inaknot Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) Hello, I prefer meeting girls out and about, but my social life has taken a nose dive in recent months, so I've been trying online dating. I've tried to make my profile witty and interesting. Anyway mostly I've had short replies from girls saying hehe that was funny you made me laugh in response to my first message to them, but the conversation doesn't continue. Yesterday I messaged girl in a different manner and got this response > HER 4/27/2014 10:07:11 PM Your message is genuinely the best I've received, I'd love to talk more if you're interested?. I'm younger yes, but I have an older outlook and get on better with people not my age. And I do really need a book to read, I'll definitely give them a look x ME 4/27/2014 10:14:51 PM Sure anytime. I'm a genuine person. I hope you'll enjoy those books and equally anything you can recommend I'll check out. HER4/27/2014 10:22:43 PM Quiet by Susan Cain HER4/27/2014 10:24:13 PM I've just finished it, really interesting look on introvert and extrovert personalities x ME4/27/2014 10:28:40 PM Excellent, definitely the type of book I'd be interested in reading. Which category do you fall under? I'd say I was an introvert generally but as I've gained more experience in life I can be quite extrovert much more so with people I know. HER4/27/2014 11:03:39 PM I'm an introvert definitely, enjoy my own company too much I guess it's what the book examines though. I'm far from shy and meek and quiet... I'm very confident, Having said that I like to sit back and listen and take things in, I like to observe people, so I think I'm an introvert. What brings you to this site? X ME4/27/2014 11:15:05 PM Yes people watching is a great hobby I work in a male orientated environment, computing. Many people meet their partners in work, there's no chance of that for me. I've always met people in person and formed a connection that way. However due to work and limited social outlets in this town I decided to try online dating. I tried Zoosk which is terrible, this site is about as good as it gets really from what I can see from online dating. Anyway that's a long winded way of saying I'm here to hopefully find someone I can make a connection with and see where it goes from there. HER4/27/2014 11:25:25 PM I work just with men... It's not great haha. X ME4/27/2014 11:32:41 PM Well the issue with men is that can be quite base and thoughtless and plenty of them aren't really mature enough to act properly around a woman. You might have met some of those characters on here, judging by others users comments I've seen on here What type of work do you do? ME4/27/2014 11:44:42 PM I have to go, very nice to talk to you. I'm sure we can do it again, we have the technology may as well use it I was blown away by her initial reply to me, obviously she seems really interested. However she hasn't replied to the last two messages I sent on the same night, you can see the times on there, so they were just part of the conversation on the night. Today I saw her online but I haven't heard anything from her, I haven't messaged her because that would look needy and unattractive and I've learnt never to be too keen. So should I message this girl again? I feel like it will end up just like the X amount of people I've messaged and the conversation never continues. I'm looking for some helpful advice. How others would respond, just getting some perspective. Thanks for any replies Edited April 28, 2014 by inaknot small edit
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 All of that is waaaaaayyyyyy too much texting / typing for me. If I'm going to have an exchange that long, I'd rather talk on the phone. It seems good / positive. Can you move it from OL to RL soon? Meet her in a bookstore for coffee or something. Send her that message rather than anything vague
Author inaknot Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 All of that is waaaaaayyyyyy too much texting / typing for me. If I'm going to have an exchange that long, I'd rather talk on the phone. It seems good / positive. Can you move it from OL to RL soon? Meet her in a bookstore for coffee or something. Send her that message rather than anything vague Well that's the only conversation I've had with her, she lives about 40 miles from me, am I reading too much in to her not replying. I'll admit I'm no expert with the female psyche evidently she does seem interested, I've seen a TED talk from that author she recommended so I thought I'd mention it in a future post. I just never know when it's too early or too late to post.
Chocolat Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Lighten up a little with her and flirt. She's signaling and you are not rolling with her signals. If I were her, I would not know you were interested in me.
Blaze997 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Always avoid directing the conversation toward online dating, dating in general, or men vs women. It is the fastest way to the friend zone, and the best way to kill something before it starts. When the girl directs the conversation to these topics, don't take the bait - spend maybe one sentence on the topic, stay positive, and move on. Your goal is to send 3-4 messages to establish basic compatibility and take the connection into RL quickly. Stick to the plan.
Author inaknot Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Lighten up a little with her and flirt. She's signaling and you are not rolling with her signals. If I were her, I would not know you were interested in me. Ooh signalling Hmm is this a man thing here because I didn't see any signals apart from the very first message from her to me. Thanks, that's useful to know. Should I ditch the idea of mentioning the author of the book she recommended TED talk as a way of carrying on the conversation?
