madgirl1991 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 So sometimes guys add me on facebook randomly. Or i've chatted to them on tinder/ok cupid/pof and then they knew my firstname (which is quite unique) and they found me on facebook. I try to flirt and show interest back, but they lose interest soooo fast! What am i doing wrong? A similar thing happens in real life, they will ask me on a first date/hangout then i never hear from them after that. Or if i meet them at dancing, they ask to go outside and chat, and then after that they never wanna dance with me anymore! Conversation started April 21 Guy 1 4/21, 11:29pm Guy 1 Hey, so might as well say you're also extremely attractive, was going to avoid it as sorta wierd online but chatting on here now anyway haha Today Me 10:21pm Me Haha hello Sorry I just saw this! Where did we meet? Guy 1 10:29pm Guy 1 Hi haha on OkCupid a while back. Today Me 3:06am Me Lol oh god Guy 1 5:47am Guy 1 Yeah forget I said it. Cya. Me 7:35am Me Oh dont go. Im glad you found me what are you doing today? Guy 1 8:10am Guy 1 Guess I can hang around haha. Just got to work. How about you? Me 8:12am Me Oh cool, yeah my bus is almost there Guy 1 8:14am Guy 1 Yeah computer on and it begins haha. What time do you work till? Me 8:14am Me What do you do at work? Well I have to get in around 745 when the market opens, so I usually get out by 4:45 Guy 1 8:17am Guy 1 I'm a paediatric therapist, just looking up reports atm. Ahh ok similiar hours to me Me 8:20am Me Cool Your my first pediatric therapist friend ever Guy 1 8:27am Guy 1 Haha yay for me, don't think we're overly common. Well you're my first friend in anything financial all my mates are hands on workers Me 8:36am Me so you're like the smart one in the group ;P Guy 1 8:42am Guy 1 Haha I wouldn't say that but I am less amused by shiny things Me 8:45am Me haha but girls like shiny things! Guy 1 8:48am Guy 1 Haha thats okay then. Me 9:02am Me you're so hard to talk to lol guy adds me and tells me i'm attractive then doesn't talk. weird. well, have a good day at work. -------------------------------------- Conversation started Monday Me 4/28, 8:42pm Me How do we know each other? I saw you in my feed but I swear we have never met... Guy 2 4/28, 8:44pm Guy 2 was it pof? im pretty sure it was one of those sites.... Me 4/28, 8:44pm Me Haha oh okay i figured you looked to attractive to be a 'friend' of mine lol Guy 2 4/28, 8:46pm Guy 2 haha well thank you how was your long weekend anyways? Me 4/28, 8:48pm Me Ha, crazy. I had like 17 people in my house. Yours? Guy 2 4/28, 8:49pm Guy 2 nice! well the footy on friday night hence my display pic, tenpin bowling saturday night and then the valley after not my typical weekend haha Me 4/28, 8:50pm Me energiser bunny much Guy 2 4/28, 8:53pm Guy 2 I wish! I was so wrecked yesterday Wasn't very busy out either Me 4/28, 8:56pm Me That's what happened a few weeks ago, when a footy game was on. Only the indians and asians were out lol, cuz they don't care about games Guy 2 4/28, 8:57pm Guy 2 Even Saturday was dead. Only the first floor was open at the family Me 4/28, 8:59pm Me pfft family Guy 2 4/28, 8:59pm Guy 2 I just wanted somewhere to do some serious dancing Me 4/28, 8:59pm Me its always a bit dead, i don't think its as hyped as it was a few years ago. Everyone goes elsewhere now. oh haha you dance? me too! Guy 2 4/28, 9:00pm Guy 2 I don't dance very well at all though. Liquid courage always helps And wet pussy shots but don't tell anyone haha Me 4/28, 9:03pm Me haha Guy 2 4/28, 9:09pm Guy 2 Are you still on that site? Me 4/28, 9:32pm Me Nope, I didn't really see anyone I'd be interested in. What about you? Idk, like the idea of online dating seems cool but ultimately, I'd prefer to just do my thing and if I meet someone naturally and we get along, great. Today Guy 2 5:41am Guy 2 Yeah I'm the same. I go on every once in a while but I haven't really found anyone that takes my fancey. I work heaps so online dating seemed like a good idea Me 8:02am Me What do you do for work? I wish I could work more.. But our hours are pretty much set Guy 2 8:13am Guy 2 I'm an exercise physiologist. Working as a pt in Morningside Today Guy 2 11:01pm Guy 2 so what do you do for work? Today Me 3:07am Me I'm an economist, I predict the future Turning into a metals/coal nerd pretty fast 8) Today Guy 2 8:31am Guy 2 Haha that sounds really cool Guy 2 8:38am Guy 2 Good looks and brains is a deadly combination Me 8:45am Me haha, my friend has a theory that dudes can never be all three: smart, nice and good looking which do you think you would be? Guy 2 8:54am Guy 2 I feel like I have elements of all 3 but I'm not overly smart haha Me 8:58am Me true Me 9:09am Me i think that people can become smarter by reading etc but you can't change an ugly face! you're probably doing okay then
