k_mcc Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. He is 22 and I am 20. I love him to death and would do anything for him. Basically the problem is that he lies to me about spending time with his child and baby mother. He has sworn up and down there is nothing between them and even his parents have told me that. I just don't understand why he lies about it..maybe he is scared that i will get upset? I understand they need to have a relationship for his child but when he lies...it is just shady to me. His baby mom often holds the child over his head. When she found out about me she hid the baby from him for over 2 months, so he told her me and him broke up so he could see his daughter. We can't even be friends on facebook because she will explode. On top of that he said he doesn't want to go to court..... Is he giving her a reason to act like this? She does have a boyfriend..well thats what he told me. I am just confused. He lied to me this weekend and i dropped his stuff off to him out of anger, but he wants to meet up to talk tonight about things. I really don't know what to do. I know she is going to be there forever, but if he wants to be with me i think he needs to tell her about me and be honest because its not fair to me and i shouldn't have to suffer. I did it for a year to make him happy and i am just tired of it. Am i just being stupid with this guy? I feel like i shouldn't have to be hidden so he can make her happy so he can see the baby. The baby comes first but i think my feelings should come before hers? am i wrong? I'm still young and really am not sure how to handle a situation like this and just looking for some advice. Do i try and make things work with him and let it go and see what he has to say or should i move on and let him be?
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Especially if you are OK with him spending time with his child, his lies about that contact are problematic. for him to continuously lie is suspicious. Even if there is nothing going on here, how can you trust that anything he says is the truth? without the trust, there is no point in continuing. 2
jrh1524 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) Are you leaving anything out? Do you blow up at him too? Maybe between you and the baby-momma he feels no way out. Give him done space and don't pressure him. Cook him a steak tonight the eff his brains out. If he continues lying, just up and disappear. Edited April 28, 2014 by jrh1524 2
Author k_mcc Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 He is very good at lying, tells me he tends to believe his own lies. I did leave this out... He told me he was doing concrete work with his dad all weekend and to leave him be. I left him be for the day. Later that night we had plans and i couldn't get a hold of him. I texted his dad and told his dad to have him call me please. His dad called me and told me He is out with his baby's mother and hasn't seem him all day. I was so hurt... It makes me feels so disrespected that he can so easily lie to me. my bf then turned his phone off for the night and apparently slept out for the night, which is unusual for him. He said he did not cheat on me or whatever, but its hard to believe. Idk what to believe anymore Yes, sometimes i do blow up because i feel like i get treated unfair. I'm tired of being a secret. It hurts my feelings. Makes me feel not good enough. I never though of it that way, that he feels trapped between us.. If stuff works out though, am i gonna be a secret forever, if we move in together am i gonna have to hide when she drops his child off? i mean i just don't know.
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Leave. The part you omitted is significant! If he was with the baby mamma all day, with his phone off and he slept "out" of course he slept with the baby mamma. For heaven's sake, the guy's a liar. Break up with him & go get yourself tested for STDs.
Hopeful30 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Babe I didn't even have to read the whole thing to tell you that this is a huge problem. It's not about him seeing his child or babymother, its the LYING. If he's already lying about something this important, you can only imagine what else he might lie about in the future. If he can't be upfront and honest with you from the get-go, I see trouble (and you will stop trusting him and probably develop resentment later on). Trust me, it's better to end things sooner and avoid the heartache later.
preraph Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 So the baby mama still thinks that's her man. Nothing else would explain it. And yes, he probably is still sleeping with her and leading her on. I think leaving him to sort it out would be the best thing. You will be stuck with this manipulative woman forever if you stay. Who needs it??? 1
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