Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) So my brother is flying in this week and he has arranged to take my parents, me, my girlfriend, and my other brother and his girlfriend, and 2 of our cousins and their husbands to a high end restaurant. There is a dress code though, and my girlfriend has a weird fashion sense. She is also being bratty about changing it just for this one evening. She says I am refusing to compromise. She has offered to wear one item that will make her outfit "formal" but the fact is that she refuses not to wear bright colours like a 10 year old. I think it's really disrespectful to my brothers - but I don't know what to do about it. I want her to meet my brother but she's being stubborn. Edited April 29, 2014 by Medium.Lumo
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 If there is a formal dress code where your having a family gathering and she doesn't want to abide by it... Tell her she is no longer invited and go without her. True, but it is just so upsetting... I have this hot girlfriend and I will have to go alone. Not cool.
Lani Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Bright colours aren't formal? Leave her at home if you're embarrassed by her. 10
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Bright colours aren't formal? Leave her at home if you're embarrassed by her. They can be with certain types of clothes... but what she is planning on wearing... no.
Candy_Pants Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Bright colors can be formal. It's not a funeral . But still, she's being childish. 5
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Bright colors can be formal. It's not a funeral . But still, she's being childish. Sure that's true... but Hello Kitty and stuff like that? 2
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) You're with a woman you call a 10 year old? She's 20, but some of her clothes are childish. Including the ones she wants to wear to meet my brothers. I never called her a 10 year old. But I would definitely say some of her clothes are more suitable for a 10 year old. Also, I have never complained until now. This is the first time I have asked her to wear something other than what she wants to and she is point blank refusing. Edited April 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Candy_Pants Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Sure that's true... but Hello Kitty and stuff like that? No. Though it can really depend. There has to be a happy medium. Also, I've eaten at, and worked at, some high end restaurants and we only turned people away if they had flipflops, sweaters, dirty clothes, or were in APPARENT disarray. If someone is paying $50 for a steak (a la carte), they can dress however the hell they want. 5
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Offer to take her shopping. Good idea... doesn't work though... she buys what she wants even if it's someone else paying.
Lani Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Two questions... Is your girlfriend twelve? And is her choice of clothing always an issue for you, or just in this instance? 2
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Two questions... Is your girlfriend twelve? And is her choice of clothing always an issue for you, or just in this instance? No. She's 20 It's never been an issue until now. I think she looks great in anything but her clothes that she wants to wear for this event are really not appropriate, she is meeting my brothers!
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Since at 20 years old it's not especially weird for women to wear "questionable attire" and it's quite possible she doesn't have a good idea of what the dress code is and how out of place she may feel when she arrives there, take her out shopping to get something formal for the occasion, she should like that but she might fight you as well just because she's stubborn but personally I wouldn't whine and fight with her about it I'd just kind of make her do it. These are one of those things that you can bear a bit of weight on. Just be firm about it, and remind her that you're not trying to change her you're just trying to go to the event looking as a couple rather than two different people, one that is under-dressed for the occasion. Once it's over I think things will be fine, as far as her dressing interesting outside of that, let her, she's young, you're going to have her to let her be herself, you're only young once and can only dress that way for so long (for most people). As long as she's hot, you know guys aren't going to give a damn. 1
Lani Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 No. She's 20 It's never been an issue until now. I think she looks great in anything but her clothes that she wants to wear for this event are really not appropriate, she is meeting my brothers! Are you worried she'll embarrass herself, or you? 2
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Are you worried she'll embarrass herself, or you? Both, I guess. My brother who is organising and paying for this event will probably think she's on the silly side... He won't say anything and he is a cool guy so won't be funny with her about it, but yes it will still be embarrassing.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 OP, I feel sorry for you. Your GF is to meet your family for the first time at a formal restaurant and even when asked to wear something formal she has steadfast refused it. As you now see where the above questions are leading, being called a miserable human being... You are going to be accused of being abusive, controlling, manipulative, supportive, unreasonable, bully, etc. Don't be surprised if they accuse you of beating her with the next set of questions. Next time at one of her formal family events... Wear overalls with no shirt and a cowboy hat. Yeah... She will be so accepting of it just like some of these women are wanting you to be. Exactly Bro. Well said. She's just pushing it too far now. And yes... I'm surprised by some of the replies here. As if I'm the bad guy lol.
