Feeling burnt out. Emotionally and physically exhausted.

[somedude81]

I've been feeling better these past couple of days. Though I don't know if it's just time, or that I got a new video game that keeps my mind occupied. Most likely a combination of the two.

 

 

I actually manged to go to the gym today. Granted I still felt tired I used some of the machines and got my body moving. Now I just need to make sure to go on a consistent basis.

 

With each passing day since the break up it's starting to feel like my time with her was just a fantasy. That it was just a dream and not something that actually happened. I can hardly believe that I had something so great in my life. Though I look around my apartment and I see her touch everywhere. There are so many things I have from when we went shopping together, and several of them she picked out for me. So I know she was here, and that we were together, but those items feel like relics of the past from long ago.

[MidwestUSA]

When the anger and bitterness subside, it will be a fond memory. You're getting there!

 

 

I did notice that you sound more positive lately.

[Itspointless]

Though I look around my apartment and I see her touch everywhere. There are so many things I have from when we went shopping together, and several of them she picked out for me. So I know she was here, and that we were together, but those items feel like relics of the past from long ago.

Hey man, isn't it possible for you to bag those things? I have removed everything out of my side, at least the things I could bare looking up to move to another place. I did this very slowly as it felt of some kind of betrayal on my sight, denial I know. She made some vague promises at the end that did not help. I still can't see those things, or photo's of her. I am amazed how attached those few months made me. Feeling much better lately, but my dream tonight (coping thread) made me aware that I still have work to do

[Iguanna]

Somedude, I've told you many times (and others have told you too) but you don't seem to listen. Think for a moment, since your way has failed, why don't you try our way for a change? If it fails too, then you can go back to your own way.

 

You say you play games. Why don't you make friends there? Why don't you get in a group of people, play with them, joke with them, have fun? Some may live close to you. Plan to meet them. Do something fun. It's ok if they are only guys. These guys will one day invite you to a party or for drinks and there you may meet some women. Hang out with them, show your fun self, have fun, enjoy life without obsessing about being dumped or not having a gf. These women will one day invite you somewhere, they may introduce you to some interesting woman. THIS is how people meet their other halves. Staying at home, feeling sorry for yourself and being miserable will definitely have no good result. Try this. If it were someone else than you, I'd not bother to tell them the same things over and over again. I spend the time to post this to you cause you seem like a good guy. You are stubborn though. You want things to be done your way and you are not willing to make a slight change in order to try something that may or may not work for you. If you make a change, maybe something will go better, don't you think? At least you will have tried.

[Joangel]

They say," Hate is like drinking poison, then waiting for the other person to die". Remember that. Holding hate is draining on your body. Sounds like your in a rut. I would say simply go for long walks before bed. It should help you clear your mind. Cut down on the gaming as that is probably numbing your emotions. Lastly, get out there. Instead of doing your homework at home go to library at school. Eat on the lawn now and then and be friendly. Even if you don't meet a girl worth dating, you'll feel good just being more social. I have trouble meeting worth while guys but I feel good at the end of day if I had some good conversations. Stimulate your mind and talk to all kinds if people young and old. You never know who has a sister, daughter, etc.. Who is a good fit for you. I haven't met the "one" but I have given recomendations, job referrals, style advice etc...and it always helps me feel good.

[somedude81]

When the anger and bitterness subside, it will be a fond memory. You're getting there!

 

 

I did notice that you sound more positive lately.

What really gets me, is that all the memories are pleasant and nice. I don't have any bad memories of her prior to the breakup. In person she has only ever been sweet to me. Right now I'm having a major disconnect between the good memories of the past and reality, which basically means I get a sharp pain in my head after a good memory comes to me.

 

Thanks for saying that I'm sounding more positive. I do feel a bit better though my moods can be a bit random.

 

I really don't know if the bitterness and anger will ever truly subside when I'm single. I pretty much convinced myself that being single = anger.

[somedude81]

Hey man, isn't it possible for you to bag those things? I have removed everything out of my side, at least the things I could bare looking up to move to another place. I did this very slowly as it felt of some kind of betrayal on my sight, denial I know. She made some vague promises at the end that did not help. I still can't see those things, or photo's of her. I am amazed how attached those few months made me. Feeling much better lately, but my dream tonight (coping thread) made me aware that I still have work to do

There are certain things that I've had to put away. Basically everything that she actually bought me is in a closet somewhere.

