LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 So Ive been with my current boyfriend for almost three years. I'm pretty set on spending my life with him. We both have talked some what about wanting a girlfriend. He lets me fool around with girls (not usually going down on them unless I know 100% they are clean). I think our main goal is to have a girlfriend for the long run...I just don't know how this will work though but I LOVE the idea. He meets basically all my needs that a man can meet. But there's a lot of other things that I just NEED from a female. My biggest concern is if we do get a girlfriend and drama happens and ruins this awesome thing we have going...Im not a jelouse person but he can be. But I think the main thing is that he just wants attention as well when I usually get it all haha xD. There's more too it that's just it in a nutshell. Really needing some tips and advice???
Keenly Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 When in the history of modern society has this worked? 4
Standard-Fare Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I can't imagine the girl who could successfully slide into this scenario. It would take a very unique set of conditions. A girl who is both bisexual and polyamorous... who can be into BOTH of you, both sexually and on a personal level. And she'd also have to be comfortable being the outsider/third party to a well-established relationship. That's a tall order. To me it all sounds pretty complicated and unlikely, and like you'd be better off continuing to pursue these girl-on-girl hookups as a side thing. But who knows, maybe you can find what you're looking for. 1
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 I can't imagine the girl who could successfully slide into this scenario. It would take a very unique set of conditions. A girl who is both bisexual and polyamorous... who can be into BOTH of you, both sexually and on a personal level. And she'd also have to be comfortable being the outsider/third party to a well-established relationship. That's a tall order. To me it all sounds pretty complicated and unlikely, and like you'd be better off continuing to pursue these girl-on-girl hookups as a side thing. But who knows, maybe you can find what you're looking for. Well thats just it I think I have found the girl...but I dont know how to go about dateing her or just being open friends first to see if we all fit?
Standard-Fare Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Well thats just it I think I have found the girl...but I dont know how to go about dateing her or just being open friends first to see if we all fit? Well, I sure as hell wouldn't tell her what you and your BF might have in mind! Why don't the three of you just hang out some and see how you get along? Have you and your BF already had a threesome with her?
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Well, I sure as hell wouldn't tell her what you and your BF might have in mind! Why don't the three of you just hang out some and see how you get along? Have you and your BF already had a threesome with her? Actually no because she lives long distance but shes wanting to move down here with us. I know she likes my bf but dont know how deep that goes because they dont talk as much. Hes the quite type lol. but shes in love with me for sure and I totally adore her. My only concern is shes still young and if were wanting something serious Idk if shes still wanting to experiment. Who knows tho we could work with that for a while. I figure we all just be super damn open about this (im one to call out someone if I know they have a issue and just dont want to bring it up) We can set up what if scenarios at the beginning of everything. So we can avoid any mess. Im very blunt and open about everything because I think drama is stupid and thats my way of trying to keep it to a minimum lol
Standard-Fare Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Question, have you met her in person yet? This sounds like an online thing to me. Also, you sound very young yourself... I'm guessing, no more than 20?
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Question, have you met her in person yet? This sounds like an online thing to me. Also, you sound very young yourself... I'm guessing, no more than 20? No were working on it. Im 24 my bf is 30. Im currently working on getting my real estate license so I can fly her out more often or even permanently if things work out. I have to take care of a few bills but I plan to fly her out soon. Shes broke as well atm going to cosmetology school. I may be "young" but I have an old soul if you get my drift.
Standard-Fare Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Okay, STEP ONE: Spend time with her in person! How can you even be talking like this if you've never done that? You'd really need to see how compatible both you and your BF are with her, and also whether there's sexual chemistry. Two humongous "if's" at this point. It's not even worth having a conversation about this big relationship you have in mind if you haven't done these things. And if she has any sort of sanity, she would be rightfully scared off by any such conversation at this stage of the game.
Candy_Pants Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 My advise is if you both want a girlfriend, you should both be actively dating (together) to find one. And also both hold veto power to reject women one isn't comfortable with. This has, and can work. Obviously the dynamic will change. It's up to you two to lay down boundaries and rules. Regardless if it's long term, or short. And you'd better make sure your relationship is strong enough to withstand this. It won't be easy, and might take years to find the right.fit. But if it's what you both truly want, it'll be worth it. 2
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Okay, STEP ONE: Spend time with her in person! How can you even be talking like this if you've never done that? You'd really need to see how compatible both you and your BF are with her, and also whether there's sexual chemistry. Two humongous "if's" at this point. It's not even worth having a conversation about this big relationship you have in mind if you haven't done these things. And if she has any sort of sanity, she would be rightfully scared off by any such conversation at this stage of the game. ~nods~ Yes that makes scene. I hadent planned on us dating her RIGHT off the bat! Haha but it does come to mind and is something I would want in the long run so I was curious about the legalistic of it all. I like to be ahead of the game o.<
Candy_Pants Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 When in the history of modern society has this worked? I know quite a few people this has worked for. Including married couples. It's obviously not for everyone. 1
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 My advise is if you both want a girlfriend, you should both be actively dating (together) to find one. And also both hold veto power to reject women one isn't comfortable with. This has, and can work. Obviously the dynamic will change. It's up to you two to lay down boundaries and rules. Regardless if it's long term, or short. And you'd better make sure your relationship is strong enough to withstand this. It won't be easy, and might take years to find the right.fit. But if it's what you both truly want, it'll be worth it. Lol that makes a lot of scene! Ive just kinda been searching on my own because...well honestly most girls are really shallow and hes a little over weight so they dont even take the time to get to know him and his awesomeness! In general hes really hard to get to know. Hes really nerdy and kinda award but once he gets use to a person hes a lot of fun! Its just hard for me to get girls to see that -3-
Lernaean_Hydra Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 This sounds like one of those things that in theory(?) maaybe could work or even be desirable but in practice... I just don't see what sort of mentally together woman would be willing to become the permanent sexual plaything of an established couple?
