Mommame2 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I met a guy last week. He was really into me...said so, right away. He went away for a few days with his kids and his text messages were non-stop. He is already talking about moving closer toward my city...asking me if I would want to get remarried within a year? I know the latter is a fair question. But the idea that he wants to move closer to me and we only had dinner together...kinda freaked me out. I had a really great connection with him. I enjoyed meeting him a lot and I think I could see it working out. But, darn.... So far, the red flags are him rushing things...he is also in a big company lawsuit and I think he has huge IRS debts...that can't be cured until his lawsuit goes through. In fact, he is going through a foreclosure and that's why he was thinking of moving to my city. He is sending me lots of "naughty" texts...and I admit...I am/was into him. He knows that I will NOT be intimate until at least 3 months have passed. He says he is fine with that...and he thinks "I'm the one"...that he just "knows". He's been divorced 3 years and has 3 children ..2 are around 18 and the youngest is 7. Adorable family and seems to be a very, very good dad.
Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Are you married and dating other men? I'm confused by your last thread about your husband's behavior.
kodakgirl Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 When I first read the title of the thread I was planning to come and say, whaaat, I don't understand that at all, it's great when a guy is clearly really into me! But then looking at your actual situation, where you've had one date-- he may like you a lot, but it isn't you he's so into. It's his own fantasy of a relationship that he's into-- he's just slotted you in. He might be a great guy who feels a genuine connection, but this approach says a lot about his emotional state and maturity-- and it isn't praise. 4
Author Mommame2 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Oh sorry... No, my friend and I have shared this account. Using it to keep her unidentifiable to her husband...in case he found her contact info. She posts in the married section. Thanks in advance for your insight!
Author Mommame2 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah, it's tough. He wants to come visit me this week and spend a lot more time together...which could be great. But I feel like I have to be stand off ish to get him to avoid talking about marriage etc. He posted on his instagram photo "I think I found the one"...and it wasn't even me in the picture. I just feel weird about it. What would you do? When I first read the title of the thread I was planning to come and say, whaaat, I don't understand that at all, it's great when a guy is clearly really into me! But then looking at your actual situation, where you've had one date-- he may like you a lot, but it isn't you he's so into. It's his own fantasy of a relationship that he's into-- he's just slotted you in. He might be a great guy who feels a genuine connection, but this approach says a lot about his emotional state and maturity-- and it isn't praise.
J21 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 They give in too easily and wanna rush things. That's why you lose interest so quickly: Easy come, easy go! Oh sorry... No, my friend and I have shared this account. Using it to keep her unidentifiable to her husband...in case he found her contact info. She posts in the married section. Thanks in advance for your insight! Sneaky
Valen Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I smell desperation with this guy, be very weary of him. 2
Phantom888 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 If you were really into him, his advances would be much welcomed even if you are cautious. Your mind is telling you that he's not a good fit. I was single for 4 years after my divorce, and I was convinced that I could never fall in love again. Then I met a beautiful woman, who was even more cautious than me. Her last "boyfriend" wanted to meet her daughter after 2 months, and she said NO WAY. He talked about future, marriage, and everything, and she was completely turned off by the rush. When I came into the picture, we knew instantly that we were meant to be. We had that chemistry/connection that we never had before, and we were both 38! She introduced me to her daughter within 3 weeks, and after 10 months we were engaged. Now we are expecting a baby together, and a wedding this July. My point is: The same behavior by 2 different people will have 2 different results. It's not that you are rejecting this behavior. You are actually rejecting him behaving like this. If you met the perfect ONE for you, all your rules will go out the window. Trust me, I never thought it was possible! 3
Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Oh I see! In any case Momma, it's a huge red flag when you get the guy that wants to future fake and fast forward the relationship. And after one date he's already talking about marriage, moving, etc. You both don't even know each other at all to be discussing or contemplating things like that. I don't think he's emotionally healthy for you.
William Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Oh sorry... No, my friend and I have shared this account. Using it to keep her unidentifiable to her husband...in case he found her contact info. She posts in the married section. Thanks in advance for your insight! Please have your friend obtain their own account as accounts here are purely anonymous and this eliminates confusion amongst respondents, as already indicated in this thread, as well as respects our guidelines of interaction. As always, advise them to use a unique username and password in no way connected to other parts of their life. Thanks and please continue!
