waiting4u Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Is this code for "let just sleep together"? Who asks this question? I had a very casual beer with this guy I met in OLD. He texted me afterwards saying he really liked me. Then he followed that up with "What do you want? Casual dating or something serious?" I'm thinking "not sure I want anything with you" - depends on the guy. I mean, we had a beer, hugged goodbye, that's it. I've never had anyone lead with this question before. Wtf?
LustAppeal Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Really not enough info. If it was just a beer and you only talked a for an hour or so, well you know where his mind is... I've never had that happen, or even hear of it after the first "beer." It's common for guys to escalate in person when just meeting, but this is blunt. If I put myself in his shoes the only two things I can think of that make sense for me asking is: I'm really desperate and need a FWB right now; or I'm not use to dating or haven't been put in enough social environments to know that question seems weird that early.
Potion9 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 This seems to be a common question from OLD. I wouldn't get too caught up into the question . Just tell him you are just looking to meet new people and see what happens... etc I don't think it's about just sleeping together either.
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 To me it sounds like he was sizing you up for a hit it and quit it deal and if you weren't up for that you would be back burnered. 2
Author waiting4u Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Really not enough info. If it was just a beer and you only talked a for an hour or so, well you know where his mind is... I've never had that happen, or even hear of it after the first "beer." It's common for guys to escalate in person when just meeting, but this is blunt. If I put myself in his shoes the only two things I can think of that make sense for me asking is: I'm really desperate and need a FWB right now; or I'm not use to dating or haven't been put in enough social environments to know that question seems weird that early. I think it's both. Bizarre. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Funnily enough though I see posted on here quite a lot that if dating we're supposed to ask what it is a person is looking for early on! But, yep I think he was hoping you might be up for being a hit and run. 1
BradJacobs Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Since he's a guy it's automatically assumed he was trying to set up a pump and dump? What if the OP had asked the question? The guy wants to know how to approach this. If you weren't clear from the get go perhaps he's trying to figure out how much time he cares to invest right now? 5
bu2002 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 What are you looking for right now? Are you seeking a relationship? Are you recently out of a relationship and would want to take thing slow? Are you just looking for a friend to hang out? (I can't tell you how many women on OLD write "just looking for a friend first and then see it where things go) While it may seem odd after date one, he probably also doesn't want to waste anyone's time. 6
Gaeta Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 It was a GENERAL question, he was not asking if you wanted a fling or something serious with HIM. He wanted to know what was your purpose on the dating site. You'd be surprised how sometimes their live answer is different than what they put in their profile. 5
Author waiting4u Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Since he's a guy it's automatically assumed he was trying to set up a pump and dump? What if the OP had asked the question? I do think there's a bit of a gender bias - there is an assumption that the guy just wants to hit it and get out of there, whereas the girl wants to get married and have babies. Truth is, the question is unnerving because I don't really believe in having huge expectations from guys I date. Love just sort of happens; you can't force it. I'd rather hang out as friends and see where it goes. 1
Mrin Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Ya I think it is a fair question and probably not what some posters immediately knee jerked too. Probably better done in person or on the phone though as it is a conversation not an interrogation
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 (edited) Texting the question was a poor choice. The only guys who asked me some version of that question were those seeking an LTR. I think they didn't want to waste their time on someone who wasn't looking for something similar. Guys looking for something casual didn't seem interested in knowing what I wanted out of dating. YMMV. Edited April 26, 2014 by angel.eyes 3
Elle1975 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Is this code for "let just sleep together"? Who asks this question? I had a very casual beer with this guy I met in OLD. He texted me afterwards saying he really liked me. Then he followed that up with "What do you want? Casual dating or something serious?" I'm thinking "not sure I want anything with you" - depends on the guy. I mean, we had a beer, hugged goodbye, that's it. I've never had anyone lead with this question before. Wtf? Some people just want to hook up, might be why he asked. He might be looking for something more. Or vice versa. However.. yeah.. you only had one beer ..
