benkaye Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I wanted to get a general gauge on how often people argue with their existing partner or ex partner? I am a 26 year old male and my relationship ended due to us drifting after 1.5 years together. I believe the main reason is that we argued regularly. I don't mean small tiff's over what to eat for dinner which you then end up laughing about, but I mean arguments that end up in a shouting match and end up not wanting to talk to each other for hours, or even contemplating whether "the relationship is really worth it?" If you could let me know how often you argue and what it tends to be about, it would really put things into perspective for me! Thanks
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 We don't argue that much. I will disagree but I'm not the knock down drag out fight type because when I do fight it's very hard to come back from that. I will throw everything I have at somebody. I think our last one was about 4 years ago. We were newly married. DH was on a business trip. I joined him & got very jealous about the way he was treating another woman who was a work colleague several years younger then me. That woman was trying very hard to assure me that she knew why I was upset & that there was nothing going on but DH still defended his behavior claiming that he was "protecting" her in a strange city. In a 12 year relationship I had I remember 2-3 blow outs. All were about the status of our relationship. I always wanted more commitment then he was willing to give & ended up calmly breaking up with him when I finally realized that he'd never marry me.
RoseMadder Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I'm in the middle of a huge row with my other half right now! I'd say it happens every few weeks, usually it's because I get upset over some aspect of his behaviour and neither of us take criticism well. If there was one thing that I wish my H would do its look at things from my point of view. I try to imagine what he's going through and not say something just to be hurtful and I'd like him to do the same. I sometimes feel very belittled by him and think if he was me he'd be devastated by what he says. However it certainly isn't one sided and if you asked him I'm sure he'd have some complaints about me. Especially my habit of throwing whatever I've got to hand at him, today it was an empty can of coke and a can of lighter fluid We both know EXACTLY what to say to escalate things and are both guilty of doing so. Apart from today. Today it's all his fault....
Author benkaye Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 I'm in the middle of a huge row with my other half right now! I'd say it happens every few weeks, usually it's because I get upset over some aspect of his behaviour and neither of us take criticism well. If there was one thing that I wish my H would do its look at things from my point of view. I try to imagine what he's going through and not say something just to be hurtful and I'd like him to do the same. I sometimes feel very belittled by him and think if he was me he'd be devastated by what he says. However it certainly isn't one sided and if you asked him I'm sure he'd have some complaints about me. Especially my habit of throwing whatever I've got to hand at him, today it was an empty can of coke and a can of lighter fluid We both know EXACTLY what to say to escalate things and are both guilty of doing so. Apart from today. Today it's all his fault.... Oh you guys argue a lot! Makes me think that arguing maybe wasn't the SOLE reason for our breakup then haha.
Author benkaye Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 In just over 3 years...never. He is a sweetie pie. He gives me an adorable look, makes a face and we both start laughing. I'm his princess. If we have an issue we have a mechanism. I kiss him on the nose and then he has to kiss me on the nose. Eases any tension. Having said this, we each have our own houses. We spend lots of time together but also have our own careers and space. I like the feel of being 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. My kids have left the nest so less issues than younger couples still with marriage and family life ahead of them. This sounds wonderful, I'm happy for you two! Within the first 6 months of my relationship with my ex girlfriend, we broke up twice (myself instigating) because we kept getting into huge arguments over petty things she disagreed with me doing (and then realised her mistakes after!) I guess that's not a healthy relationship, especially at 26 and her 24!
Grumpybutfun Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 We used to argue, now we discuss. Discussion is better and doesn't waste time. I would say we used to argue when we first got married maybe three or four times a year. We have discussions all the time because she is overnurturing and I am overprotective. We know it, we own it and we can now laugh about it. The thing we both realized about arguing is neither of us could hear the other because we were too angry and were formulating things in our head to say back....so we don't do that anymore. I admit, she is a sweetie and will often apologize and want to hug right in the middle of the discussion which is genius...she isn't agreeing I am right, she is just sorry I am upset with her. I then shelve the discussion for later when we are cool and we do discuss it and compromise as needed. Just like everything else in life, there is an art to disagreeing. G 1
Author benkaye Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 I know that we're probably an anomaly in this area, but my wife and I never argue. I mean, I don't even remember the last time we disgreed on something. We pretty much see eye to eye on everything. Which is crazy when you think that we used to fight SO much early in our relationship... A common theme I'm seeing here is couples arguing at the BEGINNING of their relationship, but once they get through they seem to stop or at least significantly reduce.
anne1707 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 A common theme I'm seeing here is couples arguing at the BEGINNING of their relationship, but once they get through they seem to stop or at least significantly reduce. That's how it was for us. Wuggle and I argued a lot in the first year especially when we started living together but it was mostly based around getting used to each other's ways. Once we found ways that worked for us both, the arguing dropped way off. Now I struggle to remember the last time we argued or even the last time we had a significant disagreement. 1
RoseMadder Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 A common theme I'm seeing here is couples arguing at the BEGINNING of their relationship, but once they get through they seem to stop or at least significantly reduce. I don't know about that, we've been together nine years and argue about as much as we always have. My nan's from a Romany family and we all have fierce tempers, I don't stay angry for long though and we always make up quickly. Most people who know us would describe us as having a 'passionate' relationship, the only thing that matters to us though is that we adore each other. The weird thing is we never bicker or nitpick at each other, 99% of the time we couldn't be happier, we both love the same things, share the same values, our demons play well together etc... Every now and then though we just piss each other off.
rester Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 We've been together about 2.5 years and argue more than I would like. About 2-3 times a month. About once a month we get into a "is this really worth it" argument. Usually it's because she expects more support from me than I can give and she gets angry, and then I feel as though she will never be happy. She complains and vents more often than I'd like, and I try to be supportive but I end up getting irritated, and then we fight about it. I'm interested in other points of view on this, as well.
Elle1975 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I wanted to get a general gauge on how often people argue with their existing partner or ex partner? I am a 26 year old male and my relationship ended due to us drifting after 1.5 years together. I believe the main reason is that we argued regularly. I don't mean small tiff's over what to eat for dinner which you then end up laughing about, but I mean arguments that end up in a shouting match and end up not wanting to talk to each other for hours, or even contemplating whether "the relationship is really worth it?" If you could let me know how often you argue and what it tends to be about, it would really put things into perspective for me! Thanks My last relationship, we never argued. Small stuff that were getting resolves, yes. No fights.
Author benkaye Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 So being 6 months into a relationship and regularly having arguments because she didn't agree with some things I did, and getting into big arguments where we almost broke up is not a healthy relationship ?
Elle1975 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 So being 6 months into a relationship and regularly having arguments because she didn't agree with some things I did, and getting into big arguments where we almost broke up is not a healthy relationship ? For me, it isn't a healthy one no. I don't like drama and pemanent headaches.
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