threadandnoodle Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 So me and my ex haven't been together officially for about 5/6 years. In that time we keep hooking up - we go for meals, go on holidays and have sex. We have fun but he has said he doesn't have any feelings for me. I don't understand what's going on- we have a really good time together and it's not all about sex- we go for day trips, we go for long drives, for meals, drinks, to watch films etc. We stay at each other's place a lot. We recently went on a mini break. We've done this before and it was really fun. But this time it felt different. He didn't really want to have sex much and we seemed to argue a bit. When we did have sex- afterwards he'd move away from me. He wouldn't hold my hand in the street. He doesn't want me to be his girlfriend and says he has no feelings for me. But he goes away with me? If he just want to bang, surely he'd just kick me out after the deed and not bother with hanging out or going on holidays together? He helps me out with problems, worries and sometimes a little money. I was led in bed so far away from him. I felt so sad. Every time I try and leave this situation or not talk to him, he gets back in touch. He cheated on his girlfriend with me (when they were together a few years ago). I dont get what's going on. I can't seem to get away from him- because he always gets in touch and wants to see me, or says he misses my company and friendship. The fact we're exes as well confuses me. He says it shouldn't matter and that the situation isn't weird at all. I do not know what's going on here. Any insight would be appreciated, I joined here for help. x
CaliBabe Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Your answer is simple. You have made yourself so available and so cheap. He doesn't have to make you his girlfriend however he can use you to get the benefits of having a girlfriend like not being alone, your company, hanging out and enjoying your body and not have any obligation to you. He will use you until he finds someone else that he WILL make his girlfriend. The problem is you have allowed this to happen. If you want a relationship, say so and if he is not willing to give that to you find someone who happily will. You have created this environment and you are blaming him. You are the woman here, you have more power than you think, however you have made yourself so easy and available he didn't have to work for anything. At this point, you need to dump him and move on to someone who will give you a relationship and all the wonderful things you deserve. I am sorry if I sound so blunt but this is the truth. Consider it tough love. 1
Author threadandnoodle Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 Your answer is simple. You have made yourself so available and so cheap. He doesn't have to make you his girlfriend however he can use you to get the benefits of having a girlfriend like not being alone, your company, hanging out and enjoying your body and not have any obligation to you. He will use you until he finds someone else that he WILL make his girlfriend. The problem is you have allowed this to happen. If you want a relationship, say so and if he is not willing to give that to you find someone who happily will. You have created this environment and you are blaming him. You are the woman here, you have more power than you think, however you have made yourself so easy and available he didn't have to work for anything. At this point, you need to dump him and move on to someone who will give you a relationship and all the wonderful things you deserve. I am sorry if I sound so blunt but this is the truth. Consider it tough love. Definitely needed. I feel I'm lonely without him though. I haven't had a relationship with anyone else in the entire time we've been broken up. He has but he cheated on her with... me. (I am not proud). I haven't had anyone interested bar a few casual hook ups in college. I would love to find someone who cares about me/loves me but I haven't found anyone and that makes me feel even worse
CaliBabe Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 This relationship has held you back in finding the right one. You need to let him go so you can make room for the right man. No man would ever wife you up if you were doing this with your ex. Nonetheless still doing it until you met him. You have to have good energy and your mind on yourself. Do not allow him to occupy one more ounce of your thoughts or energy. Once you let him go the universe will bring you a man who will love you like you deserve. The universe will not bring you "the one" under these circumstances. Work on yourself that includes your self esteem and confidence (therapy works great), so when you meet the one, your energy is in great vibration with his. You will be on the same wavelength.
KaliLove Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 You're the quasi-girlfriend. You're around when he wants you and you go away when he doesn't. You're his little toy. When he finds a real girlfriend, out you go. Find some self-respect!! Walk. Away. Now.
