thysecret Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Kinda agree with this. If my ex ever date someone else, or worse HAVE SEX WITH HER, i feel disgusted and will not want him back again. Maybe i am more to the extreme side but i feel disgusted by it. 2
AlphaC Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I could NEVER take back someone who once gave up on me. I can honestly and unequivocally answer this " me either". When my ex left me I realized she wasn't the woman for me. I had done so much for her, treated her so well but she gave me up. I was hurt for a few months but I knew I was better than anyone she had ever been with, and I knew, deep down inside, that she would never meet someone like me again. The ship she failed to board was sailing, and would never visit the same port again. After every relationship I learn, I become stronger, I know what I bring to the table. If the girl I am with doesn't want me I know plenty who do. I used to be insecure, shy and lonely, that was when I was inexperienced. When my ex left me I waited 3 months to start dating again. I didn't wait for my ex to return, I knew when she left she would never be welcomed in my life again, I am serious! I waited 3 months to rid myself of her affect on me. When I started to date again I didn't compare my dates to my ex, I had evolved, I had outgrown that failed relationship and was ready to start anew. Tonight I went out dancing with my girlfriend. We have been dating for 3 months. She is very beautiful, fun, loving, has a great smile, a great figure. Guys look at her, they want her, she is beautiful, young, very positive. She likes me because I represent strength, confidence and wisdom. Girls check me out too, but I know better than to exercise my options. My gf picked a winner. Thanks LS , for all the stories here assisted me with my evolution. To all the dumpees out there, stay strong and remember "No Contact" no matter what!! If I were to run into my ex (which is the only way I would ever communicate with her since she is blocked on everything and my phone number is changed) I would look her in the eye and say "F" "U" which stands for "forget you." The ship has sailed!!! 4
thysecret Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 If I were to run into my ex (which is the only way I would ever communicate with her since she is blocked on everything and my phone number is changed) I would look her in the eye and say "F" "U" which stands for "forget you." The ship has sailed!!! HAHAHA you're so funny! F U = forget you. Well, lucky for me, i'm in a LDR so i wont meet my ex!
xUnknown Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 You can do it because you learned to forgive them. For me, it made me a stronger person. It showed me where my flaws were and why I was dependent on her for my happiness. Yeah, it sucks what she did and how she did it...but it is what it is. 1
yorkie Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 can i just say forgiveness is within im learning that right now. yes i miss her i miss the family unit we once had and the closeness of the family but she doesnt need to know i forgive her. the trust has gone! 8 months on for me and i dont want her back! everyone has heard the saying once bitten twice shy! nargh it wont work in my situation 13 years we were together and i know that things would never be the same! you can try and mask over it. even if she came back and wanted counseling nothing can change the facts. the facts are she left got with another guy destroyed my life and my kids life and then want to come back. No thanks! aint gonna happen! 2
xUnknown Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I also should mention it depends on the situation, because there is no "right" answer to cover for every situation. 1
jstew2000 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 This thread is awesome. Gives me a lot of hope for my future. My gf emotionally cheated on me by texting her ex the whole time we were together, begged for me back when I dumped her. I took her back and she dumped me! She doesn't deserve me and things probably would never be the same again. She gave me up for her POS ex that doesn't even really care about her and uses her with risk of losing me forever! I deserve better than that. I might not want to party as much as she does, but sorry I'm growing up and focusing more on life... I just had lunch with her last week like an idiot and she hasn't changed at all. Still selfish with a huge ego and persuades herself everything she does is "Ok". I don't want that! The worst part for me is jealousy. Maybe it's because my confidence is still in the dumps. I'm again in no contact, but we have a lot of mutual friends so not hearing about what she's doing is very hard. I still feel a little jealousy though and in my mind I don't wanna care what she does or who she sleeps with. Does anyone have tips on that thought process?
elseaacych Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 This thread is awesome. Gives me a lot of hope for my future. My gf emotionally cheated on me by texting her ex the whole time we were together, begged for me back when I dumped her. I took her back and she dumped me! She doesn't deserve me and things probably would never be the same again. She gave me up for her POS ex that doesn't even really care about her and uses her with risk of losing me forever! I deserve better than that. I might not want to party as much as she does, but sorry I'm growing up and focusing more on life... I just had lunch with her last week like an idiot and she hasn't changed at all. Still selfish with a huge ego and persuades herself everything she does is "Ok". I don't want that! The worst part for me is jealousy. Maybe it's because my confidence is still in the dumps. I'm again in no contact, but we have a lot of mutual friends so not hearing about what she's doing is very hard. I still feel a little jealousy though and in my mind I don't wanna care what she does or who she sleeps with. Does anyone have tips on that thought process? I read somewhere that if you picture your ex in the nastiest sex positions possible with her fling, and do it frequently, it will hurt like hell, but if you do it for so long, the idea of it just won't bother you. And you can move on. Further. If I were you, I would ask your mutual friends to stop telling you about her and vice versa.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I read somewhere that if you picture your ex in the nastiest sex positions possible with her fling, and do it frequently, it will hurt like hell, but if you do it for so long, the idea of it just won't bother you. And you can move on. Further. If I were you, I would ask your mutual friends to stop telling you about her and vice versa. I don't know about that first bit - my ex didn't cheat but when the break up happened and someone told me he was on a dating site it hurt. I would picture him doing the things he did with me with other women and it destroyed me for many many many months. The latter I agree with though. Good friends wouldn't tell you anything about her, or mention her. Make sure they realise you don't want to hear it.
