If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you?

[FortunateSon]

I would definitely meet her. After a lot of reflection, I think knowing what I/we know now, we BOTH could have avoided some of the mistakes that were made and we could have had a happy, healthy marriage. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20 and a lot of mistakes that were made on both parts ultimately contributed to the demise of our relationship. In the end, she taught me a lot, we had some great times together, and I know what mistakes NOT to make in a future relationship.

[disclosure]

I have to disagree respectfully. If love is uncondtional, you are more than happy to give yourself and spend the rest of your life with one partner. Granted things happen, perhaps death... But once you utter those words and promise someone you'll love them forever - you do it.

 

It's amazing how we in America are so capable of just throwing away "love" like day old bread - whereas other countries actually value the idea of commitment to one another, for life.

 

The whole "my feelings have changed" is a crock... It's a cop out. Why don't they just say what they really mean? "I'm not grown up enough to figure out how to make you and I work, that I've fallen for someone else and am ready to chase that "honeymoon" phase again because that's what life is about - chasing a constant high"

 

It's not a crock at all. People's feelings/mind change as they go through life. It happens.

[faithfully]

I am glad i met him only because he has taught me a lil more about relationship then i knew before.

I have learnt sooo much about this break up and when he finished me a few weeks/month i thanked him for giving me my freedom back.

 

Fast forward to 8months BU and 5month NC, i am very very happy i met him as life is all about learning and i am.

 

So do i regret meeting him?? Helll nooo i am grateful. Its taught me alot, not too clingy, ignore my friends, dont make him my whole universe, dont ever pay a mans bill and be his personal slave/doormat. List goes on

 

Its made me a strong, better, respectful, happy, slimmer person

[VeronicaRoss]

Pain as growth and 'if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger' is highly overrated!

[LadyM]

It's amazing that I was just thinking about this very topic earlier today.

 

After reading about the intricacies of narcissism for days and hours on end, I came to the sad conclusion that it would have been best had I never met my ex.

 

I was/am in love with an illusion.

 

An unstable man incapable of true, mature feelings of love, but very capable of shattering hurt.

 

I had no depth of knowledge of narcissism while with him; no clue why all the craziness was happening.

 

But I know now, and let me tell you, my friends, it's a destroyer beyond measure.

[DannyCA]

 

Its a tough one for me, everything is still very raw. I still think of the happy times and the sad, I learnt a lot from our relationship, I learnt a lot from her, I learnt a lot about life and I grew as a person.

 

 

I guess I can't even answer my own question convincingly.

 

You?

 

Like many people before me I agree, at my lowest I wished nothing but the worst imaginable things on her and I wished I never met her.

 

Now over a year post BU, I thank her for making me a stronger person, her nasty nasty behavior towards me at the end gave me the strength to move forward in my life.

 

If she didn't break up with me I would have let us slip into this comfortable, monotonous, and average life. I tried to shape us into what her older siblings were with their spouses. We were too young for that.

 

We both made a bunch of mistakes that lead to the end of our relationship, so even though she was a b****, I can't blame her for everything.

 

Oh and btw, in the bolded text, you answered your own question.

[Arieswoman]

No.

 

I relocated to another city to be with my (now) ex-husband.

 

We divorced and I stayed there. Because of staying in the area I met the person who became my second husband. I am now very happy.

 

All things happen for a reason, even though we may not see it at the time.

[Summerrose2013]

I was thinking that yes, every man so far in my life has been a waste of space, but then I remembered some very wise words that have stayed with me since hearing them.

 

I'm going to quote from 2 great men in my life here, very slightly adapted:

 

'I've made the wrong choices in my life. I turned left when I should have turned right.

 

I know that pain and guilt can't be taken away by the wave of a magic wand. They are the things we carry with us, they are the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away, I NEED my pain.

 

I know what my weaknesses are, I don't need anyone else to take me on a tour. I need my pain, my pain is what makes me the person I am today.'

 

And wind forward another month, post BU recovery:

 

'You were my boyfriend but you do not know me. I belong in my present. I am not the fragile woman you left behind. Since that time I have found myself, my place and I know who I am.'

 

And if you recognise the above, you must be my soul mate (-:

[Ordinaryday]

depends on the ex.

 

one ex... sure definitely!!! she caused me nothing but misery and if I could make it that I never met her in the first place - I would love to!

[Haydn]

Yes i am glad i met her. Found out more about myself. Obviously ended in pain and abject misery. But i don`t harbor grudges. But yes i don`t buy into the, `its better to have loved and lost`

 

I think i just contradicted myself. Good question OP, needs more thought.....