 

The major issue is that I do like many of the things that we bought together and it would be stupid to get ride of them, and then replace them with the exact same item. For example we picked out curtains together for my apartment and she found a color that I really liked. There really isn't any point in getting rid of them or replacing them. That's just throwing money away.

 

Photo's are definitely put away. I can't look at them without getting very emotional.

 

Speaking of dreams, I had one last night where I somehow met up with her and she had a baby. The age of the baby suggested that she cheated on me and got pregnant, and that's why she left me. That does mirror my feelings that the reasons and how she left me are very suspect and that her cheating is a very strong possibility. Of course I don't know for certain, and probably never will.

[Itspointless]

The major issue is that I do like many of the things that we bought together and it would be stupid to get ride of them, and then replace them with the exact same item. For example we picked out curtains together for my apartment and she found a color that I really liked. There really isn't any point in getting rid of them or replacing them. That's just throwing money away.

I understand.

 

Dreams often mirror what we feel. The image of the baby could be a literal translation of your feelings: you felt cheated in your trust and the break-up felt like she was 'carrying a secret' with her as it took you with surprise. I was surprised to dream about her and it pretty much ruined my day. It gave me a clear mirror though.

[somedude81]

Bringing back this thread because I've just had one of the worst days in my life.

 

For some reason I was having a stupid issue with my computer, and when I wasn't able to fix it after the first try, I just exploded. I ended up breaking something important to me and I really wish I didn't do that.

 

I seem to be completely unable to control my temper. Pretty soon it will be six months since it dumped me and I haven't progressed or moved on at all. I have so much anger and hatred inside me.

 

Unfortunately I'm now coming to a point where I'm running out of money and I really need to get a job. But I just don't have any energy or motivation. I'm putting in minimal effort using the job seeking website for my school and I registered for a temp agency online, but nobody has contacted me. All that is doing is making me feel even worse.

 

I feel that I'm just running out of reasons to go on in life. I haven't had a single happy day since it left me and I just don't see any signs of my life getting better. Aside from the fact that my parents will be hurt, I don't know why I'm alive.

[Els]

You really, REALLY need professional help. I mean a psychologist, to sit down with you and assess how to move forward (medications, or cognitive behavioural therapy, etc).

 

I know money is low but don't they have subsidized options for citizens there?

[RDawg]

I understand where you are at somedude. I don't think you need therapy I think you just need more time. You should take the advice given here - try and be more sociable, less time on the games and more exercise.

 

I am 43 and always wanted a wife and family so my most recent BU hit me really hard. You've still got many years to find the right partner. Relax. As more time passess you will gain acceptance and some wisdom from all of this. I think you will be ok. You have a good heart.

[Itspointless]

I also agree with RDawg, except for the therapy part. Therapy is not something negative. Sometimes our parents do not give us enough tools to coop with life in a healthy matter (I am definitely one of those people). Isn't it strange that with everything in life we can take courses and get guidance, except for living itself, than suddenly taking therapy is something that is understood by most people - not saying that RDawg does - as pathological or weak.

 

Keep going strong my brother, life will get better I promise you. I also still find it hard but we will get there.

 

And oh yeah one thing. Calling her 'it' is really a passive-aggressive way of dealing with your grief. It is better if you try to see her for the human who she is: someone with good traits and with faults (just like us).

[somedude81]

I understand where you are at somedude. I don't think you need therapy I think you just need more time. You should take the advice given here - try and be more sociable, less time on the games and more exercise.

 

 

I actually can't spend that much time playing a game before I end up wanting to throw my controller at a wall.

 

Yesterday I was about to go on a bike ride but then I realized that I'd just end up shouting my head, and a little bit out loud too, about how angry I am. If my brain isn't directly focused on something I just get mad.

 

I am 43 and always wanted a wife and family so my most recent BU hit me really hard. You've still got many years to find the right partner. Relax. As more time passess you will gain acceptance and some wisdom from all of this. I think you will be ok. You have a good heart.

That really sucks. I'm sure that really hurt for you.

 

I want a wife and I feel that I should have been married years ago. I really don't think I'd be able to make it to 40 if I was still alone. While it's most likely very naive of me, I feel that if I got to keep my GF, I'd be set for life and everything would workout, and that life in general would be so much better. No she wasn't perfect, but she was miles better than what I thought a GF could be.

 

I feel lost and hopeless by myself. My dreams had finally came true, but then it was taken away from me. I waited over 10 years to meet her. She should have just killed me when she left.

Edited May 23, 2014 by somedude81

[BC1980]

I actually can't spend that much time playing a game before I end up wanting to throw my controller at a wall.

