Elle1975 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I just got done reading an article online, and it's super depressing. Basically what they are saying is that I need to settle for a man 10 years or more my senior, or settle for less than I want. Without being a top model, I am good looking, in good shape (5.7 for 159lbs) , and smart. Although maybe not as smart as I think, since I am single. I'd like to meet someone my age, up to 45. Where do I begin? I was married, now divorced for the past 7 years. Just got out of a 1 year relationship. It feels like I have to settle for something less than what I wish for..
CarrieT Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 It is totally a numbers game and patience. I was single in my 40s and did OLD for several years; to the tune of hundreds of online conversations and more than 50 coffee meet-and-greets. I finally found someone only a few years older than myself and just got married. But hold out for exactly what you want and do not settle! 3
Author Elle1975 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 It is totally a numbers game and patience. I was single in my 40s and did OLD for several years; to the tune of hundreds of online conversations and more than 50 coffee meet-and-greets. I finally found someone only a few years older than myself and just got married. But hold out for exactly what you want and do not settle! I thought about the gym maybe? I am going to the ymca Monday (they have a pool hehe). Bars I think are a bad option, unless I wanted a one night stand and thats not what I am looking for. And ok, I will not settle
J21 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Eff those articles. A lot of them are so ridiculous, its like they let any idiot with an internet post them. You only live one life, don't settle for less than you think you deserve!! Especially because of some silly article!!
soccerrprp Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I started dating again in my 40s and met plenty of classy, attractive, put-together women in their 40s, late 30s. I am dating, and will be engaged to a beautiful woman in her 40s very soon. I met her online. It can be depressing, I suppose, especially for women, but there are good men out there. Simply put, there are good people out there. It's my opinion, but I really believe that people in our age group, mid-30s to mid/late 40s (50s) are in the best times of our lives for dating. We tend to know what we want, more serious and mature and provided we take care of ourselves physically, mentally, financially, I believe we are in the best dating group. Don't read those crappy articles. 1
sillyanswer Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I just got done reading an article online, and it's super depressing. Basically what they are saying is that I need to settle for a man 10 years or more my senior, or settle for less than I want. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. 1
CarrieT Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I thought about the gym maybe? I am going to the ymca Monday (they have a pool hehe). Didn't work for me. I went to the gym four times a week and never met a single guy (well, except for my really cool female trainer who stood up with me at my wedding and someone she was training who is a Gay Boy in my Harem of Gay Boys). But I was living in an area where gym attendance was one of those places that people went to for exercise - not socialization. I never saw much of anyone talking to anyone else and this was a big city (San Francisco).
blissfinder Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Don't believe that article or other articles telling you what you can or can't do after a certain age. It's negativity and only true if you believe it and live it. I'm in my late 30's and I would never date a man 10 years my senior and never have. I do also take good care of my body and appearance by eating very well and working out which doesn't hurt matters in that department.
Babolat Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) 47 year old man here, quickly approaching 48, who started dating again at 44. These have been some of the best dating years of my life! OLD has worked very well for me, I'd say it's a 50/50 mix of OLD and meeting woman doing the things I like to do (tennis, hiking, biking, volunteering) and thru friends. My circle of friends has grown a lot since my divorce. If you meet a man and there's no relationship chemistry, but you like him in general, then work on friendships with me. I have met a lot of woman thru my 46 year old female best friend. I have not dated any of them, but the option was/is there. I had actually been on 3 dates with one of her friends, before I met her without knowing the knew each other. Bars, thumbs down for me. I don't like them, only go with friends to see a band, dance, get a few drinks. I never approach women in bars, just not my thing. Get busy doing things you like, and you will meet like minded men. Regarding age, in order as best I remember: 42, 42, 35, 40, 42, 29 and now 49. Edited May 1, 2014 by Babolat 1
RonaldS Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I'm 2 months shy of 40. Dating is shooting fish in a barrel with no water in it. I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. Those articles are dumb. Be active, hit the gym, go to coffee shops, etc...it's easy. What kind of area do you live in? Big city? Small city? Small town?
Babolat Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Dating is shooting fish in a barrel with no water in it. I'll bite, what does this mean? I spend a lot of time in my local coffee shop reading, chit chatting, etc. I've never seen it as a place to meet woman though. It's probably there, I just don't look for it. Meetup.com is a good source for meeting new like minded people.