MidwestUSA Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Remarried in a year? Um, no. Aren't you still processing a divorce yourself? Not only are these guys rushing (you sure do find them!), you're entertaining the idea. Slow down, enjoy your freedom!
Author Mommame2 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Well I think my concern with him is that he seems a little all over the place. And he has mentioned beating up people in his past ... Most when he was in his teens. His mother was attacked and he went to the suspects house and beat him up. Sounds admirable a bit but he's mentioned "beating someone's as@" a few times if they cause his family harm.
hotpotato Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Hes turning you off because hes functioning at an inappropriate level of intimacy. Hes moving too fast, and you can sense something is wrong. 2
BradJacobs Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 If you were really into him, his advances would be much welcomed even if you are cautious. Your mind is telling you that he's not a good fit. I was single for 4 years after my divorce, and I was convinced that I could never fall in love again. Then I met a beautiful woman, who was even more cautious than me. Her last "boyfriend" wanted to meet her daughter after 2 months, and she said NO WAY. He talked about future, marriage, and everything, and she was completely turned off by the rush. When I came into the picture, we knew instantly that we were meant to be. We had that chemistry/connection that we never had before, and we were both 38! She introduced me to her daughter within 3 weeks, and after 10 months we were engaged. Now we are expecting a baby together, and a wedding this July. My point is: The same behavior by 2 different people will have 2 different results. It's not that you are rejecting this behavior. You are actually rejecting him behaving like this. If you met the perfect ONE for you, all your rules will go out the window. Trust me, I never thought it was possible! All of this. It's creepy because you don't like him. 1
Author Mommame2 Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 Question though. Should I see him once more to see if I am just anxious. The thing is when he kisses me... Wow. There were sparks. But when I talk to him by phone be swears a lot and talks about people who have troubled him as "idiots". Again, he told me that he threatened to "beat an attorney's ass" during a mediation meeting for his company. But he is a very gentle father from what I see from afar. His previous gf who he dated for 8 months was gorgeous and had 4 children which he apparently treated like his own. I think it's just the "I beat up that guy" kinda lingo that sets me back. But my ex seriously may be gay. So I feel like I need to ask people if I'm just being to judgmental.
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 mommame2 may I ask what dating website you are using? Your prospects always seem to be desperate to be marrying the following day you meet them. What do you say in your profile that you attract these men? To me that sounds like another crackpot. You met once and you're the one! c'mon. 1
Author Mommame2 Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 Yes I know exactly what you mean. Match.com is where I have met these folks.
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 You should explore another dating site. Where I am from Match.com is sh.1t. Sorry for my French. I was on there for 1 month and all I got was scammers and desperate men willing to uproot themselves for me after 1 chat.
Mrin Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I would definitely recommend seeing the guy again to see if there is a there there and if so, get the guy to tone it down a bit. I mean he could be a kook, or he could just really be into you. I would ask him about past women he dated and see if this is cyclical. Ya I had one really good connection off of Match but for the most part the people there seem to be closet LTR/Marriage types who are too much of control freaks for eHarmony.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 If you were really into him, his advances would be much welcomed even if you are cautious. Your mind is telling you that he's not a good fit. I was single for 4 years after my divorce, and I was convinced that I could never fall in love again. Then I met a beautiful woman, who was even more cautious than me. Her last "boyfriend" wanted to meet her daughter after 2 months, and she said NO WAY. He talked about future, marriage, and everything, and she was completely turned off by the rush. When I came into the picture, we knew instantly that we were meant to be. We had that chemistry/connection that we never had before, and we were both 38! She introduced me to her daughter within 3 weeks, and after 10 months we were engaged. Now we are expecting a baby together, and a wedding this July. My point is: The same behavior by 2 different people will have 2 different results. It's not that you are rejecting this behavior. You are actually rejecting him behaving like this. If you met the perfect ONE for you, all your rules will go out the window. Trust me, I never thought it was possible! All of this. It's creepy because you don't like him. People love saying this but it certainly isn't true for a lot of women. Like myself. I met a guy I really liked, went on several amazing dates and had a really great time. But even before that he was telling there was "something special" about me and kept asking if I felt the "intense connection". Now this guy was hot, the moment I saw him there was instant chemistry, he had a ton of sex appeal and I was excited to see where things progressed. Yet all that talk connections and intensity and talking (even abstractly) about a long-term future turned me off completely. Why the rush? My brain automatically goes into protection mode when I see or hear guys (well, anyone really) acting this way.
