jeowhu Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Hi There... I'm hoping I can get some help with a conundrum I am in. My sanity is of great importance to me but I'm losing it quickly over this. Synopsis: - been working with a girl for 3 years. For the past year we have done some very heavy flirting and managed to emotionally connect on very deep level...but just as friends. - 3 months ago, on a business trip, we hooked up. It was very intense and incredibly electric. We both commented how we had not had experiences so super charged ever before. (We are both 38). - there is a fly in this ointment. At the time of the hook up, I was In the initial stages of the break up of my marriage. We are now at the separation stage...this is a key to this issue (surprise! ) - we have dated and seen or talked to each other every day since this hook up. We have connected on a level that I have never done with any human ever. I am in love, head over heals, and so is she...it's been a magical ride. - the past week, after a great, short, trip together, she began to act distant. I ignored for a day, and then confronted her. - we had a bit of a fight about the way I confronted (too aggressive. .bad move) and then decided today we would have a drink and talk. - so the drink was had and the end result was that she needed a "little breather" because she was so overwhelmed with stress lately ..she has has just accepted a new job, her kids have had a bad flu and a bunch of other little things. - the big kicker, however, was that she was feeling overwhelming guilt about breaking up my family. She, no matter how I explain to her that this road was paved well before she came along, can not get past the perception that when the greater public finds out about us, it will tarnish her reputation at her new work, with her family etc...not to mention having to deal with my ex and her ideas of what may have been going on. This feeling has paralyzed her lately and is causing her sleepless nights and she doesn't know how to sort through it. - all of this resulted in the request for a "breather" for a few days to sort through her thoughts. - I told her I disagreed with some of her perceptions, but that I was ok with a break .. I could use one too (this is NOT true but I was trying to play it cool...Although I'm unsure she bought it). So, this all happened today. After we agreed (mostly) we went our own ways. 30 mins later I got this text: "You know I love you..." To which I replied: "I do, I love you too, a lot. I know where my life is going and I know where I'm going to be and I want you in my life. But for now, I'm going to take a step back and let you think, let me know when you are ready. " She replied: "Yes, a little breather, OK" I was OK leaving it at that but then, an hour ago, I got this: "Went for a run. Thought I might bump into u" ....UGH...so now I'm stumped....what do I say? Do I ignore? Keep in mind, my objective is to create challenge for her..I want her to chase me...I want to create the same mystique and draw I did when we first got together. I had planned to lay low for days...week...whatever...but if this is how she is going to play it..I'm not sure what to do. Help!
Raena Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 It seems like you both didn't make it clear what "taking a breather" meant. Does it mean you don't speak to each other? You told her to let you know when she was ready and not much later she's texting you telling you she thought she might run into you. Does that mean she's ready? Probably not, but it does mean that she's thinking about you. IMHO I think you should leave her alone until your divorce is finalized and THEN contact her. Wait until you are completely over the previous relationship emotionally as well before getting involved again. After your divorce is finalized, if you are still thinking about her and still want to be with her and she's still available then try again taking it slow. Don't talk to her in the meantime... let her make her own choices in that time period about how she feels about you. You could easily tell her this directly too... "I don't want to ignore you but it's best if we don't speak until I have finalized my divorce. I will contact you then and see where you are at" and then stick to it. Leave her be. If it's really meant to be, then it will be. I know it I were her and I were really into you.... months later I'd still feel the same way. That kind of connection doesn't just disappear and it's best for both of you if you make sure there is no reason for her to feel like she's the reason you left your wife.
Assasda Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Here is what happened to you OP. When you fell "head over heels" for her, you put her on the pedestal. You took her humanity away from her, she was no longer a person that could make mistakes, be wrong about things, be difficult to deal with. She was now on the pedestal and you worshiped her. So she needed time away for a while. Then, when she was off the pedestal and a human again, she decided to contact you. You can get back with her, and stop gaulking over her like she was your queen and just play it cool and have fun. It doesnt matter if you wait a week or not
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