lilmiscassie92 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 We met about a month or so ago. He seems really nice, but he's more shy than I am and seems a bit on the sensitive side. So we hooked up last weekend, but he still has been talking to me everyday. He says he misses me but he hasn't set plans for another date! I know Wednesday his friend passed away, so I just told him I was sorry to hear that and if he needed anything let me know. Then on Thursday he said he was "frustrated" and had a lot on his plate, so I just didn't reply back. He sent me another text saying good night at like midnight, which I didn't reply back to either. Then Friday he was telling me how he was feeling lonely lately and he asked what i had planned for the evening; he said he was going out with friends. I was like Hm interesting, well have a good night. and then he asked what I had planned tomorrow or Sunday but finished off the text saying "I have a feeling you are going to be too busy for me, it's cool" and then I was like "Why would you assume I would be busy when you haven't asked me to hangout at all this past week?" And he was like well you have barely been talking to me and you didn't seem to care when i told you i was having a bad day yesterday Fast forward, when I told him I was free today and asked wha the would want to do he didn't reply! this was last night.. Is he just being sensitive and acting like a man b*tch as a cop out or is there really a miscommunication?
HappyLove Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 He said things were frustrating and you didn't even respond! He says goodnight and you don't respond. Seems like you were very cold and distant and now he may be over it. 8
Gaeta Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Wow, the man lost his friend, he's looking for some compassion and a word of comfort and you don't reply. He later says good night and again you don't reply. You don't inquire about how he's doing, you don't followup, you don't reply to him, and you wonder what is going on? 10
Eivuwan Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 You could have been more compassionate if you were actually interested in him.
Disco Lemonade Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 It sounds like he may truly be a bit too sensitive for you. I don't mean that as an insult to either party. That is an area where people should really try to find someone who is compatible, though. It can be brutal, otherwise
J21 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 (edited) So he tells you he's frustrated (probably looking for an outlet to vent), he texts you good night (probably wanting to hear the same) and you ignore him both times. He doesn't ask you to hang out because you ignore him and he's being a sensitive b*tch? Last time I checked, people that are interested text back and actually give a sh*t about what's going on in the other person's life. Edited April 20, 2014 by J21 3
sagetalk Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Is he just being sensitive and acting like a man b*tch as a cop out or is there really a miscommunication? I think it's time you visited the land called "I'm sorry". The plane tickets aren't much, they just cost a little bit of pride. 1
Author lilmiscassie92 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 (edited) OK so I invited him out randomly on Sunday night while I was out with one of my girl friends. He ended up meeting up with us. My friend even said he has a very shy personality, kinda nerdy. I'm very social usually and very talkative, so I don't know if there is just a miscommunication. Fast forward, we have been texting every day, but he still hasn't made plans to hang out! Let me give you some background on him, he owns 4 businesses and he works a lot. But I like to think if a guy likes you he will make time and want to see you regardless, like the movie "He's Just not that Into You". He was in a 3 and a half year relationship, and they broke up a year and a half ago; he said one of the reasons why they ended it is because he opened up the first business and she started to get super jealous that she had to work a Monday-Friday job while he made money from his business without having to be there and argumentative whenever he went on bike rides with friends (he rebuilds cars/motorcycles as another hobby along with owning a few stores in one of the casinos here in Vegas), she also started giving him ultimatums. I'm trying to be understanding, I'm usually more on the passive side, and I mistakenly am naive about things. Is he really not interested and just talking to me less to be nice or because he feels obligated or wants to let me down easy or is he just busy? Should I text him back less and move on? Edited April 26, 2014 by lilmiscassie92
BlueIris Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 First decide if you like him. Do you get excited or happy about him? If you do, then put in much more effort. If you don't, then tell him you don't think you're a good match.