MidwestUSA Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 You should explore another dating site. Where I am from Match.com is sh.1t. Sorry for my French. I was on there for 1 month and all I got was scammers and desperate men willing to uproot themselves for me after 1 chat. My girlfriend got a dozen roses after talking to a guy who was allegedly in Europe. She was going to meet him at the airport, when he was mugged and lost his wallet just before leaving. Called asking her to front him the money so he could get on the plane and come live happily ever after with her. Same website. 3
Lernaean_Hydra Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 OP, I think you should see him one more time but be VERY honest about how you feel. Let him know that you'd like to take easy and slow down a little. And do not mince words, be clear and direct and let him know how you really feel about all this. Guys who operate at this level of intensity or rapidity always seem rather goofy and desperate to me. Namely because they generally are. But they usually only act this way for one of three reasons 1). The woman in question is extremely good looking. 2). They're mentally unstable and have severe boundary issues. 3). They're users, looking for a mealticket/sugarmama/place to stay. My guess is that it's #1 and you're above average in the looks department. IME, women who are attractive, tend to, well, attract these types of men. It's called handcuffing. A lot of guys out there are so excited to be with a beautiful woman their minds automatically turn to fastest way to lock that down. They know you have a lot of options and are eager to take you off the market. Unfortunately in their eagerness, many of them don't see how their actions may well be perceived. Although to be fair, his financial woes do seem a bit to me like the issue here could be #3.
gaius Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Finding a guy that isn't blathering about one thing or another trying to look tough or studly is a tall order. If there were sparks when you kissed you should give him a chance and see how it goes.
Chocolat Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I met a guy last week. He was really into me...said so, right away. He went away for a few days with his kids and his text messages were non-stop. Non-stop text after one meeting. He is already talking about moving closer toward my city. Because of you? Of because of some pre-existing circumstance (new job, closer to his kids, etc.)? ..asking me if I would want to get remarried within a year? I know the latter is a fair question. Not after 1 date. But the idea that he wants to move closer to me and we only had dinner together...kinda freaked me out. As it should. A LOT. I had a really great connection with him. I enjoyed meeting him a lot and I think I could see it working out. After ONE meeting this person is still essentially a stranger, as you are to him. So far, the red flags are him rushing things...he is also in a big company lawsuit and I think he has huge IRS debts...that can't be cured until his lawsuit goes through. In fact, he is going through a foreclosure and that's why he was thinking of moving to my city. So a major lawsuit and a foreclosure and huge IRS debt. Sounds like a train wreck. He is sending me lots of "naughty" texts... After 1 meeting? He's been divorced 3 years and has 3 children ..2 are around 18 and the youngest is 7. Adorable family and seems to be a very, very good dad. So he has a family to support on top of the lawsuit, foreclosure, and IRS debt... RUN
BradJacobs Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 People love saying this but it certainly isn't true for a lot of women. Like myself. I met a guy I really liked, went on several amazing dates and had a really great time. But even before that he was telling there was "something special" about me and kept asking if I felt the "intense connection". Now this guy was hot, the moment I saw him there was instant chemistry, he had a ton of sex appeal and I was excited to see where things progressed. Yet all that talk connections and intensity and talking (even abstractly) about a long-term future turned me off completely. Why the rush? My brain automatically goes into protection mode when I see or hear guys (well, anyone really) acting this way. My girlfriend does some things that I find endearing only because she does them. If my most recent ex acted like her this soon into the relationship I would have dumped her for being too needy/clingy. I trust and know that her feelings are genuine and not coming from a place of insecurity or loneliness. We both had a lot of options and we both decided to pursue one another because we knew it was special.
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