Lani Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Both, I guess. My brother who is organising and paying for this event will probably think she's on the silly side... He won't say anything and he is a cool guy so won't be funny with her about it, but yes it will still be embarrassing. Ok.. So yeah, she's obviously being a brat about it, but there's probably a reason. She is this person who dresses in Hello Kitty gear at formal events. Either you accept that or you don't. It's a part of herself she's obviously not willing to compromise on. It's embarrassing for you, and you can't expect her to change because of your insecurities. 7
Lani Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Exactly Bro. Well said. She's just pushing it too far now. And yes... I'm surprised by some of the replies here. As if I'm the bad guy lol. I don't mean to insinuate that you're the bad guy.. not at all. Just trying to get to the bottom of the issue, which I think we just did. It feels a lot like she's testing you. But you're testing her back. It's not fair but unfortunately these things tend to happen early in relationships. 1
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 I'm actually thinking of going this route. It won't be pleasant because we stay together in my apartment. But I guess if she wants to teach me a lesson she will move back to her parents for a day or two. This hasn't happened yet as the relationship is still new. So I don't know how she will react. She knows she is being a brat. Set the boundary (which is totally reasonable BTW), be firm, when she bounces against it / tries to move it... continue to be firm. Do not debate, argue or discuss it any further with her. She will be a pain but will cave after a day or so but be prepared to totally go without her if she doesn't. Regardless if she is able to attend or not, she will respect you for having your boundaries and sticking to them.
Noproblem Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Why should she change her life style, her sense of fashion to please your family? Why do you want to change her? you chose her because you liked her, now you want to change her as if she was a doll? She has to choose what to dress, and if a restaurant won't accept her, there are other restaurants in the world. She is not being a brat, but her sense of fashion is part of who she is..... You better accept it as it is.. You already siding with your family against her over a trivial matter like clothes what happens 2 years from now when it comes to real life challenges .... 4
beach Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Maybe you two aren't a good match. I vote for going without her. 4
Author Medium.Lumo Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Wtf? I have no issue with her sense of style, but in this case she is meeting my brothers at a high end restaurant and needs to dress according to the dress code. She has already met my parents at their house and I had no problem with casual dress then. I'm not asking her to change, just to comply with a dress code for one night! Why should she change her life style, her sense of fashion to please your family? Why do you want to change her? you chose her because you liked her, now you want to change her as if she was a doll? She has to choose what to dress, and if a restaurant won't accept her, there are other restaurants in the world. She is not being a brat, but her sense of fashion is part of who she is..... You better accept it as it is.. You already siding with your family against her over a trivial matter like clothes what happens 2 years from now when it comes to real life challenges .... 1
Lani Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Wtf? I have no issue with her sense of style, but in this case she is meeting my brothers at a high end restaurant and needs to dress according to the dress code. She has already met my parents at their house and I had no problem with casual dress then. I'm not asking her to change, just to comply with a dress code for one night! But, you see, she's not conforming to your interpretation of the dress code. She may very well think she's within her rights to wear what she's chosen. If they let her in the restaurant and serve her then she's fine, right? And if not, well then she'll feel silly and may learn something about what is appropriate. Ultimately it's her decision what she wears, not yours. 9
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 So my brother is flying in this week and he has arranged to take my parents, me, my girlfriend, and my other brother and his girlfriend, and 2 of our cousins and their husbands to a high end restaurant. There is a dress code though, and my girlfriend has a weird fashion sense. She is also being bratty about changing it just for this one evening. She says I am refusing to compromise. She has offered to wear one item that will make her outfit "formal" but the fact is that she refuses not to wear bright colours like a 10 year old. I think it's really disrespectful to my brothers - but I don't know what to do about it. I want her to meet my brother but she's being stubborn. Simple. She doesn't follow the dress code she doesn't go. Leave little miss bratty home 7
Noproblem Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Wtf? I have no issue with her sense of style, but in this case she is meeting my brothers at a high end restaurant and needs to dress according to the dress code. She has already met my parents at their house and I had no problem with casual dress then. I'm not asking her to change, just to comply with a dress code for one night! You know she's always like that, she likes to say no for the sake of no... Ignore her until the last minute, prepare yourself for the occasion and as she sees that you don't ask her to dress up or anything You will see her ready in no time.... but when you make a big deal of this and tell her you have to dress like this you must etc you will trigger her stubbornness button.
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