been there2 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Married men rarely leave their wives for the other person. If he does indeed leave, you're more likely to find out it was the wife's decision, and she had enough of him. Link to post Share on other sites
JustMakeMeBelieve Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Here is my scenerio: Recently separated from an 11 year marriage (7 years first round and almost 5 the second) been with him almost 13 years. He began looking on the internet in 2000 and found a way out in 2001 - claimed he wasn't in love with me anymore. Said he had to go and find himself and was renting a room - left his daughter from his first marriage with me - I found out that he wasn't renting a room but shacking up and playing house. I made him take his daughter with him and filed for a divorce. Began dating and he had a cow - the day after the divorce was final he came over and begged to come back - I gave in because I still loved him and believed the marriage could work. He was still in touch with the live in - told her the only reason he came back was because of his daughter's unhappiness and that he wanted her to wait for him becuase he was coming back to her. I took it upon myself to meet the live in and saw for myself the emails and IMs between them. I showed her the new diamond he bought me - she didn't even know about the divorce. He hurt her just as bad as he hurt me. I thought I was the winner but in the end - I was the looser. We remarried that same year on our anniversary and I thought he changed, but in the end he didn't. He was still on the internet looking but being smart so he couldn't get caught. But he did get caught big time in 2004 - in an accident and had the other woman (one of many) with him and almost killed both of them. He lied to her and to others about who he really was and what he was really all about. He ended up in jail and I stuck by him all those months - he got in trouble with the Feds and I stuck by him. The judge gave him probation and told him he had a new chance on life - his new chance was going back to looking and meeting on the internet. Said it was "just a joke" but the joke was on me. Profiles posted all over the place - sick ones too - "Looking for a Discreet Affair - But not Looking to End the Marriage". The profiles contained all the stuff he was wanting to do to and with a woman and he got many many responses. But it was "just a joke to him". Begged my forgiveness and me, like the sucker, took him back once again. And again in October 2005, he is back doing the same, and got caught and begged forgiveness and I the fool, fell for it. Then comes Christmas, a charge on the bank statement for $300 for jewlery at a jewlery store, but not for me. He spends Christmas with his family and leaves me alone. New Years comes and he goes out for the weekend and I am left alone. Then the kicker - he tells me he is not happy and hasn't been happy for years and hasn't loved me for years (even though during that time he told me different) and wants out and he got his wish. I should have seen the writing on the wall - but I was blinded by his lies for years. I was so stupid for believing he could change and be honest. He's torn my whole world upside down. M Link to post Share on other sites
zenolith Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 You said, "I think there are more cases of married men going back, than married women who cheat going back to their husbands because.....men are weak and that is why they run back to their wive's. They don't have the strength to move on is what it is". Here's an equally absurd hypothesis: Men go back to their wives after cheating more often than women do because...Men learn from their mistakes, are apologetic and women are just slutty and evil by nature. Helpful? Neither was yours. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Another one of Amerikajin's wacky theories... Some men do leave their wives, but most don't. Most guys cheat simply because their egos have been wounded and want to make a point to their woman that they can snag another girl on the side if they have to; others do it simply because they're horny. Men cheat for fairly simple, straightforward reasons. Women cheat because of a genuine loss of emotional attachment, and oftentimes, when they hook up with another man, the connection is stronger for them than it is for a man who cheats. I've known quite a few guys who've cheated on their wives, and they were either a) sex addicts or b) guys who were occasionally self-centered narcissistic _ssholes who needed to prove a point to their lady that they could rock another girl's world and tap some *ss if they had to - they had issues. Yet most of the ones I knew said they loved their woman on some level; even there was a loss of sexual attraction, they still loved them in some regard. And furthermore, even if they stopped loving them, they were fearful of divorce court. Men typically don't like to complicate their lives, especially where finances are concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Okay, this is a one year old thread, but an evergreen topic. You, guys, are talking about statistics basing on your neighbors, relatives, co-workers or LS fellow members. We only know the fact that there are men who DO and those who DON'T leave their wives for another woman. We don't know the exact percentage. There are also men and women who divorce their spouses when "encouraged" by a third person. Many people discover that tehir marriages are bad when someone interesting shows up in their lives. So the affair doesn't necessarily have to end with a new marriage, but it serves the purpose - to divorce the current partner. I would say that "still number one" or "even if they leave they actually don't" is little comfort for a family broken apart due to an affair. Both your mom and aunt are divorced. Regardless of who left whom, when another person comes in the picture it's a huge humiliation for the betrayed spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
Astarte Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I know quite a few men who left their wives - and they are happier than ever. One of them is my father and it is sheer joy to see, how he blooms and LIVES now, being 65. Link to post Share on other sites
lolax Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Married men do leave their wives - mine left me!! And as you know of many married men who did not leave their wives, I know lots of couples where the husband did leave for OW.....and NEVER looked back. Ow didn't lose interest in my H once he was free either - they are still together and after three years and verrrrrrrrrry happy too! well there you go they do leave sometimes...............and im sorry for you i really am but you seem to be ok now i hope ? did he marry the other women??? Link to post Share on other sites
Malifecent Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Strawberry Girl a hand full of personal examples and this forum can make me see why you feel this way but I don't think it really justifies the statement that MM never leave their wives. Thats like saying I know 3 people and have heard of many others that have been bitten by dogs, therefore all dogs bite. Each case is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Yes MY AUNT, My aunt who once was the wife being cheated on is now THE OTHER WOMAN! She says my uncle is just a dog but still she let's him have his cake and eat it too. He still give's her money and he still buys her things! It is totally hard to believe but this is a classic case of MEN NEVER ACTUALLY LEAVE THEIR WIVES!!! So moral of the story.....Married men never leave and if they do they actually don't!!!!!!!!! At the time of posting this I haven't read the rest of the responses to this, but ... You're arguing from one particular case and suggesting that this is true for all men. Hm. Well, I could argue from just one case and claim that it was ALWAYS so because of that. Doesn't make it more convincing. In the case of your aunt... Do you think that it would have turned out differently if your aunt hadn't decided she could be the OW herself and sleep with her ex husband..? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Old thread folks. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Mosst men who are in affairs know that once they leave their wives the OW will totally lose interest in them... This is why many MM don't leave their wives. Most argh. I hate the word 'most'... it is like saying.. this is true, but I am sure you have opinions otherwise. I doubt you have any figures regarding what 'most MM in affairs' think about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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