Elle1975 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I read somewhere that if you picture your ex in the nastiest sex positions possible with her fling, and do it frequently, it will hurt like hell, but if you do it for so long, the idea of it just won't bother you. And you can move on. I believe it. I'm not ready to be doing that though. I'm repressing as much as I can "lahlahlahlah"!!!! If I don't think about it, it doesn't exist.
L1ght Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I also should mention it depends on the situation, because there is no "right" answer to cover for every situation. I kinda agree to a certain extent because nothing is ever black and white but if someone leaves you when you really need them and they don't come back after you make it clear as day that you need them then No! Absolutely Not! I really don't see how a person can take someone back who abandoned them in such a way. If on the other hand its not as dramatic as that and the breakup is somewhat amicable and everyone's position in the situation is understood then yeah sure I don't see anything wrong with getting back with someone since the trust has not been lost. 1
oracle Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 You would be surprised what you can get used to or over. Kinda agree with this. If my ex ever date someone else, or worse HAVE SEX WITH HER, i feel disgusted and will not want him back again. Maybe i am more to the extreme side but i feel disgusted by it.
L1ght Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) You would be surprised what you can get used to or over. I guess so. I guess it depends what kind of outlook a person has about the relationship they are in at the time in question. Maybe the relationship is already open or something but if it isn't then its very difficult to come back from sleeping with someone else. In my life I've never got back with my ex's when they've done it to me. Happened twice and both times it felt...its a very empty feeling you are left with when it actually happens. Nah....for me a piece of the relationship dies when that line is crossed. I'll never get back with someone who cheats on me when I'm in an exclusive relationship. No way Hosay. On the flip side if I was in a 30 year marriage maybe I would see sleeping with someone else as a trivial matter that is not a big enough issue for me to break the marriage off? I wouldn't know because I've never been married but it wouldn't surprise me if the older we get the less of an issue it becomes to some people. Edited May 1, 2014 by L1ght
somecamel Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Would I get back with an ex? Kinda weird this question for me at the moment, just come out of a 7 year relationship and as much as I'm not over this woman, I don't think I could get back with her at this point in my life. However, My ex from nearly ten years ago (who is also the mother of my child) has kind of come back onto the scene, nothing has 'happened' but it's brought back a lot of the old feelings I had for her. As a bit of background, this ex psychically cheated on me, we got back together, had our son and then broke up, I hurt for a long time after this up until I suppose I met my most recent ex. I suppose time can be a great healer.
FredJones80 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 this ex psychically cheated on me ... I suppose time can be a great healer. A leopard doesn't change its spots remember 1
Elle1975 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) I wish I were as strong as you. It's been months after he left me, and I would take him back in a heartbeat. I know that I shouldn't, but the heart wants what it wants. I still love my ex, and I can't see myself with anyone else. Even though I haven't talked to him in months, and I have dated other men, I still want him back He hasn't reached out to me or tried to get in touch at all. I guess it's a blessing in disguise. Don't be too hard on yourself. I spend my evenings in bed daydreaming about him. He realises what a good team we were. He asks for another chance and I make him work for it. A lot. It's just daydreaming. I know it will not happen. Since I take a sleeping aid I end up falling asleep fast and dont linger on my guilty wish. The heart wants what the heart wants, indeed. However, I decided to think with my head. And I am thinking thats the step toward a good relationship. Listening only to my heart got me nowhere. Yes, that's his loss. But it's also mine. Breaking up made me realise I can't sit on my @ss and expect mister ideal-guy-for-me to drop on my lap. Anyway, I disgress. I would advice to work toward a future you. What do you want, what are your goals, why are you unhappy? Be honest and work for it. Really do. Give it your best. Only you holds the key to your happiness; he had just happen to break the lock. Edited May 1, 2014 by Elle1975 2
Virgin26 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I would advice to work toward a future you. What do you want, what are your goals, why are you unhappy? Be honest and work for it. Really do. Give it your best. Only you holds the key to your happiness; he had just happen to break the lock. I truly believe that my ex is a good man, not a jerk or anything, and I appreciate his honesty and that he didn't drag me along, cheat, or manipulate. He was facing lots of problems in his life, lost his job, had major self-esteem issues, etc. He decided to leave me to build himself and solve his problems (or so he told me)! I guess the fact that he acted as a victim in this whole breakup is what's making me so willing to take him back. I know he won't come back, he just wants to be alone, and I need to move on. I've been in no contact for months, got a new job, workout a lot, and I keep myself super busy. But unlike what everyone says here, time doesn't heal all wounds, and there are certain people in our lives that we just never forget or truly get over. Every time I feel weak and I feel like contacting him, I keep telling myself that "the best predictor for future behavior is past behavior". He might get depressed again and leave me anytime. It's better for me to suffer in silence.
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