Author inaknot Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Always avoid directing the conversation toward online dating, dating in general, or men vs women. It is the fastest way to the friend zone, and the best way to kill something before it starts. When the girl directs the conversation to these topics, don't take the bait - spend maybe one sentence on the topic, stay positive, and move on. Your goal is to send 3-4 messages to establish basic compatibility and take the connection into RL quickly. Stick to the plan. I'm still learning here, so could you give me an example of how I could proceed and if so how I get to RL asap. Thankyou I love all self help stuff but for all my sins I've never got in to the basics of interacting with women or rather the psychology of it, so that it could benefit me in sustaining a relationship. I've had a couple of good long standing relationships but maybe that was down to chance
Blaze997 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) I'm still learning here, so could you give me an example of how I could proceed and if so how I get to RL asap. Thankyou I love all self help stuff but for all my sins I've never got in to the basics of interacting with women or rather the psychology of it, so that it could benefit me in sustaining a relationship. I've had a couple of good long standing relationships but maybe that was down to chance No worries man, I have a lot of good experiences with online dating/new relationships, but I have my own issues with establishing an emotional connection for the long term these days. Although I was in a 6 year relationship previously. When a girl asks me "have you met many girls on here?" I say something like, "yes I've met some and I would say it's been a good experience." Then I change the topic by asking either a specific question about their profile, or I'll ask an open ended question like "what everyday things make you happy?" They key is to get a girl to really talk to you, don't be too polite or too intellectual, you are looking for a lover after all. To get to real life, after 3-4 good messages, just say something simple like: "I think we should get together sometime, what's your number?" But if you can't get her to open up and type more than a few sentences, then forget it. Edited April 28, 2014 by Blaze997
Author inaknot Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 No worries man, I have a lot of good experiences with online dating/new relationships, but I have my own issues with establishing an emotional connection for the long term these days. Although I was in a 6 year relationship previously. When a girl asks me "have you met many girls on here?" I say something like, "yes I've met some and I would say it's been a good experience." Then I change the topic by asking either a specific question about their profile, or I'll ask an open ended question like "what everyday things make you happy?" They key is to get a girl to really talk to you, don't be too polite or too intellectual, you are looking for a lover after all. The issue for me is that I didn't really know to do's and dont's and I had a dating disaster 2 years ago which still saddens me in the way it ended. I didn't listen to my intuition. Anyway now I'm probably over cautious. I'm just wondering what I could say next to this girl, if I mention the book she recommended then I don't want to get too intellectual with it. Just looking for ideas. After all I have to get in to a conversation with her again in order to see if there's any compatibility. Appreciate all the responses and your time
Blaze997 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) The fact that you got a one sentence response after writing like 3 paragraphs to her is pretty bad, but it was late and it hasn't even been 24 hours since her last response. Sometimes people don't respond for 5 days, but are still interested believe it or not. You already asked her a question, give her a chance to write back. If she does, expand the conversation with some open ended questions, and if she opens up and writes back again with some more effort, write her back again and ask for her number. If she keeps dropping one sentence breadcrumbs...NEXT. Oh and please don't use emoticons or smiley faces in OLD communications. Edited April 28, 2014 by Blaze997
Author inaknot Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 The fact that you got a one sentence response after writing like 3 paragraphs to her is pretty bad, but it was late and it hasn't even been 24 hours since her last response. Sometimes people don't respond for 5 days, but are still interested believe it or not. You already asked her a question, give her a chance to write back. If she does, expand the conversation with some open ended questions, and if she opens up and writes back again with some more effort, write her back again and ask for her number. If she keeps dropping one sentence breadcrumbs...NEXT. Oh and please don't use emoticons or smiley faces in OLD communications. Thanks. That all makes sense, it's up to her to reply now if she doesn't then she's not interested.
Chocolat Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Ooh signalling Hmm is this a man thing here because I didn't see any signals apart from the very first message from her to me. Thanks, that's useful to know. Should I ditch the idea of mentioning the author of the book she recommended TED talk as a way of carrying on the conversation? Well, yes, in her first message she makes it clear she is interested but your response "sure anytime" is completely flat. You didn't respond to her enthusiasm at all. Then, a little later, she tries to make the conversation more personal bby asing what brings you to the site (and adding the smiley face) and you don't flirt but explain why you are there is very business like terms. Again, you do nothing to let her know you are interested. So yes, warm it up, flirt a bit... (I am female, btw. I had a better avatar but... well... it's a long story.)
Author inaknot Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Well, yes, in her first message she makes it clear she is interested but your response "sure anytime" is completely flat. You didn't respond to her enthusiasm at all. Then, a little later, she tries to make the conversation more personal bby asing what brings you to the site (and adding the smiley face) and you don't flirt but explain why you are there is very business like terms. Again, you do nothing to let her know you are interested. So yes, warm it up, flirt a bit... (I am female, btw. I had a better avatar but... well... it's a long story.) Yes I see what you mean. This is all good practice, and if I strike up a conversation again I know what to do.
