dead doing it. Sure, not everyone can be the Prom King or Queen and many kids were in the the school band or chess club. However, there are many people here on LS who think they played the tuba in the school band. In reality, they are the Prom King or Queen and just don't realize it. The OP is a Prom Queen. On line dating is no different then hooking up with some one at a bar or club. You would be surprised at how many "prom queens" OLD these days..gorgeous well adjusted people why? cause its a modern option simple as that its more main stream now then it was years ago.. 2
almond Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 The OP thought so. The stigma of O.L.D. and the people it attracts isn't going away. Online Dater Everyone knows that the Prom King or Queen does not need to online date and wouldn't be caught dead doing it. Sure, not everyone can be the Prom King or Queen and many kids were in the the school band or chess club. However, there are many people here on LS who think they played the tuba in the school band. In reality, they are the Prom King or Queen and just don't realize it. The OP is a Prom Queen. Lol, credible source you quoted there I have never personally used OLD, but I have friends that do. One in particular comes to mind who is exceptionally good looking and very successful...just a bit too busy and past the age of clubbing and bar hopping etc., who likes the convenience of OLD. He's not so insecure as to want to "never be caught dead" using OLD...I can't imagine why anyone would feel that way actually? Seems pretty odd. There are plenty of terrible people that don't use OLD. And plenty of fabulous ones that do. I don't believe in sweeping generalisations. Stigma is something I also don't support...I prefer logic, and with the way things are going, the stigma surrounding OLD has already significantly decreased. Your assertion that every person that uses OLD is of a lower social standing/value/quality/whatever than those that don't, or they lack self-esteem, is pretty ridiculous. 3
Author HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 It is very different from hooking up at a bar or club because you have an endless assortment of faces and people to look at, and wink at, and approach. So God help the fool who thinks they are meeting a serious person even after you get the date they are still winking and flirting and trying for the better option. I used to have the mentality that OLDing is great because at least your both looking and serious about dating. Pfft, you're lucky if you find someone who really wants an exclusive commitment. It's a playground. I do agree it is more mainstream now and everybody does it. But that's probably what's ruined it as well.
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Last survey 72% of single people are looking online. If you are single and not online you are the oddity not the other way around. If you're 20 yo with 800 FB friends sure you don't need online but otherwise with age the choices of places to meet drop drastically. Online dating is a phenomena that is there to stay and will become more and more important. I hate when I hear 'online people'. The people online are the same darn people you come across at the office and at the grocery store. OP: The guy kept texting because you kept replying. I had this guy who let 3 weeks go by before texting an invite for a second date. I said: Sorry, I did not hear from you in 3 weeks so now I'm seeing someone else. He never texted back. 3
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) ^^^^ In what world do you live in??? Where do you find time to do all this enough so you expose yourself to enough people??? I work during the day, leave at 8 AM and back home at 6 PM. Then it's dinner, the dog, the laundry, and such! You think I am going to meet a man because I give 1 HOUR on Saturdays to a charitable organization? I took classes, and courses and stuff and ended up with a bunch of SINGLE WOMEN. I did all that for 10 YEARS, and I met NO ONE. Edited May 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator No need to quote whole post 3
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 EVERYONE is well aware of the stigma that goes along with O.L.D. and those who use it. It's not going away. The "online daters" will say whatever they can to praise it even though everyone knows it sucks and for "bottom dwellers". They have to defend and justify it so they don't feel the like the dork who plays the tuba in the school band. How crazy is this? "Online Daters" expect the that other person is lying about their profile or pictures and they usually are! They lie about their height, weight, if they have hair or not, body type, age, if they are married, just got dumped 5 minutes ago, etc. Pictures are almost always misleading, photoshopped or from 5 years ago. Hell, you think you are talking to a guy / girl but you aren't even 100% sure! WTF! Then you get the whole "Pen Pal" deal that goes on for weeks on end. This happens because both people have mislead and lied to one another (via profile or pictures or both) and try to get each other "emotional involved". This is a hail marry pass attempt to get you to overlook the fact you were bold face lied too when surprise surprise... You both see the other person does not look like / who they said they were. The whole thing is based on lies and manipulation. Great foundation and way to start a relationship, right? Sure I know what you "online daters" will say... People in real life can mislead and lie too. True, but at the very least we know what each other looks like and we are attracted to one another. We have also talked face to face, exchange contact info, planned a date, etc. and far more romantic. That's WAY MORE than you can say. How romantic is O.L.D? Romeo or Juliet could most likely sent you and 100 other people a message while they were taking a crap on the toilet. Who wants to deal with the dorks in the school band, being "Pen Pals" and trying to rope each other into each other's web of lies, deceit and desperation? Not me. I really was the Prom King and I wouldn't be caught dead doing it. When are you going to start selling us your book? Because you really sound like an advertisement on how to find the perfect man. 4
