Self Confession...

[Neos]

I don't know where to put all of this...but I guess it has to do with dating so I'll do it here.

 

I definitely think I have a problem. I haven't shared this with anyone IRL. But I just have the urge to write my psyche for a moment.

 

I've only been in 1 relationship. That was nearly 5 years ago. In the midst of all this, I've obtained a lonely phase. So what I did was create a void by trying to fill it with sex or FWB. But the thing was, I felt mentally drained. All the women liked the sex, and how I treated them, but eventually would go back to their ex BFs or find a new guy. Things did not daunt on me until the start of this new year.

 

I think the sex is becoming meaningless. Like, I'd actually like to have a GF. Someone that wants to legitimately spend time with me. Watch movies with me and go out and do things together...but it seems like I do not attract the right crowd.

 

One perk about me is my passion for giving women body rubs. I really love doing them. I'm big on showing affection physically.

But I never got that myself. Like someone doing that for me. And in a certain period...I began to miss the touch of a woman.

 

So I started to look up massage parlors; rates, reviews and such. A lot of parlors were expensive; and most expenses came from tipping the women good. And if I am paying good money I'd want someone who is good.

 

Looking for jobs on CL (Craigslist) I stumbled across an ad. She's a college student looking to make extra money giving massages. And the plus side was that she stayed near downtown (where I live) too. I went to her place.

She was nervous a bit. But conversation eased everything out. I paid her for an hour massage. Plus, she offered to even give a handjob. She rubbed longer than an hour. Mostly because we talked a lot. Then she gave the HJ.

She said that she was free the next day--and I was too.

 

She was more comfortable now. And even offered a BJ for a little more. In retrospect, I've paid for sex once. The woman was just good looking--and I didn't feel like playing the date game. I told her I have money, and what I wanted. That's it.

 

The first massage the woman gave me, I actually massaged her back--just her feet though. She loves her feet rubbed.

But I had to come to reality: one, I did not have money to burn like that. And two, eventually I'd fall more attracted to her. We like the same things and everything. So I was honest with her. Saying I wouldn't do more massages after implying that I'd be a regular. She says that's sad because I am "great company". And she kept saying how she's happy that I am her first massage.

 

She agreed to even lower the rate. I said cool. Which I understand she's trying to run her own business and make money. She has some trouble with her rent. She asked to borrow money from me to help her with the rent. I gave her $100 because I had a few jobs lined up to make that back easily.

I told her to give me back $50.

 

The 3rd time I met her, she texted me out of nowhere asking me to come over. It was around 11pm. I went to her place. She asked for a massage (body one this time). She had no panties on. So I knew the intention.

We ended up having sex. I don't think I performed to her rhythm but we both enjoyed ourselves. I met her for another time too. For sex. I was at a dinner at my mom's place; she cooked amazing food. I told her that I'd make a plate and bring one to her jokingly. But in seriousness, I did.

When I brought the food over, we ended up screwing again.

 

In the back of my mind, I'm wondering like, does she like me? But I don't think that is the case. Yeah I am a cool person and all, but that's probably it. I text people goodmorning often. I give her GM texts also. But I think if I went a whole day without contacting her, she wouldn't contact me. I feel so stupid. And lost within myself. Like in a limbo.

Because I would like to date her for real, but she might not feel the same. I feel like she's just ****ing me because I gave her the $100.

 

I think I have a sex addiction as well. And I start to feel lonely too. And it seems like the more women I put in my circle, the deeper I dig myself into.

The weekends are the worst. I look to get any female attention.

I have my weeks when I am doing great. But then I get into these slumps of not having no one and getting depressed. I mean, literally. Yes I could have sexual relations with a girl. But when it comes to spending time or communicating its a no go.

I don't know what's next.

[Noproblem]

Part of the solution is knowing where the problem is

 

Your problem is you are addicted to sex, you should try to date using date site and hold on sex until you know the person for like a month or so..

 

Imagine you are waiting for the right person, something like that and nobody deserves you unless they are really worth it

 

Fight your urge to have sex and just know the person really well..

 

You can do it, the addiction won't win unless you let it win.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Part of the solution is knowing where the problem is

 

Your problem is you are addicted to sex, you should try to date using date site and hold on sex until you know the person for like a month or so..

 

Imagine you are waiting for the right person, something like that and nobody deserves you unless they are really worth it

 

Fight your urge to have sex and just know the person really well..

 

You can do it, the addiction won't win unless you let it win.

 

Wow, no I really don't think OP is addicted to sex in the least. To be honest he just sounds like a person who uses sex to fill a void. He himself admitted is he has a desire for feminine (non-sexual) touch and companionship; yet it seems sex is the only way to get it some semblance of that.

 

OP, I know that feel. Men and women both experience it, though women are more commonly associated with leveraging sex in order to obtain companionship or "closeness" with another party, even if it's only temporary.

 

I have my weeks when I am doing great. But then I get into these slumps of not having no one and getting depressed. I mean, literally. Yes I could have sexual relations with a girl. But when it comes to spending time or communicating its a no go.

I don't know what's next.

 

This bit here really struck a chord with me. I hate to say it but I've been there. I have my times where things are great, I'm going out, having a good time with different friends or even just relaxing at home and being 100% okay with it, but then suddenly, a wild loneliness appears and I feel an almost uncontrollable need for companionship or attention. More often than not though, I control that desire and throw myself into just about anything else. But there are still times when I cave and call up an FWB or something. Just to quell that sentiment for a while.

 

My suggestion, take a break from sex altogether. Not because I think you're an addict but because abstaining and being serious about it for a while could potentially help you get things in perspective. If sex is completely off the table for you, you will have to find a way to foster relationships without it. Even if you have to drop all your f*buddies in the interim. Then you won't be able to use sex as a crutch or a plan to fall back on in order to secure the company of a woman for a time.

