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If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you?

FredJones80

By FredJones80
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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FredJones80 Established Member

FredJones80

Posted
Posted

If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you and why?

 

Its a tough one for me, everything is still very raw. I still think of the happy times and the sad, I learnt a lot from our relationship, I learnt a lot from her, I learnt a lot about life and I grew as a person.

 

I think I became a better person because of it but with this pain I question would I prefer to have never met her? On one hand I wouldn't have a long time of many memories, but on the other hand there will be no more memories made and if I'm honest, memories don't make me especially happy, the moments now and coming would of if the relationship still existed...

 

I guess I can't even answer my own question convincingly.

 

You?

amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
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I'd meet him...my kids :love:

elseaacych Established Member

elseaacych

Posted
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I'd do it all over again if I had to. Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you?

 

Absolutely not.

 

Even though I've felt like crap since she dumped me almost 5 months ago, being with her was the best time of my entire life.

 

IMO, one should only regret meeting their ex if the relationship itself was bad.

 

If the relationship was great, but the post breakup stuff was bad, then one should still be grateful for the good experiences.

STM206 Established Member

STM206

Posted
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At this point, i'd say yes I wish I hadn't had met him. Only because I'm still having a hard time of letting him go.

 

I know it's been said that you "learn" something from previous relationships but the only thing I've learned so far is that it hurts like hell.

  • Like 3
amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
I'd do it all over again if I had to. Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

 

That's what they say to all the people who got screwed over.

 

If it was love it would not have ended.

STM206 Established Member

STM206

Posted
Posted
If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you?

 

Absolutely not.

 

Even though I've felt like crap since she dumped me almost 5 months ago, being with her was the best time of my entire life.

 

IMO, one should only regret meeting their ex if the relationship itself was bad.

 

If the relationship was great, but the post breakup stuff was bad, then one should still be grateful for the good experiences.

 

I have yet to get to that point, I hope one day I do. How long were you guys together?

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

Posted
Posted
If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you and why?

 

Its a tough one for me, everything is still very raw. I still think of the happy times and the sad, I learnt a lot from our relationship, I learnt a lot from her, I learnt a lot about life and I grew as a person.

 

I think I became a better person because of it but with this pain I question would I prefer to have never met her? On one hand I wouldn't have a long time of many memories, but on the other hand there will be no more memories made and if I'm honest, memories don't make me especially happy, the moments now and coming would of if the relationship still existed...

 

I guess I can't even answer my own question convincingly.

 

You?

 

A good actual "would you" question on here. I like that.

 

You know, its been almost two years now for me. I've been though a LOT of crap. Lies, slander, begging.....all of it. It messed up my life. I lost my house, job...again, all of it. It put me in a place I NEVER want to be at again. I refuse.

 

This whole thing (along with being on this site) has given me such a different perspective of what my relationship actually was compared to what I thought it was. After the BU, we tend to play up the good times WAY more than the bad. We have this tunnel vision of our ex as this "perfect person" who cannot be touched by anyone. In reality, they are nowhere close. It just takes time to realize all of this.

 

To answer your question, its a mixture of both. I would have rather not had to start life over and rebuild. I have a lot of regrets in that aspect....but at the same time, it's made me realize that I can do almost anything. Nothing (other than say a family member passing away) can hurt me as bad as that. There is no way. I've learned I am my own person and no one person can change that. Not now, not then, not ever.....

  • Like 1
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Uggh....yeah...I would. Only because it was her treatment of me at the end; the cheating and the calling me a loser. Just basically treating me rotten and nasty. Got me motivated to prove her wrong and to turn my life around. To become something and always have adventures. So, in a weird way, I have her to thank on how great my life is now.

 

 

So.....Thanks Bitch!!

  • Like 2
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FredJones80 Established Member

FredJones80

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At this point, i'd say yes I wish I hadn't had met him. Only because I'm still having a hard time of letting him go.

 

I know it's been said that you "learn" something from previous relationships but the only thing I've learned so far is that it hurts like hell.

 

I love your answers STM206, they pretty much mirror my thoughts :D

Raena Established Member

Raena

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It's so weird that you posted this because I was just having this conversation with a good friend of mine. It's something I used to dream about quite a bit even while he and I were still together.

 

Our relationship was rocky, difficult, awful, abusive, dysfunctional and it hurt me so much in so many ways that I can't even begin to explain it. I don't know why I stayed as long as I did, but... if I could go back in time and either not met him or ended the relationship early on before all the craziness started yes, yes I would.

 

However, we have a child together. That's the only thing that keeps me from regretting the relationship. I love my boy, he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Despite all of the pain and heartbreak and sorrow that I went through and still go through at times, I wouldn't change having my child for ANY reason.

 

But I don't look back and think... oh yeah, the relationship was good, I learned a lot, it was a good experience. No, it wasn't for me. It was 11 years of torture, hell, misery, lies, deceit, pain, mixed with this crazy desire to stay together that made absolutely NO sense whatsoever. I absolutely regret my relationship with him but I don't regret the child that came out of it. So, in the end, no, I wouldn't change it but sometimes I wish I could.