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 I really appreciate all this advise REALLY!! Thank you!
Standard-Fare Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 This sounds like one of those things that in theory(?) maaybe could work or even be desirable but in practice... I just don't see what sort of mentally together woman would be willing to become the permanent sexual plaything of an established couple? Yeah, that's the thing -- it would raise all sorts of red flags about what sort of girl this is.
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 This sounds like one of those things that in theory(?) maaybe could work or even be desirable but in practice... I just don't see what sort of mentally together woman would be willing to become the permanent sexual plaything of an established couple? Because I have a LOT of love to give! Its not at all just about sex! I want to love her and snuggle her and put her in a box with all the chocolate and candy she could ever want! She would be our princess not our play thing. 1
Candy_Pants Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I've tried this scenario myself, "interviewing" women with my then boyfriend. But ultimately he rejected the idea. For us, we were a D/s couple, so we looked for a bisexual sub who would submit to both he and I. He wasn't particularly thin, but I was and me being better than average (in terms of attentiveness) made him appear more attractive to female prospects. Play up your bf's strengths. Is he highly intelligent, very giving, a manly man?
Succession Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Really needing some tips and advice? I tried this for about 2 months. It didn't work because the girls were just friends with benefits; they didn't actually have feelings for each other. Have you seriously dated women before? Has she? If so, maybe the three people will be on equal footing. Neither or my girls ever dated a woman. The other way you might want to try it is just to hang out/date her casually. Let her live her own life, but enjoy her company. Ride the relationship for as long as it lasts but try to help her find her special person. It's interesting that, for the most part, the men replying are more cynical about the situation than the women. I suspect that if a man posted about his girlfriend agreeing to bring in a third person, the tenor of the thread would be different. 1
Candy_Pants Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah, that's the thing -- it would raise all sorts of red flags about what sort of girl this is. That's highly judgemental, but unfortunately a very common thought process.
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 I've tried this scenario myself, "interviewing" women with my then boyfriend. But ultimately he rejected the idea. For us, we were a D/s couple, so we looked for a bisexual sub who would submit to both he and I. He wasn't particularly thin, but I was and me being better than average (in terms of attentiveness) made him appear more attractive to female prospects. Play up your bf's strengths. Is he highly intelligent, very giving, a manly man? Haha I do! Hes got a very successful career. Hes such a cute dork and can be super goofy (which is a must for me haha) Hes very caring but doesnt bull**** if you need to be called out on something. Hes VERY smart just awkward sometimes (as I notice most smart ppl are) And he loves to travel and do fun things but also likes to be a home body and just chill playing video games. Hes so perfect for me I just gotta find a girl who wants the same things haha. Which seems like my current interest does.
Author LeFloof Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 I tried this for about 2 months. It didn't work because the girls were just friends with benefits; they didn't actually have feelings for each other. Have you seriously dated women before? Has she? If so, maybe the three people will be on equal footing. Neither or my girls ever dated a woman. The other way you might want to try it is just to hang out/date her casually. Let her live her own life, but enjoy her company. Ride the relationship for as long as it lasts but try to help her find her special person. It's interesting that, for the most part, the men replying are more cynical about the situation than the women. I suspect that if a man posted about his girlfriend agreeing to bring in a third person, the tenor of the thread would be different. AHAHA soo true. I had planned to do the hang out date thing and see where it goes. Ultimately its up to her. But us personally want a girl to spend our life with. One of the things when me and bf were discussing this is. Well his mother just passed away leaving his dad all alone they had been together since they were teens. My bf is now worried if something were to happen to us he wouldnt want me to be by myself. Honestly being alone is my biggest fear. So always having someone to come home to just makes me feel so comfortable :3 and vis versa for him.
Candy_Pants Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I've tried this scenario myself, "interviewing" women with my then boyfriend. But ultimately he rejected the idea. For us, we were a D/s couple, so we looked for a bisexual sub who would submit to both he and I. He wasn't particularly thin, but I was and me being better than average (in terms of attentiveness) made him appear more attractive to female prospects. Play up your bf's strengths. Is he highly intelligent, very givinggiving, a manly man? Attractiveness* 1
Standard-Fare Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 That's highly judgemental, but unfortunately a very common thought process. Really? So a stable, clear-thinking girl is going to get excited about the idea of entering a relationship with not one, but TWO people she hasn't yet met in person who live long-distance from her? Who she would have to uproot her entire life to be with? That sounds so painfully naive to me. I mean, just think of how many simple online DATES don't work out. It sounds like there's just way too much pressure/expectation here. So many hypotheticals. This has nothing to do with polyamory, which by the way I do support for those who choose it. 2
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