Keenly Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I ask this question because I want a relationship and I don't do casual sex so I need to make sure I'm not wasting my time . 5
mammasita Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 It's a fair question. I think you read into it too much OP. What do you want? "I want to find someone to date and eventually get married." Or "I just want to have fun" Simple. 3
dontgo Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I don't really believe in having huge expectations from guys I date. Love just sort of happens; you can't force it. I'd rather hang out as friends and see where it goes. Read into it way too much! Very common question I have been asked when meeting up from Tinder. Reply with your above quote, since you were being honest in it. If he doesn't want to be friend zoned, yes he will probably not continue it.
paigej91 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 That's not super weird in my opinion. He's trying to see if you're looking for a FWB or casual situation or if you're looking for a relationship. It's important to know early on so you don't waste your time on a second date. Sometimes it takes longer to discover what you want, I realize that, but he wants to see if you already have an idea or not.
ThatMan Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I think it's both. Bizarre. You're right it is bizarre. Good question to ask in certain situations, but at least with some tact and in-person instead of texting. Always a good idea to mutually understand what you want. Normally people are able to discern exactly that without the question...
KatZee Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Is this code for "let just sleep together"? Who asks this question? I had a very casual beer with this guy I met in OLD. He texted me afterwards saying he really liked me. Then he followed that up with "What do you want? Casual dating or something serious?" I'm thinking "not sure I want anything with you" - depends on the guy. I mean, we had a beer, hugged goodbye, that's it. I've never had anyone lead with this question before. Wtf? This isn't a strange question at all. He's being honest and he wants to know what YOU want, so he can decide if he's wasting his time with you. Obviously he enjoyed the date, wants to see you again, and is READY for a real relationship. However if you said something along the lines of, "I'm just keeping my options open and casually dating, I'm not really ready for a relationship." You'd probably never hear from him again. On the flip side, maybe HE'S not looking for anything real and wants to keep it casual and wants to know if you're the type to try and lock him down. He didn't ask you if you'd want to be in a relationship with HIM, or if you want to be serious or casual with HIM. He's asking in general. It's a pretty straightforward question and really not "WTF!?" worthy. I make it a point to find out what guys are looking for ASAP. And yes, that means me finding out virtually immediately. I'm not going to waste my time dating a person who is looking for a booty call. I know what I want, where I'm at, and what I'm looking for.
Frank2thepoint Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Is this code for "let just sleep together"? Who asks this question? Then he followed that up with "What do you want? Casual dating or something serious?" No it's not code for "let's sleep together". It's funny that you thought that because the guy was being very straight forward. He just wants to know if you are just looking to date random guys or are in it to find someone to be serious with. There's not enough information to know what the guy actually wants, so he's either looking for casual date partner who wants have casual sex, or he wants something serious, and if you did too, he'd put in the effort to woo you. 1
LordVader Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 (edited) Well I know is if I said that, I would be asking what do u what to do next? And then the girl could say what she wanted to do next. No ones knows what he means, but we know what types of things people do when dating, so its probably something about what next. OP if u want another date say so. If u want to just hangout say so, if u want to..... If it was me, I would be wondering if u r interested, and do u want another date. Edited April 26, 2014 by LordVader
FitChick Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I like knowing if a man is looking for something serious or not. If he says something like, "I just got divorced, I'm new to this dating thing, I want to meet a lot of people" I would say good night and good luck. The older you are the less likely you are to want to waste time. Cut to the chase!
Joaquin Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 (edited) I was on a date today and the girl asked me this. Its common. I of course said a relationship etc. Edited April 26, 2014 by Joaquin
HappyLove Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 A guy who only wanted a fling wouldn't even bother asking this. Sounds like he's not interested in casual and was just wondering where your head was at. Very reasonable question especially from someone you met online. He doesn't know you outside of that so doesn't want to waste time. 1
spiderowl Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Texting the question was a poor choice. The only guys who asked me some version of that question were those seeking an LTR. I think they didn't want to waste their time on someone who wasn't looking for something similar. Guys looking for something casual didn't seem interested in knowing what I wanted out of dating. YMMV. I agree with this. The guys that have asked me that question have seemed keen and are wondering whether to invest their hearts in the relationship or not. Unfortunately, at first it's not always possible to know what you want straight out. I think they ask that question because they are thinking they could become serious and they want to know if you feel the same.
Recommended Posts