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FredJones80 Established Member

FredJones80

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Why did I put "could could" :D

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted
If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you and why?

 

I used to say I wish I had never met him, and some part of me still feels that way, but honestly, if he hadn't come into my life, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Him doing what he did to me changed ME for the better.

 

However I will say this, if I were able to go back, I would have left him instead of allowing him to treat me like garbage. I would have left waaaayy earlier.

  • Like 1
Joangel Established Member

Joangel

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I wouldn't trade my kids for anything so for that, I guess my ex and I had to be. Also, if it wasn't for the breakup I wouldn't never have learned so much about my self, my wants and my needs. Not in a relationship level but a personal level. I have had so much personal growth in the last two years since my divorce. It took me believing I lost everything to really understand and appreciate what I have left. My health, my kids, my home and it is all more than good enough. I was also miserable in my job but I put up with it because I was the breadwinner. Him leaving caused me to have to rearrange my schedule, since the old job wouldn't accommodate me I left. Now I am much happier in my lesser paying job and I am there for my kids. I also got rid of all the junk he was hording in the home. Really then where all saw where my hard earned cash was going on electronics and high end labels. My home is so clear and clutter free now, I feel relaxed just walking through the door.

 

Point is, in order to welcome the new, you have to let to of the old. Better things are on their way.

organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

Posted
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That's what they say to all the people who got screwed over.

 

If it was love it would not have ended.

 

Loving someone does not make you bound to them for life. You can be in love with someone and the relationship can still end. Doesn't mean the love wasn't genuine. Feelings change, people change, life changes.

  • Like 3
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted
If you could could go back and not meet your ex, would you and why?

 

Its a tough one for me, everything is still very raw. I still think of the happy times and the sad, I learnt a lot from our relationship, I learnt a lot from her, I learnt a lot about life and I grew as a person.

 

I think I became a better person because of it but with this pain I question would I prefer to have never met her? On one hand I wouldn't have a long time of many memories, but on the other hand there will be no more memories made and if I'm honest, memories don't make me especially happy, the moments now and coming would of if the relationship still existed...

 

I guess I can't even answer my own question convincingly.

 

You?

 

Nop. I'd do things differently.

 

Actually could we rewind to the part where I got out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck in my pants?

  • Like 1
amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
Loving someone does not make you bound to them for life. You can be in love with someone and the relationship can still end. Doesn't mean the love wasn't genuine. Feelings change, people change, life changes.

 

Totally disagree. Love is forever and even though the feelings change a part of them stays in your heart forever.

 

Also if you truly love someone you let them go and that is half of the people on these break-up threads problem to begin with.

 

They don't know what love is.

  • Like 2
redbaron005 Established Member

redbaron005

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If it was love it would not have ended.

 

If I learned anything, it's that sometimes love isn't enough.

  • Like 5
hellischrome Established Member

hellischrome

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I am still in a rocky relationship, and I wish I never met the person I am with.

STM206 Established Member

STM206

Posted
Posted
Loving someone does not make you bound to them for life. You can be in love with someone and the relationship can still end. Doesn't mean the love wasn't genuine. Feelings change, people change, life changes.

 

I have to disagree respectfully. If love is uncondtional, you are more than happy to give yourself and spend the rest of your life with one partner. Granted things happen, perhaps death... But once you utter those words and promise someone you'll love them forever - you do it.

 

It's amazing how we in America are so capable of just throwing away "love" like day old bread - whereas other countries actually value the idea of commitment to one another, for life.

 

The whole "my feelings have changed" is a crock... It's a cop out. Why don't they just say what they really mean? "I'm not grown up enough to figure out how to make you and I work, that I've fallen for someone else and am ready to chase that "honeymoon" phase again because that's what life is about - chasing a constant high"

  • Like 3
sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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To this day, FINALLY meeting my ex-fiancé in person after 2.5 years of friendship was the best and most peaceful night/encounter/meeting of my life.

 

Despite the pain I feel now, and despite how things have turned out for us, I would not undo our meeting.

bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

Posted
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Not even with a gun at my head.

  • Like 1
STM206 Established Member

STM206

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Arranged Marriages isn't what I would view/call a success.

 

 

 

When did dating or having a relationship become a marriage and till death due us part?

 

I must of been out of school that day.

 

You have a point, but not everyone gets married. I'm talking about commitment. When I said that I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him, I meant it, and I thought he did too, 4 years together sure had me fooled. It just goes to show that what people say has to be taken with a grain of salt.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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At my lowest, I would have said I wish I hadn't met him. I certainly felt the pain wasn't worth it. Now that I've weathered the storm, I see it as a part of my life that I can't imagine not being there. I would never wish that pain on anyone, but the person I have become is due to that breakup. I gave the entire, awful experience some purpose.

KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
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Absolutely. I was at my peak when I met him. I wasted 4 years on that prick and now I am 32 and alone and miserable because he's a stupid mentally ill prick who will never get his sh*t together.

 

Ahhh hate him so much!!!!!

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