Author lilmiscassie92 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 First decide if you like him. Do you get excited or happy about him? If you do, then put in much more effort. If you don't, then tell him you don't think you're a good match. Yes! I do get excited to see him, and I am very much interested. But if he's not interested I don't want to sit here like a fool getting excited over a guy who really doesn't care to spend time with me. I don't want to say anything because that pressure would turn anyone off, but I feel like after a month you would see the person more often or he should have made more of an attempt to hang out? He talked about coming with me to go indoor rock climbing on Tuesday, but the way things are (he hasn't made any plans to hang out this weekend), I feel like he's not going to mention it on Tuesday. I could just be making this up in my head, or maybe he really isn't interested and I'm correct on the vibe I'm getting. Ugh so complicated..
Omei Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 (edited) YOU are the one giving him the "uninterested clues" why? Because he didnt ask you for a date right away so you just ignore him then complain? He's made it really clear he wants to see you by his text and is just waiting for you to ask, it doesn't always have to be the man who asks. You sound like a lot of work :-S I think you two should be calling instead of texting because from my view point hes trying open a door by making light conversation but you won't even reply to them had you paid attention a date might of came out of it, use the phone you don't know how to do a text conversation its not a game thing. Edited April 26, 2014 by Omei
BlueIris Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Yes! I do get excited to see him, and I am very much interested. But if he's not interested I don't want to sit here like a fool getting excited over a guy who really doesn't care to spend time with me. I don't want to say anything because that pressure would turn anyone off, but I feel like after a month you would see the person more often or he should have made more of an attempt to hang out? He talked about coming with me to go indoor rock climbing on Tuesday, but the way things are (he hasn't made any plans to hang out this weekend), I feel like he's not going to mention it on Tuesday. I could just be making this up in my head, or maybe he really isn't interested and I'm correct on the vibe I'm getting. Ugh so complicated.. I'm seeing both men and women (some) post about this fear and hesitation and I don't understand this. It doesn't work, in my experience. If you like someone, show him or her and who cares what anyone thinks? It's not foolish. It's brave and authentic. If two people are both worried how they will look/seem, don't want to take the dive and don't relax and enjoy, it seems as though they're each sabotaging their chances at love. It becomes a game of chicken. If it doesn't work out, you can look yourself in the mirror and say, "I was a sweet girlfriend" and smile. Just my opinion. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 my advice come clean ......tell him you love hearing from him you are sorry that you werent there fro him when he just needed someone to talk to and that you just didnt want to appear too clingy too soon you were hoping he would set a date but you werent sure that he was interested thats the truth and he may be as relieved as you will be to say what the truth is and to hear it...........beats stuffing around...... i love what another poster said about it needing to be the land of sorry and the plane tickets cost a little pride ...so true beats the hell out of the price of the ticket to the land of confusion or the desert of damn i lost him, or the island of only if is booked out anyway for everyone.yay to the land of sorry..hee hee...ahem...yep nerdy luv it....anyway telling the truth is the easiest and most simple way of clearing things up so they get better...best wishes....deb 1
KatZee Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 So... he's shy, and you're passive. And you want to text him LESS? Listen, the guy was reaching out to you. He was trying to connect with you on an emotional level and you put up a complete brick wall. Why? I have no idea. Is your ego hurt that he didn't ask you on a date the week HIS FRIEND DIED? The issue is this, you're both pussyfooting around real communication, and neither of you seems to know how to connect with the other. If he's shy, why would you text him LESS? To further increase his insecurity that you're completely uninterested in him? You already came off cold as hell this week. If you like the guy, time for damage control. Actually ACT like you give a crap about the person you're dating. If he wanted to talk, let him talk. Instead, you shut him down, and closed it off. You really need to step back and realize that this week was not about you at all. Not even a TEENY bit. He has a lot on his plate. Instead of being supportive, understanding, caring, etc etc... you just whine about how you don't want to sit around wasting your time on someone who isn't interested. HIS FRIEND JUST DIED! I honestly think you're sabotaging it completely.