[Jiivy]

I'd do it again, every time. She had a profound effect on my life - showed me what deep and passionate love was, what it meant to be truly committed and frankly, the relationship brought out a courage in me I'd have NEVER knew existed without it.

 

After 7 years, our engagement, her running off with another man...it hurts, it hurts more than I've ever hurt before. Yet again, even in leaving me - she teaches me something new about myself I'd never have learnt if not for such a betrayal.

 

Don't ever be ungrateful for that love, regardless of the aftertaste. Some people never find it...and I find that most of all, profoundly sad.

[Ordinaryday]

one of my exes destroyed my self-esteem, left me a wreck for over a year and absolutely ruined me as a person. her dumping me and the mind games she played had such a detrimental effect on me that I got fired from one job as a result (I was so messed up about her that my performance at work suffered as a result) and I lost a few friendships too (I became a bloody bore and scared some casual friends away because they got sick of hearing me whinge about her).

 

I can honestly say that I have NO, NOT A SINGLE, FOND MEMORIES of my time with her, NOTHING.

 

Yes, if I could go back so that I never met her to begin with I would do it in a second.

[saltyfishhead666]

As much as it pained me when it ended and how it ended. I don't regret it.

 

My ex taught me many things.

 

He taught me what it feels like to be affectionate, he taught me my body (at the time didn't matter) and he loved me for who I was not what I looked like.

 

He taught me to wait a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time before taking men near my children. My children adored him and him them. But when he walked away he didn't just destroy me he destroyed them too and that's my fault.

 

He taught me I deserve more than what he eventually gave me

 

He taught me never to date a man with unfinished business

 

and he taught me to hate his brand and model of car hehe

 

I don't regret any of it NOW but now I am wiser. I am thankful I am wiser.

[iris219]

If I had the option, I think I would want to meet him, but not date him seriously and definitely not date him off and on for as long as I did. I still feel stupid when I think about it.

 

But then I'd have to wish I was stronger and able to say no to being treated badly and yes to being single for years. I'm not sure I was strong enough at the time.

[Mary Oak]

I would not meet my ex, no pleasure is worth the 21 months of pain I have been in .

[elseaacych]

That's what they say to all the people who got screwed over.

 

If it was love it would not have ended.

 

Then why do I still love him, 6 months after the breakup? We had the best intentions. I don't believe we were wrong to be together and enjoy each other's company. We had fun. I loved him. He didn't love me as much. So he left. I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them.

 

At least, now I know I have the capacity to have more than a fleeting love, that I can love deeply and passionately.

[NomiMalone]

No. The time I had with him was out of this world amazing. I would've missed out on many a great experience, (and many a great lesson) in life had I not met him. He did me way more good than he'll ever know.

[central]

I'd greatly prefer to have not met her, but if that meant I wouldn't meet my present wife, I'd probably accept those years of misery as necessary. Of course, I might have met someone else as wonderful as my present wife, but that's hard to imagine or factor in.

[d0nnivain]

Ever man I ever dated -- even the ones who broke my heart -- taught me something. I wouldn't be the person I am today & I would have missed out on some great experiences if I had never met those men.

 

Are there things I would change? Sure. But I am OK with the fact that I met them.

 

While your pain is still raw, it's hard to have that kind of insight.

[Natsume21]

If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you and why?

 

Its a tough one for me, everything is still very raw. I still think of the happy times and the sad, I learnt a lot from our relationship, I learnt a lot from her, I learnt a lot about life and I grew as a person.

 

I think I became a better person because of it but with this pain I question would I prefer to have never met her? On one hand I wouldn't have a long time of many memories, but on the other hand there will be no more memories made and if I'm honest, memories don't make me especially happy, the moments now and coming would of if the relationship still existed...

 

I guess I can't even answer my own question convincingly.

 

You?

 

 

Ahhh, my first love. My first college girlfriend. The one that broke my heart in the worst way. The one I still miss.

 

I was put in a horrible position after it happened. Unlike a lot of people who got dumped and immediately starting bettering themselves, a string of unforseen circumstances, including deaths in the family, financial ruin, and loss of many, many friends, I found myself in the middle of literally the WORST case scenario ever. While she's off with her new man on Cloud 9, I'm left feeling out of place.

 

Regardless, I wouldn't change myself from meeting my ex. She helped me out of a dark place and I am forever grateful for that. What I would change, however, is the choices I made during my relationship with her that pretty much left me with absolutely nothing in the end of it.

 

So now begins the long climb out of my redneck village town.