I couldn't change him, but I shouldn't have wanted to try

[Manipulatedbylove]

First off let me say breaking up sucks!

 

Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee. I have been both, but have fallen into the category of dumper just recently. Seriously though I am usually the one who gets dumped or,worse, cheated on. I try so hard to work things out with someone and then it goes to crap. I'm not saying that I am perfect in anyway, I do have my faults and I do screw up from time to time, but no one deserves to be treated the way I was treated in some of these relationships. And guess what I stuck around until they finally got sick of me and left. But I digress. This post is not about all my past relationships, it is about one in particular that unfortunately happened just last night.

 

I have been having a seriously hard time with my now ex, let's call him Brad. When I first met Brad, he had no job, no ambition, no education beyond 7th grade and sat around all day doing absolutely nothing to be productive. Well I told myself to stay away from him because my last boyfriend was the same exact way. He would probably openly cheat on me and mess me up even more in the long haul. But I thought what the hey I could probably just talk to him and then disappear like a shadow in the wind, wrong. I fell for it again. Something was different about Brad. He wasn't a douche to me, he didn't sneak around on me, and he acted like he wanted a better life. He told me that I made him want to be a better man. That I was the reason behind him driving him to do better things. Time went on and we had a good time. We dated for 2 years. He did love and care for me, but then all that changed. Around our 1 year anniversary we started having more arguments over stupid things. He started asking me for money and stopped spending time with me and telling me it was my fault because I never come see him. Which, by the way, I always went and saw him! He stopped coming to my house and then stopped coming to family things which I invited to stating that he had other things to do. I was made to feel like the only reason he would send me text message telling me I miss you and I love you were just ways to keep me. Because in my mind he never had to show it, he only had to tell me.

Now I know people say to never let your family into your problems or know about your relationship, but they could see it. Finally my dad sat me down and told me that he was really worried about me. He told me that he knew because of the way I was acting and making excuses for Brad's absences all the time. He told me that I was worth so much more than what I was getting. That I was so much better than the way he treated me. That I should be a priority, not an option. He was right, but I just ignored it. Time went on. Still with him. By this time we had gone out only once in the span of 6 months and I was the one footing the bill for it. I tried to make him the person I wanted him to be, but I shouldn't have needed or wanted to change him in the first place. Don't get me wrong he was a great guy. When we were around each other he would compliment me, make me smile, kiss me and hug me. He would make me feel special and loved, but then I got to thinking. Is it fair to me to love someone so much who isn't there for me? Is it fair that I pay for everything we do, not to receive anything in return? Am I being selfish for asking these things? Am I not taking in his personal problems (excuses) into account? Right at that moment I received a call from my dad and step mother. They were both concerned about me because at this point I stopped coming around as much because they would always make comments about him not being around saying that we had the weirdest relationship. But that call felt like that was the universe crying out to me saying that this was it. They received a piece of mail with his name on it stating that he had applied for a loan or something and put that he lived at their address for two years. I don't know what he was trying to accomplish with that, but it was weird. I called him and told him that we were over and that it was done. I blocked him from my phone and blocked him on social media. I was done. Unfortunately when you block someone from Facebook or your phone they can still send you messages. They just can't call you or see your posts or your profile. So needless to say I received some nasty messages stating that I was a whore and cold hearted bitch who didn't care about anyone, but herself. I didn't entertain the messages, but they still hurt. Saying that I was a piece of **** and that I was the fakest girl he had ever met. That I messed him up so bad that he wouldn't know what love is if it smacked him in the face. Even though my love was never fake and I still love him. But how can you be with someone who is never around? He has blown up my phone and I haven't answered not once. He called me from his sisters phone and I knew I shouldn't have answered, but I did and he proceeded to angrily berate me and verbally harass me. Though he never mentioned anything about coming and hurting me, I didn't trust him. I had this feeling of dread come over me because my roommate was out of town and I was at home alone. I called my dad and asked if I could stay with him for a few nights and he said that I could. I blamed it on the really bad weather we have been having because I didn't want to tell him the real reason why because of the fact that he might just go find Brad and hurt him. Still the texts came coming in. Still verbally harassing me and telling me how I was morally piss poor and other horrible things. Finally I just turned my phone on silent and went to bed. This morning I wake up and there are texts saying that he was sorry and that he doesn't wish bad things on me and that he wishes the best for me in the future. Finally maybe he would get the hint and leave me alone. I still didn't respond, just left it at that. Later today I get a text telling me to be careful, again because of the bad weather. Still didn't respond. That's when he started the whole berating and talking down thing again. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I just broke, but I didn't say I would go back. No, I told him that the only reason he was doing this was to manipulate me into coming back because that would prove my love and loyalty to him just so he can tell me that he doesn't want me back and leave my heart in shambles. I am not sure if that got his attention because now he is blowing up my phone calling me. Like I said before I have blocked him from calling me, but it still shows that he called me even though the call doesn't come through. But no more texts as of right now.

 

I understand that everyone grieves in their own way, but I don't think him acting like that is okay. It's one thing to be mad at first and then apologize and leave it alone, but then when you continue saying the things you just apologized for that's not right.

 

Now I turn to you community. What do you think? Was I wrong? Was I selfish? Or was it the right thing to do?

[jphcbpa]

paragraphs please.

 

I stopped reading at this...

 

Well I told myself to stay away from him because my last boyfriend was the same exact way.

 

You should be asking yourself what this is all about and just focus on fixing you.

[FredJones80]

paragraphs please.

 

Lol, agreed, it hurt my eyes, I gave up reading too.

[Manipulatedbylove]

I know I do need to work on myself, that is apparent. I thought I had fixed myself because I hadn't dated anyone in almost a year, but obviously I was wrong. Pretty much the bulk of this thread is just to understand whether or not I was wrong to break up. I guess to him it was sudden, but to me it was a long time coming.

[Manipulatedbylove]

Tried to fix it, but doesn't let you edit... Sorry I am new to forums, if you can't tell :/