 

As far as this Craigslist woman....I'd be really wary of her tbh. I don't see any of that ending well at all.

[Ninjainpajamas]

It sounds like you're just a bit deflated because you might not feel women truly value you for your personal time and companionship, but at the same time look at your behavior...are you really being that kind of guy?

 

It sounds like you're just in the "just for fun" zone and maybe you're so used to routine and being that guy that you've now completely disconnected emotions from sex out of trust issues.

 

For men it's not the same like it is with for a lot of women, there can be a definite and almost complete disconnect or numbness as a normality unlike for women they're typically scarred from an experience, men are just more resistant to linking the sex with emotions to the point we become overwhelmed, but we are definitely affected it just doesn't reveal itself in the same way because we're on a delayed fuse but it does catch up to us, and although these other women you were with would probably have considered a relationship if you were more invested, they probably at the same time not over their ex's...so basically you're dating unavailable women as an unavailable man, but now you've created a monster in a sense and don't know how to unravel it.

 

Take a step back and gain some perspective, I pulled myself intentionally into a drought because for me sex was something I was emotionally and affectionately dependent on, and some women had even asked me or challenged me stating that they wouldn't even think I was capable of it...so to part prove them wrong and to quell my own doubts I pulled the plug and detached the cord like a man floating aimlessly in space...at first I really didn't know what to do, it hurt, it sucked, I hated it...went through all kinds of "withdraws" but I held myself to the torch to become a more self-aware person and hopefully grow, and it did, it taught me a lot about myself and my habits because I was able to notice every single trigger and reaction of mine, things I didn't realize that I did out of habit...my impulses were off the charts and I was really dependent more than I had thought I was.

 

Now anyone who gave me this kind of challenge, surely wouldn't ever dream of challenging themselves with their own vulnerabilities and would likely break down, but I can say I did it and I passed, I proved to myself I was capable of something I was really unsure of that I was.

 

If you really want things to change, then you've go to really figure out what is you feel and why you do what you do, and that's why it's important for people to stay out of the dating world or FWB/casual sex when they're trying to clear their head and hearts, you just can't gain that clarity you can when you separate yourself from your comfort zone and force yourself to find new ways of coping, the problem is most people rather take the easy road and avoid the source where the pain truly comes from, because they don't feel ready or strong enough...so they don't, they give up and just keep on going burying down the way that they feel, feeling maybe even only a shadow of themselves because they are not whole or close to it....and honestly, that's ok and I understand because I know how scary or hard that is.

 

When people just tune out and blame the world or others, that's when I know they're far away from understanding themselves.

[Neos]

I have clicked the "Like" button on you guys because you made some great points. Believe me I am in no way proud of the man I have been being lately. But with some of the women, they won't "say" they have a BF in the beginning. But all of a sudden, they get to talking about their exs more. Then I get the picture of them being "complicated" and not broken up. I thought it was okay. But then melancholic once they are back together. All they do is complain about how effed up they treated them and such but thats their business--I dont get invested.

 

The reason why I'm doing this is to not probably not be alone. For companionship. Embracement. Im trying to do it through sex but thats bad. I've realized I have a problem trust me. Its just I never capitalize on it. And I found this place. Seeing if people go through similar things.

 

I am 25 this year. I have been doing this for almost 8 yrs. Except when I was in my relationships. When I was in them, I never cheated or ****ed around. Honestly. But this cannot be healthy. Like the loneliness comes outta nowhere. Random things can trigger it.

I like what the Ninjapajama said: getting myself out my comfort zone.

How do I get to that? What steps should I take?

 

The ****ed up thing is that I know I can be a better man than this. A better person. My family doesn't know what I really think or feel. They just know I be with different women. And know I'm basically a whore. But I feel if I told them everything, they'd be shocked. Thanks guys and women for helping out.

[Noproblem]

I have clicked the "Like" button on you guys because you made some great points. Believe me I am in no way proud of the man I have been being lately. But with some of the women, they won't "say" they have a BF in the beginning. But all of a sudden, they get to talking about their exs more. Then I get the picture of them being "complicated" and not broken up. I thought it was okay. But then melancholic once they are back together. All they do is complain about how effed up they treated them and such but thats their business--I dont get invested.

 

The reason why I'm doing this is to not probably not be alone. For companionship. Embracement. Im trying to do it through sex but thats bad. I've realized I have a problem trust me. Its just I never capitalize on it. And I found this place. Seeing if people go through similar things.

 

I am 25 this year. I have been doing this for almost 8 yrs. Except when I was in my relationships. When I was in them, I never cheated or ****ed around. Honestly. But this cannot be healthy. Like the loneliness comes outta nowhere. Random things can trigger it.

I like what the Ninjapajama said: getting myself out my comfort zone.

How do I get to that? What steps should I take?

 

The ****ed up thing is that I know I can be a better man than this. A better person. My family doesn't know what I really think or feel. They just know I be with different women. And know I'm basically a whore. But I feel if I told them everything, they'd be shocked. Thanks guys and women for helping out.

 

What about joining a serious date site, like the ones that they pay money so only serious people kind of here.

 

State on profile, that you are not looking for one night stand, but your are looking for a real relationship

 

I am sure you will find some girls interested in such thing..

 

It all start with baby steps..

[Assasda]

I dont think people are really addicted to sex.

 

You think this prostitute loves you. Really sad.

 

Try traveling and just learning something new and living. Try going to church or something, take up a hobby.

Not gonna turn a Ho into a housewife.

Youre nothing but a trick to her