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Oh fail. I accidentally copy and pasted the convo into the convo with guy 2! now he thinks im a weirdo. Sigh.
thecrucible Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Can only think of a few things based on the conversations: Guy #1 - You refer to him as a friend..so I guess he is treating you like one - Maybe you could ask a few things about his interests/what makes him tick - You can't expect much if you're talking to him on the way to work or whatever over facebook chat. - I think you should talk to him again just have a chilled out conversation and see where it goes Guy #2 - You start off bigging up his appearance and feeding his ego so he pretty much thinks he has you locked in..so you're not a challenge. He's lapping up the compliments but not giving you much in return. He should be the one proving himself to you. - You ask him about his experience online dating etc. Not that that's a bad thing but in my own experience it's led to me being friendzoned easily. - He talks to you about drinking exploits etc -sounds like he's talking to you like one of the guys. - Don't know what to make of this guy. He finds you attractive but he's not really making much of an effort hmm. Could be he likes having pretty girls on his radar and you're one of them. - I would leave the ball in his court on that one. He already knows you're interested. Or I could be talking a lot of crap. Thought I'd get some replies rolling in!
ChooseTruth Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I think maybe the ending in Convo #1 did it: Me you're so hard to talk to lol guy adds me and tells me i'm attractive then doesn't talk. weird. well, have a good day at work. He was at work right? He may have just been busy. I'd just try not to be so paranoid. That last part would have made me think you thought I wasn't a good conversationalist, or that I was a jerk...and that I was weird. I'd be scared to talk to you again. Maybe if you initiated another conversation with him it would go better?
thecrucible Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 It sounds a lot like you called guy 2 ugly. I don't think she did but could easily be taken the wrong way - either could be taken as a negative comment against 'ugly' people or make it sound like she was talking about him...
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Thanks guys. So it seems there are two problems. 1) my attempts to 'flirt' are coming off badly, and offensive 2) some of the guys i target are jerks anyway
HappyLove Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I think your convo is too long. You don't know these guys let them do the work. They are the ones approaching you! I'd keep it short say hi where do I know you from, exchange a compliment, say glad you reached out are you gonna be around later. Tell them what time you'll be home, if they are interested enough they'll hit you up. Then bounce. You're too available with these guys. First one seems so insecure I think he did you a favor. Last one sounds like you called him ugly. Bottom line I thought it was too long. You don't know them that well for the back and forth so it caused communication problems. I'd keep interactions short until a date was planned. Why waste your time anyway. When you give them too much even though you're just being a nice person, they look at you as desperate also it was too easy for them. Trust me! I have this idiot hitting me up monthly because now I don't give him the time of day. I don't even respond to him. But back when I was too available to him I wasn't good enough and he disappeared. Men can be so backwards. 2
crederer Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 You told guy 1 you didn't remember who he was and told guy 2 you're not attracted to him, basically. Most guys will see this as rejection.