 

Yesterday I was about to go on a bike ride but then I realized that I'd just end up shouting my head, and a little bit out loud too, about how angry I am. If my brain isn't directly focused on something I just get mad.

 

 

That really sucks. I'm sure that really hurt for you.

 

I want a wife and I feel that I should have been married years ago. I really don't think I'd be able to make it to 40 if I was still alone. While it's most likely very naive of me, I feel that if I got to keep my GF, I'd be set for life and everything would workout, and that life in general would be so much better. No she wasn't perfect, but she was miles better than what I thought a GF could be.

 

I feel lost and hopeless by myself. My dreams had finally came true, but then it was taken away from me. I waited over 10 years to meet her. She should have just killed me when she left.

 

Your life wouldn't have been set like you think. She could have died suddenly or divorced you. Nothing is permanent in this life unfortunately. Thinking you have it all set is a false sense of security to some extent.

[KathyM]

You really do need to see a therapist. You've had ongoing depression for years now, which has gotten worse after your breakup. Medication (antidepressants) would probably help you to feel less hopeless, less depressed, and give you more energy and ability to sleep. You also need help in finding happiness in your life in other ways besides a girlfriend. Romantic relationships should only be a part of life, not everything. As long as you have this perception that a girlfriend will solve everything for you, you are destined to go from depression to elevation (when you are in a relationship), back to deep depression when it ends. You need more balance in your life and more sources of happiness that you are taking an active role in pursuing. You also need guidance on pursuing and maintaining relationships that a therapist could provide.

 

 

There is also one thing I want to mention about sleeping. If you wake up in the middle of the night unable to sleep, resist the urge to get up and go on your computer. That will stimulate your mind and make it difficult to get back to sleep. If you wake up, stay in bed, and think about relaxing thoughts, trying not to focus too much on one thought in particular.

 

 

Look for a therapist that works for a clinic that offers a sliding fee scale, so that the cost will be minimal or free. You have a lot of dysfunctional thinking that is making you feel powerless about life in general. You have a victim mentality, and seem to think that life happens to you and you have no power to do anything about it. You need more coping tools, more ways to turn around your negative thinking patterns, and your self defeating beliefs. You also need something to lift you out of depression. You might even have a brain chemical imbalance which keeps you chronically depressed, which you even had to work through when you had a girlfriend. Your issues are more deep-seated than whether or not you have a girlfriend. There is a lot you can do to help yourself, and you need a therapist to help guide you into ways you can help yourself, and change your negative thinking patterns. Don't wait for something to magically change, or some woman to come and change your whole life around. YOU need to be more proactive in taking responsibility for your happiness in life. You should start by seeking help from a therapist. I would also recommend that you start thinking about the positives in your life more, rather than only the negatives. People who are depressed tend to only think about negatives and they discount any positives that are there. Keep reminding yourself about the positives you have going for you, such as telling yourself on a frequent basis: "I'm getting my Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration. I'm going to pursue a really great job when I graduate. I'm really good at fixing computers. I'm really good at Salsa dancing/ballroom dancing. I'm a caring person. I can bench press . . ." fill in all the positives about you that you can be proud or happy about, and work on building even more into that mix. Focus on the positive things about yourself. Focus on positive and affirming thoughts. Work on areas of weakness with the help of a therapist. There is a lot you can do to help yourself.

[somedude81]

I'm lonely. Can drugs and medication fix that?

 

I just got back from watching the new X-Men movie which I really liked, but I basically cried the whole way home because I miss Sophia so much. We would have watched the movie together if she didn't disappear on me.

 

My life was so great when she was in it. And now my life has been a total wreck since she left.

 

A girlfriend will not solve everything in my life, but having one in my life gives me a good foundation. Right now I don't have a reason to struggle. I don't have anything to look forward to. There is no reason why I get out of bed every day.

 

I have been in therapy for years. The only thing that actually made me happy was having her in my life. With Sophia with me, I was able to accomplish several difficult things. Life was hard, but I worked through it.

 

Now, I just can't push myself.

 

I have been living on the belief of "someday it will get better" for a very long time. Then finally it actually did get better. But those days are gone now. I was with her for six months, and now it's almost six months that we've been apart. There is just nothing for me.

Edited May 23, 2014 by somedude81

[clia]

Why don't you try to find some activities to participate in this weekend through Meetup.com? Given the holiday weekend, there are surely events going on.

 

Getting out, going somewhere new, meeting some new people, might help you feel better -- certainly less lonely. I think some socialization would be good for you.

