Nimbus4dt Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I start from the beginning, am 43, met a lovely 35yr old 11 months ago, had a very intense beginning, just clicked, spent a lot of time together and I really thought she was the one for me and also felt she felt the same way about me. She fell pregnant after 2 months (we both wished to have kids) and at first I was over the moon, I then freaked out at the suddenness of it all, felt trapped so we talked about a termination and went ahead. During this stage I was also very cold and actually not a very pleasant person (she had moved in to my house) She moved out, I realized what I had lost so started to try and rebuild or at least make an effort to. We talked a lot, laughed and did things together. I applied no pressure but did let her know that I did wish to reconcile. Time went by, we saw more and more of each other, went out for supper etc and eventually slept together, which was a joy and was emotionally charged. This continued for some time, I was aware that feelings on my side were getting stronger, I also sensed the same on her side, but a day or so after we were intimate she would go cold. This is how the pattern was until she said she wanted a full on no contact break for 2 months, I also agreed to this as said she needed to get over the old relationship in order to start a new one. 2 months NC lasted 3 days, she broke contact and we texted a fair bit but we were both away on holiday (separately) for 2 weeks. Upon her return she professed to have missed me a lot and thought it was worth trying again, I was skeptical to start with as for the last 2 months I felt that my emotions were being played with, a sort of emotional yo-yo. She was lovely in person, caring etc etc but a day after intimacy she would revert back to cold again, non committal, showing very little interest in my life, me doing all the running etc, me paying for suppers, planning to take her away etc. I was aware that she was not singing from the same page, she was taking and giving very little, it made me feel on edge and I guess she sensed this and it just made the situation worse. We did discuss this on Sunday just gone, I pointed out that she was being selfish, it was all take take take and that I deserved better. It was a frank honest discussion and I though we had made some progress. got up in the morning, after a lovely cuddle and a kiss and went to work, we had a bit of text banter and did not see each other that eve. A couple of texts in the morning, one suggesting that we go out to a local pub for some supper then 2.30 in the afternoon, I got the "we need to talk" e-mail, so I phoned her to find out what it was about and sure enough I had to work to get it out of her, I stated that it was pointless meeting her as she would just come out with a long list of negatives and criticisms and justification for her actions. Her line was " I love you but am not in love with you any more" and that she was not in a place to give me what I deserve. So thats it, I have now to move on. I did not do NC as I felt that this was not a relationship to be playing games in and despite reading here regularly I feel I should have just walked away from it earlier instead of investing time and effort in something that my gut told me was not quite right. The very strange thing about it all is that we got along so very well, really well, sex was good, we both had similar libido's, we both fancied the pants of each other but it has come down to this situation. I have blocked all forms of contact with her and currently don't wish to be part of her life, well, I lie, I'd love to be but on an equal footing, and that'd be down to her but I fear the time has passed for that as we have already tried. So Is it common for a girl to play emotional yo yo with a guy? Never come across it before. I guess I was just the emotional support, sex and suppers for her and when it came to having to make a commitment it was just too much maybe due to the resentment carried over from the abortion and the way I treated her? Or was it to do with a punishment for my actions? I will not contact her but do worry if she comes back in a couple of weeks saying she's made a mistake etc etc….. I do love her Or she has another chap lined up and is just making the jump (I suspect this maybe the case but am not aware of anything) I am just gobsmacked at how one can go from being so normal, to dumping in the space of a few hours. Let the healing process begin!
Author Nimbus4dt Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Well first proper day of NC for myself today, did do some snooping though and found she'd been on match.com. which despite making me feel pants actually internally makes me feel better as it just demonstrates how little it meant to her, less that 24 hrs after the dumping and she's on a dating site! How she can date someone with all the history/baggage I know not but then not my place to worry, I can watch the car crash from a distance. So she obviously has a need for someone, company? interest? I don't know. Would I be right in thinking she has shown certain traits of a BPD?
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