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 But these convos took place over two days. How am i supposed to get to know them if i dont put in time to chat? I am sick of going on blind online dates and its always awkward because we dont even really know each other. I wish these guys would keep the convo going, flirt with me, and ask me out. I don't get it. The guys i am not interested won't stop bugging me. I'm just trying to be nice and show interest and that's a turn off? How fked up!!! I thought guys want nice girls who show interest and dont play hard to get. That's what they all say!!
KatZee Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 (edited) Guy 1 8:42am Guy 1 Haha I wouldn't say that but I am less amused by shiny things Me 8:45am Me haha but girls like shiny things! Guy 1 8:48am Guy 1 Haha thats okay then. Me 9:02am Me you're so hard to talk to lol guy adds me and tells me i'm attractive then doesn't talk. weird. well, have a good day at work. -------------------------------------- 8:45am Me haha, my friend has a theory that dudes can never be all three: smart, nice and good looking which do you think you would be? Guy 2 8:54am Guy 2 I feel like I have elements of all 3 but I'm not overly smart haha Me 8:58am Me true Me 9:09am Me i think that people can become smarter by reading etc but you can't change an ugly face! you're probably doing okay then This is where you f'd up in both conversations. 1. You came off materialistic, snobby, and judgmental. It's not like YOU were helping the conversation much either. 2. Guy says he's not overly smart, and you agree. Again, you also come off snobby, critical and superficial. Edited April 30, 2014 by KatZee 1
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Okay. So how am i supposed to flirt? My definitiion of it sparking conversation that is playful and shows interest in them. The options are: 1) Say nice compliments - this makes me look desperate 2) Neg them - apparently makes them offended even though i used lots of winks/smileys. How the hell do i flirt online? What do we talk about? THIS IS HARD! PS: I stopped talkign to them. Now Guy 1 messaged me: Haha sorry very hands on at work and people asking for stuff lol I usually chat when I'm home and can put together a coherent sentence lol. Guy 2 followed up, asking me if i had much planned this weekend.
Treasa Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 1. Stop saying haha. Even if they continue to do it. It feels awkward. 2. Don't say things about how a guy can't have all three things (looks, brains, and whatever). 3. Just say, "Hey, we both like dancing. Do you want to go to XYZ on Friday night?" Be confident. 1
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 (edited) My only advice. Do not add guys from online dating to your FB. It's a bad dating move. Keep it on the dating website for a few conversation then MEET. Adding these guys to your FB is the best way of being friend zoned. Also at first it's very important to keep a bit of mystery around. When you add them to your FB you open your entire life to them, it's too much too fast. They have NO time to wonder about you, it's all served to them on a silver platter. And last, when you will meet your guy and you add him to your FB those 101 other dudes on your list will look bad. ADD: Even these 2 guys here, if they browsed your FB while chatting they made a judgment on you already if you had lots of guys on there. Edited April 30, 2014 by Gaeta 1
topaMAXX Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 This thread made me think about some past experiences. I've had girls do this to me in the past (randomly message me out of nowhere and ask me a bunch of seemingly platonic questions). It wasn't until this very moment that I realized that there could have been interest there. You seem to come off in a bit of an awkward fashion. These guys probably left the conversation confused. Flirt a little more next time.
