crazeemohfoh Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Been dating my BF for almost 2 years. It's been amazing, ups and downs. He seems to be more dramatic than I am when it comes to us fighting or disagreeing on things. Last summer, while he was asleep, his phone went off and I saw that some girl was messaging him. It was clearly flirtatious, whatever was going on between them. I didn't snoop through the messages, since I was afraid of I'd discover. I confronted him about it and he said it was some stupid girl he met briefly and that nothing happened, and I should trust him. And so I did...but I never really got over it. Fast forward to now, he's writing a message to a friend about something, then asks me to proofread it for him, and I couldn't help but notice on the side, other messages he was keeping up on with a few girls who I didn't recognize. Again, didn't read through them, just saw it on the side of the screen, and got curious. I brought it up to him, and he got annoyed with me for "reading" his messages, which I didn't do (other than that proofreading message). So...he's too upset to talk with me right now, which is why I'm giving him space and time to think it through. He wants us to reflect on our relationship, and trust seems to be the focal point here. I was wondering, if there is even a solution to all this...I just need advice on trust. I want to trust him, I have moments when I do and moments when I don't. I trust that he isn't cheating on me. I know that for a fact. But at the same time, it bothers me when I feel like he's hiding things from me. I have to respect his privacy. He certainly does with me...
writergal Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 (edited) Some men (not all) who whine about trust issues tend to only care about their needs being met, and not the woman they're with as far as trust goes. If he's backed off and wants to reflect on your relationship because you asked him to explain why he's hiding text messages from an unknown female from you, that stinks of a betrayal of trust from his end. He betrayed your trust somehow (and his hiding it from you at the moment), and rather than own up to it, deflects it back to you as though it's your fault for asking him a simple question, which is your right to, as his girlfriend. If he can't be trustworthy with you and be honest, then he's not good boyfriend material. Why does he need to reflect on his relationship with you away from you? Because he's pulling away and headed towards a separation. Hey may or may not be casually seeing another woman related to that text. Hard to know. BUT...his behavior indicates he's hiding something from you. That whole "I need space" excuse is the oldest break-up trick in the dating book. Anytime a guy requests space, more time to think, or to slow things down, it's followed by a break-up because he's lost interest. Edited April 27, 2014 by writergal 1
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