Babolat Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Didn't work for me. I went to the gym four times a week and never met a single guy (well, except for my really cool female trainer who stood up with me at my wedding and someone she was training who is a Gay Boy in my Harem of Gay Boys). But I was living in an area where gym attendance was one of those places that people went to for exercise - not socialization. I never saw much of anyone talking to anyone else and this was a big city (San Francisco). Yeah, I go to the gym to well, work out. I love to see it when an attractive woman comes in and 4 men are talking to her for 30+ minutes thinking they are making "progress" with her. That said, the 35 year old I dated was a personal trainer and spinning instructor at my club, so I guess I kind of sort of did meet a woman at my gym!
FitChick Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Men are visual creatures so concentrate on looking better. If you are 5'7" and weigh nearly 160 lbs., unless you are a pro body builder, you are too heavy. Lose the extra weight, tone up, get a hair, makeup and wardrobe consultation if you can afford it. The competition is fierce out there so you can't be lazy. Of course, if you are willing to settle for someone less desirable who would settle for you then don't bother. 3
dichotomy Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) I think a lot depends on where you live, and your social circles. Between marriages in my 30's I was not going to have much of a chance finding single women normally in my area (divorce is rare mostly families). On line dating was the only way to go. Lots of coffee dates did not lead anywhere but that was ok too - just needed to keep trying. It a numbers game. Be focused on what your goals are short term and long term and express them clearly when you use online dating. Not that there is anything morally wrong with it- but I found a lot of focus on early sex (like by third date) and having several dating partners (i.e. sexual partners) at the same time. Kind of a meat market thing for some. Just be clear what your seeking and expecting and what your beliefs are on dating and sex and love - I mean spell it out early when you meet someone on OLD. I do think 5 years is a tight window for you. I don't see why at 40 you could not extend your openness up to 50.....or down to 30 You will do fine. Edited May 1, 2014 by dichotomy
LittleTiger Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 My exH left me when I was 43 and I thought that was it - but I met my 'ideal' man just before I turned 45! He's nine months younger than I am, the fittest guy I've ever met - and he adores me. If I'd written a list on paper beforehand I couldn't have got any closer to getting everything I wanted in a man. We met online. Just be open to the unexpected and have fun meeting new people. It may take a while, but eventually you'll find someone who's a really good fit - however old he is! 2
thefooloftheyear Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I just got done reading an article online, and it's super depressing. Basically what they are saying is that I need to settle for a man 10 years or more my senior, or settle for less than I want. Without being a top model, I am good looking, in good shape (5.7 for 159lbs) , and smart. Although maybe not as smart as I think, since I am single. I'd like to meet someone my age, up to 45. Where do I begin? I was married, now divorced for the past 7 years. Just got out of a 1 year relationship. It feels like I have to settle for something less than what I wish for.. Do you have klds and what is your financial situation? I say this as a lot of desirable(successful) guys in their 40's probably dont want to take on someone with financial problems, especially if they are paying an alimony/cs nut themselves...Kids arent much of a problem for guys who have them, but the guys that dont have kids dont understand the experience-and probably dont want them at this point anyway. You can get what you want, but you have to get the right fit(duh)... Id never in a million years do OLD....but thats me... TFY
Author Elle1975 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Men are visual creatures so concentrate on looking better. If you are 5'7" and weigh nearly 160 lbs., unless you are a pro body builder, you are too heavy. Lose the extra weight, tone up, get a hair, makeup and wardrobe consultation if you can afford it. The competition is fierce out there so you can't be lazy. Of course, if you are willing to settle for someone less desirable who would settle for you then don't bother. My goal at the gym is 140lbs. I have curvy body, and I love it, but I do agree that i need to get rid of the extra weight. It won't make me lose my shape. Just make it look even better. As for make up I do use some, but not a lot. I am lucky enough to have nice skin. I will ask advice though, maybe I can get helpful tips. I thank you all for your constructive advices. Oh.. and I do the OLD but I don't want to put all my eggs in the same basket. :-)
Author Elle1975 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Do you have klds and what is your financial situation? I say this as a lot of desirable(successful) guys in their 40's probably dont want to take on someone with financial problems, especially if they are paying an alimony/cs nut themselves...Kids arent much of a problem for guys who have them, but the guys that dont have kids dont understand the experience-and probably dont want them at this point anyway. You can get what you want, but you have to get the right fit(duh)... Id never in a million years do OLD....but thats me... TFY I do not have any kids. I am not wealthy, however I do have a decent job that allows me to save money. I am in college, as I do want a career; I am an A student with the drive to better myself. About OLD, I thought I would give it a shot. I am active, I go out, meet new people at the dog park all the time for instance. It's not like I sit at home all day.