ktya Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I was blown away by her initial reply to me, obviously she seems really interested. However she hasn't replied to the last two messages I sent on the same night, you can see the times on there, so they were just part of the conversation on the night. Today I saw her online but I haven't heard anything from her, I haven't messaged her because that would look needy and unattractive and I've learnt never to be too keen. So should I message this girl again? I feel like it will end up just like the X amount of people I've messaged and the conversation never continues. I'm looking for some helpful advice. How others would respond, just getting some perspective. Thanks for any replies Take it off the online dating site as quick as seems reasonable. Get the phone number, offer to text her. There are a lot of people male and female that text forever in online dating, either because they just want pen pals or because they dont have the kahunas to make the ask. If the conversation flows that way, you might just ask her for the date right in the OLD, but get the number while your at it. at this point: HER4/27/2014 10:22:43 PM Quiet by Susan Cain HER4/27/2014 10:24:13 PM I've just finished it, really interesting look on introvert and extrovert personalities x I would have (I'm trying a venue and activity that you two might seem to like but I could be wrong) said, sounds great, lets meet for coffee Wednesday at ______. Maybe you could bring the book and I could take a look at it. I'll bring ____________ and let you borrow it. Does 6 o'clock work for you? <work on time and logistics vs. schedules> Then when you pick a time and a place with her, say, Cool, it will be awesome to meet you. What's your number so I can confirm with you by text at 5:00 when I leave work. I usually get the phone number a lot faster than that but just picking through your thread as you are asking for advice. 1
jonsnuh Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Take it off the online dating site as quick as seems reasonable. Get the phone number, offer to text her. There are a lot of people male and female that text forever in online dating, either because they just want pen pals or because they dont have the kahunas to make the ask. If the conversation flows that way, you might just ask her for the date right in the OLD, but get the number while your at it. at this point: I would have (I'm trying a venue and activity that you two might seem to like but I could be wrong) said, sounds great, lets meet for coffee Wednesday at ______. Maybe you could bring the book and I could take a look at it. I'll bring ____________ and let you borrow it. Does 6 o'clock work for you? <work on time and logistics vs. schedules> Then when you pick a time and a place with her, say, Cool, it will be awesome to meet you. What's your number so I can confirm with you by text at 5:00 when I leave work. I usually get the phone number a lot faster than that but just picking through your thread as you are asking for advice. This thread really needs to expand and stay alive (at least for my sake ). I just contacted a lady and responded to her, asking her to meet with me this Wednesday in second reply to her. I've been trying to be more direct and less talkative when it comes to connecting with women on OLD. I'm not even sure what she wants really-- in her profile, she says she doesn't want to get hit on (she'd hit any man against the wall for doing so), and she said she would delete any stupid pickup line forever. Context: Not only did I get a response from her, but she actually rebuked my first lame message, with a list of things that told me to smarten up with my pretty crude humor: 1) No mention of fornication 2) No mention of having someone's babies and 3) Not to assume that I had any chance. "Humility is Did she put me in my place! Strangely enough, I found her even more attractive and revised my message, explaining myself and complimenting her. And I get a response the morning after with a smiley face. Ah, women. I adore you so but you make my heart and mind go crazy.
Author inaknot Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 I sent her a quick message last night as she was online late. I looked this morning and she's either left the site or blocked me. I have so much to learn
guest572 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Don't overthink it. Just relax and don't invest too much. Keep searching and have fun!
Author inaknot Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Don't overthink it. Just relax and don't invest too much. Keep searching and have fun! Sure is fun messaging people and getting the cold shoulder, I don't know why more people don't do it. Seriously though you're right.
mema1982 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Right when she said to you "What brings you to this site? X" you should of say something like "meting you...;)" instead you went around the bushes and came out too nice and soft....!!! When a girl asks about you that's a good sine and you should capitalize on that and reply with confidence in a cute smart way...!! So if you really wanna try with her again than send her a controversial massage like "just met someone like you...NEVER AGAIN !!!! 99% SHE'LL REPLY YOU BACK AND IF NOT THEN YOU CAN REALLY LET HER GO. Good Luck
Author inaknot Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Right when she said to you "What brings you to this site? X" you should of say something like "meting you...;)" instead you went around the bushes and came out too nice and soft....!!! When a girl asks about you that's a good sine and you should capitalize on that and reply with confidence in a cute smart way...!! So if you really wanna try with her again than send her a controversial massage like "just met someone like you...NEVER AGAIN !!!! 99% SHE'LL REPLY YOU BACK AND IF NOT THEN YOU CAN REALLY LET HER GO. Good Luck Yeah I made a hash of that sadly. She took her profile off the site, so I won't be making contact with her again. One more thing I wanted to ask, when making the first contact with someone, the first message, should I be writing a paragraph or two, so far I've done one liners or a couple of sentences and get very limited response.
preraph Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 If you don't pull the trigger and ask her out on a date right now, she may just move on. People get really tired of endless messaging and never meeting. It just makes you tired. She's only 40 miles away. That's nothing. Ask if you can come take her to lunch or dinner this weekend.
Author inaknot Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 If you don't pull the trigger and ask her out on a date right now, she may just move on. People get really tired of endless messaging and never meeting. It just makes you tired. She's only 40 miles away. That's nothing. Ask if you can come take her to lunch or dinner this weekend. Thanks but it's too late she took her profile off the site, that's it I'm afraid.
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