Gulzhul Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Hey guys, I've talked to friends and family about this and a friend of mine suggested that I post here as you guys would probably have alot more solid advice about what to do. I'd really appreciate anything you guys could add or give me advice on. (Sorry if this is posted in the wrong spot) I'm 24, she's 22. We met three years ago online playing some game and just started talking, had a lot in common, ended up talking on the phone and then skype pretty much every day. I don't normally do LDRs, but she was special. She was very, very insecure at first, she tried to push me away about 10 times in the first few months saying I was too good for her (She had a lot rough relationships in the past, felt guilty about things she did). After we did the whole LDR thing for about 6 months, I flew to visit her: New Jersey -> California over christmas and new years. It was way better than I expected, it was better in person, no awkwardness nothing, it was great. So then I came back, I paid for her to come visit me, she came to my sister's wedding blah blah, I raised money to move out to where she lived in august of last year. Things were great, I had some jealousy issues with her friends (Theyre all male, pretty much), so I guess I became really insecure instead of her because I was afraid of losing her. In october, she found out I had lied to her before to make her jealous which I had tried to cover up.. badly. So she lost trust in me and that compounded with my insecurity probably made her lose attraction too. She tried to work on it and forgave me for it but it was still there. Eventually she started getting distant in February/March and didn't want to hang out, we didn't have sex anymore, we just talked sometimes. Late march, she came over and asked me what I thought about us having a break to figure things out. I told her I didn't want that, because I loved her and we should work it out. She cried, said she'd try to work on it with me. The following week she totally distanced herself from me hard. Then April 3rd, she said we needed to talk, she came over and said she was breaking up with me, that she loved me and cared about me alot but she wasn't in love with me anymore, didn't have romantic feelings for me. She started dating some friend of hers the day of the breakup. This was hers and my longest relationship. I pretty much broke down, I know thats really bad, but I did what I did. I called her a few times after trying to patch it up and that probably was a bad idea too. From some advice from my friend, I wrote her a letter, which she read and said "Thank you if you mean what you said in it" and then I ignored her. Two days later she texted me asking me how I was and if everything was okay. She came over to get some of her cat's stuff she left and we ended up hugging, she said she missed me and started crying but that we couldnt be together right now. She said she didn't love the guy she was dating and she didnt even know if she really liked him, but she thinks she likes him now (conflicting but whatever). That was April 12th. So for the past week we've talked a few times, she doesn't want to get back together now, or if she ever will. Her new boyfriend doesnt like that we still talk. She wants to be friends with me, but she specifically says nothing more than friends and reiterates it everytime. She doesn't like when I mention that I love her. I still love her, she said she still loves me yesterday but not romantically. Is there any chance or way for me to get her back? Should I go back to ignoring her and hopefully it makes her miss me or will that just make her get closer to this new guy? Or should I be her friend and try to make her attracted to me again? I've read conflicting things on being your ex's friend that you're trying to get back and I could really use advice on this from you guys. Any advice you could give on what to do next would be awesome. Thanks.
Author Gulzhul Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Anyone? I guess my post got pushed too far down xD
EvansR Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I went through a similar situation last year What you need to do, and I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but it's what you NEED to do, is go full Non-Contact. The "let's be friends" thing won't pan out like you want. You want what I wanted. You want her to realise how good you two can be together and she'll come back and you'll be happy. But it's probably not going to work like that. You're never going to get over her if you still talk to her all the time. Every time she meets a new guy, she's going to end up telling you about it, and you're gonna feel like you're under 50ft of crap every single time if you're still in love with her Go through the Non-Contact Guide, take some time to gather your thoughts, and learn to be happy without her. Hey, if you got along without her before you met her you can get along without her now, right? Think of it like in gambling, you should never chase your losses, you only stand to lose even more.
Author Gulzhul Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Yeah, it's really hard though. Whenever I ignore her for like a day, she texts me at the end of the day wondering how I am and how my day went. I feel like if I ignore her texts entirely she'll just think I'm being rude and ignoring her. She said last night she hoped my day went alright, I waited til today to answer her back and said my day went well and thanks for asking. x-x I dunno, haha. It's not like she'd believe I wasn't hurting either, she knows I love her, I mean I moved 3,000 miles out here for her. Sigh.
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