TXGuy Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Regardless of what you decide to do with the fiancé, his parents will have legal rights to see the child. No. Not at all. Without being married, the bf/father doesn't have any rights to the child without a bit of legal wrangling. Generally speaking, Grandparents have no individual rights to the child, absent extreme circumstances. Assuming you decide to keep the baby, your biggest decision is whether or not to marry this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 No. Not at all. Without being married, the bf/father doesn't have any rights to the child without a bit of legal wrangling. Generally speaking, Grandparents have no individual rights to the child, absent extreme circumstances. Assuming you decide to keep the baby, your biggest decision is whether or not to marry this guy. Actually, it varies quite a bit from state to state (assuming OP is in the US): Grandparent Rights: State by State - Grandparents.com 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 No. Not at all. Without being married, the bf/father doesn't have any rights to the child without a bit of legal wrangling. Generally speaking, Grandparents have no individual rights to the child, absent extreme circumstances. Assuming you decide to keep the baby, your biggest decision is whether or not to marry this guy. I'm saying IF she marries him, the grandparents will have legal rights to see the child, even if she later divorces him. Grandparents do have rights. My sister's ex inlaws sued in court to have their legal rights as grandparents enforced. If she does not marry him, but has the child, the grandparents may have rights to see the child as well. She should get an attorney's professional opinion on this if this is a concern for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I agree that it's time to do some research and see what visitation rights his parents will have - if you're not married, and if you are. I'd imagine that marrying him would give them more legal leverage, which could really create a bad situation for you and this child. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 You're going to have to learn to set boundaries with his parents, and learn fast. Regardless of what you decide to do with the fiancé, his parents will have legal rights to see the child. Learn to set boundaries with them, and if you stay with your fiancé, teach him how to set boundaries with them as well, and consider marriage counseling. If you decide to stay with him, you are going to need it. No his parents do not have legal rights unless they live in Washington state and can prove they are a vital emotional asset to this grand child (which hasn't been born yet) so be mindful. I know because i sat in front of a judge and was read the current grandparent rights, they basically only exist for divorces or when one parent is deceased, otherwise the main guardian doesnt have to let any relative be apart of that childs life. As to this ladys' quandry, she needs to saddle up and get to reading single parenting books. This child can have one good parent if all goes well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I agree that it's time to do some research and see what visitation rights his parents will have - if you're not married, and if you are. I'd imagine that marrying him would give them more legal leverage, which could really create a bad situation for you and this child. The paternal grandparents rights (what little they might have) should be way down her priority list right now. She has much more pressing issues to deal with. So I will leave alone the very limited GP rights for now. Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I agree that it's time to do some research and see what visitation rights his parents will have - if you're not married, and if you are. I'd imagine that marrying him would give them more legal leverage, which could really create a bad situation for you and this child. Actually, it will give them less (given these facts). Assuming they marry, BF is practically guaranteed a minimum of every other weekend (EOW) in the event of a divorce. More if he tries. Assuming he takes that time, GPs will get any 'visitation rights' formally or informally through his time, not hers. If they are not married and BF has zero visitation, GPs have a small chance of getting visitation. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 In an ideal world, parents would foster their children's own sense of autonomy. Provide them with a safe, loving, and nuturing environment and give the child ample opportunities for independence. That he or she may one day grow up being a self-sufficient adult. Well, that didn't happen with your fiance. A grown man calling his Mom to ask if he should call in for work?! Oh god. How do you even have sex with him? My lady box would have dried up from that and the floodgates would not have opened again. He called his parents to tattle? Undermines your opinions? Um, you're still with him why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 OP, think long and hard before making such a big decision as leaving the father of your child. Remember that this is the internet and you do not know who are behind these aliases. This is a HUGE decision that none of these people are making. They are not emotionally, physically, or financially invested. Ultimately, they don't care what happens to you or your child beyond the scope of this thread. Just something to consider.... Link to post Share on other sites
OhThatGirl Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 OP, think long and hard before making such a big decision as leaving the father of your child. Remember that this is the internet and you do not know who are behind these aliases. This is a HUGE decision that none of these people are making. They are not emotionally, physically, or financially invested. Ultimately, they don't care what happens to you or your child beyond the scope of this thread. Just something to consider.... Going to disagree here. I think a majority of the posters are thinking mostly of the child's well being. The OP has laid out details that demonstrate this man is not even functional as an adult individual. This isn't as much about her being able to tolerate the dynamic as it is whether this is a good situation for her child. For OP, I wouldn't leave him until options are exhausted though. I'd be very firm that you have made the mistake of tolerating this nonsense for the last 3 years but now that more is at stake you need him to be a fully functioning adult. Counseling. Lots and lots of counseling. Starting with the two of you. At some point it needs to include his parents. Healthy boundaries need to be created and enforced. Expectations need to be made clear. There is a LOT of dysfunction that needs work. But, if I had to guess I'd say he will probably refuse counseling. Fair enough. That's his decision and you don't have to continue the relationship if that's the case. Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I was in a similar situation over ten years ago. I doubt he will change OP. But just to let you know that I have raised my son perfectly well without the father around 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Look up "Narcissistic Parenting, Golden Child, Enmeshed" If this describes your beau's relationship with his parents, run like hell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
atlg8r Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 My ex was like this, although not QUITE as bad as your fiance. But yeah, for example, when he cut his foot on glass in a parking lot, I told him what to use to clean it and that he should probably see a doctor about a tetanus shot. I even looked up advice on the Mayo Clinic website. He still didn't do those things until he talked to his mommy. I got pregnant with him and had a miscarriage at about 13 weeks because of the stress of everything. I realized I would basically be a single parent even if we married and lived together because he was incapable of even taking care of himself. And, I was horrified at the idea that our child would end up just like him. (Sidebar: Don't ever marry or get pregnant with a man unless you'd want a son to grow up to be EXACTLY like him.) I hate to say the miscarriage was a blessing, but it was definitely a relief despite the depression I went through. My aunt told me once that getting pregnant does NOT mean you have to marry the wrong man. Think long and hard about this. It sounds like if you were NOT pregnant, you would be thinking about running, so my advice is do not marry him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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