Harder to move on if you fell you are at fault?

[learning_slowly]

Has anybody been in a position where they have been the cause of a split and can compare this to when they have not?

 

I currently was the majority of the reason. Therefore, mostly I see my ex's positive aspects. Does this mean it will take longer to forget her than an ex who was mostly at fault?

 

I still get her in my head, even though I would have thought, she would be a small memory by now.

[roger136913]

Learning

 

I have been on both sides, I cheated and have been cheated on.\

 

My EA led to meeting the person which went to an standard affair ( is that what its called lol)

 

For my affair I wrestle why she was hurting, ect ect.. I always go that route thinking of her first.

 

The problem with me is, I think I can understand her affairs but not mine.

 

Her reasons turned out to be reasons that are voided. She wanted the romance, ect and I gave her that but she rejected it.

So in a short answer, I feel her reasons are mine and I sift through them.

[roger136913]

Learning

 

Also I found it rewarding to read posts from whom people were cheated on, esp Women. It allowed me in their head to see how they felt. This has helped a lot understanding the other side.

 

I also look at the side on why I cheated and looked looked and can't find anyone who did what I did for no real reason at all.

[melodicintention]

Does this mean it will take longer to forget her than an ex who was mostly at fault?

 

Probably so. As long as you continue to bring her up and dwell on it, you will not forget. How long you continue to dwell is up to you, no one on this forum has that answer but YOU.

[learning_slowly]

Probably so. As long as you continue to bring her up and dwell on it, you will not forget. How long you continue to dwell is up to you, no one on this forum has that answer but YOU.

 

Maybe my question wasn't clear. I think Roger's 2nd answer is more of what I was looking for.

I wasn't looking for how long I would dwell on it. I see your point, but I am doing all the suggested actions and so far it could be a lot worse, and I see some peoples situations on here and don't know how I'd cope in their shoes.

 

I was asking if anybody had felt they were the cause of the breakup (even if the other party had done the dumping), did this cause them to dwell on it longer than if it was the other party?

 

I don't necessarily feel guilt, but I could have changed to change the out come but I decided to ignore the problem.

 

I'll get over it. It was more curiosity.

[roger136913]

Learning

 

Again I have been on both sides..

 

If I remember right you only had an EA? Try doing this

 

Go and look at the Women's s side on their hubby had an EA. Read as many as you can.

Now go read the Guy's whose wife had an EA. Read as many as you can.

 

Now go read why people have an EA.

I applaud you if you know why, as I don't still.

 

You might not find what you are looking for 100% but I bet it will draw a better picture.

Dwelling to me a word used describe a bad issue only.

I dwell on mine to death cause I know now after 18 years I was the reason.

 

Your EA was just that. I don't know the reason, and I remember you saying it's the same as an Affair.

 

I disagree with you to a point. I had the EA and met the person also.

We place degrees for actions we do both good and bad right?

 

Could your dwelling be hidden guilt ?

[AnyaNova]

Probably so. As long as you continue to bring her up and dwell on it, you will not forget. How long you continue to dwell is up to you, no one on this forum has that answer but YOU.

 

Perhaps to learn what he needs to from it, he needs to continue to dwell on it for a bit so he doesn't make a similar mistake again (if it was a mistake).

 

And some relationships, deep down are so complex and in some cases really fraked up that you really have to spend some time dwelling on it.

 

But on the other hand, there comes a point where you have to put it down again to. That is where I'm at now.