Author Elle1975 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Women that I know in person have always commented about how they hate being hit on at the gym. But that's pretty much par for the course anywhere they go. But of course… Just like with every woman… There's always a double standard. If the guy that's hitting on her is attractive enough, it doesn't matter where they're at… all of a sudden it's okay if he hits on her. I don't mind men hitting on me. Sometimes they're attractive, sometimes they're not (not to my standards). When I met my ex he wasn't my type, at all. I gave it a chance and fell over heels for him. So.. Sometimes we have to go past our comfort zone. 1
Babolat Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 My exH left me when I was 43 and I thought that was it - Same here, at 44, when we seperated, I thought I was done, a washed up "has been". Wow, it's been an amazing adventure since! I have grown, learned, made new friends, my life is totally different, in a great way.
Babolat Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Do you have klds and what is your financial situation? I say this as a lot of desirable(successful) guys in their 40's probably dont want to take on someone with financial problems, especially if they are paying an alimony/cs nut themselves...Kids arent much of a problem for guys who have them, but the guys that dont have kids dont understand the experience-and probably dont want them at this point anyway. You can get what you want, but you have to get the right fit(duh)... Id never in a million years do OLD....but thats me... TFY 47 year old man here, no kids, and all of the woman I have dated since my marriage, have/had kids. Current woman I am seeing has 3. Their dad has 50% custody and is very active in their lives. 3 of the others were single moms, and that presented dating challenges but was never a concern for me. Kids has never been an issue or concern for me, other than I have no "dad experience", which does cause me some anxiety.
RonaldS Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Same here, at 44, when we seperated, I thought I was done, a washed up "has been". Wow, it's been an amazing adventure since! I have grown, learned, made new friends, my life is totally different, in a great way. Yep...felt the same way. I was like, who in the world wants anything to do with a guy my age who is divorced with 3 young kids. Apparently, quite a few people do. And now that I've been through a marriage, and have kids, all of the relationship pressure is off, which means dating can be fun. 1
Babolat Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 As for make up I do use some, but not a lot. I am lucky enough to have nice skin. I will ask advice though, maybe I can get helpful tips. I am personally more attracted to women who wear little to no makeup. In fact, one of my tests, if you want to call it, is to see her without makeup and still feel the same level of physical attraction. If I do, we are on a good path. I've been with a few woman, who without their makeup on, I lterally would not have recognized them. My ex gf looked amazing without makeup. When she dolled herself up, fake eye lashes, lots of eye makeup, etc, honestly, and I will get punched on here for saying this, I thought she looked like a hooker. I was still attracted to her, just could not stand all the makeup. Every kissed someone on the cheek who has layered on the makeup?
Babolat Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Women that I know in person have always commented about how they hate being hit on at the gym. But that's pretty much par for the course anywhere they go. But of course… Just like with every woman… There's always a double standard. If the guy that's hitting on her is attractive enough, it doesn't matter where they're at… all of a sudden it's okay if he hits on her. Do like I do, put your ear phones on, stay focused, quiet, get in, get out. Most at my gym probably think I'm a snob. Im there to work out, not talk or meet a woman. The personal trainer/spinning instructor I dated from my gym approached me, invited my to 2 free personal training sessions with her and invited me to her spinning class. Later she admitted she was hitting on me, and, well, it worked!
Babolat Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 meet new people at the dog park all the time for instance. It's not like I sit at home all day. Dog park, I forgot about this one. A couple of my female friends have met men at the dog park.....nice strategy. I once thought about starting a dog rental business for those who wanted a dog for "the short term" but not the long term for things such as this! 1
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