Possible sex addict who just couldn't hurt me anymore? [update]

[SallyHansen]

I was dating this guy for a tad over 6 months. He was AMAZING for 5 months and 3 weeks of this relationship! We always talked through our problems which were few and far between.

 

Approximately a month ago we had a minor miscommunication and didn't talk for about 16 hours or so. Well, come to find out he went out until 3 am. When I asked if he was good, he said he came home alone. He was EXTREMELY distant while speaking with him (which he acknowledged) and pretty much stared at sales ads the whole time. He said he had a lot on his mind.

 

The whole next week things were up and down. So hot and cold that I knew wasn’t imagining things. So I finally confronted him because I couldn’t handle it anymore. The first half of the conversation was filled with “I don’t know” and stuff that made no sense. He didn’t know if he loved me, Facebook drama, etc.

 

I handled it so well. I gave him his house key while telling him I respect his feelings and just want him to be happy. All this made his demeanor change instantly. He started crying and saying what if that’s not what I want. And how he doesn’t know if he can go without talking to me or touching me ever again! I stood my ground.

 

Now, normally I wouldn’t have ended a relationship over something like this (I would have given him time/space) however, I know he cheated on his ex wife and ex girlfriends. I am also convinced he has a sex addiction which was an issue with us at the beginning of the relationship. He was CONSTANTLY posting inappropriate stuff to his Facebook that my oldest son could see and when I confronted him about being a sex addict two months into the relationship he broke down crying and said he didn't know. We were always VERY sexual with the frequency and acts. ANYWHERE, ANYTIME he wanted I was willing.

 

Anyhow, long story short! I told him he would never hear from me again which I intended to hold true to – THEN the next day my aunt died. His response was normal…caring. He left on vacation with his girls shortly after and should be back any day. Haven’t heard from him since. I sent him a very brief text saying if you ever wanna talk, I’m here. Nothing!!!

 

So now what?? Obviously I am not initiating any contact with him. I just don’t get it!! Someone please help me attempt to understand what is going on because he certainly isn’t willing. Although I am 'strong' it is still affecting me greatly. I can't sleep at night and am losing too much weight.

[J2911]

I was dating this guy for a tad over 6 months. He was AMAZING for 5 months and 3 weeks of this relationship! We always talked through our problems which were few and far between.

 

Approximately a month ago we had a minor miscommunication and didn't talk for about 16 hours or so. Well, come to find out he went out until 3 am. When I asked if he was good, he said he came home alone. He was EXTREMELY distant while speaking with him (which he acknowledged) and pretty much stared at sales ads the whole time. He said he had a lot on his mind.

 

The whole next week things were up and down. So hot and cold that I knew wasn’t imagining things. So I finally confronted him because I couldn’t handle it anymore. The first half of the conversation was filled with “I don’t know” and stuff that made no sense. He didn’t know if he loved me, Facebook drama, etc.

 

I handled it so well. I gave him his house key while telling him I respect his feelings and just want him to be happy. All this made his demeanor change instantly. He started crying and saying what if that’s not what I want. And how he doesn’t know if he can go without talking to me or touching me ever again! I stood my ground.

 

Now, normally I wouldn’t have ended a relationship over something like this (I would have given him time/space) however, I know he cheated on his ex wife and ex girlfriends. I am also convinced he has a sex addiction which was an issue with us at the beginning of the relationship. He was CONSTANTLY posting inappropriate stuff to his Facebook that my oldest son could see and when I confronted him about being a sex addict two months into the relationship he broke down crying and said he didn't know. We were always VERY sexual with the frequency and acts. ANYWHERE, ANYTIME he wanted I was willing.

 

Anyhow, long story short! I told him he would never hear from me again which I intended to hold true to – THEN the next day my aunt died. His response was normal…caring. He left on vacation with his girls shortly after and should be back any day. Haven’t heard from him since. I sent him a very brief text saying if you ever wanna talk, I’m here. Nothing!!!

 

So now what?? Obviously I am not initiating any contact with him. I just don’t get it!! Someone please help me attempt to understand what is going on because he certainly isn’t willing. Although I am 'strong' it is still affecting me greatly. I can't sleep at night and am losing too much weight.

 

I'm sorry to read the loss of your aunt.

It sounds like he has a lot of issues to me for his behavior to be so off and on .

You don't need that in your life , nobody does.

I have no idea why it's hard to rid feelings for people like this !!!

My advice is to stand your ground , realizing your better deserving of a good partner who is less dramatic . In the meantime keep rereading your post above over and over to have a consistent reminder of how he is to you and you are torn up over someone like this .

Eventually you will read it enough and think , I don't need this guy and am getting upset at myself for losing weight and sleep over this guy

[SallyHansen]

Update - he made up some ridiculously silly reason to meet up with my best friend last night. He immediately asked I was. She responding good. Then he said how we're just different so it was inevitable and he figured if he could not talk to me for a week he'd be fine. He asked again how I was. She responded initially I had a hard time especially with my passing but how I'm doing really great now. I think he's freaking about me doing NC and thought I'd be the one chasing him. Whatcha guys think?

[SallyHansen]

Here's my original post

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/474535-possible-sex-addict-who-just-couldn-t-hurt-me-anymore

 

Well, he sent me a Happy Mothers Day text on Sunday and then yesterday sent me a text asking what his FB password was.

 

What is his motive?

[Scorpio Chick]

I understand you wanting to know what his motives are but we really cannot know someone else's motives. Sometimes we don't even understand our own motivations. That's why I learned long ago, the safest, can't go wrong path to follow is: what are their actions? You've heard it before I'm sure, actions speak louder than words. Hard to be confused by some people's actions.