Elle1975 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 So me and my ex haven't been together officially for about 5/6 years. In that time we keep hooking up - we go for meals, go on holidays and have sex. We have fun but he has said he doesn't have any feelings for me. I don't understand what's going on- we have a really good time together and it's not all about sex- we go for day trips, we go for long drives, for meals, drinks, to watch films etc. We stay at each other's place a lot. We recently went on a mini break. We've done this before and it was really fun. But this time it felt different. He didn't really want to have sex much and we seemed to argue a bit. When we did have sex- afterwards he'd move away from me. He wouldn't hold my hand in the street. He doesn't want me to be his girlfriend and says he has no feelings for me. But he goes away with me? If he just want to bang, surely he'd just kick me out after the deed and not bother with hanging out or going on holidays together? He helps me out with problems, worries and sometimes a little money. I was led in bed so far away from him. I felt so sad. Every time I try and leave this situation or not talk to him, he gets back in touch. He cheated on his girlfriend with me (when they were together a few years ago). I dont get what's going on. I can't seem to get away from him- because he always gets in touch and wants to see me, or says he misses my company and friendship. The fact we're exes as well confuses me. He says it shouldn't matter and that the situation isn't weird at all. I do not know what's going on here. Any insight would be appreciated, I joined here for help. x It sounds like a mix of "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" and "I want my cake and eat it too"... He's been crystal clear. He doesn't love you. He likes to have fun with you. And even that is going away, since he's being distant. You sell yourself short on that one. You accept to be the other woman and wait patiently for him to wake up one day in love with you. That's not going to happen. Please, please.. kick him out of your life... I know it's hard, but start building and preserving your self-esteem. Don't you want to be the #1 in someone's life?
Author threadandnoodle Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 This relationship has held you back in finding the right one. You need to let him go so you can make room for the right man. No man would ever wife you up if you were doing this with your ex. Nonetheless still doing it until you met him. You have to have good energy and your mind on yourself. Do not allow him to occupy one more ounce of your thoughts or energy. Once you let him go the universe will bring you a man who will love you like you deserve. The universe will not bring you "the one" under these circumstances. Work on yourself that includes your self esteem and confidence (therapy works great), so when you meet the one, your energy is in great vibration with his. You will be on the same wavelength. Do you think other men "know" I'm "taken" so they don't approach? Is that possible? I think I just wanted to carry on because like other posters here have said, I want him to wake up and be in love with me and sometimes his actions make me think he will....because when I pull away he always reeks me back in.
Author threadandnoodle Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 It sounds like a mix of "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" and "I want my cake and eat it too"... He's been crystal clear. He doesn't love you. He likes to have fun with you. And even that is going away, since he's being distant. You sell yourself short on that one. You accept to be the other woman and wait patiently for him to wake up one day in love with you. That's not going to happen. Please, please.. kick him out of your life... I know it's hard, but start building and preserving your self-esteem. Don't you want to be the #1 in someone's life? That's all I've ever wanted/ but number one in his life I suppose. I know the second he meets a new girl he will drop me like a stone. It's hard to break this 6 years habit. Why lend me money and go places with me if he feels nothing at all? From what people have said it's down to me- he won't end a free thing and he's been clear....
Author threadandnoodle Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Does he know I have feelings for him? He said he'd stop seeing me if I did so I never told him. But do you think he knows and is ignoring it?
Elle1975 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 That's all I've ever wanted/ but number one in his life I suppose. I know the second he meets a new girl he will drop me like a stone. It's hard to break this 6 years habit. Why lend me money and go places with me if he feels nothing at all? From what people have said it's down to me- he won't end a free thing and he's been clear.... My ex did all the things a boyfriend is supposed to do. Put shelves up, took me out, we went on week ends together, I knew his best friend, and his family. One of the things that he told me when we broke up is that it would have keep on going like that for another couple years till he met somebody else. (crappy thing to say). We get along great, don't find, resolve conflicts, etc.. truth is.. he doesn't love me. Don't stay in this situation. Or learn the hard way and see the years go by.
Elle1975 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Does he know I have feelings for him? He said he'd stop seeing me if I did so I never told him. But do you think he knows and is ignoring it? Sure, he does.
Author threadandnoodle Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 My ex did all the things a boyfriend is supposed to do. Put shelves up, took me out, we went on week ends together, I knew his best friend, and his family. One of the things that he told me when we broke up is that it would have keep on going like that for another couple years till he met somebody else. (crappy thing to say). We get along great, don't find, resolve conflicts, etc.. truth is.. he doesn't love me. Don't stay in this situation. Or learn the hard way and see the years go by. So - the situation I'm in now- you went through? Why did he do all of those things like put up shelves and go away with you if he didn't love you? Just because it's fun and you got along whilst he was looking for someone else? What did you do? Did he know you had feelings for him? And you think he definitely knows how I feel but will carry on unless I voice it? I've seen him since the mini break and we had an amazing, intense evening together. The sex isn't what confuses me- it's everything that goes with it, like you said. x
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