thecrucible Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Okay. So how am i supposed to flirt? My definitiion of it sparking conversation that is playful and shows interest in them. The options are: 1) Say nice compliments - this makes me look desperate 2) Neg them - apparently makes them offended even though i used lots of winks/smileys. How the hell do i flirt online? What do we talk about? THIS IS HARD! PS: I stopped talkign to them. Now Guy 1 messaged me: Haha sorry very hands on at work and people asking for stuff lol I usually chat when I'm home and can put together a coherent sentence lol. Guy 2 followed up, asking me if i had much planned this weekend. Keep talking Get to know them, see what they're about. Avoid the negging stuff - hard for that to come across well in text. Maybe compliment what they do, empthasise what you have in common, but don't fake an interest in anything. 1
topaMAXX Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I think your convo is too long. You don't know these guys let them do the work. They are the ones approaching you! I'd keep it short say hi where do I know you from, exchange a compliment, say glad you reached out are you gonna be around later. Tell them what time you'll be home, if they are interested enough they'll hit you up. Then bounce. You're too available with these guys. First one seems so insecure I think he did you a favor. Last one sounds like you called him ugly. Bottom line I thought it was too long. You don't know them that well for the back and forth so it caused communication problems. I'd keep interactions short until a date was planned. Why waste your time anyway. When you give them too much even though you're just being a nice person, they look at you as desperate also it was too easy for them. Trust me! I have this idiot hitting me up monthly because now I don't give him the time of day. I don't even respond to him. But back when I was too available to him I wasn't good enough and he disappeared. Men can be so backwards. Remember, men do not have the same experiences as women when it comes to dating. It's very possible that these guys had no idea that OP was flirting with them. This may be hard to believe, but most guys do not get hit on very often. And, from what I saw, OP did not make it very obvious that she was interested beyond friendship. As far as being too easy, most guys like it when a girl is friendly. What many of us hate is when a girl is too easy sexually.
Author madgirl1991 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Oh i give up. I tried to make them work for it. It fails. I answer their questions eg: what are you doing this weekend? me -going house shopping, out with friends etc. I purposely dont ask a question back so they have to work for it. And then the convo just dies.
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I purposely dont ask a question back so they have to work for it. And then the convo just dies. What?? You purposely don't ask questions back? Of course the conversation dies!! I would not chat 2 minutes with someone not reciprocating with questions. Men aren't different than us, they need to feel an interest to become interested. 3
Do_The_Herp Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Oh i give up. I tried to make them work for it. It fails. I answer their questions eg: what are you doing this weekend? me -going house shopping, out with friends etc. I purposely dont ask a question back so they have to work for it. And then the convo just dies. What would the purpose of making them "work" for it be, exactly? So they're basically talking at you, while you give off the general impression that you're not that interested? Even though you obviously are.
rester Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Oh i give up. I tried to make them work for it. It fails. I answer their questions eg: what are you doing this weekend? me -going house shopping, out with friends etc. I purposely dont ask a question back so they have to work for it. And then the convo just dies. Trying to "make them work for it" usually backfires. I agree with Gaeta. We like when you ask questions! It shows you are interested and keeps the conversation flowing.
thecrucible Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Oh i give up. I tried to make them work for it. It fails. I answer their questions eg: what are you doing this weekend? me -going house shopping, out with friends etc. I purposely dont ask a question back so they have to work for it. And then the convo just dies. Don't play games like that. There are other ways to seem mysterious.
dispatch3d Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I think you are jumping to conclusions with both these guys. If they ask what you are doing on the weekend that is a sign of interest. I think you should just flirt with them and hopefully they will ask you out. You could also ask them out, it really isn't that big of a deal. I've read up on pickup theory so I know what negging is. You are supposed to use this when someone thinks they are better than you, to subtly attack their self esteem so that they believe you two are on the same level. I think this is a stupid way to flirt with a girl/guy and I wouldn't advise doing it. The most likely outcome from attempting this is to insult them and piss them off. Also guys don't usually have as big an ego about dating as girls do, making this tactic not as worthwhile.
sagetalk Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I purposely dont ask a question back so they have to work for it. And then the convo just dies. Why do they have to work for it in a conversation? You sound a little entitled, which makes men think you are high maintenance, which makes men run or just use you for sex.
HappyLove Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I meant work for it meaning don't be too available! If your in a conversation of course you talk to them but if your busy like on your way to work tell them to hit you up later. Don't make convo last all day catching up and getting to know each other is for actual dates.
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