Thoughts?

[j-so]

Hi everyone. Been stalking these forums for a couple weeks and getting a lot out of it! And now feeling like I want to put myself out there to receive some support as well!

 

Brief background. My ex of 3.5 years (last 1.5 years LD and 4 mos engaged) broke up with me in the beg of Mar. She was my first everything: gf, kiss, etc.

 

The reasons are pretty standard for our age. Me 24. Her 23. We had a great rel by most measures and we were seriously talking about marriage and closing the distance on our ld rel (she was planning on moving to me) all last summer and this fall, but as soon as she got the engagement, I think she realized she wanted to live life more b4 settling down and suddenly everything I did dissatisfied her. Wedding planning. Family visits. Weekend trips. Our physical intimacy.

 

She fell "out" of love with me and just thought of me as a best friend and I really couldn't process that info so we spent 2 months (jan/feb) of me trying to hold on, doing big romantic gestures and her ignoring them, trying to get me to give up I think, until she finally went through with the breakup. later, I found out that there was another guy involved for her. A coworker. That she cheated on me/overlapped on me with. I don't really want to get into the details of that right now. But it explained a lot of her actions.

 

Anyways, I think I would describe these last two months as slowly trending upwards with severe ups and downs. The first few weeks were spent doing the desperate, sad, clingy texts and emails. And she always responded quickly as a friend. Even giving me breakup advice at one point.

 

But when I found out about the cheating and their rebound relationship, it really shocked me out of the denial phase and straight into the anger phase. So I finally packed her stuff that I'd been torturing myself with and sent it to her. And started no contact 5 weeks ago.

 

And... She broke nc, emailing me 3 weeks ago, bc she never picked up her stuff from FedEx and it was being sent back to me and so she wanted me to send it to her parents house instead. I was pissed, like why can't she spend 10 mins to go pick up a freaking package... But also, breadcrumb! So I couldn't help but respond, and I emailed her a "safe" thing (another housekeeping point) which was to remind her to take care of and send me the e-ring like she said she would (it developed a small defect that needed to get fixed. Prob should've been a sign that she didn't really feel desperate about fixing it) and so after some emails, it was decided she would get it fixed asap and send it to me since the 6 month warranty was about to run out.

 

And.... Since then. Radio silence.

 

no contact again these past 3 weeks has been therapeutic. I'm rediscovering a lot of things that had been lost in this rel (passions, friends). I've been slowly making those steps towards moving on. But, of course, I'm not close to there yet and this stupid ring is this loose thread that I can't shake. I can't help but think... Maybe she wants to keep the ring so that she can reconnect with me in the future about it... Or maybe she feels shameful and so she can't bear to take care if the ring... Or she just doesn't care about me at all

 

I kind of want to email her something like: I don't care about the ring. Keep it or sell it or throw it away. It's your problem. But... I don't want to break nc for that. I made that mistake already asking about the ring, creating this painful loose thread for me. I just want to be indifferent about it. But I can't help but anticipate an email every day.

 

Anyways, that's my current dilemma... I have many other crazy irrational thoughts I'm working through. But that will be for a later post.

 

Looking forward to conversing with you fellow LSers!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Hi everyone. Been stalking these forums for a couple weeks and getting a lot out of it! And now feeling like I want to put myself out there to receive some support as well!

 

Brief background. My ex of 3.5 years (last 1.5 years LD and 4 mos engaged) broke up with me in the beg of Mar. She was my first everything: gf, kiss, etc.

 

The reasons are pretty standard for our age. Me 24. Her 23. We had a great rel by most measures and we were seriously talking about marriage and closing the distance on our ld rel (she was planning on moving to me) all last summer and this fall, but as soon as she got the engagement, I think she realized she wanted to live life more b4 settling down and suddenly everything I did dissatisfied her. Wedding planning. Family visits. Weekend trips. Our physical intimacy.

 

She fell "out" of love with me and just thought of me as a best friend and I really couldn't process that info so we spent 2 months (jan/feb) of me trying to hold on, doing big romantic gestures and her ignoring them, trying to get me to give up I think, until she finally went through with the breakup. later, I found out that there was another guy involved for her. A coworker. That she cheated on me/overlapped on me with. I don't really want to get into the details of that right now. But it explained a lot of her actions.

 

Anyways, I think I would describe these last two months as slowly trending upwards with severe ups and downs. The first few weeks were spent doing the desperate, sad, clingy texts and emails. And she always responded quickly as a friend. Even giving me breakup advice at one point.

 

But when I found out about the cheating and their rebound relationship, it really shocked me out of the denial phase and straight into the anger phase. So I finally packed her stuff that I'd been torturing myself with and sent it to her. And started no contact 5 weeks ago.

 

And... She broke nc, emailing me 3 weeks ago, bc she never picked up her stuff from FedEx and it was being sent back to me and so she wanted me to send it to her parents house instead. I was pissed, like why can't she spend 10 mins to go pick up a freaking package... But also, breadcrumb! So I couldn't help but respond, and I emailed her a "safe" thing (another housekeeping point) which was to remind her to take care of and send me the e-ring like she said she would (it developed a small defect that needed to get fixed. Prob should've been a sign that she didn't really feel desperate about fixing it) and so after some emails, it was decided she would get it fixed asap and send it to me since the 6 month warranty was about to run out.

 

And.... Since then. Radio silence.

 

no contact again these past 3 weeks has been therapeutic. I'm rediscovering a lot of things that had been lost in this rel (passions, friends). I've been slowly making those steps towards moving on. But, of course, I'm not close to there yet and this stupid ring is this loose thread that I can't shake. I can't help but think... Maybe she wants to keep the ring so that she can reconnect with me in the future about it... Or maybe she feels shameful and so she can't bear to take care if the ring... Or she just doesn't care about me at all

 

I kind of want to email her something like: I don't care about the ring. Keep it or sell it or throw it away. It's your problem. But... I don't want to break nc for that. I made that mistake already asking about the ring, creating this painful loose thread for me. I just want to be indifferent about it. But I can't help but anticipate an email every day.

 

Anyways, that's my current dilemma... I have many other crazy irrational thoughts I'm working through. But that will be for a later post.

 

Looking forward to conversing with you fellow LSers!

 

Welcome to LS (officially)

 

Sorry you went through a BU. Sucks obviously...thats why sites like this exist.

 

With that said, from what you said, you made some basic faults. She broke up for someone else, you did the basic begging and pleading, she refused it but continued to be nice because she felt bad. Again, it sucks.

 

The ring is a crappy thing. I can almost promise you she isnt keeping the ring for getting back with you later type stuff. She probably just doesnt care enough to do anything about it. If you are ANYWHERE near cool with her keeping the ring, then dont break NC and let her just keep the damn thing. I feel breaking NC anymore is going to put you MUCH worse off. If you need the money, have a friend go over there and pick up your ring in person. I understand what extra money would do for me, so its up to you.

 

Again, sorry about how you feel. Hard to understand now, but things get better over time. It takes a while, but you'll get there again.