Emilia Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Authentic Men have "life balance" and we are too busy actively pursuing our passions / goals / dreams / hobbies / interests, etc! I do not know of one Authentic Man who Online Dates or who has ever tried or considered it. In fact, every Authentic Male I know over the age of 30 doesn't even have / want / use Facebook. All you are going to meet Online Dating is "Nice Guys", Rebounders, "Players", "Womenizers" and "Pick Up Artists". If there are Authentic Men that Online Date, it's a very, very small percentage (5% at best). Authentic Men do not care about, want or need to sit behind a computer and Online Date. We are out there making a difference in the world! For us, we are most happy when we are using our natural talents, skills, abilities and gifts. We are men of action, we are "doers" and we make things happen. For us, online dating doesn't seem natural because it feels "forced" and it goes against the way we are wired on how we live and conduct our lives. No, it doesn't matter the "TYPE" of Authentic Men (Nerds, Outdoorsy, Creative / Artsy, etc.)... we are still out in the real world. Leading, serving, volunteering, etc. We are always pursuing passions / goals / dreams / hobbies / interests, etc. Not to mention, we stand for a great many things and our beliefs matter, so we fight for, invest and spend time pursuing those things / causes too. Are you sure that all 'Authentic Men' have got the memo? Apart from that scientifically proved 5%, obviously.
Keenly Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Well.... I online date. I'm not any of those things, I'm pretty datable really... So to tell women don't use OLD Because they all suck is actually a false statement. So if one example already disproves your entire premise, its wrong. 3
TigerLilly78 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 . I really was the Prom King and I wouldn't be caught dead doing it. But yet you will go on and on on a relationship advice on line forum? O.0 5
Valen Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I personally am through with OLDing. No good has ever come of it for me personally and when you take a look around the boards you see it only works for VERY FEW people. It's a headache. You think you met someone and they have GIGS. Hmmm, this guy probably had that too. But bottom line I really think it's a waste of time. Too many games associated with it. I'm glad you saw the light, Happylove. And I agreed with Truth Hurts's post on that authentic man don't do online dating. I am an authentic man and I don't do OLD. I tried OLD for a short period just to know what it was like. And I have concluded it's just a online version of clubbing for people too old to club so you pretty much meet the serial daters who are looking for hookups or the bottom dwellers you don't want to meet in the first place. The whole process seems unnatural. I don't want to meet someone for the first time on a date. I rather meet someone in a natural environment so I can observe who they are and decide if I'm interested in pursuing further. And as you pointed out, the more popular OLD is becoming the more it is turning into a shark infested place. And the genuine people will realize it and leave. 1
ThatMan Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 It truthfully irks me whenever I see people being passive-aggressive. I often find that the people who struggle with directness and assertiveness have some serious anger problems. You can somewhat conceal these qualities online but not anything more intimate than that... It's more than okay to tell people to loss your number. Dealing with life by being disrespectful to get what you wanted must be incredibly draining for everybody. What does it say about yourself to assume the other guy is an idiot for choosing to engage you in conversation despite your harsh words? You'll need to figure out another way of interacting with people you're serious about putting online dating to the curb. You can recognize the expression on people's faces when they think to themselves, "I don't want to talk to you so I'm going to treat you poorly and hope you'll walk away."
Keenly Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Not telling you that your claims of meeting people at these events are wrong. I'm telling you that making a blanket statement that all guys on OLD are terrible is fundamentally untrue. 1
Valen Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Take the challenge. It's not like what you are doing now is producing results. Don't you think it's time to try someone else? She did meet her current boyfriend from OLD, problem is he didn't want to get off OLD. Hence the big problem with OLD, they are always on the prowl for something better or new. I don't blame people for using OLD, it is must easier to do it all sitting on your computer and have access to hundreds of potential mates with the a click of a button than it is to go out to an event physically.
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