 

Look for groups meeting at bars or restaurants (why not try a new place and mingle with some people?) or doing some outdoor activity you like. If there are any festivals or events going on near you there might also be some groups meeting up there that you could join.

[KathyM]

I'm lonely. Can drugs and medication fix that?

Not directly, but they can lift your depression and sense of hopelessness, give you more energy, and help put you in a better mindset where you feel more like going out and meeting more people and doing more things that will make you less lonely.

I just got back from watching the new X-Men movie which I really liked, but I basically cried the whole way home because I miss Sophia so much. We would have watched the movie together if she didn't disappear on me.

You need to work on getting more involved with activities where you can do things with other people, such as Meetup groups. You isolate yourself too much with video games and individual things, and that is one reason you are so lonely. It's not just lack of a girlfriend, you are not initiating contact with people in general, and that's something you need to work on.

My life was so great when she was in it. And now my life has been a total wreck since she left.

That's because you put all your value of yourself on being in a relationship. You need to find ways to give meaning to your life and bring enjoyment to your life other than just romantic relationships. If you don't, you will never be able to weather the times when you are not in a relationship.

A girlfriend will not solve everything in my life, but having one in my life gives me a good foundation.

You are looking to a woman as your foundation, and when you don't have one, your "foundation" crumbles. Your foundation needs to be an underlying sense of value/self worth/self esteem.

Right now I don't have a reason to struggle. I don't have anything to look forward to. There is no reason why I get out of bed every day.

You need to work on that. You need to find other passions in life that will bring joy and meaning in your life. You are putting it all on having a girlfriend, and that is why when you don't have one, your life has no meaning/fulfillment/passion/joy.

I have been in therapy for years. The only thing that actually made me happy was having her in my life. With Sophia with me, I was able to accomplish several difficult things. Life was hard, but I worked through it.

You can't rely on a woman to give your life meaning or give you strength to do things. You have to find that within yourself.

Now, I just can't push myself.

You are expecting a woman to push you, instead of taking the responsibility to push yourself to do what you need to do.

I have been living on the belief of "someday it will get better" for a very long time. Then finally it actually did get better. But those days are gone now. I was with her for six months, and now it's almost six months that we've been apart. There is just nothing for me.

It CAN get better, but you need to take a more active role in making that happen, and not relying on a woman to make everything work for you. You have to take responsibility for your life and your happiness and not put the responsibility for that on some woman.

[somegoodman]

 

I want a wife and I feel that I should have been married years ago. I really don't think I'd be able to make it to 40 if I was still alone. While it's most likely very naive of me, I feel that if I got to keep my GF, I'd be set for life and everything would workout, and that life in general would be so much better. No she wasn't perfect, but she was miles better than what I thought a GF could be.

 

I feel lost and hopeless by myself. My dreams had finally came true, but then it was taken away from me. I waited over 10 years to meet her. She should have just killed me when she left.

 

 

 

As long as this is your mindset, you will never progress from where you are.

 

 

Are you not a man? Because let me tell you something, a man who can't stand on his own two feet is not a man at all. He will never make it in this world.

 

 

You're in your early thirties. You have three solid decades ahead of you to make the most of your life. You can start RIGHT NOW, this very second. You can even stop reading right here and just go take action.

 

 

And what if you don't? You'll regurgitate your emotions endlessly, you'll isolate and self-medicate with video games until one day fate has it some reasonably attractive female takes an interest in you. And then you'll be "happy" again, until she kicks you to the curb just like that last one. And it will be your fault, because you never improved yourself in the interim.

 

 

You think you'll be set for life once you marry? Excuse me, I haven't laughed so hard in years. Do you know why women marry? It isn't out of love and respect, it is for security. Dead truth. For her, that security means she gets to rest on her laurels and get fat while you slave away to pay the mortgage. Or even better, she foregoes her wifely duties once the ink dries and cheats on you with desirable men while you're doing time in the cubicle. You might even end up cuckolded with another man's child. Set for life!

 

 

What you think will make you happy is only going to bring you more pain and misery. You need to really come to grips with reality. And then you need to fight back at the world and take what you can from it. Nobody is going to look out for you, nobody but yourself.

 

 

There are two things a man can rely on in this world, his body and his mind. Concentrate on growing both. Really put in the effort and I promise you will be rewarded.

 

 

Watch this and let it sink in:

 

 

Best of luck.

[Itspointless]

Watch this and let it sink in:

Well isn't that funny, just wondered yesterday listening to this song where the sample came from: