StGeorge22 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I met this girl on tinder and we have been hanging out for the last month. We get on really well and have seen each other once or twice a week for the last month. The contacting each other has been 50/50 etc. Anyway I was over at her house the other night and she mentioned that she mentioned me to her mum which I thought was pretty good. The night went well and we agreed to have dinner Thursday night. Thursday came and I gave her a call to see if she was still coming over but she said she was sick and could we do something over the weekend instead. I said no worries but I dunno, I was kind of curious as to where we were at. She said her housemates were asking how we met and I said mine were doing the same thing and were asking if we were seeing other people etc. She said she wasn't which was good but she didn't exactly jump at the chance of being exclusive etc. Anyway the weekend has come and I just called to see if she was free but she is busy both days I dunno, I've just had this bad feeling because things seemed different so I was like that's no worries, I've asked the last few times and it's been a no so if it's just that you don't want to keep hanging out just let me know. She said that wasn't the case and we would catch up next week. I then made a pretty big mistake. I made a joke along the lines of "you better make some time for me or I'll have to go back on tinder haha" it didn't go down so well and she was like "you can do that if you want, doesn't bother me". I dunno I guess she is the first girl I've liked in ages so I've kind of been trying to figure out where we are going next if anywhere To any girls out there, have I pushed her away? Has it changed because it started to get a bit more serious? Do you think she just wants to hang out? I checked her tinder profile and it said she was last logged in yesterday, so I guess not seeing other people doesn't necessarily mean not talking to other people. I'm obviously going to back off and wait for her to contact me. If she does, do people think I should try and get clarity on exactly what she wants and where we are at? Or just leave it. Kind of just want to know if I should start looking at other options. Thanks
Omei Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I then made a pretty big mistake. I made a joke along the lines of "you better make some time for me or I'll have to go back on tinder haha" it didn't go down so well and she was like "you can do that if you want, doesn't bother me". Thanks I think that this is your biggest clue, she's okay with you just being a friend and is too cowardly to say so, she hoping you'll do JUST THAT go back and move on so she won't have to let you down. 1
Poppyolive Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I'd let this one go. She's not making time for you and seems uninterested. The response to your joke says it all. Get back on there and have some fun.
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I checked her tinder profile and it said she was last logged in yesterday, so I guess not seeing other people doesn't necessarily mean not talking to other people. I'm obviously going to back off and wait for her to contact me. If she does, do people think I should try and get clarity on exactly what she wants and where we are at? Or just leave it. Kind of just want to know if I should start looking at other options. Thanks Following your conversation about you going back on Tinder? ...and it looks as if you were active on Tinder today. I think you should have just asked for what you wanted on your last date instead of waiting for her to ask for exclusivity and joking that you would just go back on Tinder because she wasn't feeling well or made other plans. Passive-aggressive behavior and veiled threats tend to backfire. My response would have been similar to hers if you "threatened" to go find someone else regardless of my interest level. I don't run a prison. Honestly, it's pretty easy to find another guy to date if the current guy loses interest. FWIW, in my experience, the guy has always asked for exclusivity. Same is true with my friends. I'm sure there are women who will eventually ask. But that's a risk you take. Live and learn.
Author StGeorge22 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Yeah fair call I was kind of planning to ask about exclusivity on the dinner date planned on Thursday so I guess when that got cancelled I paniced a bit and asked over the phone which wasn't ideal. She told me the last guy she dated when she lost interest she told him straight away so not to waste his time. I guess she had the opportunity to tell me the same but didn't so who knows. I get the impression she likes hanging out but may not want anything serious. A bit disappointed I asked if she was seeing anyone else and she said no only to see she is still on tinder ( guess it's just talking) If I do hear from her and she wants to catch up, I think I'm just going to ask where we are etc. Even if it's not going to go any further at least I'll know for sure
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 We all panic sometimes. No worries. Yes, always better to have deep conversations (exclusivity, etc.) face-to-face. I don't read too much into last visit info on dating apps. She might be checking up on you on Tinder. You never know. Why were you on? It sounds as if she might be blowing you off (what people say they do and what they actually do can differ!), but the only way to know for certain is to try for another date. I would ask one more time for a date. Ask early in the week for the weekend. If she's busy again, tell her to let you know when she's free for a date. If she can't come up with a concrete date during the conversation, just move on.
Author StGeorge22 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Think you are right angel eyes. I only logged in to see when she had been on so yes I guess it's possible that she was doing the same. Yep that's what I'll do I'm just going to back off and she if she makes any plans. If not then at least I'll know. Not sure how it got from only a couple of days ago her being super keen and making plans to this. Which is why I assume there is another person. Who knows.
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 It's always possible. But you can only control you. Ask for a date. See where the request goes. Go with your gut in picking your course of action. You seem to have a good sense of things. Also, it sounds as if you're looking for a relationship based on your posts. Is Tinder the best place to find others seeking a relationship rather than just casual hanging out?
Author StGeorge22 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Appreciate your posts angel eyes. Yeah I usually have a good handle on things. Take your point on the tinder thing, initially I wasn't looking for much but hit it off with this girl so I guess that changed things. As I say, I think you are spot on in that these convos need to be had in person. Body language can say much more than words sometimes. As I say, it's just a little confusing. I'd love to message now and just had some chit chat to see if I can gauge anything but I'll resist and see if she messages in a few days. Nothing to gain by seeming super keen 1
Omei Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 When you have that talk with her tell us the details I am very I am very interested in her reply based on her words towards your joke.
Author StGeorge22 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 Hey just just an update. I didn't get to have the convo. She text me today saying that she isn't really looking for a relationship and she isn't sure if she is as keen anymore. I really don't get how this happens in a matter of days of saying how well it is all going any making plans, but anyway. Disappointing as this was the first girl I liked in a long time, but at least I can move on.
Author StGeorge22 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Another update. She text me again last night saying the exclusivity thing freaked her out and she isn't looking for a relationship. I responded with saying I didn't mean to rush things, just wanted to know if that's what she wanted and that I'd be cool with just hanging out. Anyway, will see what happens 1
Author StGeorge22 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 So I asked to catch up last night so she can see I'm fine with just hanging out but she said she was still sick and going back to bed. Honestly, this has made me realise that I prob aren't looking for a relationship and it would be great to have someone to hang out with casually for a while. But I fear I've stuffed this one up. Any advice? Was thinking I'd obviously wait a few days and check in, but should I still be trying to convince her that I'm fine just hanging out or has it already pushed her away too much?
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