AnneT1985 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Hi y'all! Hope everyone is doing well! Question for you please: Why do some people, often random people, feel the (unsolicited) need to tell others what to do with their lives and how awful they are if they don't conform to their ideals? For example, a good friend of mine has an only child who is awesome (she can't have more children) and the most random people ever will say "but you HAVE to have more kids. Adopt then because it's just so mean". She was in tears once because of it. I lived in an apartment and people would say "but you HAVE to buy a house". I went to school as an adult and people would say "there's no point to going to school if you already have a job". And one super ridiculous time I was chilling out at a BBQ with my child on a blanket outside and a random acquaintance literally walked up to me and told me my kid shouldn't be in the sun and was basically freaking out. Do they have resentment issues from their own choices? I don't get it at all. Unless someone is literally being hurt or harmed I could care less about what they do unless they ask my honest opinion. Nor do I have the time to watch others and worry about what they're up to. I'd love your reflections on this issue. Thanks so much y'all!
EasyHeart Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 It's all predicated on insecurity. People who lack confidence in themselves need to control the people around them. Some of it is a protection mechanism (if I can control them, they can't hurt me) and some of it is an effort to validate their own opinions and decisions by coercing other people to do the same. Of course, this is all subconscious. If you tried to point any of this out to them, they would react with hostility. 2
Author AnneT1985 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 If you tried to point any of this out to them, they would react with hostility. They certainly do!
Radu Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Hi y'all! Hope everyone is doing well! Question for you please: Why do some people, often random people, feel the (unsolicited) need to tell others what to do with their lives and how awful they are if they don't conform to their ideals? It makes them feel superior, smug, and overall part of the herd. For example, a good friend of mine has an only child who is awesome (she can't have more children) and the most random people ever will say "but you HAVE to have more kids. Adopt then because it's just so mean". She was in tears once because of it. She either has to fight back, or grow a thick skin. Personally i prefer to fight back, either point their own hypocrisy to them, or just plain tell them to 'mind their own fu*king business'. I lived in an apartment and people would say "but you HAVE to buy a house". I went to school as an adult and people would say "there's no point to going to school if you already have a job". And one super ridiculous time I was chilling out at a BBQ with my child on a blanket outside and a random acquaintance literally walked up to me and told me my kid shouldn't be in the sun and was basically freaking out. Sometimes when ppl make an obviously bad choice in a purchase [or decision], will look to convince others to buy it [or do it], because at some level it makes it less of a screw-up. As for the last situation, i'm gonna bet money it's a woman. I've also noticed that going through the 'miracle of childbirth' [as if they had a choice but popping the child out], they all of the sudden become complete experts at it. I can't say what you [as a mother] should say to this, but i generally tend to say 'what makes you an expert'. They tend to back down or show their credentials. Do they have resentment issues from their own choices? I don't get it at all. Unless someone is literally being hurt or harmed I could care less about what they do unless they ask my honest opinion. Nor do I have the time to watch others and worry about what they're up to. I'd love your reflections on this issue. Thanks so much y'all! It's all about power, and how it makes you feel [by you i mean them]. in their situation, it makes them feel superior and better to do this kind of thing.
Author AnneT1985 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 LOL Radu!! Thank you that made me laugh xx
Quiet Storm Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 One time a mom of a kid on my sons soccer team told me my son's tshirt was inappropriate. We are Ravens fans, and his shirt said "I FREAKIN' HATE THE STEELERS". (Our football rival if you don't know). I just shrugged and said "He freakin hates the Steelers". Some people do mean well and are genuinely trying to be helpful. Others are controlling know it alls. I am an atheist and I have people praying for me. They think if they can get through to me, they'll save me from hell. They think they are trying to help, but disrespect my beliefs in the process. 1
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