Poppygoodwill Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I have to agree: you're doing a lot of game playing yourself it seems, trying to make him extend himself first and only then put yourself out there. YOu're sending mixed signals probably. If I was him, given what you've told us, I wouldn' tbe sure if you like me or not. So I agree with the other poster who said your way out of this is to be honest yourself. Muster your courage and tell him straight: I'm interested in you but not really sure you're interested in me because a) you don't fix dates ahead of time, b) you text but don't seem that interested in actually seeing me..c) etc etc. Be very specific. Don't blame him if you can help it. Just state the facts from your point of view. And acknowledge that, yes, you could have done a better job keeping in touch teh week his friend died but you weren't sure what to do as you didn't know him that well. Then as part of this - you must CLEARLY state your expectations. Do you want to date him more seriously? do you want to set up dates ahead of time? Do you want to hear from him every day? Do you want/need reassurance that he's intersted? Whatever it is you want and expect - TELL HIM! That way there will be no confusion and he will either meet those needs and expectations, or he won't. If he doesn't, it's because he doesn't want to , and presto! you have your answer and can move on with confidence that you're not compatible. Telling someone what you need and want is not rushing things along, it's being clear so they konw what they're getting into. And it doesn't make you move vulnerable because you're actually the one taking the position of strength to say: this is what I want! try it. you'll be glad you did. if it doesnt' work out afterward, then it was never going to and you simply saved yourself some time. 1
Iguanna Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 OP you should really stop living your life according to what magazines and movies claim life to be. Can't you just be yourself? 1
Author lilmiscassie92 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 OK I am trying to be understanding, but the last date we went on was over 2 weeks ago. And we only saw each other Sunday randomly because I shot him a text and invited him out. He's mentioned over the phone that he has gone out with his friends to eat or to a movie. He also has gone out with some people on the new boat he just bought. The way I see it, if he was interested he could have at least planned a dinner or lunch somewhere within the last 2 weeks. I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I feel as though I may be being a bit too naive here. I confronted him about everything last night, and then he was fishing for excuses. 3 days ago we had talked about getting together yesterday, and again we didn't. He tells me he is randomly going to California for the weekend until Sunday night. I just told him straight up, look I'm interested in you but if you can't make the time commitment then I feel as though it's a waste of my time. I'm looking for something more substantial. His excuses were "I forgot I had to wake up early to go to California" "I figured you were going to go to the clubs with your friend and be super busy anyway" "I'm not a good planner, I don't plan anything". So when I told him we weren't on the same page he said "Page? I'm not even in a book! lol" Which was a failed attempt at trying to be humorous because it ended up pissing me off. I ended up just wishing him well and ending the conversation. The next morning he texts me good morning and once again I reiterated that I had already spoken my mind and was clear about what I was looking for. Then he asks if we could go on a date! WTH? I tell him no that's not a good idea, he asks again if we can go to dinner and I said no thank you. He says okay and then later sends another one saying he hopes we can get together this week. I sent him another saying if he was interested he would have made an effort earlier and that I wasn't interested in putting myself in a situation where I would get strung along. I told him to let it go and he finally didn't text back, this was this morning.
Author lilmiscassie92 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 At this point, he definitely seems disinterested, playing BS games, and probably a little crazy.
HappyLove Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Seems like when you get what you want you do a 180 and become cold. Do you have commitment issues? Maybe you two just aren't a match.
Author lilmiscassie92 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 I have been told by my friends that I have commitment issues.. However, it just seems like he is playing games and making up excuses.
Author lilmiscassie92 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 So I did see him the other day and he was saying he has a guard up because of his last relationship and he doesn't know me well enough or the type of person I am/how I handle things etc. to commit. He said he can't make any guarantees about anything because it's too soon to tell. He says he still likes me though and wants to continue hanging out because he has a lot of fun with me but he doesn't know what the future holds and doesn't want to jump into anything right away. He also hasn't dated anyone since his 3 1/2 year relationship. He still continues to text/check in with me daily and said he will make time to see me (we will see if he does). What do you think? Also, how much time should you give things until you expect more of a "relationship"? I am at the point where I am kinda tired of the dating scene and want to find something substantial eventually. Do you wait 7/8 months or a year or so and just wait until the role of boyfriend/girlfriend is assumed? Or do I want so many months and if a conversation hasn't been held or something then tell him we are on different pages and move on? Not sure.
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