EvansR Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 The short and skinny of my story is: Had LDR gf for a year, broke up almost a year agoWent on and off for a whileDidn't go NC when she started sleeping around, went the "friends" route instead (Big mistake. If anyone here ever thinks "I don't need NC, I'm smarter than that". You're wrong, go NC)Now we're both seeing other people, and she's not the subject of this story, but I needed to make a reference to her for the next partNow enters my current GF who I have kinda been seeing for a good few weeks nowShe gave me an ultimatum when we started dating that I have to start speaking to my ex again (I'd previously been NC for weeks)So I break NC and we start talking againMy ex keeps telling me about all the sex she's having, but that she loves me and blah blah blahMy current GF sees that as meaning we should have an open relationship so me and my ex could try make peace without a strict relationship in the way, even though it was her who suggested I start speaking to my ex-gfNew GF says she isn't looking for anything serious, and tbh, neither am I, so I agree to an open relationshipThen I find out 2 nights later she's slept with this "friend" of hers during the open-relationshipShe's a pretty lass and she has a lot of opportunities to sleep aroundShe says things are "fizzling" between her and her other guy, and that she wants to date me exclusively now she's found out that I've been 'flirting' with my ex.I'd go exclusive with her, I really like her and she's really fun to be around. But she's a bit unpredictableShe said she can see us living together one day. Some days she can talk for hours during the day, and then other days she's online all day but won't talk to me at all, even though she'll willingly tell me later that it's because she was talking to guys who are "just friends"But she says she wants me to show her that I'm worth it and that I'm committed to a real long-term relationship with her. So I guess my question is, how do I go about convincing an open-relationship gf that me and her should be exclusive? I just don't know if I trust her. But I want to try make things work, so yeah... How do I do that? Oh, and my ex still thinks she's moving in as "friends with benefits" with me despite the many times I told her it's not happening. I really don't mind going NC forever with her. She drives me crazy. But my current gf wants me to stay her friend...
Spectre Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 (edited) It sounds like she wanted to be able so screw other people(and did just that) and then when she saw you might do the same she said "NO!" and decided you need to be exclusive. Seems a bit selfish to me. It just really sounds like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too and then told you that you could do the same, but then just as the cake was an inch away from your mouth she decided to yank it away..since SHE had already had her fill of cake(i.e. other dudes). I guess my question is..think about the type of person who would do that, and ask yourself if that is someone you want to be with? I'm also a bit confused, you say she see's you flirting and wants to be exclusive, but then you ask how you can convince her to be exclusive. So..does she want to be exclusive or not? Sounds like she is just playing games and likes to sleep around, but doesn't want you to be able to sleep around. This is all weird, your ex wants to screw you still and your current gf wants you to be friends with her..but when she see's you flirting with other girls she wants to be exclusive. Is this girl from Bizarro World or something? My head feels all topsy turvy just from reading your story. Edited April 20, 2014 by Spectre
Author EvansR Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 It sounds like she wanted to be able so screw other people(and did just that) and then when she saw you might do the same she said "NO!" and decided you need to be exclusive. Seems a bit selfish to me. It just really sounds like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too and then told you that you could do the same, but then just as the cake was an inch away from your mouth she decided to yank it away..since SHE had already had her fill of cake(i.e. other dudes). I guess my question is..think about the type of person who would do that, and ask yourself if that is someone you want to be with? I was so busy writing about what she's done that I left out that I'd slept with someone beforehand after we'd had an argument because I'd gone for a night out with some friends and she wanted me not to go because she couldn't go. I'm far from innocent in this matter, but I do want to make things work with her.
Author EvansR Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 It sounds like she wanted to be able so screw other people(and did just that) and then when she saw you might do the same she said "NO!" and decided you need to be exclusive. Seems a bit selfish to me. It just really sounds like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too and then told you that you could do the same, but then just as the cake was an inch away from your mouth she decided to yank it away..since SHE had already had her fill of cake(i.e. other dudes). I guess my question is..think about the type of person who would do that, and ask yourself if that is someone you want to be with? I'm also a bit confused, you say she see's you flirting and wants to be exclusive, but then you ask how you can convince her to be exclusive. So..does she want to be exclusive or not? Sounds like she is just playing games and likes to sleep around, but doesn't want you to be able to sleep around. This is all weird, your ex wants to screw you still and your current gf wants you to be friends with her..but when she see's you flirting with other girls she wants to be exclusive. Is this girl from Bizarro World or something? My head feels all topsy turvy just from reading your story. Let me try my best at clarifying, and if there's anything else you'd like to know let me know. She wants to be exclusive, but she wants me to convince her that I am worth being exclusive with, after I cheated on her very early on in the relationship. She has slept around in the past before I entered a relationship with her, but when she slept with the guy she's just got rid of, she says she did so for companionship because apparently I was being a jerk. My ex is on a whole other planet of her own in which she is the Queen and dictates everything everyone else does. I'm trying to keep things civil with her to appease my gf, but I'm close to losing my patience with my ex. I want to make things work with the new gf, but there are obstacles.
mammasita Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Huh? Your current GF forces you to be friends with your EX. Something about that just screams mental. 1
Spectre Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Let me try my best at clarifying, and if there's anything else you'd like to know let me know. She wants to be exclusive, but she wants me to convince her that I am worth being exclusive with, after I cheated on her very early on in the relationship. She has slept around in the past before I entered a relationship with her, but when she slept with the guy she's just got rid of, she says she did so for companionship because apparently I was being a jerk. My ex is on a whole other planet of her own in which she is the Queen and dictates everything everyone else does. I'm trying to keep things civil with her to appease my gf, but I'm close to losing my patience with my ex. I want to make things work with the new gf, but there are obstacles. Okay so it sounds like you need to flee from this girl. She wants to be exclusive, but wants YOU to convince her to be exclusive. Um..what? Okay, I get that she wants you to prove yourself after cheating. But then you say she also more or less slept with another guy while with you, but then she tried to make it seem like it wasn't as bad because she only did it because you were being a jerk to her. I..what? Why do you want this girl again? She also tries to keep you being friends with your ex that you clearly really don't want to be friends with. This all sounds way too strange for me. I think you need to get both these women out of your life.
Author EvansR Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Huh? Your current GF forces you to be friends with your EX. Something about that just screams mental. My current GF and I were friends before we started dating. She's worried that if her and I ever broke up, then I would cut her out of my life completely like I intended to do with my ex and we would lose the friendship too. Her way of thinking is that if I can be civil with my ex, then she won't have any reservations about continuing a relationship with me. As for you, Spectre, I want this girl for a thousand reasons, and her sleeping with one guy one time after I cheated on her isn't enough of a reason not to stop wanting to date her. I agree that I definitely need to get my ex out of my life though. But if I back out of my friendship with the ex, then I think the chance of exclusivity goes out of the window. I want to demonstrate to my current GF that I'm worth being exclusive with.
Frank2thepoint Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 No. Just simply No. You're not going to have a drama-free relationship. If you guys have arguments or disagreements, one or both of you will cheat and claim you, her, or both of you needed blow off some steam. She sounds very unstable and unpredictable. The fact that you know this already is a bad sign, and proceeding into a "relationship" with her is just asking for trouble. But if you like drama, then by all means go for it. Otherwise, no.
tekkenfan2 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Ok OP, I get it now. I do agree with everyone that says that dating this girl seriously is a risk, (I don't think that means its going to fail for sure) however if you still want to be with her knowing this then I say go for it. I say convince her that if you guys don't work out you won't kick her out of your life. Tell her the reason you are going to stop talking to your ex is the fact that she is crazy and not simply because you guys' relationship is over. So explain to your new gf if yall were to break up you wouldn't have to stop talking to her cuz she isnt crazy. Before you start being exclusive with your gf now you need to explain to her that if yall are going to be together she cant just do things out of anger anymore. Lay the ground rules. Explain to her that you guys have to communicate and have to try to let each other know when you are upset and try to work through it etc
mammasita Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 This girl is a walking ball of drama. You don't go into a relationship planning to fail......who does that? That's just a huge sign she's holding up in your face saying she has no intention of being with you for longer than her bubble gum maintains it's flavor. Oh but please make sure we stay friends when I'm done with you. Who's to say that you'll even want to be her friend? Have you thought that through completely?
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